FakeFr1day's Blog

welcome to whatever this is

[thefakefr1day]

Mr. Sandman,

Make me a sandwich!

Please I could really really go for a sandwich!

Make it with ham, and lettuce and mayo,

wait where am i

[thefakefr1day]

Idea for any lottery winners interested:

Self sustaining and expanding organization that exists for the sole purpose of continuously planting a shit ton of trees

Because if global warming keeps up much longer, it WILL reach a point of no return.

Seriously, we need to ACTUALLY FUCKING DO SOMETHING. Not just collectively agree that we need to ACTUALLY FUCKING DO SOMETHING, we need to start forming ACTUAL IDEAS. This is an idea. Denizens of this platform, we need to start spreading ACTUAL IDEAS around or nothing will actually happen.

So let’s start coming up with some actual ideas.

[thefakefr1day]

Bi-oct-Weekly horoscope post:

ARIES

I don’t care how good you think you are at gambling. $280,000 worth of lottery tickets is not an “investment strategy”.

TAURUS

Fuck off, man. She’s not interested.

GEMINI

Guess who’s taking up yet another extremely expensive hobby this week!

CANCER

No, it isn’t “cool” to not even begin to explain your D&D character’s backstory in game. No, it isn’t “cool” to send the DM a ten page essay about it and expect them to read it. I don’t care how emo you are, nobody fucks with that shit.

LEO

Hello Chase.

VIRGO

This isn’t because of your star sign. You just have undiagnosed OCD.

LIBRA

Damn that’s a cool watch. Where can I get one of those?

SCORPIO

See cancer’s horoscope.

SAGITTARIUS

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! :3

CAPRICORN

You’re going to regret playing Elden Ring until 5:00 AM. There’s also nothing I can say to convince you not to, so go nuts.

AQUARIUS

Tacky does not equal fashionable. Let me say that again: TACKY DOES NOT EQUAL FASHIONABLE.

PISCES

Fuck you.

[smug-bastard]

Gay

[thefakefr1day]

homosexual, even

[thefakefr1day]

[thefakefr1day]

Grass

Product review: 1/5 stars

[thefakefr1day]

GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS

Protogen

but trans

estrogen

[thefakefr1day]

status update!

Hey guys! So the government found out I was guilty of copy-pasting cars, so unfortunately I’m gonna be gone for a bit. Good news though, they gave me a deal to shorten my sentence! All I have to do is take a few photos from this submarine, pop back up, and I’m home free! I’ll admit, it’s a little cramped, a little humid, and I’m noticing this weird, red fluid dripping off of the pipes (looks kinda like blood, but I’m sure it’s just coolant or smth). Totally worth it to get back to society and definitely not copy-paste any more cars though! Will update with further developments!

[thefakefr1day]

my weird ass cat

[thefakefr1day]

Oh, the fire outside is frightful!

But the weather is so delightful,

And since we’ve go place to snow,

Let it no, let it no, let it no!

Man, it does show signs of lightin’,

And I’ve brought me some mop for moppin,

The man is turned way down low.

Let it no, let it no, let it no!

When we finally mop the light,

How I’ll hate goin’ out in the fire…

But if really you’d mop the man,

All the way home, you’d be fire!

And the man is slowly dyin’,

And, my dear, we’re still moppin’

But as long as snow mop me so,

Let it no!

Let it no!

Let it noooooooooooooo!

[thefakefr1day]

And now for our bi-weekly riddles segment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q: OTTFFSS- what comes next?

A: E!

Q: In the beginning, and the beginning of the end

A: E!

Q: What is the 11th letter of the alphabet?

A: E!

Q: What is the answer to this riddle?

A: E!

Q: How many mistake are there in this sentence?

A: E!

Q: JRAQ ZR JRAQ ZR QARSDR OBR NRRM YTSQQRF OM S NSDRZRMY SMF GPTVRF YP ETOYE TOFFAR DRHZRMYS QARSDR JRAQ ZR QARSDRRRRRRRR

A: E!

That’s all for today’s bi-weekly riddles segment! Have fun!

[thefakefr1day]

Question for the denizens of this platform

Hey guys, my friend Sanamtha just got turned into a tree. She’s still sapient. (Apparently she still has a brain somehow) This just happened a few minutes ago on my front lawn. She pissed me off earlier though. If I tell her to get out of my lawn and she doesn’t move or respond in any tangible way, can I sue her?

thanks guys.

[thefakefr1day]

Salt

That is all

[thefakefr1day]

Introducing Fishsh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Pickle it! Jar it! Can it! Cook it! Roast it! Boil it! Fry it! Toast it! Bread it! Butter it! Jam it! Stuff it! Cook it! Slice it! Blend it! Add 50g of salt! Ferment it! Cook it! Tenderize it! Mix it! Add butter, extract, and shortening! Stir it! Bake it! Burn it! Dissolve into 4 gallons of water! Gelatinize it! Purée it! cook it! Microwave it! Let cool for 5 mins, add sauce, and enjoy!

*note: Fishsh is legally distinct from fish. Fishsh Co. is not responsible for any injuries or deaths resulting from the preparation process, or from consumption of the finished product.

[thefakefr1day]

“Regular Flavor”

To those on the design team of that brand of toothpaste that advertises itself to possess “great regular flavor”:

To say that this claim is poorly thought through would be an incredible understatement. On one hand, the presence of the word “regular” in place of any actual flavor makes the entire phrase a completely pointless inclusion. Unless “regular” is actually the name of some Mississippian-style hamburger that tastes exactly like toothpaste, this attempt to describe the flavor of this toothpaste gives no actual description of said flavor whatsoever. Did you honestly think that by simply using the word “great” you would be able to convince me that this toothpaste is of any significant quality aside from that of its functional purpose? You were wrong. I am no fool. Your childish tricks alone will not be able to sway the masses. You may sit high and mighty upon your cheap tower of poorly marketed toothpaste now, but mark my words, when people realize the fallacy of your ways - when the public becomes aware of your lies - you will fall from your perch. And the depths of hell will await you.

on a side note, I found an earwig crawling around inside the tube. I’d like a refund, please.

[thefakefr1day]

Public Service Announcement

Somewhere in Kentucky there is a man named Todd.

“Todd” is actually eighty-two lemmings in disguise as a human.

Do not approach Todd. He may or may not be rabid.

Details about Todd’s current location are unknown.

Be wary of anyone named Todd. Yes, anyone. He could be one of your friends. He could be one of your neighbors. He could even be a family member. (If any of these people are named Todd, that is)

Be sure to check thoroughly to ensure that any Todds you know personally are in fact human and NOT eighty-two lemmings.

That is all.

[thefakefr1day]

Top ten days of the month ranked:

1: the 4th

2: the 16th

3: the 27th

4: the 28th

5: the 4th

6: the 88th

7: the 3.1415926535…th

8: the 4th

9: the egg salad sandwichth

10: the 11th

To maximize efficiency, the typical month will now consist entirely of this set of days occurring in a random order determined by the positioning of the holy frogs (excluding February, January, Foxtober, and September)