Star Wars

[worm-strung-string]

Actually? More on the train of thought "Alpha-17 getting away with waaaaay more then he should, through the sheer power of Audacity and just... just fuckin showing up and Acting Like He Has Every Right To Be There"?

Alpha-17 shows up, having lost(or won?) the to rock-papaer-scissors match with the rest of the Alpha Batch n Clone Commanders. All of who both HAVE through nebulous means been dropkicked through time. And ARE causing chaos just off screen to vent their frustration about it.

Shows up! For? Tubie Time. He has been Assigned™ the Jedi Tubies.

This is the Face Of Paternal Instincts.

Fucker just SHOWS UP for his shift at the Creche, in full armor and a stolen jedi robe, like "Vos had a nightmare and Krrrsksts threw up." *hands over one of the two babies he was rocking. Steals their coffee. Keeps walking* like? Huh. Did we get a new helper? We must have.

It would be RUDE and unspeakably un-jedi to ask him to remove his cultural dress(armor). Or suggest he's some sort of imposter. Granted, none of us know him... but SURELY someone verified this man! He's here isn't he?

*Alpha-17 walks by, cuddling baby-wan, whispering all the best places to stab a man under his breathe as a soothing lullaby*

Alpha-17 acknowledges that maybe there’s a thing in the mandalorian adjacent make up of himself that sets of baby fever

HOWEVER unlike some losers Alpha-17 doesn’t let baby fever make him think an entire clone army for a baby is at all a smart choice

No alpha-17 thinks breaking into a jedi temple to hang out with tiny commanders in their cadet stages is much less problematic

[evilminji]

It's honestly a Skill Issue™ as far as he's concerned. Like? Look at this deal! This is SHIT: One whole ass ARMY of tubies you DON'T get to keep -> One(1)(SINGULAR) tubie you DO get to keep.

That? Is such a shit deal! Just take? All?? Of them??? Then you have MANY tubies. All for yourself!

Man you SUCK, Prime.

He, however, does NOT suck at his job. HE, quite reasonably (debatable), just fuckin moves in. They ALREADY communally raise kids. That's free real-estate! Just steal the jedi, Prime. It's not that hard. Look at all this tubie generals! All the cute of kids, none of the bullshit "Will Of The Force~✨️" (look, Alpha-17! A clearly cursed object/temple/cliff face! Let me throw my stupid, loveable, UNARMORED jedi ass DIRECTLY AT IT~☆! Because I clearly want to die~☆ and probably take you with meeeee~♡!) Nonsense!

Tubies don't run full sprint directly at danger. Tubies just want to cuddle. Tubies obey orders to sit still and eat something, General. *looks pointedly at Baby-wan, who blinks back in the happy blank confusion of babies everywhere*

Creche-helper... 17, was it? (Odd name, but who are they, to judge a culture's naming practices? Perhaps the strange Mandalorian clone cult he originated from simply uses numbers for ease of use, in differentiating each child? They will have to ask some time. When it is not flu season.)

(It is always, some form of flu season. They have a multi-species Creche. There is ALWAYS some disease hitting SOMEBODY. Children are drool covered disease vectors that like to chew on each other. We love them anyway.)

[The best part? Everyone who points out that Alpha-17 is as force sensitive as a ROCK is looked at with scandalized, pearl clutching HORROR! How COULD you!? How DARE you!? Oh, Helper 17! You must be so offended and upset! Dear, do you need to sit down? Take a moment to release and re-center your emotions? Meditate? We are here if you need us.

And Padawan/Knight/Master So-n-So! How DARE you say such hurtful things about your fellow jedi! Not everything is about sabers and atari flips! Jedi 17 is mindful of his presence to help sooth the children in his care! As we ALL should be! *several hour lecture on how hurtful false accusations can be. How judging our fellow jedi based on how "strong" their connection to the Force is, is wrong. And how they WILL be taking a mindfulness and Empathy For Others module!*

All while Alpha-17 stands in the background, holding a baby, going -> *blank yet somehow unbearly smug face* like? You little shit. They're on to you!

Yeah? How's gonna prove it?

☝️🤨->🤔->😶->😐->🙁->😟

That's what he thought.]

[somestorythoughts]

Okay on the one hand, cause a lot of the versions of creche masters I see are at least a little bit would-fight-mandos-for-their-kids-zero-hesitation, I refuse to believe they'd let someone they don't know around their adorable, precious VERY VULNERABLE kids with just a "someone must have let him in."

HOWEVER, I do believe they'd look closely at him, read the "if anything happens to these kids I'm committing mass murder, but nothing will happen because I'll do the murder first" in his force presence, and THEN go, okay guess we got a new helper. And then the fact that it's always flu season starts interferring because they do get overwhlemed.

[evilminji]

Exactly! His vibes CLEARLY check out! AND he's wearing a jedi robe! Not flaring his force presence everywhere and upsetting the newborns/sensitive Littles with his emotions! So like... let's not be judgemental. He can be Mandalorian if he wants too! Every one of us is special in our own unique way, after all. A beautiful part of the Force.

AND he makes such a lovely sparring partner! So few fellow jedi will spar unarmed! (Having a lightsaber around grabby, curious, force sensitive infants is a BAD IDEA. They get entranced by the kyber crystal inside and try to grab it. It's a disaster waiting to happen.)

Besiiiides! You can't fool a room full of HIGHLY attuned Force Sensitive babies. They'll react to the TINIEST of negative impulses or intents! (By crying and screaming) And they all love their dear Helper 17! He must be a jedi! Probably from an outlying temple or something.

Yan Dooku, who possess The Common Sense and Scepticism rare to most Jedi? Presses X to Doubt. Unfortunately babies make him nervous. Which upsets the babies. And Alpha-17 keeps playing social conventions against him. Ironically, it actually DOES save him from the dark side! He's too busy with his Nemesis™ to respond to a senators calls.

(He doesn't know WHAT you plan for all those innocent children, scoundrel, but he WONT ALLOW IT! D:< )

[worm-strung-string]

Alpha-17 "Im totally using the force so you cant perceive my feelings" but hes just really really good at self regulation and mental mindfulness so he could take being tortured and walk away but hey skill transferring!

[evilminji]

Hi Minji, have we considered: the Consequences TM of taking an isekai'd OC with fanon knowledge of star wars canon and just, putting them WAY before that shit is relevant. Like someone who Knows TM the clone wars but is 200 years too early for it. Like what does one even DO in that situation??? Do you fake visions and leave notes for specific individuals who will come after your time and Just Hope that it's enough? Do you whack Yoda with a stick bc he took a perfectly good Yan Dooku and set him up for failure by forgetting that humans are a social and pack bonding species even tho the man won't be born for like 100 years yet?

I'm rotating these thoughts in my brain jxjdhcjf

You say an unspecified SECONDARY party told you about THEIR vision, which you believe to be true. Because these fuckers out here able to detect lies, and you want them to take you seriously.

