The Light at the end.

well it's been a while since I updated you guys. this will still be where I post depression poetry and things that are truly me. ×××trigger warning××× ××drug use×× ×depression induced post× *** I do have a good support system. I will not commit suicide and if those feelings seem prevelant on this page it's due to getting it out so it doesn't kill me from within. I do go to counseling*** you are all so beautiful. you are worth it. you can do this. ❤️

[thelightatthisend]

Holy fickle pickle its been a while

Diehl pickle. Wickle sickle. I haven't been on in a bit. So life has been completely crazy and I think i may be figuring it out. I miss you guys tho

[showerthoughtsofficial]

we should bring back the draft, but instead of going into the military, you have to work a retail/customer service job if you haven’t yet

[quotemadness]

Do you think it’s possible that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return?

Tyler Knott Gregson (via quotemadness)

[thelightatthisend]

Thinking

If you set two people in a room who both have depression you will find two strangers trying to help heal the other. I can’t say it’s true for the rest of the world.

[thelightatthisend]

What are you blunt opinions ?

You're the lion that feeds off innocence

You're the innocence wasted.

You're that brokenness in my soul

Your the shadow underneath the the fear

You're the tears beneath that smile.

Your the essence in a smile

Your the roar around the bite

Your the strength beneath my wings

Your the current that let's me fly

Your the electric under my skin

The jolt that beats the pulse

The fire in my eyes

Burning passion that sears the most vile life underneath

Boiling the vile to a substance greater than what's inside

[drearydaffodil]

Sometimes when I’m laughing I tell the voice inside my head That this is where love lives, This is where hope settles.

And on the days when my Body is a rock in the middle Of an ocean, I try to remind Myself that I am not drowning.

The waves have been crashing For thousands of years, high tide, Undertow, but the shore remains, A million sunsets later, and still

In this silver-strewn darkness In the futility of existence The earth lives on, stardust Still glows inside me.

[thelightatthisend]

whoa!

[thelightatthisend]

[thelightatthisend]

Uh depression

Somethings gotta change. because something keeps staying the same. I have all of the thoughts and they aren't nice and they aren't kind. I want to share with you however I don't wanna share with the whole world. I want to share with everyone who knows exactly how I feel I want to show you exactly how I feel exactly how I bleed and how I am crying and how it doesn't matter because sometimes the soul can't be wrong and sometimes I get messed uo  Sometimes I want just feel alone and sometimes I Just wonder what would be different if I would have made a different decision.

[minuty]

How would your life be different if you stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions?

Steve Maraboli (via minuty)

[thelightatthisend]

my anxiety attack

This is an anxiety attack. It starts with the fear rising in your stomach. The fear starts early. It can start when you wake up or randomly through out the day.  It makes you sick. You can hear your heart beat rising as it begins to ring in your ear. Soon it's all you can hear. The voices around you fade into mumbles. Everything slows down. As you start to move somewhere you can break down. You start to not be able to catch your breath. The heavy breaths take so much to breath. It's almost not worth it to take a single breath. Then the panic increases. Making your entire body feel cumbersome. Everything around you becomes so loud nothing else can get through. You can hear the laughter the way people speak all around you going about their normal life. Yet there you are struggling to keep composure. The battle to keep the tears and screams inside your body. The thoughts swarm in your mind. The excess noise on the outside crescendos. The sound within yourself muted. You begin to cry and then you can't breath because your crying and your can't cry because you can't breathe. Sharp inhales. Sharp exhales.  Nothing works. It's all falling down around you the entire day you told yourself just wait until you get home. It didn't work. Then there is a moment of calm. You hear the sounds at a normal height. You glance around and notice it's not on fire. You're not on fire. You are fine. But everything in your soul is telling you you aren't okay. You aren't fine. Suddenly. It is eerie quiet as nothing makes a sound. Not the birds in the sky above you.  Not the people chattering amongst themselves. You feel nothing. You feel numb. Then it's over. We have to pretend to go back to normal. It's the way life with anxiety works.

