PHILIP ARDAGH

The oh-so-official blog of the award-winning children's author, reviewer, commentator & poet, Philip Ardagh

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How true is ‘The Dig’?

[Please note that the correct spelling of Piggott is with two ‘g’s and two ‘t’s. In once instance, the name ‘Basil’ appears as ‘Bail’. Apologies.]

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Early Moomins

All illustrations (c) Tove Jansson, Moomin Characters Text (c) Philip Ardagh, 2021

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Riddled With Holes

Imagine large holes unexpectedly start appearing around town, with a significant number of people falling into them. To avoid their falling into holes, the town council tells people to stay in their homes as much as possible, unless their job is essential. People with vertigo or other ailments which may make them more susceptible to losing their balance and falling into large holes are told to self-isolate. Over time, people who were initially frightened of the holes get fed up with staying inside and think the dangers may have been exaggerated. Yes, people are still falling into the holes and dying or being injured to different degrees, but far fewer than before. The town council posts their figures everyday. (They don't count elderly people who've died falling down a hole because they'd probably haven fallen down the stairs or over a casually-discarded brick or pet that week anyway, so the fact that it was into one of the holes was neither here nor there, was it.) Shop owners and businesses are getting restless. They need to start making money again. So the town council announces that shops and schools can re-open and those deemed vulnerable before are told that they'll no longer be given financial support so will have to go back to work, too. "Why are we suddenly safe?" asks one of the townsfolk at a hastily-convened town meeting. "What's changed in the weeks we've been staying at home, or only venturing out to exercise or to shop or when absolutely necessary?" "What's changed?" asked the Head of the Council. "I'll tell you what's changed. When the holes first started appearing, hundreds of people a day were falling into them and dying! Now, it's only a handful. As a result of our swift action, we've saved the town!" "But hasn't the number gone down because we're being careful and staying at home as much as possible and avoiding the holes and protecting those with vertigo and the like?" asks another. "And that, as soon as we start going out again and leaving the vulnerable to it, we'll have more people falling down holes here there and everywhere, again?" "No," says the Head of the Council. "Why not--? "Because," says the Head of the Council. "Because?" "Because I say so," says the Head of the Council. A boy, who's glimpsed a naked emperor in the High Street, raises his hand. "Yes?" asks the Head of the Council. "I know a way to make the daily death total go down to nil," he says. "How?" asks the Head of the Council. "By having every single one of us jump down the holes the day before." "This is a silly analogy and I don't want to play any more!" screams the Head of the Council storming from the town meeting and promptly falling down a hole himself. Again. Stay safe.

[Picture: David Roberts. This post first appeared on my Facebook page on 22nd June 2020]

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Philip Ardagh’s END OF YEAR Review

Where has 2019 gone? How did I pass the time? Well, a great many weekends were spent clearing out my mother’s house, deciding what to store, what to give to charity and what to throw away. This was after a period of my mother having 24-hour care at home. She didn’t like strangers living in her house and we didn’t like how much it was costing her, so she moved to a care home and we got to work. Once we’d done all we had to do, the house was on the market for less than a week. It sold in about three days for the full asking price. Suddenly, we got our weekends back.

I seem to have written a lot of books lately, too. The second Stick & Fetch book THE WRONG END OF THE STICK was published this year, as was SANDY SAND SANDWICHES. Both were illustrated by Elissa Elwick and published by Walker. I also wrote BUNNIES ON THE BUS for Walker, illustrated by Ben Mantle. It was The Times Children’s Book of The Week a couple of days after the General Election.

I’m just finishing the third manuscript for THE NINE LIVES OF FURRY PURRY BEANCAT, called THE RAILWAY CAT. The first two, both of which I wrote earlier this year are THE PIRATE CAPTAIN’S CAT and THE LIBRARY CAT. They’ll be illustrated by Rob Buddulph. 