Which means NO LYING. (Technically.)

Then? Once you have recorded EVERYTHING and stored it somewhere SAFE, such as Jedha? With a "pls deliver to the Jedi Council if X and Y occurs, if they do not, feel free to discard after Z date. Its VERY (possibly A Sith Empire Related type) important. Thank you."

After THAT? It depends on if they remember the name of Hugo Damasks's Master. Because HE was 115-130 years old at time of death. So he is VERY MUCH a baby or toddler, therefor possible to SAVE. He was a great genius. More importantly? An innocent, once.

There is a Sith about.

Go Sith Hunting.

It doesn't MATTER if the Jedi don't believe you. There are other Force Sects. There are GORAN. You can and WILL find someone who will believe you (or at the very least, help you for money)! Fffffffuck their 1000 year plan! Plant the tree those children rest someday rest under!

Think of all the shit Hugo and Palpatine started! That WONT HAPPEN if you end it all NOW!!! Two Whole CENTURIES of suffering! You could save the Galaxy two CENTURIES of Sith corruption and decay!!!

Don't you think you have a moral obligation to hunt the fuckers down? Warn EVERYONE they still live? Make life as hard as physically POSSIBLE for every corrupt bastard you find along the way? The Force clearly thinks THIS is the time period you can make the most difference in.

So... let them go.

Mourn the children you will never get to see. Love them. Fight for them. Make a Galaxy that is worth being born into! All their suffering, their pain. You can fight against it NOW. Be the butterfly, who's echoes reverberate bigger and bigger, greater and greater, until someday dawn shines with a Light so beautiful? The Galaxy is finally the greater place it COULD be.

Extra-dimensional knowledge of the Timeline is a gift. Most Jedi, most Sentients, never GET such a thing. So what, if it's the "wrong" time period? You KNOW the Sith still live. That a Threat is coming and how their plan plays out! That is far, FAR more then anyone else gets.

Live like everyone else. Fight like you have a future to protect.

And today? Oh, Today is a GREAT day for the Sith to Die.

[evilminji]

yeah that's probably normal - Chapter 1 - junos_comet - Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/73452181/chapters/191473611#workskin

I found it again!! Heck yeah! Let the Clones be weird. Be full on "oh hey! I've heard about that!" (But never seen it) about... like... everything.

They were raised in a Lab.

Let them be BIZARRE.

[stealthetrees]

Quinlan Vos is definitely the Coruscant Guard’s unofficial Jedi against his will. In canon he didn’t like working with clones because they ‘cramp his style’ or whatever but that’s not gonna stop them. Fox fished him out of the dumpster and brought him home and he’s been there ever since. He’s like an angry cat that doesn’t like you. All the other Jedi think it’s great and keep encouraging the clones, giving them tips on what assignments he’s on so they can ‘coincidentally’ run into him and help him out. Quinlan is all like ‘I work alone, you can’t keep up with me blah blah’ and dramatically backflips off a twenty story building to get away from Fox but Stone is there waiting for him at the bottom and picks up the conversation where Fox left off (he was listening in on comms). The shines follow him around like ducklings and give him big sad eyes whenever he dries to ditch them (they were trained to do this).

[evilminji]

@worm-strung-string thoughts? Never thought I'd like "no, no. We have a jedi. He doesn't get a say in it. We found him fair n square." Fox. But like?

"You're our Jedi(boss/friend) now."(a threat) is? Objectively a hilarious statement.

No escaaaaape. One of Them! One of Them!

[evilminji]

Because it won't leave me alone?

AND I think it would genuinely *slow, horrified turn of the head* their Master?

I think? There should be a Jedi Master n Padawan duo... on a long flight. But! Uh oh! Booking office didn't NEGATIVE amounts of research! There's a team of Mandalorians TOO!

So now everyone's just? Bystanders: terrified. Jedi: pretending they're not low-key panicking. Mando'ade: stony silence broken by the occasional awkward cough.

Until, like?

Padawan Oc? Who possesses that unfailing "you can't have enemies, IF YOU MAKE FRIENDS WITH THEM" (do not resist. One of us! One of us! :D ) spirit, that all Padawans seem to have? Turns to the closest Mando, completely ignores the whispered "don't." From their Master, and is like:

"Sooooo.... favorite bleed-out spot?"

*deafening silence*

Because? Like? ..........you GOTTA, right? What self respecting Mando'ade DOESNT ask what the fuck they mean by that? Is that a threat, jetti'ade? (No! No, don't you fucking engage them! It's clearly a trap!) (I KNOW that. But like... what the fuck does that even MEAN?)

Then the kid cheerfully explains it, and? Oh. Oh no. Fuck™.

You actually DO have Opinions on this.

There's a god damn debate. In seconds. Because if there is one (of many) thing(s) Mandalorians have strong opinions about? It's Blaze Of Glory style magnificent last stands. And how to go out PROPERLY. Which is obviously species specific too. There are cultural touch stones you gotta take into consideration! Here, wait, they got references....

It? Becomes the Fun New Mandalorian Ice Breaker.

Maybe not ALL jedi are shit.

....

(Just most of them)

[kyrianclawraith]

[evilminji]

You know what would be fun? A Goo Baby.

Slime baby Jedi! Cousin to the Gen'Dai!

Just?? She ain't got no booooones. Or muscles! No organs or NOTHIN'! You THINK she does, cause you look at this child and see a physical object, but! Nope! Twas a LIE! Is actually sentient PUDDING pretending to be humanoid! Cause everyone ELSE is, and they want to be polite!

Honestly? They could be a CHAIR if they wanted too. But that makes folks uncomfortable.

Something about the whole "oh little gods! I've LOST THE BABY!!! She was JUST IN HERE! How do you LOSE A BABY IN A LOCKED ROOM!?!?" or something. Very high strung, those officers. She was RIGHT there! Pretending to be a chair. Feeling a bit "chair" shaped, you know? So much YELLING.....

Granted, they can't SENSE her, like other Force Sensitives can... but STILL!

She can't HELP it, okay?! It's this weird "I MUST blend in with my environment. NOTHING can see me! I am INVISIBLE. Or.... something, something, something? Bad or will eat me? Unclear! But Must Camouflage!!!" Instinct.

Look, one of her Creche mate has a bite reflex, her OTHER friend has a "throw themselves into every body of water they lock eyes on" reflex. And SHE? Turns into a potted plant whenever an adult gets within line of sight! She's WORKING on it, okay?? It's apparently just a THING her people go through.

Keeps them from being eaten or captured.

Not that "being eaten" would actually KILL them, mind you. It would just HURT. A LOT. Cause that IS a one way bath straight into acid. Like getting the cheap Sarlacc experience. Cause like? APPARENTLY? Her people are "optimally nutrious" for pretty much ANY given race, digest SUPER slow, and can be eaten and RE-EATEN indefinitely.

