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AnasAbdin
Cosmic Funnies
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Acquired Stardust
almost home
RMH
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Peter Solarz
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DEAR READER

⣠Chile in a Photography âŁ
ojovivo
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
art blog(derogatory)

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Aqua Utopiaď˝ćľˇăŽĺşă§č¨ćśăç´Ąă
dirt enthusiast
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@therockcoxon
Come get your luxurious loot at Burger Royale!
A strange thing about stories -- Though this all happened so long ago and so far away that words cannot describe the time or the distance, it is also happening right now. Right here. It is happening as you read these words.
- Matthew Stover, Revenge of the Sith
old people really need to learn how to text accurately to the mood theyâre trying to represent like my boss texted me wondering when my semester is over so she can start scheduling me more hours and i was like my finals are done the 15th! And she texts back âYay for youâŚ.â how the fuck am i supposed to interpret that besides passive aggressive
Someone needs to do a linguistic study on people over 50 and how they use the ellipsis. Itâs FASCINATING. I never know the mood theyâre trying to convey.
I actually thought for a long time that texting just made my mother cranky. But then I watched my sister send her a funny text, and my mother was laughing her ass off. But her actual texted response?
âHa⌠right.â
Like, she had actual goddamn tears in her eyes, and that was what she considered an appropriate reply to the joke.I just marvelled for a minute like âwhat the actual hell?â and eventually asked my mom a few questions. I didnât want to make her feel defensive or self-conscious or anything, it just kind of blew my mind, and I wanted to know what she was thinking.
Turns out that sheâs using the ellipsis the same way I would use a dash, and also to create âmore space between wordsâ because it âjust looks better to herâ. Also, that I tend to perceive an ellipsis as an innate âdownswingâ, sort of like the opposite of the upswing you get when you ask a question, but she doesnât. And that she never uses exclamation marks, because all her teachers basically drilled it into her that exclamation marks were horrible things that made you sound stupid and/or aggressive.
So whereas I might sent a response that looked something like:
âYay! That sounds great - where are we meeting?â
My mother, whilst meaning the exact same thing, would go:
âYay. That sounds great⌠where are we meeting?â
And when I look at both of those texts, mine reads like âhappy/approvalâ to my eye, whereas my motherâs looks flat. Positive phrasing delivered in a completely flat tone of voice is almost always sarcastic when spoken aloud, so written down, it looks sarcastic or passive-aggressive.
On the reverse, my mother thinks my texts look, in her words, âditzyâ and âloudâ. She actually expressed confusion, because she knows I write and she thinks that I write well when Iâm constructing prose, and she, apparently, could never understand why I âwrote like an airhead who never learned proper Englishâ in all my texts. It led to an interesting discussion on conversational text. Texting and text-based chatting are, relatively, still pretty new, and my motherâs generation by and large didnât grow up writing things down in real-time conversations. The closest equivalent would be passing notes in class, and that almost never went on for as long as a text conversation might. But letters had been largely supplanted by telephones at that point, so âconversational writingâ was not a thing she had to master.Â
So whereas people around my age or younger tend to text like weâre scripting our own dialogue and need to convey the right intonations, my mom writes her texts like sheâs expecting her Eighth grade English teacher to come and mark them in red pen. She has learned that proper punctuation and mistakes are more acceptable, but when she considers putting effort into how sheâs writing, itâs always the lines of making it more formal or technically correct, and not along the lines of âhow would this sound if you said it out loud?â
TiLÂ (click to go to the thread, which probably has more interesting tidbits I missed).
Bonus:
These are my people.
Adorable murder weapon
Bill Haderâs knife story is the funniest thing ever
Iâve seen this 5,000 times and I still laugh every single time. This and his Dateline impressions are the funniest thing that has ever happened in the history of the world.
I donât even know who this is or anything but this just absolutely fucking killed me. I laughed so hard I saw spots. I was crying. Iâm hurting.
