gay rights are good. i love gay rights. HOWEVER a part of me will always be slightly sad that i’ll never have the old victorian aesthetic love where we have to run in the shadows, stealing kisses at midnight on mama and papa’s farm because society will never understand our love.
as a queer hair stylist, i love having conversations with my people and love when they’re in my chair. but i know they won’t be there. they’re at home, DIYing their mullets and stretchy orange bangs. respect tho.
if steve rogers was around at the height of the blm movement he wouldve overthrown the government and personally ripped those cops to fkin shreds change my mind
the “till the end of the line” scene in the winter soldier is just a gay version of that one girl in hs going “stop kyle! he knows me! look at me kyle, look at me, it’s not worth it”
i think my least favorite part about love triangle tropes, and just pairings in general, is that these two people are fighting for like… the most boring character in the book. everyone talks about how kind and ‘full of life’ they are but there has been absolutely no build up to make this main character so desirable other than how attractive they are.
does anyone else do this thing when they maladaptive daydream where they crossover two medias that literally have nothing to do with each other? like i created this whole plotline in my head where Ian Gallagher from Shameless ends up making it to Iraq in the war and gets kidnapped by Hydra, having a psychotic break and becoming a supervillain before eventually joining the Avengers and buying the Gallaghers a new house.
a very big part of me prays that for the interviews for umbrella academy season 3 they end up interviewing extensional dread inducing psykronium cube and he goes on the press tour and everything but it’s all completely normal. it would be terrible if they ended up being so bigoted and judgmental towards him and just completely ignoring him in favor for the others.
the reason i think the marauders era is superior to the golden trio era is bc of the whole dark academia and queer undertones type vibes. if hp and co were a little more edgy and morally gray with some of the characters i think it would slap more.
like, if draco had begun his arc in fifth year-ish? we couldve had the angst over moldevort living in his fucking house and realized everything wrong and had a regulus black type redemption. we were robbed!
thats also to say that we grew up with the golden trio and still see them as babies. with the marauders we see and focus on them as young adults and can explore a lot darker themes with them.
ok so i havent rewatched supernatural in a v long time but yall remember how naomi was brainwashing castiel that one time and she was talking about how shed fix him like theyd done before? and how naomi and chuck and all of them always talked about how he kept rebelling and hes never done what hes told?
i dont think cas remembers any of these incidents. he doesnt remember.
how many times did they wipe cas’s memory?
how many rebellions has he led? how many armies, how many lives has he lived?
do u think castiel had ever fallen in love before? do u think he let himself roll in the grass or push a lover on the rickety old swing hanging from the very first willow tree? do u think cas ever draped themself over a chaise as an italian artist immortalized the exact shade of their eyes in acrylic paints of blues and golds?
do u think cas ever got the chance to say goodbye?
i wonder if his lovers sit in their heaven, waiting on someone who doesnt even know they exist.
We nay never learn what exactly has Cas done to warrant himself being "fixed" over and over again, but the idea that he was always different is great.
On the other hand, it kinda diminishes the meaning of what he had with Dean. Dean was the main reason Cas rebelled, and it sounds so much more ...epic (I can't think of another word) if he was the only one.
Torn between loving always-rogue Castiel and fallen-for-Dean Cas...
ok so i havent rewatched supernatural in a v long time but yall remember how naomi was brainwashing castiel that one time and she was talking about how shed fix him like theyd done before? and how naomi and chuck and all of them always talked about how he kept rebelling and hes never done what hes told?
i dont think cas remembers any of these incidents. he doesnt remember.
how many times did they wipe cas’s memory?
how many rebellions has he led? how many armies, how many lives has he lived?
do u think castiel had ever fallen in love before? do u think he let himself roll in the grass or push a lover on the rickety old swing hanging from the very first willow tree? do u think cas ever draped themself over a chaise as an italian artist immortalized the exact shade of their eyes in acrylic paints of blues and golds?
do u think cas ever got the chance to say goodbye?
i wonder if his lovers sit in their heaven, waiting on someone who doesnt even know they exist.
The Golden Trio was always meant to take down Voldemort.
Perhaps, if things happened a bit differently, if the pieces managed to link together in another way...
(Dark Golden Trio AU)
********************
Harry Potter only knew violence growing up.
