The Unfiltered

Feeling deeply. Healing intentionally. Growing steadily.

[thecuriositydiaries]

Embracing the Calm: Reflections on Monday Evening

Well I did it. I said yes to making it official and honestly, it just feels right. There's a kind of quiet happiness in admitting that out loud. Before I made the leap, I talked with the kids’ dad because his thoughts matter, especially when it comes to anything that touches their world. He even said he’d like to meet him which I really appreciate. It’s important to me to keep things healthy between us and, weirdly, that conversation made everything feel so much lighter.

Letting a new relationship into my life has been scary and wonderful all at once. The past few days have been this gentle blur of hanging out, laughing and actually letting myself believe I’m wanted and loved. And today, doing the simple stuff together, just being a couple, felt so good. For once, I didn’t worry about being “too much.” I just let myself be happy.

Oh and bonus points? He can cook. I left Zumba and my weights class to find dinner already made, the little chaos of my evening totally handled. Usually I’m juggling it all myself but tonight, I got to just breathe. It’s nice. I’m happy. I think I could get used to this.

[thecuriositydiaries]

Wild Therapy

Learning to sit with disappointment isn’t easy, but lately I’ve been trying. I’m working on accepting that sometimes things just don’t go the way I hoped and that I can’t control everything, no matter how much I want to. Maybe that feeling goes all the way back to when I was a kid, when I never really had any control in the first place. So now, when life tests me, I catch myself slipping into old habits, overthinking, spiraling, letting my mind run wild.

But I’m growing. It’s taken me a long time to realize I don’t need to be in a relationship to feel loved or worthy. Finding happiness in my own space, and only accepting the energy I deserve, has changed everything. I don’t owe anyone an explanation for how I live my life. And if someone does come into it, I know now that my needs matter. I deserve to be considered.

Today I went hiking with some incredible women, each of them carrying a story that’s brought them to where they are. It’s always inspiring to be around people like that. I’m sharing a few photos from our hike because being out in nature always brings up this wave of nostalgia for me. My siblings and I basically grew up in the wilderness; those memories are some of my fondest, even though we didn’t have reliable adults around. We only had each other, and I think that’s why we’re still so close.

Today was about reliving some of that past, feeling grateful for the life I have now, and learning to let go. I’m finally realizing: I don’t need to explain myself to anyone.

[thecuriositydiaries]

Commitment but make it spacious

I try to appreciate life and keep things positive. But today after work, I pulled up to a four-way stop. A guy who clearly stopped first waved me through. My knee jerk reaction? I said, “You stupid hoe, you stopped first!” Not my finest moment. Right away, I caught myself, so much for that positive outlook. I took a few deep breaths, turned up my music, and tried to shake it off. I think it helps to pay attention to your reactions, notice when you’re wound up, and actually do something to calm your brain down, instead of just spiraling. I’ve also realized I really value my independence. I want to let people in but I need someone who understands that I sometimes need emotional space to recover. You can be close to someone and still feel pressure, why is that? Maybe it’s not always about trauma but about how you were raised. If you grew up always putting other people’s needs first, too much closeness can feel suffocating. What I need is structure. I want space to be an expected part of any relationship, not something we only bring up when things get tense. Independence should be protected, not mistaken for rejection. I love being close but I also need downtime to recharge. That’s just how I work. So yes, I want commitment, not surveillance. Let’s love each other from a healthy distance, like emotionally mature adults with our own hobbies. That sounds pretty good to me.

