cute cryptid

30s | they/she | proud queer 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

[lastoneout]

like the first rule of cooking is to have fun and be yourself and the first rule of baking is to stay calm because the dough can sense fear

[faggy-femme]

when you get dragged in for a kiss by your collar 😵‍💫

[mlarayoukai-archive]

i hate pokemon

[mlarayoukai-archive]

girl what

[mlarayoukai-archive]

Thank you for providing the worst thing I’ve read in years. It’s a gift actually

[neuroticpantomime]

Diet culture is hilarious and rad actually

[redpandarascal]

rethink your weekend. Harder liquor on an emptier stomach is just what you need. Trust me, I’m a doctor.

[wellingtonskeleton]

Merry 2000 Trained Rats, everybody

[mod2amaryllis]

fyi. Merry 5000 incontinent rats everyone

[gacorley]

Fun fact, rodents pee all the time and their pee absorbs UV light.

Most birds can see UV light, so they can track rodents by their anti-UV pee trails.

[modogoblin]

[modogoblin]

[puppynametaken]

imagine a vampiric floret woagh

(what do you think of this concept?)

(also bonus points if you can guess who this is >:3)

I’m extending this to “stupid rules vampire” to make it more interesting:

Floret needing to be invited in literally everywhere since there’s a LOT of doors in the compact. The Affini are happy to oblige

Danger around getting a haustoric implant because wooden stake through the heart and all that. Needs special modifications (story hook?)

Coffin bed obvs

Floret gets invited to turn other florets, who just love the idea of being a vampire’s thrall

Sparkle skin™️

Blood blood drink the blood. Affini synthesizes some form of blood to let her floret drink from her vine. Little teefs ^*vv*^

Honestly affini are built to hunt vampires and I kinda dig that. Someone make that AU

I much prefer the vampire Affini angle that’s been shown in a few stories, but good concept!

(Is it the H20 luster? Or perhaps that little floret rp account I hang with occasionally. Those are my guesses!)

[foone]

In the future when we've legalized polyamorous marriages it's gonna be a real pain for prosecutors if we still have spousal privilege.

Like, we caught the whole gang of thieves that pulled off the 13.7 m$ dollar heist, but unfortunately they're all one big polycule, so all their communications count as Privileged Communication and we can't call any of them to testify against each other.

[cryptotheism]

"You think you're informed just because you read a bunch of grainy PDFs?"

Yeah man. Reading scholarly works on a topic informs you on that topic. That's how this works.

[charlesoberonn]

[genderqueerdykes]

stop worrying about whether or not queer identities "make sense". gender itself doesn't make sense. "woman" and "man" are arbitrary constellations of traits and features that don't reflect how people who fall into those genders actually think, feel and behave. the definitions we have for manhood and womanhood don't make sense, either. according to cisheteronormative society, feminine men and masculine women don't "make sense" either. the biological sex binary makes ABSOLUTELY no sense, with intersex people proving that it quite literally doesn't exist.

why do queer identities have to "make sense" in order for you to see them as valid? they shouldn't have to. let go and accept that identity is not a scientific theory. it doesn't have to "make sense". none of this does. stop running others' identities through such scrutiny and realize your identity doesn't "make sense", either. embrace it. it's a good thing.

[salamanding]

mini comic about why joan wears a collar and leash

[flareonfloof]

reblog this to pet the user you reblogged from please

[frontmansdefender]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

OH IT'S A NOSE

That took me way too long. Staring at the unsettling singular eye.

[skeletonclaw]

Gav’s Tavern Hi, I hope you like this. It is different from what I usually do. Also it was a lot of work.

[equalistmako]

every time i listen to “you’re a mean one mr. grinch” i can’t help but sit there and think “what did the grinch do to hurt you?” because dude just stands there for 2 minutes and 58 seconds and drags the grinch into the dirt

[damianmcgintleman]

he stole christmas, kayla! stop with your #notallgrinches propaganda!

[equalistmako]

you know what if someone told me i was a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce i’d probably be bitter enough to steal christmas too 

[prokopetz]

Interestingly, though The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is narrated by Boris Karloff, the big musical number is sung by the late Thurl Ravenscroft - an American voice actor better known as the voice of Tony the Tiger.

My headcanon is that the Grinch and Tony the Tiger had a bad breakup, and “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” is the resulting breakup song.

[snickerslizard]

Did this really HAVE to be the first thing I see when I opened up Tumblr?

[prokopetz]

Yes.

[iguanamouth]

[star-spangled-jackass]

oh god theres art

[tediousfeline]

@altadude you know what must be done.

[altadude-deactivated20190418]

[lesbopsappho]

ive been avoiding reblogging this honestly but just. What the fuck. What the fuck tumblr

[magickspills]

I apologize to all my followers for this

[watfordwallflower]

if i had to read this you do too

[quinintheclouds]

I have a hate-hate relationship with this

[theepitomeofamess]

………

[anony-phangirl]

Good grief… I’m sorry, but I can’t not reblog this…

[broadwaytheanimatedseries]

Tis the season bitches

[theresneverenoughfandoms]

DAMN IT WHY WOULD YOU BRING THIS BACK YOU HEATHEN

[logan-exe]

Why is this on my dash?

[princeanxious]

…..I’m.. Bothered? by the fact that I’m not bothered by this.

[randomslasher]

You’re not bothered?? I’m not only not bothered, I’m freaking invested. I’m having actual empathetic sadness for The Grinch. I want them to go into couple’s counseling. I want the “ten years later” when Tony visits Whoville on business and meets the reformed Grinch whose heart has grown 3 times its usual size. I want them to reminisce over a shared dinner of roast beast and wine, then spend a drunken night together, then realize that maybe things are different and people really do change. I want a 3-act story where there’s a long dark night of soul searching and the realization that maybe we’ve all got a little bit of bad banana with greasy black peel inside us, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a damned fine banana bread if someone will give us a chance. 

[leethepiper]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

I’m bringing it back 5 years later, tis the season!

[madronasky]

Oh it’s deeper than that folks. Right @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses ??

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[fixing-bad-posts]

Trans activist women fr just a hit bro

[generalb]

Pros and cons of giving the Affini human sexual organs:

Cons

Takes away a bit from the whole “completely different species” vibe that I like

Most Affini seem to feel pleasure from all over their body, so why shrink it to just one place? Excluding their core of course

Adds vibes that I can’t name because I don’t know what vibes are making me not fully like the idea, but I know they are there so I’m mentioning it here

Pros

That aloe Vera pussy