The young boy hidden away in the cupboard under the stairs would sit in fear and anticipation as heavy footsteps pounded above and rattled the dust onto his tiny bed. He had a single mirror in his cupboard that Aunt Petunia had given him as a Christmas present after his uncle had slammed his head into it hard enough to cause cracks to run through it like an overzealous spiderweb.
No matter how many times he tried to avoid it, Harry always ended up watching himself in the dingy glass. In anything remotely reflective, really.
Everywhere Harry went, people commented on his eyes. On how pretty they were, how they made him look respectable, how much they stood out against the darkness of his skin and the heavy bangs that resembled a rat's nest at the best of times.
It had jump started Harry's obsession.
Everywhere he went, Harry would stare at eyes. Brown ones, blue ones, grey ones, green ones, and every mix you could think of. He liked the emotions that ran through them, how they told stories that faces and bodies would never reveal.
He could see the happiness when a couple held hands.
He could see the fear when a man gripped his girlfriend's arm a little too tight.
He could see the joy in a father's eyes when his baby snuggled further into his neck.
The fear was nice sometimes. When it was someone who deserved it. Like when Dudley's friend Henry punched Harry hard enough to take out his baby tooth and split his lip. Harry had launched forward and kept hitting and hitting and hitting until Henry was crying too hard to make noise and he was covered in reds and blues that never blossomed on Harry's deep skin.
(Henry's eyes were grey. They were scared. It was nice.)
(Henry's parents also moved their whole family far away from the neighborhood the very next week. Harry chalked it up to coincidence.)
Harry liked the happiness a lot more than the sad or scared ones. He liked sitting in the little park far from the Dursleys' and letting the long cuffs of his torn hand-me-downs scrape below the swing, watching the happy families laugh and jump and run around with one another without caring about anything else.
For as long as Harry could remember, he had wanted that. He longed for it. He would sit in his tiny cupboard on the last night of July and beg and plead whoever was up there for someone to find him. At first, Harry wished for someone to take him away. Now, Harry would be content with someone approaching him to just talk. It was a far-fetched dream, something he only dared to dream of in the quiet darkness when he pretended that his parents weren't worthless drunks who cared for the bottle more than their son. That he had a mother that took the time to tame his bird's nest of a head and read to him at night, that he had a father who taught him how to play chess and cook breakfast for his mum in bed, and maybe even an uncle that bought him secret ice creams that ruined his dinner and taught him how to talk to pretty girls at school and maybe even a sister who laughed too loud and grinned too wide and let him wrap her up in soft blankets when she was too cold to ask for it.
But for now, Harry would settle for their eyes.
********************
Ron Weasley, in Ron Weasley's opinion, was not very special.
He was the sixth child of seven in his impoverished family. He got hand-me-down everything, and was expected to do as well as his brothers, if not better. It was nothing special if he could do this, because Percy could too, and if he could do that, well, Bill already had years before.
Sometimes Ron wished he was an only child, if only for the attention he would have.
(He never wanted his siblings dead, Merlin no. He loved them all and wished them the best, even if he was a bit jealous of them.)
Perhaps this was why he was often seen hanging on Harry or Hermione's arm, spending every bit of his free time with the first things that were his, and only his.
They weren't things, and Ron knew this. He knew that they were people, and he knew that they were their own people. He never claimed them aloud, and especially didn't hint at it to Harry. He was already treated like a Thing by his muggles. They locked him away and took him out when he was of use. Ron wanted to be with him all the time, even when he didn't listen and remained as stubborn as an ass.
But they were still Ron's. He didn't like when Fred or George or Ginny would try to covet Harry's attention, or tease Hermione until all the blood rushed up to darken her cheeks to a deep blue. She would hide behind her massive hair that curled around her wildly in a way that she wasn't.
Later, Hermione would shyly admit that she'd never felt wanted, and that she quite liked the way Harry and Ron so openly expressed their need for her. Harry would say the same.
Ron Weasley liked watching people.
He saw everything he needed to from a distance, even if he wanted to get closer. He liked watching quidditch especially, how their bodies moved so gracefully and held no hesitation in their gestures. (This did not extend to his brothers and sister. He actually didn't like watching them in particular, even if he could never pry his eyes away from Harry twisting and turning and reaching as far as he could.)
Every quidditch match was exciting. Ron would emulate certain things, ever since he could remember. Bill's easy-going swagger. Charlie's big hand movements. Percy's chin tilt he did when he was trying to make a point, or the seamless weaving and bobbing Fred and George had mastered together. He'd mostly out grown it before Ginny came along, but sometimes he even ran his hand through his hair like she did. His dad did it, and it was a small thing the three of them shared, and Ron coveted it.
