The Romitri Age Gap: Conflict is Good
Rose and Dimitri are one of my favorite ships, from any form of media, and have been since high school. I consider them to be one of the best written ships of all time. And that's not in spite of the age gap. It's because of it. Romitri's age gap and the idea that it's unnecessary is a prime example of a failure to understand how stories work and what is needed to make them succeed.
Specifically: Stories need problems. They need conflict. They are entertainment, and should be constructed as such.
I've already touched on age gaps a bit in a post talking about why an Angel-esque character is needed in any Buffy-like story, but the TL;DR is this: If the main character is a teen girl who has an above-average amount of shit in her life, it's easier (and often more believable) to give her an older love interest rather than a same-aged one, due to society not expecting boys to mature at the same rate as girls.
This isn't a hard and fast rule, though, and often an age-appropriate love interest can be created; it's just harder. See: Zach and Cammie from the Gallagher Girls.
Romitri are not an example of that. The seven years separating them and power imbalance HAVE to be there or the story does not work. Let me explain.
Every action in a story has two reasons: the Watsonian and the Doylist. That is to say, why does something happen as seen by John Watson, and why did Arthur Conan Doyle write that event that way.
A great example of this is tv pregnancies. Why did JJ Jareau start a serious relationship with Will LaMontagne? The Watsonian answer is that he is a good man, handsome, charming, who encouraged her to relax and think about herself and her own needs. The Doylist answer is AJ Cook was pregnant and they needed a baby daddy stat because JJ is not the one-night stand type, and Will was one of the only options available. The needs of the meta text drive the actual text.
Let's take a look at Watsonian and Doylist reasons for Rose and Dimitri. First Watsonian, of which there are three: compatibility, maturity, and trauma.
Compatibility- Rose and Dimitri are insanely perfect for each other. They share the same values and beliefs, such as loyalty to worthy individuals, deviation from the standard protocols over blind obedience, questioning the world they live in, and political reform while still serving their roles as guards. They understand how the other thinks, and respect each other when they come to different conclusions. They also have insane chemistry that everybody notices after four seconds.
2. Maturity Gap- touched on above, but teen girls are held to higher standards of maturity than teen boys are. Adding on top of that, Rose was basically an independent adult for two years. A big part of Vampire Academy (the book) is Rose's struggles with adults having power over her again after two years of not having to listen to anyone. The boys her own age she tries things with, mainly Jesse and Mason, don't really impress her because of this. They're still sheltered, still children in a way that Rose is not anymore. It's never stated outright, but there's a distinct tone of "look at the puppies" in her internal narration.
Dimitri, on the other hand, is an adult, he acts like an adult, and most importantly, he treats Rose like an adult. He respects that she did keep Lissa safe for two years. He understands that it's grating for her to go from being in charge of herself to under people's orders. When he tells him she cannot be a normal teen girl anymore, he accepts than answer. He doesn't act like a teacher to her, but a trainer- he's getting her in shape, but he's not talking down to her. Compare Alto-- who degrades Rose in class in order to reassert that she is a child and beneath him-- to Dimitri, who honestly tells Rose that he's not having her run as punishment, but because the most strategic choice is often to haul ass, and does so not by lecturing her, but by helping her work through the options herself. They are two people on the same level.
3. Trauma- Rose is not an average 17 year old. She's not even just someone with a jump on adulthood. She has TRAUMA. Survivors guilt and PTSD from the car crash, plus the side-effects of the bond, plus everything that happens during the series. She has a fuckton of problems and no support. Yes, Lissa is her best friend, but she and Rose both view their relationship as Rose supporting Lissa's needs, not the other way around.
Mason, who is the same age, is too immature to be the support she needs. It's not his fault, he's 17, and he tries. But he just does not have enough life experience to be what Rose needs from a partner.
Adrian is a little older. Eyebrow-raising, but not scandalous. But he has his own problems that he hasn't really dealt with, and those keep him from being what Rose needs. Even when he tries to quit drinking and be more stable, it doesn't work. Both because those are symptoms, not the underlying cause, and because he's trying to fix himself for Rose rather than his own sake, which, as we see, is unsustainable. Compare this to Adrian in Bloodlines, who has worked on himself, and is thus in a place to be a partner to Sydney.
Then there's Dimitri. Who also has had his own problems-- abusive dad, dead friend-- but has mostly healed from them. He has the coping skills and outlook needed, and helps pass them onto Rose. He understands her emotional turmoil, and is one of the few people to help her work though it, rather than blame her for having it or writing her off as being too young for problems. In a world where everyone tries to knock Rose down, Dimitri is one of the only people to help hold her up.
Now, all of those things are true, but none of the Watsonian reasons require an age gap. It's harder, but doable, to create a same-aged love interest. And we know that, because there is one in this series: Christian.
Lissa is in much the same boat as Rose as far as the dating pool goes. She lost her family, lived as an adult, and has mental health issues. But she finds an age appropriate partner. Christian has also had his own traumas that he's mostly healed from, which have matured him past their classmates, and he and Lissa have great chemistry. Their relationship is mostly smooth sailing as a result. So why can't Rose have that?