All you got to do is just ignore the pesky little "you are horrifically torturing a sentient species" thing. Which, like? *gestures to the galaxy at large*

WHICH! Is why her species don't really do the "findable" thing. ESPECIALLY before they're big enough to digest people BACK. It is weirdly dangerous, being a nigh unkillable goo person. But, hey! At least they don't have the psychosis issues the Gen'dai do?

*hears a noise* !!!?! *immediately turns into potted fern*

*waits until the jedi, who is politely ignoring the Obvious Fern in the middle of the hallway, walks by*

*turns back*

It DOES make certain lightsaber forms easier? But the more rigid "plant yourself and don't move" ones SUPER hard. She am NOODLE. No bones! Can literally flow from one form to the next! (Also hide things SUPER EASY. *pulls her own lightsaber out of her other arm* see‽ :D ) plus? Her "eyes"? PURELY decorative. The things on her "face" don't actually do anything!

Cause again... she is goo.

She can SEE a full 360! Sneaking up on her is literally impossible. Not that she doesn't PRETEND. Cause again... polite. It's MEAN to scare people. And people DO get scared when they realize you are an unkillable, can-eat-ANYTHING, amorphous goo creature! Who can fit through anything short of an air tight seal!

Which is why she's a "nonspecific humanoid" with "possibly togruta ancestry" to account for the non-human skin coloration and sharp SHARP teeth.

I just? Kinda want Master Fay, a fuckin LEGEND, to swan into the temple one day? Like "what's up. You know that one race that's notoriously both hyper skittish and impossibly rare! Near extinct dispite their near indestructible nature, due to the sith? Yeah. Found one. Here's a baby." *makes a peace sign, explains nothing, leaves*

Like??? We haven't SEEN YOU IN 50 YEARS, Master Fay!! We kinda NEED MORE THEN-! DONT YOU GET BACK ON THAT SHIP, Y-! Aaaaaand she's gone. Force damn it. Why is she LIKE this!? *stares down at the "potted plant" quivering in their arms, which had been a startled lil goo baby only seconds before* *sighs*

@babbling-babull @legitimatesatanspawn @mayfay @worm-strung-string @hdgnj @leftnotright

[kyrianclawraith]

[babbling-babull]

Do you think she has like, an actual bowl/pot in her quarters? Because she am Goo.

[evilminji]

It's a HEATED bowl! Mmmm~ is like a sun rock! Warm and cozy~♡

Her whole quarters are kinda? Coral-y? In that there are MANY tiny hiding spaces and visually pleasing structures. Her bed? Somewhere! What're you? A cop? Planning to EAT ME?? Some sort of PLANNING TO EAT ME COP!?!?

Mind your business! D:< you see nothing!

She? Now that I think about it? Probably takes up wearing fully body coverings, as she ages. Nothing religiously significant, of course, she's not an ASSHOLE. But like? Kindly, if you would:

Do Not Perceive™

Thank you! ^-^

A Consular? She... will not be. Not a chance in hell. Talking to PEOPLE? Horrifying! Absolutely NOT! So like... obviously she was BORN to be a Shadow, right? (≖_≖ ) what're you, speciesist? Just cause she can HIDE GOOD? You think she can investigate worth a damn?? Shame! *smacks you with rolled up reports*

The Goo Baby ends up an academic! Madame Nu ADORES her. (Did you know? That objects stored inside her? Are cushioned from shock, air tight sealed, AND perfecting cleaned? She doesn't digest anything SHE doesn't choose too! So it's just a living gel cushioning! She can WALK delicate artifacts from one location to another! By simply *leans over, wraps torso around object, stands back up with object perfectly cushioned inside torso, walks off*!)

(Except for Sith shit. She's NOT allowed to interact with Sith shit.)

[texasdreamer01]

"Clone troopers organize their own freedom and have to threaten the Jedi to comply because their Jedi generals are like their slave owners"

Pfft. As if the Jedi wouldn't catch a whiff of that, immediately and eagerly volunteer to help, to a degree where the clone troopers would have to tell them to slow down.

Jedi generals and commanders and random members of the Jedi Order as soon as they're entrusted with their troopers' plans for freedom:

[evilminji]

For real. I don't? Even think they waited long enough to hear the end of the sentence? Just "it's go time?? IT'S GO TIME!!! FINALLY!!!!" *SMASHING NOISES*

[worm-strung-string]

Honestly? It would be hilarious for DIN to haunt somebody. Like?

*visibly confused Mandalorian looks down at child* *crouchs down* uuuuh... wanna knife?

Like? Someone tell the Council! There is a VERY well meaning and polite ghost in the Creche! TEACHING ALL THE BABIES!!! Cease! Desist! Grogu, nooooo! D:>

Someone probably was all "myahaha! I have inflicted a MANDALORIAN GHOST upon the jedi! Surely they shall be vengeful and malevolent!" *smash cut to Din doing Story Time for utterly ENTRACED baby jedi, except he's using Mandalorian myths and legends, which is, unfortunately causing problems for the Creche Masters*

Like? He's not irresponsible! He makes SURE to tell them! No blasters at LEAST until your 4! And even then, what's the rule? *chorus of lil voices* "we gotta be suuuuperviiiiised~" good Ade.

Meanwhile? Jaster Ghost? Is waging a one man war against Madame Nu and her librarians in his effort to haunt the Archives. *wild west showdown music* do do doooo~ ( ≖_≖) (≖_≖ )

It's VERY high stakes. She's GOING to exorcize the bitch that Unpleasant Little Rat. If it's the LAST THING SHE DOES! You come into MY HOUSE?! *hiss of bugging repellent!* *sound of Devil Expletives!*

You can't keep him out FOREVER you old dragon!! He WILL get his greedy lil fingers ALL OVER THAT FORBIDDEN JETTII LORE! You'll see! He's had YEARS to plan this! Yeeeeears!

Mandalorian ancestors get lost marching end up stuck inside Jedi temple, nobody but the ghosts can make the best of it.

[evilminji]

They're just as confused as you are! :D WHERE are all the dead Jedi Masters, you may ask? *smash cut to a VERY harassed looking set of goran discussing the dead Jettii who keep trying to corrupt people with their Space Magic WAYS and drink all their fuckin tea (somehow! Despite being FUCKIN DEAD! The BASTARDS!!! D:< )*

Whooooo can saaaaay~☆ they could be ANYWHERE! Probably having a great time tho!

[somestorythoughts]

The Manda and the Force have decided to do a cultural exchange program.

Whether this is for their peoples' benefit, the lols, both, or something completely different is anyone's guess.

[evilminji]

You. You get it. "This is our Get Along Haunting! You can't KILL EACH OTHER if one of you is already DEAD! Learn some karkin PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING!" *smooshes them together like two siblings that hate each other*

The haunting WILL continue until ya'll learn to reach common ground! The Daughter, the Son, and the Manda tried their Best. Now it's Father's turn. And FATHER/BUIR says you all are putting on the soul version of a get along shirt!