The most ingrained thing about Ron was probably his tactile nature. His mum was the same way. They were probably the most expressive, always ready to give out a hug and kiss on the cheek or just to hold someone.
This came in handy later in life.
Hermione likes to stand on her toes.
It's a small thing that he's sure she isn't really aware of. She'd mentioned offhandedly that her parents had forced her to do ballet when Ron mentioned it, and it became more and more clear. When she stretched she pointed her toes perfectly, and when she turned to speak she'd often spin around on the tips of her feet. It was endearing, especially even when she went on her long winded tangents about anything and everything.
When she talked, her smile lit up the room and her hands flitted about excitedly. When she saw something that caught her eye, Hermione would stretch out her neck and raise her eyebrows high into her uneven bangs.
Hermione was also very awkward. She hid behind her big kinky curls, which Ron soon learned were in that weird frizzy stage because of repeated failed attempts at straightening it. (He quite liked her hair just the way it was, but Hermione didn't, which was disappointing.) Ron would shake his head and teasingly pull on one of her coils so it bounced tightly. She would flush, and when they first met she absolutely despised it. It wasn't until they'd known each other for so long that she would allow him to do so. He was the only one other than Harry that was allowed. Soon after she began to grow comfortable with his casual touches.
So when she would awkwardly put her hand forward to shake Ron's, he would push it away in order to wrap her up tightly in his arms. She'd tense at first before hugging back tentatively, then tightly, as if she never wanted him to let her go.
Harry tugs at his sleeves when he gets nervous.
He does it a lot, actually. When they ride up, he pulls the cuffs down to grip in his palms.
When adults speak to him, he squeezes himself inward to make himself smaller. When they raise their voices, his head drops down ever so slightly, as if it's an instinct he's trying to fight. When they get too close, his body twitches away as if it has a mind of its own.
Ron soon noticed that Harry couldn't handle yelling. Ron and Hermione began to fight about Merlin-knows-what one night by the lake. It wasn't until Ron's voice was slightly hoarse and he paused to take a breath that he remembered that Harry was still there. He was sitting on the damp grass, completely still with his hands muffling his ears and his head tucked between his knees.
Ron always warns Harry before reaching to him. Always asks if its okay. It's soon obvious to Ron that no one has truly hugged Harry, and does so whenever he has the chance. And Harry absolutely clings onto Ron, which is really nice. No one's really done that. His siblings weren't always the touchy-type and his parents were always too busy with this or that to dedicate so much time to the Least Favorite.
(Ron knew that they loved him. He never doubted that. But he was nothing if not a realist.)
But Ron's favorite thing was when Harry would jump on him. Harry never talked much unless one prompted him endlessly, and it was even rarer for him to initiate a conversation or reach out for anyone or anything. So when Harry would get so excited he tackle-hugged Ron into the grass or the floor of the common room, and Hermione would burst into giggles beside them, he'd feel his heart burst open for these two people that truly appreciated him.
Watching people fall was pretty fascinating.
Their bodies would turn and prepare for the inevitable, bracing in fear before the impact came.
They showed something real, in those moments. The shock, the resignation, pure, unadulterated fear that overtook their entire bodies dominated Ron's attention when it happened. And when the fear happened, he saw who they were. How one handles the fear, the harsh reality ready to break their nose it, shows who they truly are.
When Hermione fell into the Devil's Snare, and Ron and Harry were stuck in the stage of fear, he could see Hermione's brain turn over. He saw the way she went straight from the fear to the calm determination of someone who was not ready for the end. He could see the clear fuck you on her face before she sunk below the vines.
When Harry's broom began to shake and throw him off in a violent rage, Ron saw the fear. He saw the clear fear outline every bone of his body before his grip tightened and his body swung upwards. He could see the resignation, and he could see the acceptance of what would happen. But that wasn't standing out as much as the look that overtook his entire face. He could hear it from the stands, the way he was telling himself - not without a fight.
Ron quite liked the fear. He liked seeing them panic and squirm. He liked knowing who they were, if only for a moment.
When he punched Goyle in the face, he saw it. When he beat him over and over in the empty corridor, Ron knew. He didn't have that fight in him, the way his best friends do. He was pitiful, really. Ron felt no sympathy afterwards, merely watched as the larger boy scrambled away bloody and terrified.