[thecuriositydiaries]

When comfort didn't feel like compatibility

I’m still trying to get a handle on who I am and lately I’ve noticed something about myself: I bend over backward to keep everyone around me happy, even when my own gut (and honestly, my whole nervous system) is waving red flags. Last night was a turning point. I had invited someone over whom I felt I had a genuine, comfortable connection with. But then, out of nowhere, he looked at me and said, “I could never say no to you. Just don’t use it against me.” Instead of feeling flattered, I froze. That line didn’t just kill the mood, it loaded the air with this unspoken pressure, like suddenly I was responsible for his boundaries and feelings. Affection shouldn’t come with invisible strings or guilt trips but that’s exactly what it felt like. My body went into old survival mode because I’ve been here before. I know how it feels to get caught up in someone else’s emotional baggage, always wondering if every little thing I ask for is “too much.” And I realized I don’t want that. I don’t want to spend time second guessing myself or worrying that accepting kindness means I’m somehow taking advantage of someone’s feelings. So right then, I made a choice. I chose myself. I decided I wasn’t willing to carry that emotional weight, even if he apologized or tried to explain it away. Now I’m promising myself to pay attention to those little signs, the ones that tell me when something isn’t safe or doesn’t feel like home. I want affection that’s easy and honest, not tangled up in guilt or unspoken debts. I’m learning to trust myself, even if it means walking away from what looks good on the surface.

[thecuriositydiaries]

I was begging for what should've been given

My favorite grey area and I have been wrapped up in this book called "The Midnight Library" and it’s pulled up a lot of feelings I didn’t realize I was still carrying around. One thing that hit me hard is the way I used to chase after parental love especially from people who, in theory, were supposed to be nurturing. I keep coming back to this memory: little me, always trying to win my mom’s attention, convincing myself those brief moments she gave me were love. But as I’ve gotten older and started seeing the patterns, I realize now that those scraps of attention were just that, scraps, from an absent parent. I used to wish for something warmer, a relationship built on nurturing and care. That realization has shaped how I parent my own kids. I’m determined to break that pattern, to make sure my children know they’re deeply loved so they never have to feel the way I did growing up. I think that’s why I’ve always felt so responsible for other people, why I grew up fast and learned to shrink myself down just to keep the peace. I was terrified of abandonment and for a long time, I didn’t think I could be happy on my own. But lately, it feels kind of electrifying to realize I don’t have to let other people dictate my peace. I don’t tolerate behaviors that bring me down or make me feel small. I am my own person and I get to create and welcome the kind of energy that lifts me up, not the kind that disrupts my life.

[thecuriositydiaries]

The space between excitement and reality

There’s something especially hard about building up excitement with someone, checking in to confirm plans and then being let down when they don’t follow through. I’m honestly proud of myself for not reacting impulsively but instead explaining how much this hurt me emotionally. We got excited together. I made sure to check in the night before, what I thought was the responsible thing and I let myself look forward to it. Being disappointed not once but twice, really stings.

I didn’t realize how intense anticipation could feel until it got interrupted like that. It almost feels like grief. I cried and my heart actually ached, even if there was a good reason for what happened. Now, I can feel myself putting up a protective wall. I’m not going to force myself to feel safe, just because we communicated well this time. For me, trust isn’t built in a single honest conversation, it’s built over time, through consistency. I let myself get excited, I let myself care and I was hoping for reliability. The way I’m feeling is completely valid

[thecuriositydiaries]

This guy is literally my anime crush in real life. For the longest time, I thought I was into the whole “muscular white guy” thing, thanks a lot, Four from Divergent, but it turns out my real weakness is just guys with big, strong arms. Like, if you look like you could bench press me (and maybe my emotional baggage), I’m interested. I guess I just want to feel safe and get lost in a pair of oversized arms. Is that too much to ask? lol

[thecuriositydiaries]

Melancholy as Medicine

I’ve been listening to this song and it feels incredibly soothing, almost freeing. There’s something powerful about hearing singers let their voices break. It’s like a release, a reminder that I can pour my heart out, fall apart and still come back stronger. It resonates with where I am in my own journey. I realize now that I don’t need to lose myself for anyone. I get to choose the energy I allow into my life. I’ve made meaningful connections and I feel empowered by my self worth. I am standing firmly in what feels true and good to me. Most importantly, I am committed to showing up as my full, authentic self and pursuing what brings me joy, no matter what

[thecuriositydiaries]

2/17/2026

Learning to rest in someones hands without losing myself:

I am genuinely surprised and overjoyed by the journey I’m on. Each morning, I wake with purpose and a desire to fill my days with meaningful activity. Recently, I’ve met someone who makes me feel safe, someone whose intentions I never have to question. It’s made me realize just how important honesty and self truth are especially in new relationships. By being authentic from the start, I find I attract the kind of energy I want in my life.

