Alfred is my spirit animal

When I'm here, I'm drunk. And when I'm drunk, you're family. Olive Garden

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

fun thing about getting older as a dedicated lifelong non-athlete: i'm as fast and limber as I've ever been! which is not very. technically I'm in the best shape of my life. that is to say, middling

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

actually going from deeply-unwell-teenager to reasonably-functional-adult has inured me to the Common Laments of Aging:

"I can't run as fast as I used to" running is sweaty & gross hard pass

"i miss having stamina" you had STAMINA???

"ugh back pain" my inner teenager-with-scoliosis-and-mysterious-bone-pain is unphased

"ugh neck pain" do most people not spend the majority of their lifecycle hunched over screens from puberty onwards? if not that's my bad

"I used to be able to pull all-nighters" chugging energy drinks and depriving your brain of sleep to perform miserable labor is fucked up actually, and shouldn't be normalizd in or outside of college. given half a chance corporations would have your 60-year-old aunt hopped up on caffeine pills retouching powerpoints at 4am. thank fuck we're not expected to be 21 forever

"I used to be so flexible" why

"my metabolism 😭" kill your inner fatphobe, enjoy the comfy extra padding/circulation, buy a cool new wardrobe, and go forth, eat well, and GIVE NARY A FUCK.

"I miss having young knees" that one's valid

In conclusion my personal fitness goals remain, as always: to be able to carry multiple grocery bags, and go for a nice little walk (not jog!) around the neighborhood.

[raccoonmilf]

When I was in grade school I used to send emails to biologists and zoologists asking them questions to get answers to include in school projects I was working on, and would cry when they did not respond because I thought I was stupid for thinking that some random kid would ever be deserving of a response from someone who does something as smart and cool and important as *checks notes* studies frog fungus.

Now, at 29, I’m lowkey having a panic attack because my academic email is filled with middle schoolers wanting me to answer their questions about pygmy raccoons and I keep putting off answering them because I’m so overwhelmed with all the other raccoon stuff I have to do.

Anyway, greatest apologies to any scientist I ever emailed as a child and also an adult.

[raccoonmilf]

I know your research is really important and I appreciate all you are doing but this is so fucking funny

[ducissatenebrarum]

[memewhore]

[2urban2fantasy-deactivated20241]

Woman murders man in broad daylight

[theknightinslippers]

[halorvic]

[no-one-offical]

‎

[crypticgoose3]

beautiful like to reblog ratio on this

[drtanner]

That's because people are reblogging it every time they see it. Like I'm doing right now lmao

[dogpuppy]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the phrase "this machine kills fascists" has gone through enough layers of meaning that I think it's come all the way back around to where the funniest thing you could put it on would be a gun

[skimble-shanks-the-railway-cat]

Sleeping like shit is soooo cool because the next day you get to feel like you have a disease

[sailatina3]

Imagine a future where stories written in latin america dominate the cultural landscape. Everyone is watching their TV, their comics. The yanks beg and beg for English translations but they never come. Nothing personal, we just don't speak it. Plus, your language has some regressive elements that just don't quite capture the artistic vision we have. Sorry! </3

[thelazybutler]

For a few brief moments the titanic was at the perfect angle to be literally the sickest fucking slide ever

[the-quasar-hero]

We do not combat racism because it’s fun. We do not point out misogyny for giggles. We do not speak up about transphobia for laughs. We do not stand against bigotry for our amusement or the opportunity to feel superior to others, it’s because if left unchecked; it will claim lives. Just because they’re commonplace, spread throughout society and casually thrown about by the average person, doesn’t mean it’s beneath the effort of correcting. Indeed, it is because it is commonplace, that it deserves diligence. The best weapons aren’t always the loudest, it’s the ones you don’t perceive as a weapon.

[busket]

important that you never forgive ice agents, ever. even years after all this is over (and I do believe we will make it out on the other side, alive and for the better,) they live in shame and disgrace forever. no excuses, no forgiveness. they ruined their own lives when they decided that human freedom and liberty was an acceptable sacrifice for a paycheck

[themorbidpoetess]

Food heals all things. Dads yelling so loud it is no longer words but a roar so deep you feel it before you hear it. It is scarring and jarring that as an adult the sound of a furnace igniting makes you anxious and on full alert. Split milk, broken glasses, and other accidents lead to a dangerous dance we step. Children moving too quickly Make a mess accidentally spilling water, milk, juice from the kitchen table to the ground.