Learn from each other or get used to being followed by the endlessly patient dead. This is not a threat. Merely a statement of what SHALL occur. *drops non existent mic and calmly walks off, through space-time, back to/from Mortis*

(LOL, Bad and Naughty children get DAD/BUIR called on them. The Force/Manda toooold on yooooou~! Now you're in troooouble! Gonna have to do Life Lessons and personal grooooowth~! Ha ha!)

[worm-strung-string]

Can I request more "yes, tis I, the Very Real Jango Fett, and this JEDI PADAWAN that, again, I JANGO FETT, have stolen" time travel Alpha-17 adventures?

Maybe a glimpse into the "no, see, I'm actually very Calm and Reasonable about this, my one man rampage across the galaxy, in pursuit of thE MANDALORIAN WHORE THAT TOOK MY PADA-" Crashout of one Jedi Master Qui-gon Jinn?

(Honestly... he needed this. He's actually been working through his past traumas at a VERY productive and swift pace! Doing some intense battle meditation and a bit of soul searching on the side! Crawling through vents like a horror movie monster!!

There really is nothing like "Mandalorians have stolen my Baby Child" to force to to DEAL with your own shit speedrun style. Once he has recovered his Padawan, spaced that motherfuck turned the man over to the rightful authorities, and gotten them home? He's thinking he should take Obi-Wan out for some burgers! ^-^ )

“Jango fett, undercover jedi?” Breaks the news and Jango starts going grey

Alpha-17 can’t or thinks he can’t legally adopt Obi-wan because it would publicly be assumed Jango fett adopted him and Alpha-17 would rather space them all then let anyone think that

Jinn and Alpha fighting like children “I don’t want it” “then I’m having it!” “NO I WANT IT NOW” “TOO FUCKING LATE LOSER” “YOOODAAAAAAA”

[evilminji]

He may not want to teach this child (lol, you say that NOW) but there's a LINE between "no, not for me, thank you" and "Let's Hand Over The Baby to MANDALORIANS(Known Blaster Wielding Criminals made of CRIME, who also HATE US!)"

Like? Wait. Wait, no! That's NOT WHAT HE SAID! Give that innocent CHILD BACK, YOU MADMAN! ( /O.O)/

N like? Lol, no the Jedi PR department day drinking taking EXTRA meditation breaks while they resist the desire to put a hit on this FUCKER who kidnaps Adorable Young Initiates and seems hell bent on spreading misinformation about jedi traditions.

Do... do you have ANY idea? How many OTHER Mandalorians have taken this fucker at his word? And thought they could just ROCK UP to CHALLENGE various Knights and Masters for their Padawans?

"Hello, I'm here to challenge you for custody of The Child" *points at a confused Padawan/Initiate out with their Master/Creche*

The guards are going FERAL! Heck, the CRECHE MASTERS are going feral! Qui-gon Jinn has caused no less then 15 interplanetary Incidents™ chasing the man and isn't returning anyone's calls!

Jango Fett is Enemy Number One Greatly Disliked, in these halls.

[worm-strung-string]

if time traveling alpha17 gets really worried about his little general's lack of socialization he can always drop by kamino for a little bit and let little obi run around with the cadets for awhile

granted, that'd backfire on him pretty quick with tiny cody not letting go of little obi but that's a future alpha17 problem

jango, in the meantime, seeing this karker with his face now has at least TWO (or three) kids and one (two) of them looks like him too and now his people are ragging on him for having an ad and not telling them and to show them the baby! they need to spoil their collective nephew! and where's the jedi ad jango? they need to spoilt their other collective nephew!

cody and one other little cadet, rotating because twins is believable for natborns while triplets would be pushing things but everyone gets a chance at adventures with the general (and bigger alpha17), pretending to be jango's twins sons and jango now being charged with all the damaged caused by them

Qui Gon immediately thinking that not-Jango stole more padawans and going even more feral, other masters being more protective of their padawans and worried that random mandalorian is going to steal THEIR babies! crechemasters patrolling ruthlessly and guards rearranging their patrol patterns and find the creepy wannabe sith acolytes that have been sneaking into the bowels of them temple to do creepy sith things, including an apprentice palpatine, and that's neutralized with ruthless efficiency, palpatine's master is going to have to find a new apprentice so that whole mess is put off for another generation or so

Okay so by the first swing of this bat we have to consider

1- would Alpha-17 actually allow or be complicit in cloning? Ethical aside the morality is complicated especially Alpha’s morality in general

2- how are these clones created and for what? Jango and his people are not in the same positions they were, neither is Palpatine plans going Exactly to order,

Was Jango’s dna taken (we do this a lot)

Is Alpha donating his own material? And would he choose the accelerated aging? Or did he spawn in time, set up the cloning and do some sight seeing getting a grip on time and money before yoinking Obi-wan, settling obi-wan and then going to grab the clones?

-does Jango fett think Alpha stole a Padawan but has kids of his own? I don’t think Jango would even think “those kids are mine?” Because he knows in his heart of heart Alpha-17 is not him despite looking like it. (He doesn’t even consider cloning an option)

If he does find the idea Alpha is maybe some lost relative, then I think he would find that more legal room to catch and beat his ass for family engagement purposes but that’s second to the massive bruised ego Alpha-17 is repeatedly punching into him

Also cloning isn’t guarantee to just respawn one of the old timeline clones, and Alpha-17 doubts he could reraise a clone into the idea of another clone, and if he should.

[evilminji]

Ah, but remember! This twas not PERFECT time travel! More of a *The Force picks you up n moves you back n a bit to the side*! No paradox here!

So we resolved THAT by Jango getting fuckin mugged. Like? Jaster's prob retired out there or something. Got old bones and just went "hey son :) wanna spar? :D suprise! You've defeated the Mand'alor! >:D no fuckin take backs" (like? Buir! W H Y)

So Alpha came back, sent Palpatine Fox's Regards™, then took Kamino.

Knock, knock! Karma's here. He has a list.

He put younger him in charge then fucked off to go kidna- I mean ADOPT his baby General.

Which like.... huh. Now that I think about it? Is Kamino even still standing? Thousands of children were put in charge. Mandalorian children.

......pretty sure the "Mandalorians" the jedi are so worried about, who keep trying to kidnap their Padawans? Are Vode. Who are CLEARLY just short mandos.

