The Cinephile Chronicles

film news for film majors

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John Campea broke embargo, tweeting his thoughts on Andor before anyone else was able to. He claimed he got access to the show from a place he wouldn’t disclose and didn’t have to follow the rules of a media journalist. In all reality however, we now know he didn’t have to follow the rules because he’s not a media journalist, and just a hack with a microphone. We aren’t even disparaging Campea here, he is a self proclaimed hack.

“Andor was also better than RRR because it had realistic stuff in it like lightsabers and space aliens”, Campea said as his cohost put a dunce cap around his head. Howard Stern better be sweating, because the new shock jock in town who believes he can do anything he wants with no repercussions is here and his name is John Campea!

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Netflix released a statement this morning about their new controversial film “Blonde”.

“We know no matter what people are gonna be livid when this movie comes out, but, yeah maybe we shouldn’t release the reviews today, or the day after that. Maybe they should never release the embargo,” head of Netflix says, who wants to keep his name a secret even though you can Google him right now.

Meanwhile Twitter is on fire, and this will just add gasoline to the fire. Yeah. You know how it is. To quote Randy Newman “strange things are happening to me”.

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“Look, I understand. I’ve complained about The Breakfast Club being a part of the Criterion collection. I’ve complained about Raging Bull being in the collection. But my love for Pixar and their filmography trumps my ethical standards on Criterion’s mission to preserve and promote more obscure cinema,” Brett writes.

I mean look, I can’t help but agree with the dashing and handsome Brett Schutt with this one. WALL-E is a piece of art and deserved of becoming a title in the collection. Like, it’s WALL-E, who could actually get mad at this.

Update: don’t check Twitter this morning.

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Movies are like a film that you go see in the theatres. Movies are movies and because of that, what I like about this movie is that it’s a movie- and movies are necessary to see on the big screen. Movies and the big screen should coexist, because movies are films. The movies change us because the movies are genuinely a movie.

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Popcorned Planet’s Andy Signore has been caught live on stream watching Harry Styles spit on Chris Pine for six hours straight.

“I consider this investigative journalism. I’m doing what the real journalist don’t dare to do”, Andy Signore tells us, his eyes bloodshot from the lack of sleep.

“Someday I can tell my kids that I figured out what spitgate is all about. This is the most important six seconds of film that will come out this year,” he replied.

What are your thoughts on the spit?

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Venice film festival premiered Alejandro G Iñárritu’s latest film Bardo, the return of the filmmaker since making Birdman and The Revenant which were both big Oscar contenders. Birdman even won best picture. It looks like his next film isn’t getting the same acclaim.

David Ehrlich from Indiewire writes, “Bardo, more like Barfo! Three hours of pretentious nonsense, unlike other Venice films like A Pigeon Sitting on the Edge of Existence Contemplating Existentialism Part Three, my favorite movie ever made.”

Are you still excited for this film despite the bad press?

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Rian Johnson, who is in production on Knives Out Glass Onion is excited to talk about his proposed Star Wars trilogy. It was announced Johnson was going to make a Star Wars trilogy away from the Skywalker saga, but the proposed trilogy of films haven’t been discussed much since they were announced. People speculating that maybe the projects were dropped after Johnson made the best Star Wars film since Empire Strikes Back, The Last Jedi. Certainly an opinion the entire internet can agree on.

Yet, one podcaster named Christian Karloff, who has a podcast called, “The Kit Fisto Experience” doesn’t think it’s time yet for Star Wars to be interesting again. “We just had a film in 2019 most people agreed was bad, and a Bobba Fett show that three people watched. It makes prep for this show so easy. If Johnson makes a new trilogy of film that will be so much more work for us to do,” the podcaster complained.

Do you think that Star Wars should go forward with this proposed trilogy, or do a Disney Plus spin off series about Max Rebo?

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Don’t Worry Darling has been the talk of controversy lately due to a lot of behind the scenes drama with Olivia Wilde, Shia LeBouf, Florence Pugh and Harry Styles. These high profile celebrities have been causing a commotion about who dropped out, who quit and who’s dating who. There’s even confusion about who’s directed the film. This is all a disaster for the PR team.

