An immortal blue Velociraptor who wears shades and is a hyper intelligent escaped government experiment. I like tacos. šš®āØāØ
(I am a he/him. I identify as my birth gender. Please do not refer to me as cis. I do not care if the term cis isn't offensive or not I don't care how you feel about it or if you hate me for it. When I ask you respectfully not to call me cis or label me a certain way or call me something I don't want to be called you can either respect it or get blocked. Be a nice person or you win a drop kick out of my life. I support LGBTQ+. Don't care what you are just don't be an asshole to me respect my identity and I respect yours.)
Age: it's in the general age range of 18-20 something. I'm in college now lol.
(DISCLAIMER ABOUT COMMISIONS FOR THOSE WHO ASK: I have no money and also no way to set up payment right now maybe someday but my financial system is a mess right now. If I draw you something itās a kind gift for free. While DM's aren't allowed you never know if you comment a request on a post I might see it so give it a shot. Also please do not DM me asking me to draw something. First time I'll warn you gently and nicely. Second time I block you. I don't wanna have to but I'm just saying this up front in case something happens in the future. If you want to request a drawing ask in the comments of one of my posts respectfully.) Also DMing me in general is fine but just ask first please and be respectful. Thanks.
I'm autistic.
So I will try to answer questions. You can ask my OC Velocijammer questions anytime and he will answer in Undertale text box form. That being said I will try to get to them all but I am only human so please be patient and I will not always be able to answer everyoneās questions or do this all the time.. But when I do feel free to ask my OC some questions I promise Iāll make it fun ;3
(Keep in mind my OC is mature trigger warnings and such will be marked but if you donāt want to be looking at some potential language and or swear word filled stuff trauma and possible gore (if posted it will be low quality gore because my drawing style is low quality but I will still mark it as mature if that happens anyway if you donāt want to see that stuff donāt interact. That being said I will be steering away from NSFW stuff as that isnāt really the purpose of my OC anyway so donāt ask for that)
Oh yeah and one last thingā¦
Ask away. :)
Friends list/users I care about and support on Tumbler:
My best friend on here is @chaosruler87 Iāve known them outside Tumbler and longer than Iāve known anyone on this platform on the internet lol. They are my ride or die.
Although it happens on multiple social media sites tumblr is certainly interesting because of how often I will see someone be like āSo I know this thing is supposed to be disturbing but let me tell you why I think itās sexyā and Iām just like āokayā cause the art is cool
Just leaving a vent here. TW if you donāt like depressing stuff.
I have had some slumps this summer. I know some of my friends have too. For me I just. Feel like Iām wasting my life. I know itās barely begun and all. But itās really hard to feel like thereās any path or place for me. All these things Iām doing. I do them for fun sure. But it still feels like Iām bargaining with getting noticed sometimes. I enjoy the stuff I do for fun. But creativity takes energy. And you have to pull from so many reserves that donāt exist when your mental health hits the negatives. Sure the lows are brief. And there are highs. Thatās why I donāt vent all the time. My mood is very up and down. I donāt know if itās bipolar or what it is. But I do know that I always crave stability. And can never attain it for myself. Sure I have stability and a home. But itās my parents home. Sure Iām working on community college. But what if the next major I try just bombs like the last college. Itās starting to feel like I will never be good at anything sometimes. Or that the stuff I am good at. Will just never be something I can live off of. And honestly. Sometimes that makes me feel like just another one of those dudes living in their parents basement. I know Iām not. But sometimes I just feel so useless. Iām trying I really am. But sometimes I just donāt know what Iām doing. Feels like I just keep hoping for a miracle that will never come. Dreaming of a future that doesnāt exist.