[worm-strung-string]

so the darksaber that alpha17 claimed for obi-wan doesn't actually need the little wrist loop to stay with obi-wan because the kyber in there is so relieved to be with someone like obi-wan that the darksaber is sticking to him like glue, once obi-wan has it in his hand, it's not coming off unless obi-wan is clipping it to his belt, once on his belt, the belt is essentially glued to obi-wan's body

as far as the darksaber is concerned no one is stealing it from the jedi again, thank you very much, it's had enough of half crazed blood thirsty glory hounds who spit on everything that tarre viszla stood for

The wrist loop is actually a leash for the darksaber who keeps trying to propel itself in any given direction for a fight because if Obi-wan has to go after the saber then he gets dragged into the fight

I do love sabers with personality and a Velcro saber is very funny, once the darksaber decides it’s riding with you, you have no choice but to ride with it and the force will be working with the saber more the you can (Din)

[evilminji]

You turn around and what do you see? Why, a small child! Being physically dragged across the ground by the floating menace attached to his wrist by a kiddie strap!

"We can take um! 三三ᕕ( •̀ゝ•́)ᕗ " shouts the dark saber, eager to get back into its favorite past time of kicking universal ass.

"Wait! No! Stoooooop!" Shouts the horrified child, being dragged to fight a literal squad of Mandos.

[worm-strung-string]

You know what would be frickin hilarious? Alpha "I AM the Danger" 17 getting caught up in the Cody-Kenobi nonsense and fuckin Timetraveled. And like? After a quick lil side stop to... Remove Fox-ika's nightmare of a boss (who, yes, happens to be the Chancellor of the Republic. But he's not the Chancellor YET so TECHNICALLY not treason.) (Wait, what? Fuckers a SITH? Oh that explains so MUCH. Unimportant tho)

He like? *mentally checks off step one of his If I Ever Time Travel To-Do List* *fuckin takes over Kamino* *puts younger him in charge*

Now.... where the fuck is my dumbass red-head? *goes and kidnaps a Padawan*

Like? Huh. Qui-gon sure is late. Not unusual. He does tend to do this. We better call hi-*line connects to the sound of Qui-gon, the chillest man you know, cursing someone out VIOLENTLY in 53 languages as he chases them through high speed traffic* he's fuckin? Rabid?? Just LOCKS EYES with his Master (who was here to resign) and goes "oh THANK FORCE! Yan! YAN!! A Mandalorian TOOK MY PADAWAN! He's RUNNING OFF WITH OBI-WAN!"

*record scratch!* *grandpa instinct violently activates* oh god. A BARBARIAN HAS THE BABY!!! D:>

All while Obi-Wan, who was PROMISED KNOWLEDGE and a free blaster, is just hanging there like a cat resigned to its fate. (He... suspects? He may have been bamboozled. Tricked even. There's no free lessons on Vode culture here! Just lots of running! >:/ )

Obi-wan in one timeline: you can’t kill every senator

Alpha-17: drat

Alpha-17 now fucking with the timeline and no obi-wan in sight technically! Before Obi-wan said he couldn’t kill every senator! Which means he can kill this Senator! Who regardless of sith or not is clearly lying about being “for the rebublic” (Alpha-17 is intentionally projecting “he’s a liar so everything he says is a lie, not from Palpatine actually lying or in anyway Alpha could actually tell, just from drunk fox messages) therefore Alpha-17 is within his given limits to kill that mf

Love how tbis time line implies the fight between mandalorians and Dooku may have been over Alpha-17 stealing a baby and assuming he was mandalorian

I laugh everytime the “Jedi steal babies” bullshit gets flipped and someone “steals” a baby jedi like good fucking luck Buddy

[evilminji]

Dooku rocks up with his team of Jedi knights, literally kicks the Galidraan senator out of the way (while not listening) and like? *points with EXTREME aggression* *bellows* "Where the FUCK is my GRAND-PADAWAN, YOU BASTARDS!?!?" (<-A master diplomat, everybody~☆)

Jango, whos probably recovering from getting nabbed for his DNA by a panicking Sith, who was getting HUNTED FOR SPORT by a DIFFERENT Mandalorian, is like? "Ffs. I don't KNOW! Death Watch, probably?! Why are we YELLING!? I still have a CONCUSSION! Stop YELL- aaaand they're off. Fuckin weirdos."

*distant explosions*

*death watch dying noises*

"Wait wut."

Just? Chill? Never heard of them. The whole ass linage (plus Vos) is LOSING THEIR SHIT. Yoda himself has hobbled down to Keldab'ika to harrass the Goran. "Make a menace of myself, I will. Refuse to leave, I will. Sing showtunes badly, I shall. Not a threat, merely promise, hmmm? Find my great-great-grand Padawan, you will."

Alpha-17: Ha! Sounds like a YOU problem! *continues to try and wrestle his squirming Lil Shit into baby's first Armor.* *Obi-Wan continues to resist, much like a toddler who refuses to wear shoes*

Qui-gon: *probably recruited the local nexu population and is going full Wrathful Upset But Serene Nature God*

[worm-strung-string]

My brain just reminded me? Of the sheer comedic potential? Of the "here, hold this" *hands Mando a baby or small child*

Like? "Welp.... guess they have a child now. They didn't set OUT to be a parent today, but they will bravely rise to the occasion! They love their New Child. They would die for them"

Just. You meant for FIVE MINUTES. (Too late) and just to keep them away from any Dangerous High Level Jedi Fighting! Like? Mandos are TANKS. Of course it's safe to put a child behind them! Nothing short of a ship exploding will so much as DENT that armor!

Like? Imagine Qui-gon on Punishment Chaperone Duty for the Crechelings. (Oh Force. There so many of them. They are Loud and Sticky for some reason!) But! Oh don't worry! Their Crèche Master is here to REALLY guide this outing. We just need more adul-*comm call noise* hmm? One second. Gotta take this call! ^-^

*in the like 5 MINUTES THEY WERE GONE*

Ah HA! Some asshole here to wither kill or capture jedi babies! Possibly a grudge against Qui-gon specifically? He stopped listen the SECOND they pulled a weapon on children. But wait! Oh no! The Children! Protecc mode! Fancy flips! Quick thinking! Yeet most of them in to the Alderaanian senator's speeder! ("Hiiiiii Mr Senator, sir! We got thrown! :D" *horrified Senator noises. Did that man just THROW THESE INFANTS!?*)

But wait! The little bite-y child! Don't you DARE threaten the vaguely possessed Little Creature that is initiate Kenobi! You there! Mando with the red cape! Hold this child! *goes back to awesome flippy lightsaber fighting*

No one ever warned him~

They warn the Creche Masters! But no one ever warned hiiiim~☆

Jaster has a new son! (No!!!!) No, see, he's small, cute, and possession is 9/10ths of the law. We've already started bonding. Got those paternal hormones flooding and everything. You're gonna have to fight me now. *vehement Creche Master cursing. Because yes they will but your a fool if you think they wont*

Just? The dangerous DANGEROUS game! That is "here, hold this"

Jedi are taught to avoid hostile engagement with Mandalorian, Creche Masters are taught to AVOID OR FIGHT those bastards off with all the force necessary and Qui-gon, although understandably did not KNOW, and was doing...*something* to protect children. did just do the one think likey to set off the Mandalorian vs jedi wars again.

