thelovelyjazmin

[oneterabyteofkilobyteage]

original url http://www.geocities.com/gwbushart2/

last modified 2000-12-05 03:38:47

[beautifulcurlz]

[starsweeperdreamweaver]

You know that feeling when you get settled into your car, set your GPS to this new location, push play on your favorite song, and then your GPS interrupts it every 2 seconds to tell you how to get out of the neighborhood you’ve lived in for the last 15 years? That’s what mansplaining feels like. 

[giraffepoliceforce]

I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

[splintercellconviction-deactiva]

Imagine coming to a hostile alien world and being attacked by a horde of creatures that can weigh up to 3 tons, run at 30 km/h (19 mph), and bite with a force of 8,100 newtons (1,800 lbf).

By the time you realise that they can traverse water, it’s too late. The surviving members of your unit manage to make it back by shedding their excess gear and running for their lives; the slower ones were crushed to death within minutes.

You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come.

The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue.

“Hippopotamus.”

[artdeactivate2025]

This is giving me the biggest, creepiest grin I might have ever grinned 

[skeletonmug]

Imagine being the next crew to go down to earth and thinking “it’s fine, we got this. We have the weapons and equipment necessary to deal with bears and *shudders* hippopotamuses. We’ll be fine.”

And at first you are, you’ve learned how to dodge. You’ve learned where their territories are. You know how to defend yourself.

But then one night you are sleeping in your shelter. You’re in a tree covered temperate part of earth. It seems benign. There are been no sightings of the dreaded “hippos” around. Not even any bears. But there is a slight rustle of the undergrowth. You try and ignore it telling yourself it is just the wind.

Then you hear the rustle again. closer this time.

You peer out into the darkness but see nothing amongst the trees.

The rustle again and now you realise you can smell something. It’s musky and slightly foul. It’s the smell of an omen, a warning. But what of? Where is this smell coming from.

You sit up, but it’s too late. The foul smelling creature is on you. You are hit with 17kg of coarse fur and vicious bites. Long dark claws tear in to you and you are pinned down white the striped creature tries to bite your throat.

It takes some doing but you manage to wrestle free. Blood drips from your wounds and already they itch with the sign of infection. The creature has a bloodied snout, rust rad, mingling with the black and white hairs. It lets out a terrifying growl from the back of its throat and looks to attack again. It’s between you and your knife, so your only choice is to back away.

Eventually the creature gives up and snuffles off in to the undergrowth, down a hole near your shelter you hadn’t noticed before.

When you make it back to your base you once again consult the captive human.

“Badger.” they say, with a solemn nod.

[jabberwockypie]

One word: Moose

[myurbandream]

“Our vehicles are far superior to the local human models, in range, speed, armament, and any other metric you care to name! Nothing could possibly-”

BAMrumblerumblethumpcrash!!!

“That’s called a moose.”

[morebadbookcovers]

Wolverines.

Also.. dolphins.

[ohgodshesloose]

The invasion is going slowly. The humans have caught on and are actively destroying information on the planet’s flora and fauna before Intelligence can capture and process it. All that they have are survivors’ accounts. Bears. Hippos. Badgers. Moose. It is becoming obvious this mudball planet is a full-on Death World to the unprepared, and you are so very unprepared.

You lost Jaxurn to a plant. Not even a mobile or carnivorous plant, just one that caused a vicious allergic reaction on contact that killed him in less than a rai'kor. Commander Vura'ko died to an insect bite, a tiny local pest that sucked a tiny bit of her blood and apparently replaced it with a bit of its last meal, which was full of disease. Backwash. She died to bug backwash. And yet you honestly envy them after that… thing you encountered…

When you got back to base the quarantine officer refused to let you inside. They had to roll a containment tank outside to put you in, because you all knew there would be no chance of eliminating the smell if it got into the ship’s air ducts. Smell. You wonder if your nasal slit will ever recover from this stench.