I’ve also had a story published in FUNNY BONES, the latest War Child anthology (published in Australia) and a piece in A LOVE LETTER TO EUROPE. I’ve seen proofs of YOU CAN’T COUNT ON DINOSAURS An Almost Counting Book - once again illustrated by Elissa Elwick - due out next year, and there’ll be a bind-up version of my two NORMAN THE NORMAN tales illustrated by Tom Morgan-Jones.

The text for BUNNIES ON THE BUS sequel BUNNIES IN A BOAT is already written and I’ve also written a new top-secret picture book text for Walker, for whom we’ve yet to choose an illustrator.

Somehow, I’ve also found time to write an unsolicited manuscript for a much longer book which I plan to spring on a few folk early in 2020, and will be writing THE WITCH’S CAT.

Meanwhile, I have power of attorney over my mother and have to pay bills, sort out tax and do lots of other little jobs related to her that seem to pile up. I visited Perth in Australia for a book festival earlier in the year and appeared at my 22nd Edinburgh.

I am also very proud to say that I have been elected Lifetime Ambassador of the School Library Group of CILIP. Yippee! A real honour to be working with such a dedicate group of school librarians.

Then, just a few weeks ago, the husband of one of my sisters-in-law died. Stuart. He was a lovely man.

So that, I think is 2019.  Season’s greetings!

[thephilipardaghblog]

10 Reasons for Authors Doing a Free Event

1. As a thank-you to the person who saved your life.

2. Because your loved-ones are being held in captivity at a secret location and will only be released once the event is over.

3. You have been poisoned and will only be given the antidote once the event has finished.

4. You currently owe the events organiser £5,243.27 and a new smart phone.

5. You accidentally (or deliberately) killed another speaker and are filling their slot.

6. It puts you in a room full of many valuable (and easy to steal) items.

7. The events organiser is your ‘significant other’ and you hope to have sex with them again.

8. You are secretly in love with the chairperson or venue manager or sound technician (or all three) and this gets you to be near them.

9. Your ego is bigger than your desire for cash.

10. The food and drink in the green room is so amazing that you can live off it for a week, hiding under the table at night.

Otherwise: DEMAND UNTOLD RICHES FOR YOUR TIME.

Picture: Wimpole History Festival, where you DO get paid!  [Photo: Phil Mynott]

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Author who writes books about bunnies implies he’s the only author to have written books about bunnies so admonishes world for there not being enough books about bunnies, in order to publicise his latest book about bunnies.

Roald-Dahl-Funny-Prize-winner Philip Ardagh, author of WHEN BUNNIES TURN BAD (Faber) and the up-coming Walker picture book BUNNIES ON THE BUS, illustrated by the almost-as-talented Ben Mantle, has hit out against the absence of books with bunnies in them. “We need more!” he told his reflection in the mirror this morning. “Bunnies are vastly under-represented in children’s books and it’s taken a demi-god such as myself to shout it from the rooftops!” When asked about The Velveteen Rabbit, Peter Rabbit, Little Grey Rabbit, the character of Rabbit in Winnie-the-Pooh, Guess How Much I Love You?, Pat The Bunny, and others of that ilk he said, “You’re just making them up! Don’t be silly. And what do elks have to do with it?”

“BUNNIES ON THE BUS fills an important gap in the market and is out in December in time for Christmas. It will make an excellent present,” Ardagh told indifferent reporters. “And don’t get me started on Bugs Bunny. He’s not even a bunny. He’s a Jackrabbit which is actually a hare!”

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THE EXTRAORDINARY TIMES OF MR SAMUEL ARDAGH

This is about a certain MR ARDAGH. Not me. He was around in the C19th and left Ireland for Canada. I SHOULDN'T LAUGH but I did. This may make me a BAD PERSON, but some of these incidents are amusing when viewed through the lenses of time (and not being the MR ARDAGH in question)!

1. IN WHICH MR ARDAGH FINDS HIMSELF ABOUT TO BE THROWN FROM A 4TH-STOREY WINDOW.

In the 1830s, Mr Samuel B. Ardagh - a protestant clergyman - “had been the means of converting a young woman in humble life from the errors of Romanism.”