[thelightatthisend]

[thelightatthisend]

10 WRITING EXERCISES TO BEAT BLOCK!

1. Go out to a public, but not overly crowded place and take a notebook with you. Remain there for 10 minutes writing down random overheard snippets of conversation. Afterwards, choose an interesting piece of dialogue and use it as your first line/stanza.

2. Visit a thrift store or market and find 5 items that interest you. For each item imagine the kind of person that would own it and create a character based on it. Write about that character.

3. Take a bunch of small pieces of paper, and on each one write a word that you like. Then, draw 3 words at random and try to incorporate them into a short piece. This can be anything as long as all 3 words are included. You could also try using a random word generator.

4. Visit a library, and pick out 5 book titles that interest you. These can be fiction, non-fiction or both. Write a scene inspired by one of these titles.

5. Pick up a book you haven't read. Look at the title and front cover. Write the story based on these alone. (Literally reading a book by it's cover)

6. Pick out a random book from your personal book shelf. Open it onto a random page and pick out a sentence from this page. This is your opening line / stanza.

7. Find a random page in any book, or any piece of paper with writing on it. Highlight every single noun on the page. Pick out a few of these nouns. Write 3 sentences personifying each noun. The first sentence should start with "I am the _____ ...."

8. On a bus or in the back seat of a car, look out of the window at road signs. Write down words or entire phrases from road signs, and use one of them as the title for a short piece.

9. Go to a clothing store and pick out a t-shirt. If the t-shirt has a slogan on it, use it as your first line/stanza. If the t-shirt has images on it then base your piece on the image.

10. Turn on the television or watch a long YouTube video. Write down pieces of dialogue that are memorable to you. Choose one and write a scene around it.

[thelightatthisend]

Guess they were right.

I am so discouraged. I have no want to continue. my counselor left about 3 months ago. Damn I thought i didn't need her. I was so fucking wrong. I need her and I need someone to talk to. I need you. I need to tell you how my life is falling apart. It has burnt to the fucking ground and its still on fire and I am on fire. I fucking hate myself. I hate living here. I hate the way I look. I hate that I don't look like a model. I hate that I am not a size 2. I hate that I can't keep my room clean. I hate that my mind is so messy I trip over my thoughts I need you. I hate admitting I need help but here I am openly broken and I need someone. I need to tell you how I kissed a guy and my world began to make sense. I need to tell you that for the first time in forever I felt like I could breathe. I felt perfect. Then we had sex. It wasn't the longest. It wasn't fireworks and butterflies instead a montage of how my life would look with you in it. It was a fairy tale on fire. I need to tell you I am not okay. I need you to tell me its okay to feel this way. I need it to be okay when I am not okay. I need you to accept me because I can't accept my flaws instead you illuminate all of my flaws like they are accomplishments. My grandma has cancer. I am afraid. I need it to be okay not to have my shit together. I need it to be okay that life is only so long. I need to talk to her and she doesn't want to. My mom isn't in the best place. I need my mom. I need someone who also understands that I am not okay. My financial situation sucks. I am working everyday and still can't afford life and school. I am just stressed. I need my counselor. I need everyone. I need me to be okay. 

[thelightatthisend]

Sadness

So a lot has happened since I last posted anything. My counselor has left. I understand that she has a life but I am so fucking lost. I want someone to understand me. I wanted someone to know the darkness. Someone that could save me, Snow Patrol has given me some sense of song. I have been listening to chasing cars. I have been very sad. Although my medication is working I just feel with recent chances to my environment that I am having a hard time adjusting. For once I just want to feel normal. I am drowning. Where is my life guard? Let me breathe. Please. Does anyone else feel like me?

[vesface]

[thelightatthisend]

Done

I am so done with this shirt world now. Ighhhhhhh

[jonwhxte]