And the smell would. Not. Leave. After incinerating your gear the Q.O. had you use every cleansing agent they could think of, including a few janitorial ones, and still everyone fled the stench if they were downwind of your tank. Desperate to protect everyone’s nasal slits from the smell the quarantine officer interrogated the humans. From them, a glimmer of hope: there was a cure. Somehow the juice of a certain fruit on this mudball was the only thing that could break up the chemicals in the little horror’s spray. Immediately the Q.O. sent a team to recover buckets of the stuff and made you bathe in it. That was hours ago and it didn’t seem to be working, though. All it was doing was turning your blue skin an interesting shade of purple.

Sighing in frustration you wave the med-assist on duty over, who only approaches after checking the wind direction. Annoyed, you flip on the tank`s vox speaker.

“The humans did say it was “grape” juice that removed “skunk” stench, right?“

[majingojira]

Every night. 

It came for someone almost every night. 

Any soldier alone was a viable target for this native monster that moved unseen by any but the security viewers, usually only spotted in hindsight.  They were taken as silently as this earth-monster moved.  Sometimes they’d find the remains in the morning taken up a tree and hung there, mostly eaten, as if it were a grisly reminder that the monster was still there, waiting unseen, to strike again. 

What little they saw of the monster on the vidfeed showed true horror.  Yellow eyes that shone with all the light it could gather.  It had fangs as long as his grasping digits.  Claws half that size formed curved hooks that allowed it to climb up their fortifications with impunity.  And in the underbrush, its spots made it almost impossible to see clearly in the undergrowth, if it could be seen at all.

Even the native sentients, the humans, had a healthy respect and fear for it. 

The earth natives called the monster a leopard.  

It was a constant fear that muddied the senses, and let the monster hunt even more effectively as the soldiers were always on edge.  Sleep deprived with fear, it made them even better targets for the monster. 

But rumor was that there was worse on this planet.  Rumors of a monster like a leopard but larger, and bigger in every imaginable sense. Stripped instead of spotted, which leaped from the underbrush with a sound.

A sound that burst eardrums, paralyzed entire units, and let the monster kill with impunity.  While the Leopard wrestled soldiers down and ripped their throats out.  This other monster, the Tiger, killed with its pounce alone.

[lyricwritesprose]

“We’ve been through this,” Group Leader 455 snapped.  “The dissection of an Earth life form will help the scientists make weapons to combat the rest of this planet’s hellbeasts.  And these are domesticated.  Harmless.”

The troops were not-quite-looking at her in the way troops do when they don’t want to be seen to contradict a ranking officer, but can’t quite muster a correct Expression of Enthusiastic Assent.  “The name of this species,” she pointed out, “is synonymous with dullness and slowness in the language of the Earth barbarians.”  Well, one language out of several thousand—these creatures needed Imperial guidance more than any other world on record—but there was no point in confusing the rank and file.

More not-quite-looking.  455 bubbled a sigh and consulted her scanner.  “That one,” she decided.  “Alone in the separate pasture.  Scans suggest that it’s a male, which means it’s probably weaker.  Possibly it’s kept isolated so that the females don’t eat it before mating season.  And yes, I know some of you are here on punishment detail, but you’re still soldiers of the Imperium.  This squad is perfectly capable of handling a lone, helpless, pathetic male cow.”

[petermorwood]

I’m enjoying this immensely. Wait until the aliens try Australia for size…

[scp-230]

It was a strange creature Tar'van glimpsed at on the vast island known to the humans as ‘Australia’.

“I would warn you not to fuck with us, mate.” Their forced guide, a prisioner, had warned with a chilling grin upon capture. “If you think a moose is bad, wait until you tango with a red back.” To this day Tar'van fears the creature known as the red back, and what horrors it would bring.

The prisioner turned out to be of little help,the stubboness of his people causing them to refuse the danger that the captured human warned of. Tar'van recalls a moment when one of his squad members approached a creature know as a dingo, insistent they had seen these creatures before and they were tame. They barely escaped with 5 of the original 7 members of his squad.

Another moment Tar'van recalls was the brutal mauling they witnessed by the hands of a creature called an ‘Emu’

“Don’t feel too bad,” the prisioner mocked. “We lost a war to the Emu’s as well.”