Uho.

She lay dying in “a wretched room at the top of a four-storey house, in the worst part of the town. The room was crowded with women; and some Catholic priests were endeavouring to induce her to recant. He was, with difficulty, allowed to approach the bed. He was thereupon hustled to the window by the women, and half thrust out. He appealed to the priests present to save him from being murdered, and, owing to their interference [he was saved.]”

2. IN WHICH ATTEMPTS ARE MADE TO BURY MR ARDAGH ALIVE “Whilst officiating at [the young woman’s] funeral, Mr. Ardagh was assailed with stones and missiles, and was finally himself thrust into the grave, which the crowd hastily commenced to fill up." Yup: PUSHED INTO THE GRAVE ON TOP OF THE COFFIN, WHEREAFTER THEY PROCEEDED TO SHOVEL EARTH OVER HIM! "He was providentially rescued [by protestant mourners], and only escaped by running off at his utmost speed, and leaping over the churchyard-wall."

3. IN WHICH THE LOCALS THINK IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA TO DROWN MR ADRAGH

“During one of these stormy periods, Mr. Ardagh happened to be returning to town from some distance in the country. He was driving in a gig. His route was along the Quay, where an infuriated mob with a wild yell rushed upon him, and having taken down the chain which guarded it, backed his horse towards the river." Boy, he was popular, wasn't he? They'd REMOVED THE CHAIN ESPECIALLY!

“The wheels were already slipping over the edge of the stone work, when the powerful horse which he drove, maddened by the shouts and pressure of the crowd, reared and plunged violently forward, scattering his assailants." A lucky escape.

4. IN WHICH THE MAJORITY RATHER LIKE THE IDEA OF CLUBBING MR ARDAGH TO DEATH

“At that time, Mr Ardagh lived more than a mile from the city, and was constantly in the habit of returning at a late hour. Threats were not wanting that the loneliness of the road would be taken advantage of by his enemies to do him bodily injury; and in proof that this was not mere idle talk, a gentleman was found one morning, on the direct road to Mr Ardagh’s house, nearly beaten to death: the circumstances clearly pointing to an attempt on the life of the clergyman.

5. IN WHICH THINGS GET VERY SERIOUS FOR MR ARDAGH, INVOLVING A CHILD'S HEAD

“In the spring of 1842, he received a final warning. His mother-in-law found, one morning, near the house, a child's head, lately exhumed, to which was attached a notice threatening him with a similar fate, if he did not desist from speaking against the Roman Catholic religion.” Surely a horse's head would have done? What's good enough for the mafia...

6. IN WHICH MR ARDAGH FINALLY GETS THE HINT

Okay, after attempts to: *throw him out of a window *bury him alive *drive him into the water *beat him to death *and frighten him with a head severed from a child’s exhumed body he FINALLY took the hint.

In August of that year, Mr Samuel Ardagh sailed for Canada, where he had a whole SERIES of crazy adventures and mishaps including falling through the ice, ON HORSEBACK, when riding across frozen waters. Twice.

Good on you. Mr A!

[thephilipardaghblog]

WHEN ADVICE ON HOW TO FEEL BETTER MAKES IT WORSE.

Today is World Mental Health Day and there are a lot of people out there, both professionals and simply decent people, who will doing their best to highlight mental health issues and to say to people who may be feeling seriously depressed or suicidal that things can and will get better.

You will read heart-lifting stories of people who were down in the depths and are now happy and fulfilled. Reasons not to kill yourself may range from one day discovering your soul mate or experiencing the joy of holding your own child in your arms or visiting magical places you could never dream of. 

Maybe this helps some people. I do hope so. I trust that there’s more than anecdotal evidence that it does. But for some, it evokes ANGER. “So fucking what? I’ll be dead. I won’t know what I’m missing.” So, for them, the argument is a spurious one, increasing the feeling of rage, desperation and exclusion.

