thehornedpotato

i’m going to eat wet cat food and there’s nothing you can do to stop me

[lawyess]

Parasol icons ✨

[feenwege]

byakuya

[thehornedpotato]

Lan Wangji: Sorry I haven’t been around, I lost Wei Ying last night.......

Lan Xichen: You lost Wei Wuxian?

Lan Xichen: Did you find him?

Lan Wangji: Not like that.......

Lan Xichen: Oh

Lan Xichen: OH

Lan Xichen: OH MY GOD

Lan Xichen: I’m so sorry

[thehornedpotato]

Chuuya, locks Dazai in the car: Act like a child, get treated like a child.

Dazai: What? Isn’t it illegal to leave a child locked in the car?

[thehornedpotato]

Wei Wuxian, as the Yiling patriarch: Getting touched during heads up seven up was the last time I felt something.

[thehornedpotato]

Chuuya, hoping for a normal day: Good morning

Dazai: I’m going to try to become left handed.

[thehornedpotato]

*soukoku kissing*

Dazai: You’re my best friend

Chuuya:

Chuuya: I’m your what

[thehornedpotato]

Atsushi: Do you sell happy meals?

McDonalds worker: We do.

Atsushi: Yeah can I get that without the meal?

McDonalds worker:

Atsushi: Please.

[thehornedpotato]

Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on this flight?

Jiang Cheng, nudging Wei Wuxian: That should have been you.

Wei Wuxian: I’m sorry I didn’t become a doctor.

Jiang Cheng: No I meant the guy having a stroke.

[thehornedpotato]

Chuuya: you’re a dumbass.

Dazai: Why do you hurt me with words?

Chuuya: Do you want me to use rocks?

[thehornedpotato]

Lan Wangji: Wei Ying, did you glue the bottle to the ceiling.

Wei Wuxian: *inhale*

Wei Wuxian: Mayhaps

[thehornedpotato]

Wei Wuxian: I have decided that I am in fact a snack. It’s just that no one’s hungry.

Lan Wangji, under his breath: I’m starving.

[thehornedpotato]

Wei Wuxian: I need some serotonin

Lan Wangji: *stands up*

Lan Wangji: *sits back down*

Lan Wangji: I didn’t remember what serotonin was until after I stood up to go get you some

[thehornedpotato]

Sizhui: I almost got surprise adopted yesterday.

Wei Wuxian: What?

Lan Wangji: He almost got kidnapped.

Wei Wuxian: Oh okay.

Wei Wuxian: WAIT WHAT

[thehornedpotato]

Lan Wangji: It’s time we talk about the birds and the bees

Lan Sizhui: Okay

Lan Wangji: They are disappearing at an alarming rate

[thehornedpotato]

Lan Wangji: What are all these dead bodies doing here?

Wei Wuxian: Honestly, not much.

[thehornedpotato]

Lan Wangji: Your coffee

Wei Wuxian: Could I have a little spoon please?

Lan Wangji: Certainly

Lan Wangji: *delicately embraces him from behind*

Wei Wuxian: Lovely