Douglas Tim, the head of PR for Don’t Worry Darling, has petitioned to change the name of the film “Worry Darling” to match the feelings surrounding the film on the internet.

“We are worrying, darling,” Douglas says as he runs around his office throwing papers around and catching his desk on fire. This is not the first disaster PR the studio Warner Bros has had this year. Is it time to make Olivia Wilde Batgirl? What are your thoughts?

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Noah Baumbach is directing the film ‘White Noise’ a book who’s lead character is a Hitler studies professor who also is a Holocaust denier. The source material does not defend the main characters problematic beliefs but just shows that some people have a weird beliefs we will never quite comprehend. While the book wasn’t deemed problematic now, because of the invention of Twitter the film is.

The Twitter user, ‘baseddaddy420’ writes, “I hate that Baumbach is giving this problematic fictional character a platform. I guess I’ll just stay at home and rewatch Bojack Horseman for the fifteenth time.”

What are your thoughts on this film and will you be at its NYFF premiere?

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Gary Sinise Reprising His Role In A Film Adaption Of Much Maligned Disney Parks Attraction Mission Space, Which Is Reported To Be Theatres First 4-D Film Where Audiences Feel 2.5 G's On Their Chest

Mission Space is an infamous attraction at Epcot in Walt Disney World that reportedly makes five to six people throw up a day. Filmmakers for years have been experimenting on how to bring this joy to theaters around the world. They might have just found their answer with director James Cameron, who is always pushing the envelope. He has decided to take a brief pause between Avatar movies to direct a film adaption of the Disney Parks ride and create a 4-D experience where the audiences feel 2.5 G’s on their chests.

Disney Parks purists will be delighted to know that Cameron has decided to cast Gary Sinise in the lead role as Capcom. He used to play the Capcom on the ride until 2018 when he was replaced by Gina Torres. Sinise was so excited to bring the role back to life and see this new technology come to life.

“I’m very excited to be reprising one of my most overlooked but overseen roles of all time. I’ve heard that each ticket comes with a pair of 3-D glasses and a space sickness bag. We truly are advancing the film medium!” Sinise exclaims.

Will you have the stomach to see this film, or does cinemas last 4-D film Spy Kids 4 turn you off from the idea? Let us know in the comments!

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Film Distribution Company A24 Turns 10 Years Old Today, Yet Still Has One Movie Where A Man's Desire For Romance Determines If He Gets Turned Into A Lobster Or Not

Popular production company A24 has been producing some of the most highly acclaimed films of the last ten years and recently turned ten years old. To celebrate, A24 posted about their journey on becoming a company. Several artists including Sean Baker, Greta Gerwig and Barry Jenkins congratulated the company for it’s anniversary and thanked them for giving artists a chance in a world dominated by big blockbuster spectacles.

However, a certain group on Twitter wasn’t so happy for A24 and their success. They call themselves the #lobsterlovers, and they believe A24 only making one movie based off their group is appalling. A24 only making one movie about the desire for romance determining if you become a lobster was very disappointing to a lot of people on social media.

“We know that this incredibly niche subgenre of film is getting a cult appeal, so we are looking at making five more movies with similar concepts within the next ten years, we promise,” founder John Hodges tells us.

What are your thoughts on the ordeal? Is one movie good enough for lobster romance movies or should A24 give this subgroup more attention?

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Jacob Trembly, Disappointed For Not Being Nominated For An Oscar At Fifteen, Becomes An Eboy  

We have no news story here! Go support actor turned eboys!

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Nathan Fielder Teaches A Masterclass On How To Gaslight But For Art

Gaslighting is a popular term on the internet in this day of age. Despite popular belief and what conservative Youtuber Dave Rubin tells you, Gaslighting is not a term birthed on the internet but is instead a term birthed in the film of the same name. Gaslighting is essentially telling someone the way they feel so much that they end up believing it, even though they do not feel that way in actuality. Most people agree that gaslighting is a bad thing, it is used in a negative way, unless you are Nathan Fielder.

Nathan Fielder, popular comedian and business school graduate known for his Comedy Central series Nathan for You could use gaslighting as a funny way to expose people and their inner truths. Fielder is back with The Rehearsal which people argue goes even deeper into gaslighting than his original series. The series takes peoples and lets them rehearse their own lives before they have to live it themselves and the measures that Nathan goes to to create elaborate emotional experiences is nothing short of astonishing.