It’s the same with, “Think of your family and loved ones you’ll leave behind.” “So fucking what? I’ll be dead. I won’t know anything about it.” So maybe this advice is for people who are so close to the edge but haven’t really reached rock bottom and can be pulled out. Not cured, but at least alive. If you care what other people think in that context, you already have a reason to stay alive. 

Try exercise. “I hate fucking exercise. It doesn’t work for everyone. It makes me feel worse.” Talk to friends (if you have any.) “I have nothing left to say.”

“Many people who attempted suicide and survived say they’re glad they’re alive.” “And every single one who succeeded has no regrets either way because they’re fucking dead.”

So what to do? Advice, encouragement and information do help some - many? - so it can’t stop being given just because it doesn’t help everyone. If you are one such person, you’ll have to accept it’s not for you. Be glad it helps others. It’s not a competition to see who’s most depressed. But you’re still here and, with all advice failing, there is one last chance. Try medication.

It doesn’t matter how or why anti-depressants work for some people but they do. If you’re feeling the way you are because of a chemical imbalance in your brain and medication can help redress that, why not give it a go? After a bit of trial and error, the right dose of the right drug might - and in may instances does - make all the difference. 

You’ll hear tales of people who rejected medication and came through on the basis of the approach and advice that might make you want to punch a hole in the wall and shout, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” and that’s fabulous for them but - if coming out of the illness alive is the goal and all this sounds like meaningless well-being shit to you - medication might be just what you need.

If this doesn’t help you either, my heart goes out to you. 

I wish everyone the very best of health this World Mental Health Day.

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MENTAL ILLNESS IS AN ILLNESS. IT’S NOT YOU.

Today is World Mental Health Day and the UK Government has appointed a Suicide Prevention Minister. In 2015, I wrote:

"In my opinion, the biggest difference between mental illness and most other types of illness or injury is that mental illness changes the essence of the person. It makes you (seem) a different 'you' or them a different them. Having a mental illness means that you may look the same on the outside but you behave differently. And that's unsettling for other people. It can mean that you're unpredictable, acting out of character, being upset or aggressive and, in some instances, even violent towards yourself or others. 

"Think of those soap operas where a familiar, long-running character is played by a new actor. Everyone calls them by the same name although they look different. But they DO behave in the same way as their previous version. It takes a little getting used to but their role is the same, so they settle in after a while. "A person suffering from a mental illness is almost the exact opposite of that: they're still there -- still 'played' by the same person (on the outside) -- but they're playing a new role, for which only they have the script [or, more frighteningly, are having to improvise], that jars with the status quo. And uncertainty creates the fear of the unknown along with it being very upsetting (wanting the 'old person' back). People often don't know how to talk to/with people with mental illness because they're not quite sure who they're talking to -- which version. And this is something I think that needs to be acknowledged. 

"The 'treat people with mental illness just like a person with any other kind of illness' is not a particularly helpful or honest. Everyone, ill or not, should be treated with kindness and understand but living with/working with/caring for/interacting with a mentally ill person can be challenging. This is not about stigma, or labelling or telling people to pull themselves together. This is simply a truth rarely mentioned..."

But when it comes to HEALTH CARE, we need people with serious mental health issues to be seen as quickly as someone with serious physical health issues. There should be no difference at point of help. Having to wait weeks - sometimes months - for a mental health appointment is unacceptable, more often than not leading to the worsening of the condition and, I fear, in some instances, suicide.

Good health to you all. x

[thephilipardaghblog]

THE BACKLESS CHAIR

Philip Ardagh is left both satisfied and intrigued  by an experimental new piece, with an unexplained papercut on his inner thigh.

T-Towel Written and performed by Robert Twigger & John-Paul Flintoff Main Marquee, Wigtown Book Festival

Twigger and Flintoff’s playful new silent piece, ‘T-Towel’, brings to mind Victorian knee-surgeon Bramwell Hanball’s famous statement, “When all is said and done, anything said or done thereafter is mere repetition. Now pass me that bloody saw.”

