The Last Burst

Before during and after madness

[thelastburst]

My Life’s Practice Writing has fueled my gumption tank for years. Patience developed watching my children grow. Joy has come to me late, but I’ve always said “it doesn’t matter how long it takes” - some kind of Virgo logic. With my new computer a week away, I plug on my my ancient one. With my beloved Etta Mae gone, she still co-writes in her fashion. #terrykcarr #thelastburst #indepentwriter #writingcommunity #writerslife #poodlelife https://www.instagram.com/p/B7beMK4JLVY/?igshid=fsm92rm3wax8

[thelastburst]

Me and The Beach Boy 1968

Each relationship has its peculiarities. Maybe it was the world in which we traveled that gave ours so many weirdly shaped twists. Or could have been the times. Yet we persisted. Bound by a shared sense of loss. His for being abandoned as a child. Mine for having to abandon one.

#disneyland #disneygirl #thebeachboys #funfunfun #sixtiesstyle #sixtiesmusic #godonlyknows #retrolook #vintagelife #terrykcarr #thelastburst

[thelastburst]

The L-Man 1985 I'd told him I wasn't good with relationships and that I was having my rotting womb taken out in a week and would be out of commission. He called later and asked about the surgery, said he'd had major surgery too and asked if he could come over. "No," I told him. Next he knocks on my door with three books of poetry and a bottle of wine. Ah, I thought, he's going to try to get me by reading to me. Retaliating against love, I lay on my floor opposite him like a stick of hard butter resolving not to melt and let his voice skim my surface. #eightiesbaby #poetsofinstagram #romance #friendsnotlovers #agoodman #miguelrodriguez #terrykcarr #thelastburst #loveisreal

[thelastburst]

Me And My Dad. 1947 With the exception of a dream I had since then, this was the last time I felt secure on someone's shoulders. See how my hands are resting in the nest of his curls? Last time I was at ease with familiarity. This photo was taken at a Santa Barbara parade days before he disappeared in the middle of the night, leaving behind a greeting-card-sized note on my mother's bed. I know the size because as I watched it fall from her grasp, I remember wondering how something so small made her cry out the way she had. The dream came years later after freedom from substance abuse - I am being carried up a steep mountain path on the shoulders of an incandescent giant. #daddyissues #higherpower #independentwoman #indiewriter #borntowrite #thelastburst #thelastburst #loveisreal #harrycarr #mydaddidthebesthecould #santabarbara #theforties #lifenoir

[thelastburst]

Mid 1980's When this picture was taken I'd already logged a decade absent from myself. During those vacated years I'd take on another's mannerisms and expressions thinking it was research for a role I could add to a future acting career. Here, the slicked back hair, eyebrows slightly lifted and the hint of amusement was Michael C. Gwynne's, a real actor I'd been involved with and someone who knew who he was. I carry a torch for him still, not for letting me be him for awhile, but for how gently he treated me. He must have known I was lost. #actorslife #actorlife #fakeittilyoumakeit #lostselfie #hollywoodlife #michaelcgwynne #terrykcarr #thelastburst #vintagelife #eighties