Because of Doyle. This is where we shift to why Mead wrote the story this way when there are others; the construction of the story over the end result. And there is one major reason why Rose and Dimitri are a couple: because stories need conflict.
Every story is, at it's core, about A vs B. Good versus evil. Man vs nature. Hunger vs wait time for a table. "There is a problem" is the foundation of every story known to man. And in our conflict-averse times, people are starting to forget that.
I once read a book where every character had been to so much therapy, and everyone talked things out, and I never worried that things wouldn't be ok. And it was the most boring thing I had ever read. Because at no point did I ever worry about what would happen if thing's didn't work out. Everything would be fine, and it wasn't, they would deal. Which is great for real life but terrible for a narrative. There were no stakes, no tension, no feeling that anything in this book mattered, even to the people in it.
A story needs stakes. It needs tension. It needs consequences if things go wrong. That's what keeps the audience engaged. Because we like this character, and we want everything to work out for them, but their scheming cousin is trying to ruin everything! I need to finish this so I know they're ok.
Christian and Lissa have a fairly easy journey as a couple because that is their function in the story. They are the beta couple, who traditionally provide a stable relationship to contrast the ups and down of the Alpha couple. Think Hodgins and Angela vs Booth and Bones. They're solid and socially acceptable and easy because they need to stand in comparison to the chaotic, inacceptable, and difficult Romitri.
It would have been possible to write an age-gapless Romitri. Make Rose 19, Dimitri 21, and you can keep the Watsonian reasons the same. But there's no stakes there. They're of age, who's going to complain.
Yeah, people scorned the Badica's guardians, but not for being together. They were scorned for leaving. There's a serious implication that guardians have relationships, and no one cares as long as they do their jobs. And if you think Rose or Dimitri would abandon their charges, you do not understand these characters. Rose at 15 risked being thrown out of the only world she knows to protect her friend, and you think she'd leave her for some dick? Fuck no.
It would be outside the social norms, but we see that there is more fluidity to relationships than Rose originally describes. Tasha and Dimitri being a normal, committed couple is mentioned as unusual but not scandalous; same with Rose and Adrian or Mikhail and Sonya.
Plus, all the characters Rose and Lissa gravitate to are social reformers. These are people who would not see a problem with two guardians being together as long as they still, you know, guard. There's no worry about what happens if people find out, because the people around them would accept it, and those who wouldn't are already the enemy.
And that is why the age gap is needed. Because it means that literally everyone is against them. Dimitri is older than her. He has authority over her. If he fails her, Rose loses her place in the world. The people who would understand two guardians together are horrified by the thought of a student and her teacher. Even Lissa isn't super on board but steps up as a friend and has Rose's back without question.
And there are rumors. Remember how I said everyone could see their chemistry? I didn't mean the audience, I meant in-universe. It's clear, as an adult, that there were multiple times were people watched Rose and Dimitri interact, and when Rose left, immediately turned to Dimitri and asked "what the fuck?". No one is surprised when Rose hunts Dimitri like Mikhail hunts Sonya, or when Dimitri commits treason to save Rose.
If they're found out, Rose is kicked is kicked out of her whole world and has nowhere to go. She loses her best friend, and she loses her lover, because Dimitri would probably be in jail. Hell, they don't even need to be fully found out. Enough gossip and Dimitri could get a transfer, and she'd probably never see him again. It's not like they could wait it out either. Even if they held off for 10 years, the immediate response would be "wasn't she you're student?" One rumor too many and there goes the love of her life, the only person who supports her instead of leaning on her, and she's powerless to stop it.
The wrong rumor, the wrong enemy, the wrong person sees the wrong thing, and that's Rose's whole life up in flames. And I care about that. I want to make sure that Rose is happy, that she gets the life she deserves, and that includes Dimitri. And I had to read the whole series to make sure she got it because I couldn't see how it would work out.
Friendly reminder that they get a happy ending because Lissa got elected as queen and said "my bestie gets what she wants, and she wants him. Any arguments may be directed to my crown".
That happy ending was a scrape. It barely got there. There are a thousand ways it could have gone wrong. And I was deeply invested in the story because of those thousand ways. Because I couldn't take it for granted that it would work out. Because it not working out meant very bad things would happen. The best case scenario is them getting separated and not seeing each other again. The worst case is abandonment and prison.
I could not imagine how these two people get their happy ending. Because even if you put aside the treason, and the running, and the Strigoiness, there is still THE GODDAMN AGE GAP. The only way to remove it and keep the tension is to rewrite the entire series from the ground up.
So yeah, the Romitri age gap is needed because it provides one of the strongest sources of stakes and tension for the series. Yes, it's concerning. Yes, I'd be calling the cops in real life. Yes, they're codependent and probably not that healthy. That is why it is interesting! The fact that is it a problem is a feature, not a bug. It's a story, not real life. It's meant to entertain, not model healthy behavior.
If real life was interesting enough on it's own, humanity would not have invented fiction.