A two-hander, the size of the cast is doubled by a pair of hand-picked volunteers joining them on stage. On this particular evening, this resulting all-male piece added a palpable tension – a ‘We’re all boys in it together’ dynamic, when clearly they weren’t – to an evening of snap-decisions and careful considerations.

If said aloud, the title of the piece might be taken as a literal reference to the single prop in the evening’s theatre -- a very ordinary tea towel – but is spelled ‘T-Towel’, reminiscent of ‘shirt’ and ‘junction’ rather than, say, ‘For Two’. This can, however, just as easily be read as the stuttering of the word ‘towel’; a suggestion of uncertainty in a world of echoing cries for a second referendum, whether it be for Scottish Independence or for Brexit or for a wider selection of biscuits in the green room (which is off-white).

‘T-Towel’ begins as a childlike game to determine which of the two players gets to sit and which gets to be sat upon. As the evening progresses, however, this becomes a gripping investigation into the strength of the human spirit and psyche of the individual along with deciding when’s a good time to nip to the bar or the toilet without missing an important bit.

Soon we are witnesses to a duel where the challenge is to see who is more desperate or driven to become the sitter and who more resigned to becoming the sittee, or settee; a physical embodiment of Nietzsche’s quest to find the source of the “funny smell” behind his sister’s metaphysical fridge, when he didn’t even have a sister (if you don’t count the ones he did have).  

When Flintoff increasingly becomes the victim of this indignity and subjugation, rather than it increasing his determination not to suffer at the hands – or buttocks -- of Twigger yet again, we see a growing resignation in those sad eyes of his, used to such effect in his school production of ‘Lady and The Tramp’ where his performance was described as ‘tall’.

After some stage business, bringing to mind the cufflinks scene in Pinter’s unfinished play ‘What the –‘ and of Antonio’s casket scene in ‘The Merchant of Venice’, one of the volunteers ends up with the tea towel draped over his arm in the style of one who only stands and waits.

It is then Twigger’s and Flintoff’s task, using gesture and expression alone, to convince him to make them the one, rather than the other, to whom they hand the towel. As a result, a range of expressions cross Twigger’s face from pretty-please to downright menace by way of a touch of Benny-Hill-style lip-licking. Flintoff, meanwhile, does his best to look like Geoffrey Rush in the haemorrhoid scene from the 1996 film Shine; his brow more furrowed than a 78 record regularly played with a bent safety pin. Or not.

To the victor the spoils. The towelless player assumes the position on all fours, whilst the victor positions the tea towel, like some antimacassar of the anus, on the loser’s back then sits upon him assuming the seated stance King of Siam in ‘The King and I’ (assuming, that is, that a stance can be seated).  I found myself reflecting upon the fact that stool means both “a backless chair” and “a piece of faeces”: one player was, most certainly, being treated like shit.

As the evening nears its inevitable conclusion – it has to end sometime -- spatial forms become transformed through frantic and critical practices within ‘T-Towel’, and the audience is left with an insight into the edges of uncertainty, seen through the half-closed eyes of alcohol and the gaps of the fingers of the audience member seated immediately to one’s right (even if it means crossing the aisle). I was left with a more rounded understanding of the moment, yet no change for the bus home.

Twigger and Flintoff are not only back on my radar but sitting on my lap blowing up balloons, shouting, “Cooee!” between breaths. T-Towel is, quite simply, a triumph.

[thephilipardaghblog]

Authors 4 Oceans: doing our bit for the planet.

Today sees the launch of Authors 4 Oceans, the brainchild of Lauren St John, author and an ambassador for the Born Free foundation. The starting point is a simple one: plastic is the bane of the oceans and its inhabitants. If we -- as authors, illustrators, readers and book-lovers -- can encourage bookstores not to use one-use plastic cups, lids or disposable plastic straws or cutlery, and to offer water in glasses or glass bottles rather than plastic bottles in their cafes, slowly we can help leave our mark in NOT leaving a mark in the oceans... and, of course, we can extend this to restaurants, shops and cafes everywhere.