Now with only 4 members of their squad left, including themself, Tar'van had learned to listen to the prisoner, to be wary of the simplest of creatures. This human was of the sub-species of ‘Zookeeper’ after all.

The ‘Zookeeper’ looks off to the distance, where the creature is.

“It’s a kangaroo, leave it be and you’ll be fine.” Tar'van nods, a human signal of acknowledgement if they are correct. The human smiles a bit.

“That creature cannot possibly harm us.” Tar'van’s squadleader protests. “It is so docile. I will aproach it and bring back it’s head to show this human is a fearmongering liar.”

The human reels back, a look of disgust crosses their face and anger passes through their eyes.

“Fucking do it mate, I dare ya.” The human hisses. The squad leader puffs up their hoinn gland, a sign of pride to their species, and aproached the so called ‘Kangaroo’.

“This will be unpleasant.” A squadmate mutters as they watch their leader raise their fist and bring it down on the creature. The ‘Kangaroo’ looks a little stunned by the impact, before it raises itself upon its strong tail and uses its powerful heind legs to launch their squadleader backwards through the air.

Their squadleader lands upon the ground, unmoving with black blooded oozeing from them. It appears Tar'van is the squads leader now.

“I don’t know what they expected.” the human says, smugness filling their tone. “Kangaroos are fucking shreaded. 8-pack and all.”

Tar'van steps forward to the human, whom inches back in a sign of fear as Tar'van pulls their blade from its holster, and in their first act as leader, frees the human of the bonds around their hands.

“Please,” Tar'van bags. “Get us back safely.”

[seechellemainblog]

This is so beautiful. I love this. Wait till the guys meet rhinos.

[lilyrose225writes]

Group 262 was supposed to bring back information about the domesticated animals the subjugated humans kept in their homes.

Group 262 never came back.

So Group 266 was sent out, and two of its members came back, only one of them conscious and dragging their teammate.  Neither had much of their gear and the unconscious soldier was covered in large, raised spots–where there weren’t boils, of course.

Section Leader Aaaung stared.  “What could possibly have done this to two squads of soldiers?”

The soldier stared, hollow-eyed.  “A specimen known as a house-cat.  It left its fur everywhere and caused dermal ruptures.  It brushed up against everything.  It pounced on loose-hanging objects.  Its claws ripped into skin.  And its vocalizations–” the soldier broke off, unable to contain their shuddering.

The human captive made the expression called a ‘grin.’  “Aww, a kitty cat?  How big?  Oh, yeah, that would be a kitten.  You know, purring is supposed to be good for curing disease and it makes you feel better.  My cat used to curl up next to my head every night and purr until I fell asleep.”

[fiery-red-kryptonite]

@bookstorepropaganda

[bookstorepropaganda]

I live for this, tbh.

[theijeoma-deactivated20180827]

I usually don’t watch television but I am visiting a friend and it is political season. What blows my mind is i shuffle between CNN and MSNBC. Do you know how many ads i have seen for Hillary Clinton? Many. Do you know how many i have seen for Donald Trump? None. I mean, i might be tuning in at the wrong time but nothing, zero, absolutely nothing even during the RNC.

Now, i need you to sit and ask yourself something. How is the orange man gaining popularity if not for every single media outlet screaming his name. Think back at how it all started, how the media kept pushing this man again and again, using his outrageous tweets, inviting him to their shows even when his speech is filled with hate. Now, i am not even concerned with the conservative media outlets but the liberal, progressive media. They paraded Trump.

Imagine if there was a bit more integrity, imagine if the people this man has insulted were straight white men. It just blows my mind how ridiculous we all thought it was at first and now, the entire world is laughing at America.

How? How is this even a thing? How? Such movements as birthers and years of hateful rhetoric gave birth to this man. It did not happen overnight.

[rosierugosa]

This entire country is garbage.

[mark-helsing]

If you're a writer and you see this post, stop what you're doing.

WHENEVER YOU SEE THIS POST ON YOUR DASH, STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND WRITE ONE SENTENCE FOR YOUR CURRENT PROJECT.