[evilminji]

As was... honestly kinda predictable for the man. That entire Lineage has THE WORST yet somehow BEST luck? Like? You get -> "Renewed Tensions between the Jedi and Mandalorian people, because BOTH want 'Their' infant back" and in RETURN? The Force will give you! -> "this somehow unravels the Nefarious Terrorist Schemes of the Murderous branch of the Mandalorian sector? Leading to Peace for Mandalorians in our time?"

It's like some how accidentally exploding a charity hospital sets of a chain of events that leads to the curing of cancer. Like? That's wonderful! But I'm still banned for life from that city and they are down a hospital. Also I'm in jail. (Master Yoda pls come pick me up. It's happened agaaaaain. T^T )

Think we could make it a chain? >:3 Obi-Wan's kidnap-able curse strikes young?

Just "hey, hold this youngling for a second?" <- literally anyone *they hand Obi-Wan to someone else.* *that someone else looks down into the Big Ol Adoptable Eyes if their NEW SON* immediately commences -> #MineNow

Like? On this adventure of "will Initiate Kenobi EVER actually get back to the Temple?" Epidode 563! "This time it's Mandos again!" LOL. His poor Creche Masters. First they have to fight the wildlife at the petting zoo, then the NON-pettable animals at the zoo, now PEOPLE?!

[worm-strung-string]

Amusing thought! You know how Obi-Wan is undisputed Dark Sider Bait? All you gotta do is have him stand in an open space, wait five minutes, and the closest dark sider will show up, to dramatically fling themselves at him swearing a life long obsessed campaign of something or other? Because he is the Light Side's Special Lil Chewtoy Blorbo?

Well the MANDA is not the Light OR Dark side! And it occurs to me??

It ALSO wants to get in on this action!

Strill trying to abscond with itty bitty bby initiate kenobi. Passing Mando'ade going *sees adorable child noise* "heeey, kiddo! Ever consider the wonderful and loving life of a Mando'ade? I make soup!" Bounty hunters trying to adopt him. Bounty hunters, later on, trying to [REDACTED] freaky style, thus VERY persuasively converting him to their side. (Hey, it worked for ba-buir!)

Just? Daughter holding her blorbo to her chest with one arm, a fuckin knife in the other hand, going "Back! BACK YOU SCOUNDRELS!!!" As she has to metaphysically ward the fuckers off her boy.

It'd be hilarious. Give both his Master AND Padawan a stress ulcer. Man can't walk five steps without some long though dead cult of darksiders POPS OUT THE THIN BLUE SKY to rip their fuckin shirts off and declare "kenoooobiiiiii! Fight me! Worthy opponent! Blah blah blah, we're evil!" (They've stopped listed at this point) and EVERY. SINGLE. BOUNTY HUNTER! Inevitably becomes a problem!

Are they Mando? Then they ARE going to get weirdly invested in trying to adopt Qui-gon's Padawan/Anikin's Master! "Oh you're being silly. Exaggerating! It's not that bad!" Obi-Wan says, oblivious to the carnage he's wrought. The peaceful missions he's turned into tense multiplanet hostage negotiations.

Yan cursed his Padawan to be just like him.

W-why (·•᷄ᴖ•᷅) would you do this to me, Master. (·•᷄∩•᷅) I thought you LOVED ME! .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·.

I LOVE and get all the kicks out of Anakin feeling like he has to beat back anyone who approaches obi-wan with any kind of intentions hilarious!

imagine like a Obi-wan meets lil ani on tatooine with Qui-gon and Qui-gon is hoping to use obi-wan as distractable bait so nobody looks to hard at whoever is around or near a royal Naboo cruiser. Like Qui-gon has that WEAPONISED, jingle jingle look at the padawan Jingle jingle! dont look at the nabooian

and Anakin clocks the bounty hunters being destracted by Obi-wan and thinks Qui-gon and Obi-wan are not! so cleary he's gotta be the smarter one and help them!

And now he's gotta help them with the sith who is also far to distracted with Obi-wan,

And WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LET OBI-WAN RUN AROUND LIKE MANDO BAIT ON MANDALORE AS A PADAWAN?!?!

Its very convenient for Obi-wan when the trouble comes for him so problems take less time without having to find the problem. Its everyone else that seems to have the problems with it!

[evilminji]

My eyes have been opened. Qui-gon-> enabler of the Force, confirmed???! It's highly effective, councilors! He gets so much done! We just show up, the all I have to do is pick up my Padawan like a loth-cat, jiggle him in the air a bit, and? Bam! Darksiders! Useful Mando informants! Takes like five seconds.

Meanwhile ANIKIN, smol and filled with STRESS, is like "if I don't defend my poor, helpless, MAIDEN of a master from all these MADMEN AND SCOUNDRELS? He will surely die. He is pure of heart but dumb of ass. Unlike I, Anikin Skywalker."

Kid is out here with the power of God The Force and Anime R2D2 on his side, dick punching anything that moves. Has a knife. He has speenrun responsibility and decided that HE holds the common sense in this relationship, bless Obi-Wan's heart, so he shall NOT be- *another Mando tries to chat up his Master* THIGH STAB! 😡🔪

Honestly? The stress is probably good for him? Gives him a sense of purpose and control. A life mission. Keep his Master AWAY from weird obsessive dark siders and Any Mando'ade who so much as *mild head tilt of vague interest* (because THATS HOW IT STARTS! He sees you! He KNOWS YOUR GAME, MANDALORIAN!)

Hilariously? I think it would ruin Palpatine's plans for him? NOT because Palpatine fell to the Dark Sider Bait Curse. But! Because he asked One(1!) Too many times about Obi-Wan. And Anikin was like *pauses mid sip of his drink.* (≖ - ≖) *slooowly puts down drink* interesting question there. Why do you ask, Sheev?

Lol. Local feral desert child brings balance to the Force because he's so used BEATING THE SHIT out of every evil that gets drawn in by his weirdly cursed Master he just gets... fuckin trigger happy. You're not a Mando, Sheev. Guess you're a darksider! (That doesn't make sense.) (No, no, I think he's on to something. Says Quinlan Vos, who is horrible and thinks this is funny.)

[fanfic-obsessed]

Knowing

I have just had the worst, or best, brainwave and I need to share it. 

Here is an AU for you.

Vader thinks that he killed his wife and child, right?

Right up until he meets little Leia Organa when she is 10 years old. Like his one brain cell woke the fuck up when he was confronted with a passionate, angry little girl with Padme’s eyes and his chin. This is maybe a month after she was kidnapped and returned to Alderaan. Leia decides that she would need to learn how to be a senator and insists that Bail takes her with him to the next session of the imperial senate.  