With over 70% of our planet's surface covered in water, home to a myriad of species including the world's largest mammals, it's to both our and their benefit to keep the oceans as pollution-free as we humanly can... but fighting to change legislation and people's perceptions and buying-habits can seem daunting at the best of times. These small, simple, steps are a start. The https://www.authors4oceans.org website is full of information and includes a simple pledge which will help reduce plastic waste.There is also a competition for schools to create a sculpture of an endangered sea animal out of recycled plastic, though I can't for the life of me see what the prize is. More details here: https://www.authors4oceans.org/friends-supporters

The campaign is backed by a whole host of authors and illustrators -- 50 to start off with -- and not EVERYONE names at least one of their books in their biog. Please refer to me as ‘St Philip’ from here on in...once again, I’m so GIVING. Do join us!

[thephilipardaghblog]

Tom Morgan-Jones's THE RED DREAD is like no other picture-picture book I've ever seen...

...and I'm not necessarily saying that's a good thing, of course. There's no narrative and no description, just speech-bubble speak and sound effects. I was lucky enough -- if that’s the right phrase -- to get a proof copy, so my eyeballs got to look upon its inkiness before the rest of you great unwashed. And what did I think?

It's fab. It's greater than a cheese-grater; has more bounce than a sack of kangaroos on a trampoline; contains more gags than a kidnapper's starter-kit; and is funnier than the funniest bone.

My advice? Get down to your nearest shoe shop and ask where your nearest book store or public library is, then get your hands and feet on a copy of THE RED DREAD, as soon as possible. If you don't like it, blame Mr Morgan-Jones. If you love it, it's thanks to me!

DISCLAIMER: Being such a good-looking, charming and talented author, I know many fellow authors and illustrators and have worked with quite a few of them too, Tom amongst them. Please don't be under the misapprehension that this means that I'll say kind things about his book to be NICE. If I thought THE RED DREAD stank worse than a stinking bishop, I'd quietly slip it under a kipper and move away.

The Red Dread Published by The Bucket List An Imprint of Barrington Stoke Paperback, £6.99

ARDAGH RATING: 363.6 gargloops.

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BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE A Stick & Fetch Adventure!

I’m happy to announce that the first book in my brand new STICK AND FETCH series, BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE, was published earlier this month. Illustrated by my Ardagh & Elwick picture-book-partner, Elissa Elwick, in glorious black & white, and plenty of shades of grey and yellow in between. 

Speaking of yellow, here are me and Elissa looking for clues -- well, Stick and Fetch ARE detectives -- in the yellow deserts of Dubai... 

...where she couldn’t resist doing a doggy-doodle of Fetch in the sand.

And that’s enough to make ANY dog waggy-tail proud.(Nice toenails, Elissa!)

I first came up with the idea for the characters of a girl and her dog who live with her granny, solving crimes that don’t really exist, over 20 years ago, Back then, I thought of them as Burger & Fries: Sally Burger and her unclipped French Poodle French Fries... but when, after all these years, I teamed up with Elissa and we took it to Emma Lidbury at Walker Books, she and the Walker team feared that it all sounded a bit greasy and fattening!

They certainly looked a bit different at the outset...

But they soon became the Sally Stick and Fetch the dog of the books, and now I find it hard to imagine them any other way. And Fetch morphed from an unclipped poodle to the delicious doggy he now is, and -- as you can see -- Sally Stick’s hair became a tad less unruly!

The premise behind the series of stories is brilliantly summed up in the title of this, the first book, and I can say that because -- extremely unusually for me -- I didn’t come up with the title. Emma, my editor, suggested BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE and there was no way I could better it. The second book, which Elissa is about to illustrate, will be called THE WRONG END OF THE STICK. And the phrases ‘barking up the wrong tree’ and getting ‘the wrong end of the stick’ mean pretty much the same thing: making a misguide assumption and taking a wrong course of action.