Just one sentence. Stop blogging for one minute and write a single sentence. It could be dialogue, it could be a nice description of scenery, it could be a metaphor, I don’t care. The point is, do it. Then, when you finish, you can get back to blogging.

If this gets viral, you might just have your novel finished by next Tuesday.

[purplemo0nchild]

Serious Question

There are so many underrated Black artists… The unknown, underappreciated, and sometimes socially awkward members of society that create awesome bodies of work, but aren’t able to be recognized because they don’t necessarily put it out there or don’t have a following large enough to make an impact…

Is there anybody that would be interested in having their art/music/writing displayed on an urban submission based ig/tumblr/facebook/twitter page? Is there already something like this that can be utilized by the people I described above?

[thelovelyjazmin]

For visual art there is @blackcontemporaryart

[sicilyjoy]

Ppl be like Ethiopians are Black but race is social construction when it comes to ancients Egyptians.

[chiffonandribbons]

[the-goddamazon-deactivingsoon-d]

#but everything changed when the fire nation got fabulous

[equalistmako]

More like

[felasintumbld]

This is now offically sixteen million times better than when I first saw it. Time to reblog.

[ohmyvengers]

IT’S BACK

[catsbeaversandducks]

By Karen Zack (@teenybiscuit)

[chescaleigh]

I love this meme so much. It’s just missing my favorite 

[brassparker]

Hey guys,

So I know this is a long shot, but my mom needs help. We just found out that her storage unit was sold at auction from Baltimore’s EZ Storage (Security & Woodlawn.) She went to pay, and they said her stuff was gone. My mom’s heartbroken and so am I, because some of my childhood memories were in there. What I’m trying to do now is find the buyers. Because it’s the company’s policy not to divulge who they sold the unit to (or even give them a letter that you wrote), my best shot is through the internet. Maybe through tumblr, the storage unit fandom or whatever will find this and come back to my inbox with some information. So reblog if you can.

Anyways, if you know someone who was at a storage auction on Monday, May 23rd at Baltimore’s EZ Storage (Security & Woodlawn) please message me. I’m desperate and this would be really appreciated.

[faithbreaker]

[oneofthosecrazypunks-deactivate]

One of the best moments of my childhood.

[kxngvxgitx]

BITCH

[julia-swire-deactivated20250731]

ZERO HAD ZERO FUCKS

[themoonisfree]

I can’t even tell you how excited I was that they turned this book into a movie and it was good

[silenthill]

I literally have absolutely no complaints with the movie at all. Once, my friend and I did comparisons from the book and the movie, and we found the only major difference was the fact that Stanley wasn’t heavy set when he arrived at the camp in the movie. The majority of the script is raw quotations from the book. This is my favorite book to movie adaptation and it did everything Percy Jackson, Inkheart, and The Golden Compass didn’t.

[yipyap]

yesss this was such a good book and film

[rabidauthor]

And the only reason Stanely wasn’t heavy set was because in the book he loses tons of weight and eventually ends up being almost thin. The director said he didn’t want to force an adolescent boy to lose weight on such a quick filming schedule, and L’bouf’s audition was so spot on, that they decided to go with a thinner Stanely from the beginning

[colt-kun]

And I’ll support directors actually giving a crap about their actor’s health.

[thelovelyjazmin]

Louis Sachar actually wrote the screenplay.

[brassparker]

this is such a petty thing to have a pet peeve about, but it’s kinda disheartening when very specific african-american stories are being made, and the filmmakers cast non-american black actors as the leads. it always feels like the filmmakers are trying to distance themselves from the actual history, in order to make themselves and the white viewing audiences more comfortable. it almost makes it feel more “pretend.” because it’s always american prestige films that do this. like this would never happen in the u.k. like they would never cast jada pinkett in a shirley bassey biopic.

[bana05]

Safe Kneegrows ™ (And the more mixed ancestry they have, the better - women actresses only, though. Male actors can have two Black parents).

[thelovelyjazmin]

I have this exact same pet peeve. I love Ejiofor and Nyongo’o (and Steve McQueen!) but making a movie about american slavery?