This is and always will be the single most iconic moment in cinematic history and I will hear nothing to the contrary
How Animals Eat Their Food
this video is fuckin ancient and i honestly forgot how funny it was
I always forget how funny this is until I watch it again and die laughing!
Oh gosh, I forgot this was a thing!
Rolling Stone Photo Shoot. The gift that keeps on giving
@angryschnauzer @siren-kitten-his @acebakes @papi-chulo-seb @hakimo2015 @luninosity @slaughterme-barnes @heather-lynn @theycallmebecca @ariallane @daisyjm75 @daisykane535 @alievans007 @amethystinawrites
He is so ridiculously and effortlessly and naturally sexy in this shoot. Itâs fucking painful.
@siren-kitten-his I canât disagree. This was always my favourite shoot, and these newly released pics just reinforce that. I donât think heâs even trying either!
This one and the dirty truck stop hooker are my favorites and the Esquire shoot where he just oozes Professor Evans. @katiew1973
You mean this one @siren-kitten-his
Hell yes! Iâd fuck him in the back of my Sante Fe. Lol
#my two moods
The Cast Of âIt Chapter Twoâ Finds Out Which Characters They Really Are
Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters
they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay
âHe leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.â
âStones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.â
âHe gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.â
âIt looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.â
âIf it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.â
And, of course: âThe ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks donât.â
the one that will always stay with me is âArthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,â i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.
I will reblog this every time I see it because these are some of my favorite sentences in the English language.
Andy Sambergâs John Mulaney impression (x)
Itâs funny to see all the people reblogging this completely unaware that these three worked together for Y E A R S of course they have a John impression
I saw @moonsworllld asking for a transcript:
Andy: BlacKkKlansman was nominated and judging by the upper and lower case lettering in the title is also a wi-fi password
[audience laughs]
Andy: thatâs a John Mulaney joke
[Seth laughs]
Andy (as John Mulaney): He Wrote It!
[everybody laughing]
Seth (as John Mulaney): As You Do
Andy (as Really Exaggerated John Mulaney): As, One, Does! [normal voice] love him, the best
How Does Waffle House Stay Open During Disasters?
Waffle House is prepared to make you breakfast at all hours of the day in any kind of weather. The restaurant chain is so widely respected for its severe weather preparedness that a former director of FEMA started using their stores as an indicator of how bad a particular storm or disaster was:
The âWaffle House Index,â first coined by Federal Emergency Management Agency Director W. Craig Fugate, is based on the extent of operations and service at the restaurant following a storm and indicates how prepared a business is in case of a natural disaster.
For example, if a Waffle House store is open and offering a full menu, the index is green. If it is open but serving from a limited menu, itâs yellow. When the location has been forced to close, the index is red. Because Waffle House is well prepared for disasters, Kouvelis said, itâs rare for the index to hit red. For example, the Joplin, Mo., Waffle House survived the tornado and remained open.
Annie Blanks recently visited the âWaffle House Storm Centerâ in advance of Hurricane Dorianâs predicted landfall in Florida.
When any of the stores are in danger of being hit by severe weather, so-called âjump teamsâ are activated to be ready to deploy wherever needed.
Jump teams are made up of Waffle House contractors, construction workers, gas line experts, restaurant operators, food providers and other associates who are assembled and ready to go wherever needed at a momentâs notice. Their purpose is to help relieve local Waffle House operators and employees who need to evacuate, be with their families or tend to their homes when a storm hits, and help make sure restaurants are able to open quickly after a storm or stay open during a storm.
On Twitter, Blanks shared a photo of the four different pared-down menus that Waffle House prepares for disasters.
(via @LauraVW)
This is very impressive, but it does beg the question: âwhat does it say about US society that we canât do without our fucking waffles during a hurricane?â
Bounty hunting is a complicated profession. Donât you agree?
THE MANDALORIAN (2019-)
Hey tumblr, long time no see! My page is basically dead right now, suggest tags for me to follow please <3