For example, when Stick and Fetch find a balloon stuck in a bush in their back garden, they discover it has 80 YEARS OLD TODAY written on it. Rather than realising that it’s a birthday balloon for their eighty-year-old neighbour, they think the balloon itself is 80 years old so must belong in the town museum, along with all the other old things. As it’s in the back garden instead, the balloon must have been STOLEN from the museum and accidentally let-go-of by the burglar! And so their case begins...

Rather than in a bookshop or a ritzy cafe in here in England, BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE was launched at the Emirates Airline Festival of Literature, in Dubai in the United Arab Emirates, where Elissa and I also got to do our very first STICK AND FETCH event, which involved an inflatable flamingo and dinosaur slippers, amongst other unusual props.

See? (All VERY strange.)

A good time was had by all.

I do hope you get a chance to enjoy a STICK & FETCH adventure. Check out your local bookshop or library.

@ardaghandelwick

@elissaelwickillustration

#stickandfetch #barkingupthewrongtree #thewrongendofthestick #stickandfetchdetectives #dogs #detectives #detective #humour #childrenshumour #reading #writing #childrensauthor ~philipardagh #ardaghandelwick #ArdaghandElwick #EmiratesAirlineFestivalOfLiterature #DubaiLitFest #Sand

[thephilipardaghblog]

SHHHH! WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?

TO MARK THE PUBLICATION OF THE SECRET DIARY OF THOMAS SNOOP TUDOR BOY SPY -- ILLUSTRATED BY JAMIE LITTLER -- DOTTY HENDRIX PUT A FEW QUESTIONS TO ITS AUTHOR, PHILIP ARDAGH

 The Secret Diary of Thomas Snoop Tudor Boy Spy is the third Secret Diary. Tell us about the series.

The idea behind The Secret Diaries is for each to have a funny, adventure-filled story unfold across the course of the diary entries, giving a real flavour of the period, as well as being jam-packed with facts. Each diary has a very distinct voice which can also add to the humour. It’s designed to conjure up a feeling for the period, so John Drawbridge, Knight-in-Training, writes in sort-of-medieval English, Jane Pinny, Victorian Maid and Accidental Detective, writes in cockney, and Thomas Snoop supposedly writes in Tudor code which I’ve ‘translated’ into English.  

You say that Jane Pinny writes in Cockney but, in fact, she’s dictating her diary to a pigeon. Why did you choose to do that?

I know this may sound crazy, but I thought it would be more honest to do that than have Jane write the diary herself, because a Victorian girl of her social class and background would have been very unlikely to have been able to write.

But pigeons can’t write!

Precisely. Everybody knows that so they’ll realise, on some level, that this is a conceit; just part of the storytelling. If I’d had the maid write it, they may have thought that maids could write so, weirdly, my approach is more honest.

Did you bend the facts in places?

Well, I’m very proud of the disclaimer I came up with which appears on the cover of each of the books: ONLY THE FACTS ARE TRUE. There really is an enormous amount of information in here, and the way it’s presented, using footnotes –

 I love the footnotes!

 -- thank you, but we’ve tried to make the characters and situations as authentic as possible. Part of the reason for this is because these books are published by Nosy Crow in conjunction with the National Trust. If their name is on it, we can’t afford glaring errors leaping off the page.

Speaking of leaping of the page, Jamie Littler’s black and white illustrations are fantastic.

Aren’t they incredible? He has a amazing knack of mixing humour and drama and some of the angles he chooses to draw things from are cinematic. And I really think he’s surpassed himself with Thomas Snoop Tudor Boy Spy. His illustrations really do lift the series to a whole new level.

Are there any other Secret Diaries in the pipeline?