Bail does not want to bring her to the imperial senate. However he knows very well who her birth parents were, it is either Bail brings Leia to the Imperial Senate or Leia brings Leia to the Imperial Senate, probably bringing with her someone she really shouldn’t (Like actual Obi Wan Kenobi-I just want you to picture for a moment, because Bail certainly did, looking up and realizing that Leia is charging down the halls outside his office, dragging with her a bemused and sandy Obi Wan, both in badly conceived disguises).

Bail is super stressed as he tries to run a rebellion while riding herd on his well meaning but very direct 10 year old daughter on top of his normal duties as an imperial senator. Bail is also very afraid that the moment the Emperor sees Leia, he will make the connection between Leia and Padme Amidala (The emperor does not socialize with the senate any longer, thank the stars). He has no idea that Vader was once Anakin Skywalker, so has no cause to be more careful than normal (because Vader) about Vader seeing Leia. As such Bail does not even notice when Vader stops to consider them from the shadows. Leia is haranguing another planet’s senatorial aide who had chosen the wrong moment to make a bigoted joke. 

Vader is very abruptly, though mentally, thrown back to this very hallway 12 years earlier where he watched his wife do the same thing, for the same reason, possibly to this same aide. Though Leia is still a child and Padme was an adult, he can still see his wife in this little girl.

The realization that this is Padme’s child hits him with the force of a Ventanor. Followed immediately, before he even realized that this meant that his child was standing in front of him, by the soul deep knowledge that she must be protected from the Emperor at all costs. 

Vader had known for years that his suit had been designed to cause him more pain, he just thought he deserved it. The thought of Palpatine getting ahold of Padme’s daughter was abhorrent. Vader sticks to the shadows and watches, seeing how well Bail loved and protected Leia. 

While he is thinking(read Obsessing) about his daughter, the part of him that is always centered on Obi Wan points out that his old master had been one of the last people to see Padme after Vader choked her. But the little voice that spoke in Padme’s tones piped up, the shock of Leia living being enough to finally make this little voice loud enough to be heard, saying that until recently Obi Wan believed that Anakin Skywalker was all the way dead, he was protecting their child as best as he knew how. 

And Vader has issues with just about every choice Obi Wan Kenobi ever made. But he will admit that hiding Padme’s daughter was the best option. 

As Vader knows that paying too much attention to Leia would draw the Emperor’s attention, he would be willing to wait until the right moment to get his daughter back. His one concession to his need to protect her was taking one of his personal guard, one of the few units still made up almost entirely of clones, and assigning them to be Leia Organa’s bodyguard, her shadow (I also want you to take a moment to consider what that did for Bail’s stress level).  And then Vader gets to planning. 

With his one brain cell awake and focused on the Organa’s it takes Vader all of 15 minutes to realize that Bail Organa is running the Rebellion (I want it to be clear, this is not a slight on Bail at all, Anakin Skywalker was a war general, well educated through the Jedi on a number of subjects, and does have a fair measure of politics learning from both his former master and his dead wife).  However Vader is no more loyal to the Empire than Anakin was to the Republic.  In fact, upon realizing that Padme’s daughter had lived Vader firmly decided that he needed to find a way to kill Palpatine to crown Leia.  With the realization that Bail, and likely Leia (neither Vader nor Anakin have any idea what activities are appropriate for a 10 year old), are part of the Rebellion, Vader decides that The Rebellion would succeed (or everyone would die trying). 

Note: Vader only really gets away with no one realizing that he now supported the Rebellion because, well, no one can quite believe that Darth Vader supports the Rebellion. Most people think there is a new type of Space Madness, and that one of the symptoms is hallucinating Darth Vader giving you intel for the Rebellion.

By the time Leia was a teenager, rumors abound about the odd way that Vader acted around her. By sheer happenstance (and some judicial violence on Vader’s part) these rumors had never reached the Emperor. A good deal of these rumors implied that Vader was looking to the Princess of Alderaan as a wife.  The reaction Vader had, the only time it was brought up in front of him, was…impressive, even for the amount of violence he normally dealt out. Still there are members of Vader’s personal guard who watch over Leia whenever she is on Imperial Center, and no one wants to repeat the time when she was 12 when one of Bail enemies tried to kidnap her for ransom.  It took an entire corps of engineers to put those levels back to rights (after they scrubbed the blood off).  

So we get all the way up to the timeframe of ANH. The Death Star in this does not start out under the control of Darth Vader. It starts out under the control of Tarkin, it is important to note this. Leia still sends out R2D2 and C3P0 to find Obi Wan Kenobi, none of that part changes. 

It is after Leia is captured that Darth Vader shows up (does he lurk silently in any system that Leia is due to be in as often as he can get away with…why yes, yes he does). Tarkin had wanted Leia tortured, however no one wanted to find out how many decks Vader would spread their entrails across for touching her.  Vader arrives on the bridge just as Tarkin is threatening to blow up Alderaan. Tarkin orders the weapon to begin its charge. 

Leia, Leia who is so like her mother in that she will use every weapon in her arsenal, turns to Darth Vader and speaks to him for the first time. ‘Please’ she said, no effort to hide her distress, ‘please save my planet’

Something Leia had no cause to know-An angel who she resembled once thanked Anakin Skywalker for saving her planet. 

Tarkin is dead almost before she finishes speaking. Vader orders the DS weapons to power down and disengage, which is done post haste. Then announces that Leia Organa was now in control. 

So Leia now owns a Death Star (genuine article-never used). Leia is not sure if that is how this works, but no one is arguing with the tall man in black who has OPINIONS and will enforce them.  Leia manages to communicate this to her parents, who take a shuttle up to the space station to figure out what the fuck is going on, and what, if anything, they need to do next.

Two hours later: Obi Wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, R2D2, C3P0, and Chewbacca have just been caught trying to sneak onto the Death Star. The Organas are still on board, trying to get answers (In that time Vader has said precisely five words to them ‘You have raised her well’).  It is to this room that the troopers manning the station (who are deeply confused and a bit conflicted because it seems like they may have all been forcibly defected from the Empire, but no one is willing to disobey Lord Vader) bring Obi Wan and co. and present them to Leia, as she is considered in command.  Somehow Luke’s full name (I kind of picture him still dumbly introducing himself to Leia, followed with ‘we’re here to rescue you’) gets used before the situation deteriorates. Which naturally causes everything to deteriorate further and faster than before.  

Far away on Imperial Center, the Emperor pauses in the middle of a hallway ‘I feel’ he says to no one ‘a disturbance in the Force.’ another pause ‘like some shit has just hit the fan’

Far away on Dagobah Yoda looks up, ‘weird, shit just got’

[wolverina2002]

Somebody get Han the booze and a datapad to start recording.

Also, Ahsoka and Rex both suddenly stop whatever they´re doing, meet eyes and simultaniously reach for the whiskey.

[fanfic-obsessed]

I picture at some point Vader peers at Han and goes 'How do I know you?'

Han, who has been trying to work his payment into the conversation for the last hour: Uhh, you don't?