And later, when Ron let Harry bandage his knuckles in a way that no eleven year old should be able to do with such ease, he watched the blood swirl down the drain with morbid fascination.
His knuckles were swollen and bruised, and Harry was endlessly careful with them.
Goyle had gotten a good punch in, and Hermione's hand flitted around his cheek worriedly for a good two minutes before calming down.
And the next day, when Goyle's bruises were yellow with some kind of accelerated healing potion, Ron was quite disappointed that the colors had left so quickly. He felt put-out, robbed even, of the satisfaction he'd wanted. That he'd earned.
But when their eyes met, and Goyle flinched to look down with shameful fear, Ron decided that he could settle for that.
********************
Hermione Granger had always been a smart girl. It was something she had always prided herself in. Top of her class, always on time, always perfect.
Her parents had made sure of that. The Grangers would not permit their only child to fail. They refused to have a fuck up for a daughter. It would disgrace them beyond belief, leaving the family humiliated and shame-faced for all of the world to see.
Hermione Granger was used to the low expectations. She had long since grown accustomed to people looking down on her. From her buck teeth, to dark skin, to her frizzy hair, not many expected much from her.
They were proper people, the Grangers. Practical and no-nonsense types that expected their child to achieve a level of success that they were never able to reach.
So it was quite a shock when one day a severe-looking woman appeared on their doorstep in a tall pointy hat and bright green bathrobe that smelled faintly of cat treats.
Hermione had had an inkling about the magic. Strange occurrences, things that logic simply could not explain.
"It snowed once," she had murmured under her breath.
The three adults stopped their snapping, which had been quickly escalating into a fully-blown argument, to look towards the girl.
"What was that?" the professor had sniped quickly.
Hermione looked towards her parents, their lips pressed together tensely as they stared down their daughter through narrowed eyes.
"It snowed," Hermione'd said a bit more clearly. "When... when I read Narnia." She barely kept from flinching when her mother's fist clenched at the mention of one of those horrid fairy tales, but Hermione looked down and twisted her lips from side to side.
"Why is that?" the woman had asked a touch less harshly.
"In the story the kids went through a wardrobe and found a place where it snowed all year round. I just wanted to visit somewhere... somewhere different. Like..."
When Hermione made no effort to finish the professor made the effort to kneel before her to match their heights.
And slowly, the professor's lips began to pull up ever so slightly into an encouraging (and slightly conspiratorial) smile. "Somewhere magical?"
"Yes," Hermione had breathed out emphatically, nodding her head so vigorously that the beads in her weighty braids clanked together loudly enough to echo around the silent room.
"Well, I think that I may be able to make that happen."
To be entirely truthful, Hermione didn't much like school.
She loved learning. She had always loved learning. It was her favorite thing in the whole world. But the pressure, both from the school and her family, made Hermione want to tear her hair out until there was nothing left. Her parents were terrible about it. They monitored her grades as closely as humanly possible. And it was't enough to just do good, or great, or perfect. She had to be better than everyone in anything and everything she did.
Hermione had done ballet when she was little. It wan't her favorite thing in the world, but it had been fun.
But she wasn't The Best.
So her parents made her quit.
Harry and Ron were different than most.
They were her friends. Her real friends. Most people sneered at her in class when her hand always shot up and she jumped at the chance to answer every question she could and fight to be the first one to demonstrate how much better she was than them. (There had been a period of time where Hermione had stopped doing so. Her parents found out. She began raising her hand again.)
Her boys sometimes did that. When Hermione got overexcited and cut off the teacher Harry would sometimes hide his face with his hand or Ron would groan and roll his eyes. But the second someone else said something to her, they would jump at the chance to defend her and take no prisoners.
The three of them were family. A real family. Not like at home where dinner was tense and silent while Hermione's father picked apart every single sentence of her school progress reports, or when Harry would talk about his relatives in quivering whispers before quickly changing the subject before they could ask about his over-sized clothing and the gruesome pattern of raised skin on his arms.
Hermione laughed more with them in her first year at Hogwarts than she ever had in her entire existence. While Harry had a strange kind of gasping laugh that she could hardly distinguish between joy or pain, Ron's was full-bodied and bright. But they were both amazing. They sounded happy. Safe. Kind of like home.
She had never been so happy in her life.
Hermione loved magic.
It had a strange set of rules to it. Strange. Different. But soon enough, Hermione understood it.
