Ways to get Jehovah’s Witnesses to fuck off (as written by a former Jehovah’s Witness)
Ask to be put on the Do Not Call list. If you think it’s necessary, ask to watch them get out the territory card and write it down, but realistically, Witnesses in my experience are pretty good about this and the only time it won’t be honored is if someone forgets to check your address or if it’s been like 10+ years
Tell them you are an apostate. They are not allowed to speak to apostates at all, ever, but especially in regards to their beliefs. They aren’t supposed to go to places/events where they know apostates will be
Argue with them. Jehovah’s Witnesses are instructed to end the conversation and leave if it becomes clear that someone wants to debate rather than just passively learn and accept that they were wrong before. This might get you put on the DNC list without even asking
DO NOT answer the door naked. You wouldn’t think this needs said, but intentionally flashing people is sexual harassment, and Jehovah’s Witnesses frequently preach with children— both as a training thing and because people are more likely to be receptive. They say every JW who’s preached long-term has gotten a naked householder at least once. Do not do this
DO NOT unleash your dogs in the yard. First off, your dogs aren’t as mean as you think they are lol. Second off, almost every JW has been dealing with giant jumpy dogs— again— since they were children. Letting loose your dogs will get their dress clothes muddy, possibly tear them, and maybe scare some children/a few adults who will simply pass the door to someone else. It will also make every other dog in the neighborhood start barking. This isn’t helping you or anyone else
DO NOT call the police. Evangelizing is fully legal in the United States and JWs are not soliciting anything. Some areas make Witnesses get permits to preach, but that’s it. One time an elder in my congregation had people raise their hands if they’ve ever had the cops called on them, and it was two thirds of the Hall. Witnesses use these incidents to further their persecution complex. If you call the cops on them, they will absolutely be back next week, even pushier and more determined
Additional reminders:
Remember that you are dealing with a high-control cult. Jehovah’s Witnesses have falsely prophesied the end of the world almost a dozen times. Around 33,000+ members have died for the sake of a doctrine they made up in the 60s. Whoever you are talking to has trained for years or possibly their entire lives on exactly how to sell this, and make literally anything sound reasonable and appealing. Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that God will kill all non-JWs at Armageddon, as they deserve, and are actively praying for this. They won’t tell you that on the first visit, or the second, or the third. Don’t let them get their foot in the door. Don’t talk to them more than once
The Jehovah’s Witness you are dealing with will have a mindset ranging from “every door I don’t knock on is blood on my hands” to “I’m trapped in this religion and can’t leave, please please please don’t listen to me,” or sometimes a horrible mix of both. Don’t show interest, do your research and stay away
