I'll kick anyone's ass. Mostly my own.

Met | 25 | she/her | bi | Denmark

[dimension20memes]

It's all downhill from here.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

[sicknastie]

[intrepid-fearos]

We don’t talk enough about how Lou Wilson is as sexy as he is funny, but I’m ready to start that convo

[theflowers-andthebees]

This is possibly a controversial Junjo Ito take but. Gyo was terrible. It was so bad. I was so so so disappointed but also really glad that I went for Uzumaki first, because THAT is a masterpiece

[sylvansleuth]

Did they leave through the back door??

[autonomous-geordie-deactivated2]

Some strange graffiti

[fed-detector-deactivated2018030]

it’s educational

[theflowers-andthebees]

doja cat saying "this can go one of two ways" on freak like me, but it's doctor manhattan saying "this can go one of infinite ways" and not understanding humans well enough to not explain all inifite of the ways it can go

[perenial]

chag chanukah sameach let’s get lit 🕎

[cafffine]

bro just add some green onion to that rice dish you’ll be ok. bro? you don’t have any green onion? oh don’t worry bro I saved the butts of my green onions and left them in a cup of water in my sunny kitchen window for a week, and now they are tall and luscious again because growth in inevitable. Here, you can have them bro. I love you.

[theflowers-andthebees]

i hate Having Feelings. he stopped texting me semi-out of the blue, and now everything sucks. i really liked him. everything was so much easier back when i didn't allow myself to feel anything. not better, just easier

[theflowers-andthebees]

nvm he just sent me a cat video

[theflowers-andthebees]

i hate Having Feelings. he stopped texting me semi-out of the blue, and now everything sucks. i really liked him. everything was so much easier back when i didn't allow myself to feel anything. not better, just easier

[horse-is-a-horse-of-course]

PTSD? You got pussy taste speldiferous disorder???

i don’t even know what to say here.

[horse-is-a-horse-of-course]

you know what. yes. i do got pussy taste splendiferous disorder.

[theflowers-andthebees]

i get that the mark sucks and everything, but I think my inquisitor has bigger problems with her arms than some glowing spot on her hand.

[robotmango]

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

[awed-frog]

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

[robotmango]

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

[scarylullabies]

I think I’ve reblogged this before, but “the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature” is fucking poetry

[piranesiandtheother-deactivated]

ninety nine???? thats IT????????? buddy here in the 7th circle of h*ck, California, we get up to at LEAST 110 degrees every single gosh darned summer.  the bugs seek revenge.  the sun wreaks havoc on the mere mortals it surveys.   every plant has turned brown in its thirst for water.  the very air itself has been sucked dry of every drip of moisture it ever had.  

ninety nine degrees.  you weak fool.

[robotmango]

well since you asked so politely, let’s talk about something very important vis a vis weather-hotness that you clearly ain’t ever heard of, called

humidity

oh alas, you say. oh papa, whatever shall i do, it is ever so hotte and drye in california. the very air hath been sucked of all its moisturey droplets and whatnot.* one hundredy and tennith desiccated degrees!

*(yo, drought is serious. i am pretty obviously not making fun of that.)

alright. let’s check it out. here’s a random california city, right about now:

thirty-two percent. and here’s a random mid-atlantic city located somewhere in the wet fleshy crease behind a demon’s knee*:

*(confession: i do not live in dc, but several years ago i spent three weeks steaming like a tinned ham in arlington in august. none of the pants i took with me could ever keep a crease again.)

huh! funny thing! “see, dc’s actually seven degrees COOLER,” you say, because you’ve obviously never gone outside and taken a deep lungful of wet sock trash air in your life. and now for added bliss, here’s what early wednesday morning’s gonna be like for these poor clowns:

that’s right! eighty-two percent humidity! the point at which showers no longer matter, because you’re all caught in God’s grease trap! just stressed human eels miserably slip slidin’ their way through a damp melty bathwater-flavored hellscape that feels like it’s actively sous viding their top layer of skin! a hundred thousand people packed into public transit breathing air that feels like deepthroating swamp thing! and you wanna talk to me about fuckin california!

[cue science voice]: human bodies cool through evaporation, a process by which the body sweats and sweet invisible angels towel us off, whisking away our unwanted moisture into the air and literally chilling us out. (it’s also why air conditioned air feels so fucking deliciously refreshing: it’s not just being cooled, it’s being conditioned, aka, dehumidified. it’s cool dry air.) but. if the air is already made out of fucking chowder and can’t absorb shit then guess what the fuck our bodies can’t do.

so is this weak fool gonna remain indoors and hydrated through this only medium-hot but fuckoff-humid season? you bet your dried out ass.

[maximumsunshine]

This is poetry.

[lierdumoa]

Here’s a handy calculator that tells you how hot a place “feels” depending on the level of humidity: 

https://www.calculator.net/heat-index-calculator.html

[nonasuch]

i am pretty sure i reblogged this last summer but armpit weather is back so this post is too.

[theflowers-andthebees]

a blended cabbage/potato/leek soup gives me the same feeling as beef stew or literally any kind of stew. I Am In The Lord Of The Rings Universe. I Am A Hobbit

[spinosacha]

This is Doris Pollas, the cofounder of the organisation now known as lgbt+ Denmark which by being founded in 1948 is one of the oldest if not the oldest queer organisation in the world.

Doris lived in a farm in Jutland as a child. She was always butch and figured out she was a lesbian in her teens. When she heard about a club in copenhagen where boys kissed boys and girls kissed girls she went just some months after and it was through that club she started a paper connecting queer people all up to seventies and co founded lgbt+ Denmark.

She is now 97 year and wishes for every queer person to have an as loving and accepting family as she did.

I don’t see a lot of older gays from my country, so learning about Doris, a masc lesbian, was really nice.

[lemonsweet-moved]

I like the part in uzumaki where it's chill for a moment and she's sitting on the beach w her fucked up boyfriend and they literally look like this

[lemonsweet-moved]