Her favorite was potions. There was a definitive way to it, logic that was always followed. Hermione could follow a method and it would be perfect. Action and reaction. That was all it was. Action and reaction. Action and reaction.
(Snape was obviously terrible. He made her face burn and tears spring to her eyes. But she couldn't stop raising her hand or jumping in to answer questions. She just couldn't. If it got back to her parents it would be a thousand times worse than anything Snape could ever do to her.)
But outside of the classroom, Hermione fell in love with the method of potion-making. It was soothing and gentle and welcoming and just so perfect for her. Outside of the dankness of the dungeons and the harsh bearing of Severus Snape's beady black eyes, Hermione Granger sat in the sunlight of the second floor girls' lavatory and created masterpieces. She used her tools to create art. From potions of brilliant greens to velvety purples to bright blues so clear that she could see the bottom of the cauldron through. It was stunningly beautiful. And it took her breath away.
But she wasn't The Best.
(not yet, at least)
It was early on a Saturday morning.
The sun streamed through the tall window of the second floor girls' lavatory and landed on Hermione and her cauldron at the perfect angle. It was a potion recipe that Harry had found in the restricted section and given to her. (Normally, Hermione would never condone breaking rules. At school, no less. But this was a Special Circumstance.) It caused the consumer's heart to beat so fast that the blood couldn't make it through the arteries quickly enough, causing them them to clog and trigger a heart attack.
Hermione hadn't planned on actually giving it to anyone. It would be disgustingly terrible. To cause someone's death...
But then, the colors were so pretty. Swirling pinks and purples moving like waves crashing upon the sand, splashing against the sides of the cauldron of their own accord. Her eyes traced their movements, transfixed into a deep state of pure calm.
She didn't even notice when some of it had splashed up over the lip of the cauldron. It landed on the tiles with a decisive plink that echoed in the silence.
Hermione hadn't seen the rat until it was too late. She watched in horror as the small rodent moved towards the spilled potion, sniffing at it before licking hesitantly.
Before she could yell for it to stop, the rat began to convulse on the dirty floor. Hermione could do nothing but watch as the poor thing's body shook violently, squealing pathetically and rolling around in excruciating pain.
And then the blood.
There was so much in its tiny body. It was actually quite shocking. Spilling from everywhere from its eyes to its mouth to its ears. It was a horror scene - party of one.
Hermione wanted it to stop. She wanted to save the little rat. It was cruel and unkind and unfair and...
Disgustingly beautiful.
The vividness of its blood threw her off. It was smooth and thick, running through the grooves of the tiles in gentle rivulets akin to that of the rivers that carved through the Forest of Dean.
It was very different to see this kind of pain tearing its course through something. It felt almost satisfying to watch. Like she was seeing her own pain manifest itself within a tiny conductor, forcing everything inside of her inside of it.
And it was Hermione that was doing it. Hermione's potion. Her own knowledge and power transferring into another living breathing thing, wreaking its havoc as it went.
Action and reaction.
Sometimes Hermione would watch others in school with the same lens that she had watched that rat. She would bore holes through the side of Pansy Parkinson's head or clench her hands to avoid tilting the entirety of her scalding potion down the back of Professor Snape's robes during class.
(She would fantasize about it. Sometimes Hermione felt like a monster for doing so, but then she would look at Ron when he dug his fingertips into the desk and glare at Draco Malfoy with a barely concealed type of rage that she Knew meant that they were the same.)
(Harry was a little different. He didn't always have that kind of rage inside of him. But he would watch when Ron would fight others, untamed and wild in every aspect. And it would glimmer behind the vibrant green of his irises that Hermione had yet to recreate with one of her potions.)
Hermione wanted to do it. She wanted to drip just the littlest bit of her art onto their wrists. Just a drop. She wanted to watch their skin shrivel and burn, eaten away by the nature of her poison. She wanted to hear them scream. She wanted them to feel what she feels, if only for a bit. She wanted to paint with their blood, tracing sigils of old into her skin and practicing the kind of magic that would have her mother fainting on the front lawn and her father puking into the ugly orange tulips tracing the stark white walls of her pretty little muggle home.
But for now, she'd have to settle for the rats haunting the bathroom floor.
I’ve come to the conclusion that IF I were ever to do that ‘shifting’ thing I wouldn’t want to go to Hogwarts. Those are mINORS. I wanna break up Lucius and Narcissa’s marriage. I wanna be Draco’s stepmother