Vader tilts his head: You show up with my ex master, my long lost son, mine and my dead wife's old droids, and a friend of my old Padawan (they had already had a brief discussion about Chewbacca knowing Ahsoka) all to rescue my daughter. And you have no connection to me at all?

Han: Look, I'm just a smuggler looking to get paid so I don't get killed by a Hutt.

Vader : Would you like me to kill the Hutt for you?

-Note: No one has forgotten that Vader's MO is to show up somewhere and slaughter everyone. However just about everyone in the room is hoping Vader will forget for a little while that his MO is to show up and slaughter everyone. -

At another point Vader concludes that Han has, rather unwillingly, been dragged into the madness that is Obi Wan life (Obi Wan protests that Vader/Anakin is responsible for at least 40% of the Shenanigans and they bicker companionably for several minutes before both realize what they are doing and trail into an awkward silence.)

At a further point, Vader finds out how good a pilot Han is. It is around this time that he decides that Han will be perfect for Leia (A love story to match his and Padme's), having seen the first buds of attraction between them (I think it would be hilarious if, of all of Leia's living parents, Vader is the most supportive of her and Han ).

[fanfic-obsessed]

Consider, if you will, that from their perspective Ahsoka and Rex have not had a 'anakin and obi wan are getting into batshit insane shennanigans' for almost a decade at this point (There was a brief flair after Obi Wan realized that Vader was Anakin, but it faded before they could figure out what was going on). So they automatically reach for the booze to fortify themselves then stop, confused.

Rex sighs really heavily and goes, why do I feel like we're going to need to call Cody?

[razzledazzle247]

Also, I imagine this is happening over the course of a few days, from Leia getting captured to Obi-Wan and the gang getting there, so if Ahsoka and Rex get the feeling near the first day when Leila’s given command, imagine if they get there soon after Obi-wan and walk in to the chaos.

Ahsoka takes one look at Luke and Leia and goes “he had KIDS?!” Then turns to Vader “you had KIDS?!?”

Vader’s like “You’re ALIVE?!?!” Because the last time he saw her was in the collapsing smith temple on Malachor

Rex is like “we didn’t get drunk enough for this”

And everyone else is just even more confused

[a-krogan-skald-and-bearsark]

At some point during this Vader realizes that

A) Palpatine is on Coruscant

B) They are possession of a battlestation designed to destroy planets

Puts two and two together and gets "War Crime" and attention is redirected to convincing Vader that there are less messy ways to remove the Emperor.

[fanfic-obsessed]

Well, War Crimes time is both Vader and Anakins favorite 15 hours out of every day. He perks up significantly when he realizes that he can do war crimes for his kids.

[somestorythoughts]

Han is recording everything. For prosterity and also because this is one of the most surreal things he's ever seen.

He's very confused and really wants a shot or five but he's still recording.

Ahsoka wants to meet the Skywalker kids. Rex pretends he doesn't want to, says he's too old for Jedi shenanigans, but he's lying.

[voidartisan]

I think the Jedi council should have at least considered sending obi-wan over to Dooku to be like “yes hello I am here for sith training” just to see what would happen

[voidartisan]

Like, we know from the rako hardeen arc that he’s a good enough actor to pull this off. Combined with Dooku’s clear affection(?) for him, I think the council would have most of the separatists’ top military secrets in a month, max

[voidartisan]

I mean, even if Obi-Wan got caught transmitting information

Dooku:…what are you doing

Obi-Wan, panicking slightly: I’m a double agent. Passing them bad intel.

Dooku: I didn’t ask you to do that

Obi-Wan: …i’m taking initiative????

Dooku:

Dooku: We’ll it’s about time SOMEONE around here did

[voidartisan]

Palpatine: There have been far too many “coincidences” with the Jedi lately. The information your new apprentice is transmitting is accurate, I’m sure of it.

Dooku: My boy would never do such a thing

Palpatine: Your b— you know, the whole “no attachments” is a Jedi thing but I think we need to have a talk

[terapsina]

Let's just add another layer to this cuz I bet that LIKE the Raako Hardeen incident no one tells Anakin anything.

So we also have an unhinged (but in the OTHER direction) Anakin chasing Obi-Wan across the galaxy going: 'Come back to the light side, Master, you're my brother!'

So now Palpatine's dealing with the unexpected headache of his planned future apprentice being too busy trying to de-sithify the not-actually-a-sith!Obi-Wan to get sithified himself.

[wolverina2002]

Anakin suddenly throwing himself hard into being the perfect Jedi to guide his master back to the light is hilarious

[karlyanalora]

Someone starts a rumor that Obi-Wan killed a village full of women and children. (Probably Obi-Wan. He has to sell the look. Man that was a late night of moving civilians into Jedi Witness protection.)

Obi-Wan: Anakin, I can't come back to the Light. Did you not hear about the village?

Anakin: Oh I totally think you can.

Obi-Wan: Um, why?

Anakin: I'm sure you had a reason.

Obi-Wan, not liking where this is going: Like what....?

[randomenby0ntumbir]

This is what breaks Anakin's suspension of disbelief and he totally catches onto what Obi-Wan is doing. Obi-Wan has to be like "ok so this is all a ruse I'm actually a spy" and Anakin bitches and moans about the council sending Obi-Wan and not him, saying he'd be great for the role, so eventually Obi-Wan agrees to let him join, and now Palpatine is even more frustrated because Anakin is too enthusiastic about being a secret Sith spy to actually turn, so Palpatine's pulling his hair out at how his plan managed to fail by succeeding. Oh, and also Anakin gets a taste of what the Dark Side is really like, so if Palpatine ever tries to float him the idea for real, he'll just remember the One Mission Where Me And My Master Were Secret Sith Spies And We Had To Kill A Man And It Was Not Fun and immediately refuse.

[howdidthisevenhappenanyway]

dooku: you’re coming to the darkside grandpadawan? really?? good! because I actually had my designer draw up a collection for you just in case!

obi-wan calling satine kryze: ‘ guess I’ll start talking to you again now that I’m pretending to be pro-genocide

satine: I guess I’ll tell you you have a son now that you’re now pro-acknowledgement of relationships

anakin: wow you really planned this whole thing out thoroughly to have a secret wife and child, master! guess what?! I came prepared too!

[kungphooey]

Every time I read about a Sith version of Obi-Wan I think of him dressed like Eddie Redmayne in Jupiter Rising. I know it’s only pmy brain that thinks this, but give Obi-Wan to the sith with a fuck ton of money and the man would look good. Just Obi-Wan dressed like this!

[evilminji]

No, no. You are both bold and absolutely correct. The man is tits out to the galaxy. We know this to be true. Skin tight and immaculate beard-age. Dumped all his points into Charisma and about to make it EVERYONE'S problem. Probably glitter.

The most dangerous Sith.

[therearewarsofstars]

God damn

He takes over the galaxy in a year, and acquires a harem 100%