We Live to battle Life

[thegreatmindofwords]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUh7TE0vvKE)

[thegreatmindofwords]

I really don’t know how people move on when they lose someone they love or someone that they are really close. I know you can never fully move on, but how they keep their composure weeks after tragedy. I have my tearful moments when alone, but looking back to Sept 2, 2016, Grandma’s birthday and I show up just after mom and dad, walk in telling her that there’s a list of people signed up to do the spankings. She never had much of a excitement look in that place, but she gave a small smile. I regret when I left I didn’t hug her or give her a kiss as I always did before, she passed away on Sept 11th.

I can’t get my head around what happen to mom, there was never any signs she was having troubles, unless she held them from us. I try to think if there were signs from that Saturday, but I can hardly remember the last time I saw her face. It was that Tuesday she passed away, last text we were chatting about store closing and looking forward to the sales. I wish, like dad says, someone was there to help her even if the outcome was the same. I can’t get that day out of my head, the call from dad, the drive out home, the door being locked, the image, the coldness, and the moment my world crashed again. 

I seriously am thinking of selling my house and everything and leaving, I can’t do this death deal anymore. I struggle to realize mom isn’t here, she isn’t a call away, she isn’t there to go out and roam. Everything my family has done for me since that moment doesn’t seem enough to help me move on a little bit. I keep getting these moments where it feels my heart is dropping or something has left it. My head and heart are going crazy, it sucks that it’s been two weeks since she passed and the world never stopped, life kept going, we all were working, the “what if” keep running in my head, I sit at the grave every day, talk to her and cry, I can’t stop working, I can’t just rewind time to be there for her, I always told her I was there if she ever needed help and that day I couldn’t of done anything.

I just don't know what to do anymore, everything has just lost it's purpose...

[thegreatmindofwords]

[thegreatmindofwords]

I look around my house and all I see is her, everything she bought or touched, the things I learned from, the questions I have still that she was going to answer for me. It seems each day is a struggle to know mom is not there to chat with or hangout. Every weekend we were doing something, trying to find something or to waste time. I don't ever believe I will fully understand why she left so soon, but then again I don't think I'll ever be able to move on as the pain will always be there. The tears have not fallen as I have thought, they seem to be held up by something. A tear or two will fall from time to time, up at the grave I shed tears but not many. I know we have two angels watching over us as grandma is right there by her. Only six months from the time grandma passed to mom, it was twenty years from great grandma to grandma. I wish it was twenty years later for mom as her and dad would have lived a great life, would have traveled the world by now. My heart has the emptiness of her and it'll never be filled, the joy I had when we went out is gone, life itself seems to be a waste, I can't think, I feel lonely, more than ever now. I just wish I could see her again.

[thegreatmindofwords]

God told me just now that momma did not want to leave, he had to talk to her about all she had done for the family and for those she did not know. He told her that there were many in Heaven waiting to see her, her mother and father were holding hands waiting. She asked him what would be of her family on this earth, he told her that they are strong, they will struggle at first, but they would move on with her in their hearts and make her proud to be their mom and wife. She glanced back to the life she had lived, turned and took his hand, she walked up the stairs to Heaven and took her place as an angel. She will watch over us every day, she will do her best to protect us from above, she will lift us when we fall, she is and has always been our backbone. We each will move on at a point never forgetting her, letting her guide us in life. We will always love her and cherish every moment we had, We Love You Mom

Hardest thing I have ever posted, but I feel it's true....

[thegreatmindofwords]

Struggle

It's hard to go each day thinking mom will be at home or will call saying her vacation is going great. It's been 12 days and I haven't had a break down in a week. I feel that my mind has shut out the fact mom passed away without notice. My heart seems to have lost it's joy in doing things as mom was there with me. Now it's in town looking at things she would have love and bought, hell I had a question for her and I pulled my phone out to call then I realized that wouldn't be possible. I said I have been traumatized from what I saw that day, my best friend and mom laying there, only to think she was sleeping and the feel of coldness. I can't put my mind around that she is gone even though I am at her grave everyday. We each wish we were there at that moment to be able to have had the chance to save her. As Monday approaches which is my birthday I have scratched it off, I will not celebrate it this year as my mom was the reason I had joy in it. My family has been great to help mom, but to get her odd gift was my highlight. I dread the 27th

[weatherevents]

I wanted to take the time to let you in on my life. I am Aaron Deevers, I am center in back. My older brother Chad is on the right and middle brother Randy to the left. Front row is my mother and dad Cathy & Michael. On Sept 11th, 2016 we lost our grandma/mom it was hard but she hasn’t been feeling well. My mom took it hard because everyday she saw her. It’s been a long road for us mainly mom trying to deal with packing grandmas items up and trying to get house cleaned. On March 14, 2017 I received a call from my dad that mom wasn’t at work, she cooked at the White Buffalo in Albia, Iowa for 18 years. Mom is never late, she is always early. I thought maybe she slipped out doors or fell asleep. I got out home and door was locked and truck was in driveway. They live in the country so no one close. I went in saw my in the chair and went to wake her, she was cold, as you can imagine my emotions went crazy. She passed away at the age of 62. No health issues nothing that show it was coming. She was my best friend, we love to shop and do anything. Last time o had seen her face was the 11th when we went out to mess. She was married to my dad for 43 years. I am going to post weather related items when I can, but I have lost interest in almost everything, you all are super great people, I appreciate the follows reblog a and added comments. I always showed mom photos and the amount of reblogs and like it had. She did enjoy it. I did make a go fund me page, no asking for anyone to donate because you don’t have to, but if you like to help my family it is under Cathy Deevers Funeral, should have a lovely lady that looks like she was crying as a photo. If you met her you would of felt as family, she took the time to talk to you see how you and your family was doing, she loved and respected so many people. It’s a hard time for us all, today is Thursday and we have a family viewing, tomorrow visitation, and Saturday funeral. I love each of you and wanted to let you know I may be taking a break.

[thegreatmindofwords]

I have several blogs, each one is a part of me. I do appreciate you all for the follows, reblogs, likes and love. I need time, but post on here may help.

[thegreatmindofwords]

It does help, I love to go to bed with a good laugh if I can, makes getting up early a little better.

[thegreatmindofwords]

I have been on a long road to getting things better, each day seems easy, but when the bills come that is when reality hits. Went from having a good paying job to no job, six months later got a job at half the pay. Sept. 11th as people shed tears for lost love ones from 9/11, myself and family shed tears to the passing of my grandma. She was an amazing lady that did so much for the town and never was recognized for it. A week later a friend died at the age of 28, she just had twins that were born to soon, along with three other kids the dad which is a good friend has a lot to handle. A month later I totaled my car after hitting a deer, took months to find a decent vehicle. I try to look for positive in each day, but it is a struggle. I hope this blog helps myself as well as others.

[thegreatmindofwords]

[thegreatmindofwords]

[thegreatmindofwords]