The monster that looks like Dad but sounds like a Beast with teeth yells "What was that?!" He may or may not be few beers deep. A switch in the tempo a change in the key to signal it has begun. As the eldest, I know what ensues. Yelling, berating, fear Will he hit us this time? I grab my sister's hand and run. Run for the only door that locks. The only space I feel safe. The bathroom. He runs after us. Stomping the ground It makes the house shake. Boom. Boom. We get in and I lock the door. He pounds and wails - "What's wrong with you?" "Why were you running?" "You spilled milk" "You have made a mess!" Gritting teeth, I cry as I hold the door tight like - a life line. I know there is a way to open it from the outside. I have done this when my sister locked herself inside. It requires a butter knife like winding a VHS. The doorknob spasms I whisper "It was an accident." I scream "I'll clean it up, but you NEED TO CALM DOWN. He stop. Silence I know I have him. His rage subsiding We have this so many times. I used to defend the accident. I used to try to calm him. This is the only thing that seems to work. An odd ritual to protect ourselves and scream through locked doors. My next line is a sobering truth - that PUTS THE BALL IN HIS COURT "Please stop, I'm scared." A beat. My heartbeats. Loudly. I hear him leave. I hear him grab his keys. I press my face to the bathroom floor to check for feet. There are no feet, just dust bunnies and a coolness that feel good on my hot tears face. He has left the scene. I have some time, but I don't know how long. This is where I turn on the TV for my sister and I clean. I clean like he showed me. I clean up our toys - erasing our childhood. I am 7 years old. I am 10 years old. I am a blur of ages. We both sit on the couch when he returns. When I see it. The only thing I know to say this ordeal is over: a giant tub of Neapolitan ice cream. My sister on queue knows to sit and wait at the table. I used to refuse the bribe - the apology that wasn't an apology. But hearing their laughter and tasty comments at the table - FOMO had me young - or rather I missed my real Dad the Big Kid Father I knew - The monster was one. The ice cream meant Dad had returned. Scared, Wounded, Unresolved, Nervous I ate my served bowl pile so high my eyes were wide - it is so large, so grand. Deep inside - I know this means this time was bad. Each scoop a bandage for psychic scars inflicted. Eating the ice cream was always a promise - one made after the first time "Don't tell mom - I'm sorry." And so I seal that promise with a bite again and again, even still today.

[thelazybutler]

So Andrea Gibson isn't really gone, they're just wearing different skin and still affecting me with poetry in ways I didn't know were possible. So that's cool.

[orcboxer]

Fun facts about immigration in the US you might want to share with friends and relatives for no particular reason

The United States actually had open borders until 1924. There was no cap on immigration, and people were only denied access based on race and disability. (x)

The Immigration Act of 1924 had an overall negative impact on the economy (x) (x) and foreign relations with Asia, but Hitler praised it (x), because it was just blatant eugenics (x).

ICE didn't exist until 2003 (x)

Being undocumented is not actually classified as a crime (x). If it was, cases would be handled by the judicial branch, and defendants would receive the benefits of due process. But because it isn't, it is handled by the executive branch, and defendants do not get due process. That means no lawyers, no jury, and no real judge.

Immigration "judges," who are not required to have nearly as much experience or education in law as real judges (x), face no consequences for wrongful deportation, they are only really evaluated based on how many people they process.

While it's difficult to pin down an exact number, there have been an estimated 4,000 wrongful detention/deportations by 2010 alone (x - this one suggests a possible 20,000) (x - this one confirms over a thousand), with several reported on in mainstream media (Mark Lyttle, Pedro Guzman, Roberto Dominquez, Andres Gonzalez, Esteban Tiznado-Reyna).

In April 2025, there were several more confirmed wrongful deportations, including a 2-year-old citizen deported to Honduras (x) (x), a 10-year-old with brain cancer on her way to a medical appointment (x), and a 7-year-old and her 4-year-old brother with stage 4 cancer (x).

There were more deaths in ICE concentration camps in 2025 than almost any year prior, tying for first place with 2003 (x). If nothing is done about it, that number will increase in 2026.

[orcboxer]

Hi guys, in the interest of accuracy, if you reblogged before, please reblog this version, with all the sources and corrections.

[y2ksnowglobe]

Ha, remember Darryl and Glenn making out while arguing about how to put oil in the Odyssey? Good times... Hey, do you think Glenn's vehicle maintenance knowledge comes from a deeply held belief that a perfectly maintained car will be less likely to get in an accident and protect him better if he does, so that Nick won't have to lose him like he lost Morgan? Do you think that Glenn blames himself for putting off checking the brake pads on the car Morgan was driving when she died?

[himbotheninth]

love telling people abt my favorite characters in dcc bc you've got (in no particular order)

talking princess cat who kills with lasers from her eyes (deeply traumatized)

mr everyday man who is the embodiment of "the human spirit vs the cruel indifference of the universe" and commits act of alien terrorism (has matching nipple rings with his cat) (deeply traumatized)

superpowered horny ai (toxic yaoi edition)

fish with a job (hi, zev!)

decapitated sex doll head (her nussy is acid)

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[autisticangus]

A call to action for explicit fanart from LPNRPG: Bloodbath

and the offer to buy some of Henry's spit