I’ve recently submitted the manuscript for the fourth: The Secret Diary of Kitty Cask Smuggler’s Daughter, set on the Cornish coast in the 18th century. I think you can guess the subject matter! I can’t wait to see Jamie’s illustrations for this one!

Which brings me to the question: how did you come to choose which periods of history to write about?

That was simple, really. These books are for the National Trust a charity which looks after a whole host of properties in England, particularly castles, grand houses, Tudor manors and coastline. It was obvious that a page would go to castle and that a maid could work in a grand house of a different era. A Tudor manor was a little harder until I came up with a boy spy and, as for coastlines, you’ve GOT to have smugglers.

It sounds as though you had a lot of fun writing these books!

I did. I love writing fiction and I love writing non-fiction – particularly history -- and blending them this way was a wonderfully rewarding challenge.

Well, you’ve all done a great job. Will there be any more Secret Diaries?

I’m eager to write some more and dropped hints to my editor, Tom Bonnick, and Nosy Crow’s top banana, Kate Wilson, but we’ll just have to wait and see.

 Philip Ardagh, thank you very much and Happy Publication Day!

Thank you, Dotty.

If you’d like to read an extract from The Secret Diary of Thomas Snoop Tudor Boy Spy, clink on the link below to take you to the Nosy Crow website. https://nosycrow.com/blog/take-a-look-inside-the-secret-diary-of-thomas-snoop/

Please note: Dotty Hendix is in the employ of Philip Ardagh, poor woman.

[thephilipardaghblog]

Winnie the Pooh Day

A A Milne was born on 18th January in 1882 so 18th January has now become Winnie the Pooh Day. Here's a novelty. In the late 1990s, Dutton - an imprint of Penguin USA - produced around 250 of these promotional bookbags featuring Piglet, Pooh and their Hundred-Acre-Wood friends in the Bayeux Tapestry. How topical is THAT? The artwork is by the original Pooh artist, E H Shepard, and, in his book THE ART OF WINNIE THE POOH, James Campbell says that it was a draft for a French edition but I'd love to know more. 

[thephilipardaghblog]

It might be funny if it weren’t true...

"Hello." "What do you want?" "I'm Mr Donates-A-Lot-To-The-Party." "Forgive me, Mr Donates-A-Lot-To-The-Party, I didn't know you were coming. Please take my chair. I'll sit on the floor at your feet." "Thank you." "Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee--" "Libraries." "Libraries?" "Don't mind if I do, thank you. About time libraries went into private ownership." "Does your company run many libraries?" "Well, it can't be that hard can it, if librarians run them, I mean? Ha!" "Ha! Indeed." "Shhhh!" "Ha! Yes, quite. Shhh! 'Quiet in the library!' Er, what will you do with these libraries, exactly?" "Do? Stock fewer books, I expect. People can't abide books. How often do you see someone running into an A & E department or a police station shouting, 'I need a book!'?" "Quite." "And shorter opening hours. If there aren't many books we'll need fewer hours for fewer people to take them out." "I can see you've really thought this through, Mr Donates-A-Lot-To-The-Party. Books are redundant. Opening hours are redundant --" "And costly professional librarians are redundant. We'll replace them with food and drinks dispencers and running machines." "Marvellous. What state is your company in?" "Dreadful. Here's a printout of three profit warnings." "Thank you.... Four million pounds?" "Sorry. Wrong piece of paper. That's my bonus." "You must be doing well." "Me? Brilliantly. The company? Not so much. About to crash and burn, I'd say." "Excellent, Mr Donates-A-Lot-To-The-Party. Sounds like everything's in order. Would you like your libraries gift-wrapped?" "How very kind."

[thephilipardaghblog]

My first books

There were far fewer children’s books published in the 1960s. Here is a selection of some of the very first books I owned. They’re all small-format and some are little more the pamphlets - with paper covers - and I loved them all. Familiar to any of you? I’d be interested to know/see what your first books were like… whatever decade or century you were born in!