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also me: *checks what everyone else is doing first*
ancient women really said "fuck it, i'm doing math" while society tried to stone them and honestly? inspirational. made a whole thing about it.
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@thegentlevibe
me: i want to live authentically
also me: *checks what everyone else is doing first*
ancient women really said "fuck it, i'm doing math" while society tried to stone them and honestly? inspirational. made a whole thing about it.
2:37am thoughts that hit different
you know that feeling when you're living but not really *living*?
like you're watching your life through a window instead of actually being in it
everyone around you seems to have their shit figured out and you're just... existing. going through the motions. autopilot mode 24/7.
wake up. coffee. work. scroll. sleep. repeat.
but sometimes at 3am your brain goes "hey remember when you used to have dreams?"
and you're like "shut up brain i have bills"
but what if that restless feeling isn't your enemy
what if it's your soul being like "HELLO?? ANYBODY HOME??"
been doing shadow work lately and honestly? it's terrifying
you know when someone does something and you have this visceral reaction? like your whole body rejects what you're seeing?
yeah. that's your shadow talking
spent years thinking certain people were just "wrong" or "too much"
turns out they were just reflecting back parts of me i'd buried alive
the angry part. the selfish part. the part that takes up space
jung was right. what we don't own, owns us
been sitting with my triggers instead of running from them
asking "what in me is this person showing me?"
uncomfortable as hell but... liberating?
turns out the parts of myself i hated most were just... misunderstood
made a whole thing about it
#shadow work #jung #personal #inner work #psychology #HealingJourney
parents visiting next week
already rehearsing conversations in my head
"yes i'm eating enough"
"no i don't know when i'll settle down"
love them but god
why does home feel like an interrogation
sometimes i think about how we learn helplessness the same way we learn everything else
like walking or tying shoes or believing we're not enough
one failed attempt becomes "i can't do this"
one rejection becomes "they don't want people like me"
one closed door becomes "all doors are locked"
but here's the thing that keeps me up at night:
if helplessness is learned
then it can be unlearned
your agency didn't disappear
it's just been sleeping under layers of "maybe next time" and "i'm not ready yet"
and sometimes
just sometimes
the smallest choice wakes it up
choosing different coffee
taking another route home
speaking up when your voice shakes
each tiny decision is proof you're not passive in your own life
you're not a leaf in the wind
you're the fucking wind
anyway made a video about this bc apparently i have feelings about women remembering their power
caught myself laughing at a joke that wasn't funny yesterday
just to fill the silence. to be likeable. to fit in
how many times do i do this without noticing?
been thinking... what if the person everyone seems to love isn't even me
what if i've gotten so good at shape-shifting that i forgot my original form
scary thought: what if i stopped performing for five minutes
who would i be then
made something about this
been thinking about this all morning
you know how you can accomplish something amazing and still feel... empty? like you're waiting for someone to tell you it matters?
realized i've been giving everyone else the power to decide if i'm good enough
while simultaneously never giving myself that same grace
like what if i've been the gatekeeper of my own approval this whole time
wild concept: i don't need permission to think i'm worthy
anyway made this thing about it
morning thoughts hit different when you're eating cereal in the dark
wondering if anyone else feels like they're performing their own life
like there's an audience that doesn't exist
but you're still trying to impress them
bought myself flowers today
no reason. just because
they're sitting on my kitchen counter being pretty
feels weird to do nice things for myself
but good weird
6am thoughts hitting different today
you know when you can't let someone go but you KNOW you should?
been thinking... maybe i'm not holding onto them
maybe i'm holding onto not having to sit with just... me
what if the fear isn't losing them. what if it's finding out i'm whole without them
anyway made this thing about it
realized today that i don't need to apologize for wanting to be alone
sometimes silence isn't emptiness, it's space for yourself
we're so used to being needed by everyone that we forget to be needed by ourselves
said yes again when i meant no
hate how automatic it is
like my mouth moves before my brain catches up
been diving deep into why this happens
how we're literally conditioned to prioritize everyone else's comfort over our own sanity
and why "just say no" feels impossible when you've spent years being the person who fixes everything
anyway
learning that boundaries aren't mean
they're necessary
2am again
staring at the ceiling thinking about how different things could've been
if i'd said yes that time
if i hadn't been scared
if i
god
why am i always like this
why do we feel guilty about unfinished books like??? i read 200 pages and learned something new about myself but apparently that doesn't count because i didn't reach page 300??
make it make sense
my closet is full of half-finished paintings and abandoned hobbies and honestly? they're not failures. they're just... evidence that i'm curious about life
idk I feel like sometimes the journey IS the destination
today i don’t want to change.
i just want to be.
someone out there found this when I was asleep.
and liked it.
maybe it’ll find you too.