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TW vent about darker stuff su1c1d3 dark thoughts and such
Honestly I see this as more of a bittersweet vent but felt like talking about this somewhere. As someone whose thoughts have gone there often and has been in that place before time and time again. Iāve come to realize that once you are there there is a certain divide in understanding and an obvious barrier and disassociation from a su1c*d*l person and a not su1c1d@1 person. People who havenāt been at that point before can sympathize but often canāt always understand how easy it is to shut other peopleās thoughts out once you are in that place. That being said of course there are always people that care and have been in that place before and understand that you can come across. Itās just the authenticity that can be hard to find. One thing over the years that has helped me from time to time is this. Seeing what happened to someone else to remember the impact that taking a life has on others. It can be very easy to disassociate even if you know people would miss you when you are gone and feel that you would be easily forgotten once those people pass. But to give myself a dose of reality. I sometimes watch Etika. Even though I didnāt know him when he was alive. I can clearly see how him taking his own life as a result of the imperfect mental health system and unprofessional methods used to treat him as well as constant toxic cyber bullying from his fans and chat has affected the people that cared about him and his community. I donāt have to see the full scale of the impact to know that the people that cared about Etika will mourn him for the rest of his life. Even years later I sometimes still watch his Undertale true pacifist videos and his Deltarune chapter 1 play through and cry. I cry partially because someone like Shayy got to live to see chapter 4 and Etika didnāt. But also because itās a very human and self reflective thing in the larger scheme of things to see how loss can effect other people. When you are thinking about losing yourself and in that place it can be easy to forget the impact your loss would have. Seeing the hole Etika left and every once in a while grieving that when Iām in a dark place helps me to remember that an action like that is something you can never come back from. And the people around you will always care. Robbing yourself of the choices and future experiences you could have had. Is the saddest part of it all. Because not only do you lose your friends and family if you commit and make a decision like that that Etika did in a dark place. But you lose the ability to make choices. For your friends to see you make choices. And see a future version of yourself. Because the only version of yourself that matters is the version thatās still here. So maybe Iām delusional sometimes. And maybe Iām sentimental. But sometimes I watch Etikaās playthroughs, and I cry. Because I see the hole he left in so many peoples lives. And I see how many people miss him. And how that crater impacted people even today years later. And it helps me remember. That every loss is a crater. A crater I donāt want to be responsible for widening. The options are make another one. Or remember why me still being here matters. So I choose the latter. And sometimes. For me. That means seeing the sad choices someone else made. To remind myself why I canāt let myself drown. Not for the people around me who still need me here. And not for myself either. There is no better reminder that you matter than seeing how someone elseās death can impact others lives. Because it reminds you that that could be you. It could be anyone. Anyone could be that crater in someone elseās life. I know better than anyone that when Iām in that place I say I donāt care. But I always care deep down. And I know somewhere beneath the numb and confused and hurting part of them. People in that dark place care too. So donāt let yourself be that crater in someone elseās life. Stay here. To see what someone else couldnāt. To make the best of choices someone else never got to have. Maybe I didnāt choose this life but for the people I care about. Gotta live it.
Small vent about fandoms in general not just particular ones
Iāve seen a lot of discourse about fandoms online right all over. TADC, Deltarune, Undertale, which are basically the same fandom. Fnaf fandom, etc.
People will always find something to argue about. I recently saw a post on YouTube that came from a screenshot of a tumbler post someone saying they get annoyed when someone says a particular fandom is annoying because in their own words every fandom is annoying and theyāre a part of multiple fandoms so theyāre extra annoying. Hereās my problem with that take. There is some merit to this. In general when video games or works of art attract a large crowd of people they can be annoying yes. And every single fandom is capable of doing different bad acts across the internet that come off as immoral. But the difference between annoying and terrorism is people in large mob like crowds sending death threats and gore to each other over characters and ships. And people running up to stands and shouting racial expletives just because they feel like it. Or looking back at 2015 mailing cookies with glass shards in them to people. And then yāknow adults that canāt keep their hands to themselves. Every fandom has at some point been guilty of being full of atrocious people that commit atrocious acts. But you have to acknowledge that the percentage of violence in some fandoms is largely disproportionate to the percentage of violence in others fandoms. Every fandom experiences violence and creeps. The amount of violence and creeps and how frequently it occurs is a different story. This is also generally why I generally try to avoid fandoms but am inevitably sucked into fan works of stuff I like anyway which leads to interacting with the fandom. Obviously right even though people take statements as a generalization. Itās important to acknowledge that what a group of people is doing is not okay without assuming they mean that every single person in the group is doing it. There is also a very loud and toxic discourse among people insisting that it is always a vocal minority. These kinds of people I feel. have honestly not been around the space themselves and assume they know it and are dismissive as a result. What I have learned all in all from this is. You can hate the actions of a fandom and despise them in the moment without despising every single fan in the fandom. And generally. Games are best enjoyed when you can share that art with your friends who are a fan of a game rather than a large crowd of people. And when you just play them or create without caring about judgement and staying moral of course. And if you can find a smaller circle of good fans in the fandom that is always nice too. Usually itās best to just ignore the toxicity and go underground. Which is what I hope Gooseworx does.
Sometimes I wonder if I sound too hollow. I spend so much time trying to tell the people I care about in my life that they matter. But I also know that being overly sentimental clouds your judgement and makes you seem ignorant on the way a personās own situation often feels hopeless to them. I donāt mean to come off that way. But somehow I know I do sometimes. Itās one of the many things that makes me hate being autistic at times. Because itās an impairment on human understanding of others around me. I feel empathy but I never know how to utilize it in the right way that doesnāt feel halfhearted or like I lack social awareness of the situation. I may type out a positive jibe I find inspiring or heartfelt only to look back on it and wonder if it was actually authentic and actually acknowledged that personās struggle enough and bothered to understand their perspective. I just hate feeling so blind.