Now, Nathan Fielder wants you to understand his process of gaslighting for art in a new Masterclass he is teaching. “Look gaslighting is bad and none of us should do it, unless it’s on television, it’s hilarious and it tells a deeper truth about us as people,” Fielder says to introduce the course.

Will you take this masterclass or do you still feel weird with gaslighting for art?

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Minions 3: The Gru Knight Rises Gets Rated NC-17 For "Some Nudity"  

“We wanted the third film to truly depict what minions lifestyles was like in the 60’s era, and we are glad Universal have us the creative freedom to boldly express the darker aspects of this era.” the director explained.

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AUGUST 22, 2022

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Luca Guadagnino Reveals His New Film "Bones and All" Starring Timothee' Chalamet Is Not Based Off The Book Of The Same Name But Based On Armie Hamer's Adolescence

We recently were able to talk to Luca Guadagnino about his latest film Bones and All and the director had a lot of telling things to say about the project. He is teaming back up with Timothee’ Chalamet, their collaboration on Call Me By Your Name earned Chalamet an acting nomination. Someone Luca has not collaborated with since Call Me By Your Name is the co-star of the film Armie Hamer who has had some abuse allegations against him, including cannibalistic tendencies.

The film Bones and All is based off the book of the same name, which is about cannibalistic lovers in the Regan era. We asked Luca about how the film weirdly could parallel Armie Hamer’s story, and he dropped this bombshell on us. “On set while filming Call Me By Your Name Armie really opened up to me, so I just kept taking notes for a new project” Luca explained, “but we’ve been saying it’s based off the book as an alias.”

We asked Luca if he could tell us the entire plot start to finish, since the brief trailer has not told us anything. He refused to further elaborate. While Luca is a nice guy, shouldn’t he know that us as audiences don’t want to be surprised and subverted anymore? I guess I’ll have to see the movie to see what happens, how annoying.

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Internet Sensation Marcel the Shell's Cousin Markell The Shell Now In Custody After Reports Showing He Hasn't Paid His Taxes In Over Three Years

“Hi, I’m Markell and I’m a Shell and I’ve Committed Tax Fraud,” Markell starts his Youtube apology with. Markell is only noticeable for being the cousin to one of the most famous shells of all time, Marcel. Marcel the Shell has made a notable name for himself for being the subject in the new documentary by A24, Marcel the Shell with Shoes On which to many is considered one of this years very best films, cumulating a 4.3 average on popular social media site Letterboxd.com!

Twitter user Parcel the Shell exposed Markell for not filing his taxes on Twitter, when Markell immediately wrote an apology on Twitter stating what he has done is “irresponsible” and promised users Marcel had no idea the crimes he had committed. He was on a beach vacation when most of the film was being shot, shown in the post above.

We will keep you updated on this story as more comes out about the severity of Markell’s crimes.

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After Being Banned Off Facebook and Instagram, Andrew Tate Makes a Letterboxd Account and Reveals His Top 4 Favorite Movies

Andrew Tate is a recent controversial figure who has certainly been all over the news in the last few weeks for his misogynistic view on women and the way he is influencing young boys in our community to believe they are superior to women in every way. Tate is undoubtedly a bad person and his content was getting so offensive that Instagram and Facebook have decided to ban him off their platforms entirely. This hasn’t stopped Tate from being vocal on social media, through a new outlet, a social media platform for avid film fans called Letterboxd.com which he recently revealed his top four favorite movies.

Andrew Tate revealed his top four movies, David Fincher’s Fight Club, Quentin Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction, Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver and Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight. These four films are favorites with a lot of notable users on the site who are considered “film bros”. Tate says he is not sure about what this community is, he was just honest with what his favorite movies were.

“These are the four movies I believe represent how to be a man in our woke dystopia,” Tate explains. He also tells us that if there was a fifth slot, he would include the Stanley Kubrick’s classic A Clockwork Orange. It’s hard to see where Tate will be in a year with his newfound popularity and controversy, but for now he is an avid fan of Letterboxd and is excited to rant about people who get a lot of likes for only writing one word reviews.