I’ve learned that when crisis hits, I step up. I take control when things feel unstable, protect others, and carry emotional weight quietly without complaint. I lead, I fix, I hold things together but I’ve discovered this can leave me exhausted. Deep down I long to rest in someone else’s care. I think perhaps I have found that person. Still, there’s a part of me that’s afraid of commitment and I’m not entirely sure why. It’s something I’m still figuring out and I trust the answer will come in time.

For now, I’m learning to live in the moment, to appreciate things as they are.

[thecuriositydiaries]

Dynamite Kiss kdrama

Chivalry is not dead with Gong Ji-hyuk <3

[thecuriositydiaries]

Pew pew 🔫

[thecuriositydiaries]

Totally didn't expect their reunion to be like this but then again, its Mira 🤣 #bossbabe #queen

[thecuriositydiaries]

I’m feeling emotional. I want to be more proactive and make the most of the day, but it’s hard because I feel stuck. I’m overwhelmed by juggling multiple responsibilities, and I want all my loved ones to be happy and content. It feels like I’m carrying a heavy burden, and I wish someone would recognize my efforts and simply say, “You’re an amazing person, an amazing mother.” I know my happiness isn’t dependent on others, but I want things to feel easier. I don’t want to wake up filled with guilt and overwhelmed by my thoughts. Today, I will try to do better. I want to pick up a hobby, and maybe I’ll finally make use of our gym to release some of this pent-up frustration.

[thecuriositydiaries]

Tell me that you love anime without telling me that you love anime 🤣🥰

[thecuriositydiaries]

I had a strange dream last night. In the dream, I was trying to reintroduce my ex-husband to share time with my daughter. Unfortunately, he was still struggling with substance use, and I felt devastated for letting my daughter see him. She misses him every day, and I sought advice from my mom, which felt odd because I don't have a relationship with her. I cried while her current husband told me to leave her alone because she was sleeping. Eventually, my mom woke up and sat there while I cried; she didn't console me or offer any advice. It felt so strange that these two people who have disappointed me appeared in my dream. What could this dream mean? Do I have doubts, or is it that this chapter of my life lacks closure? Am I unhappy about something?

[thecuriositydiaries]

Hyeondo vibes! Take accountability and apologize! Haha

[thecuriositydiaries]

Today was a day filled with reflection and connection. I experienced some mommy guilt, feeling like I wasn’t doing enough for my older daughter, who is 8. With my 2 year old son taking up so much of my time and energy, I realized I had been overlooking her need for connection. I noticed her attempts to engage with me, so I checked on her and found she was sleeping. After a few calls, she woke up and I told her we were heading to Barnes and Noble, followed by some frozen yogurt. We spent a lovely hour there. She picked out a few items, including a Sonic plushie for her brother, who is obsessed with Sonic right now. We also got a board game called Evil Genie, thinking it would be a great way to bond later. When we got home, she was happy to share the plushie with her brother, who responded with pure excitement. We had a fun dinner, followed by ice cream and cake and ended the day playing Evil Genie together. She loved the game, which made it even more special. Reflecting on the day, I felt like it turned out well and I recognized that it’s okay to have moments of doubt or guilt as a mom. What matters is being aware and responding to those feelings rather than ignoring them. I want to be a happy and fun mom but it’s also perfectly fine not to feel 100% all the time. What counts is being present, both physically and emotionally for my kids.