[breeze2]

[plounce]

they are a witch’s two familars and have never gotten along, but one day the witch disappears and so they must go on a cross-country search in order to bring her home. along the way, the cat learns to loosen up while the crow gains worldly experience, and they both become better friends

[houshou]

why do things aimed at “gamers” look like that

[french-boat-deactivated20181217]

look like what?

[houshou]

[suppyguppy]

[captainthundernuts]

you fucking leave reaper out of this

[suppyguppy]

[romeoandorjuliet]

Romeo and/or Juliet, my choose-your-own-path version of Romeo and Juliet with over a hundred endings illustrated by the best artists working today (SERIOUSLY THEY’RE THE BEST), comes out June 7th!  It’s got multiple playable characters, secret endings, secret books-within-a-book, a comic book section, AND MORE - and we’re counting down the month until release starting at the first page, seeing what happens, and letting YOU decide what happens next!

Yesterday the choice by a slim margin (less than 20 votes out of almost 1000 cast!) was OPTION 2: Proceed without spoilers. So let’s proceed without spoilers, shall we? 

BEGIN PLAY:

You have just been born! Congratulations, good work on that thing! Now SURPRISE, babies are boring, so we’re going to jump ahead in time to a point where you’re a COOL TEEN and you’ve already lived a reasonable chunk of your life. I can promise you that most of what we’re going to see now will be FLABBERGASTINGLY INTERESTING. Teens do all sorts of interesting things! They make friends, they shed tears, they totally make out, AND OTHER THINGS TOO, PROBABLY. I think we all can agree that high school rules and is definitely the most important part of your life. So let’s join this awesome stuff already in progress!

Where you are is Verona, in Italy. When you are is Sunday, July 21, 1585, 8:18 a.m. Who you are . . . well, that’s entirely up to you.

Are you:

ROMEO? He’s a 15-year-old teen who loves love, loves being in love, and loves being in love with love! Big into love, this guy. He’s deeply, sincerely in love with Rosaline, who is smart and pretty and SO PERFECT OMG. It’s weird we haven’t mentioned her in the title though? Anyway, Romeo’s interests include thinking about women and also not being called up to the front of the class while thinking about women. Last year he moved out of his parents’ house and into a tinier house that his parents also own.

Romeo’s got a +1 perk to composition and elocution (that’s, like, talking), but a −1 weakness against moderation and foresight. If you think you’ll need to recite poetry in this adventure, he’s a good choice. He’s allied with TEAM MONTAGUE.

JULIET? She’s a 16-year-old teen who is a dainty flower, as fragile as a spider’s web in the morning dew. Naw, I’m just having a little fun, like when you call a short guy “Tallo” or “Doctor Heightsworth.” Juliet’s actually SUPER RIPPED, and her top six interests are: muscles, boys, getting muscles, getting boys, kissing boys, and kissing her own muscles. Look, you can play as a boy who wants to meet a girl or as a girl who wants to meet a boy! Each has what the other wants, and you can control either of them. Hey, this book is gonna be EASY.

The downside to Juliet is, her parents micromanage her life and tell her what to do all the time, which leaves very little time for chatting up boys. She never gets to decide anything for herself, she barely leaves the house, and her nurse is her only real friend. It’s a little sad when you think about it. She tries not to.

Juliet has a +2 perk to muscles (OBVIOUSLY) but a −2 weakness against the mad hotties. She’s an excellent choice if you want to solve your problems with muscles, and why wouldn’t you? She’s on TEAM CAPULET.

OPTION ROMEO: Play as Romeo

OPTION JULIET: Play as Juliet

******

Reblog for Juliet, and fav for Romeo, and we’ll go with the winning option tomorrow!  You should know that SHAKESPEARE chose Option Romeo when he was writing his book (the choices Shakespeare made are marked in the book, so you can read the story (reasonably) straight, if you want!).  Character art on this page is by Kate Beaton, and cover art is as always by Noelle Stevenson.

[ryannorth]

HELLO

[themarysue]

1. This is great, and

2. Option Juliet is the only reasonable course of action.