Alright I did end up binging the rest of Spider Noir today and, as a grieving person, I really do love how Ben Reilly's grief is portrayed. Spoilers under the cut.
We start the show with the explanation of Ruby's death and get further details down the line. She was in trouble and the Spider didn't find out until it was too late. She died, and out of grief, Ben Reilly hung up his mask. We hear several times from Robbie and Janet that he's not the same, he's in a hole, they're waiting for their friend to come back, etc. He's in the shit, and he's in it deep.
But the thing that I LOVE is that when he explains all of this to Cat, she assumes, "so you saved me to make up for saving Ruby."
"Nothing will ever make up for that.
"I saved you to stop myself from feeling worse."
That's it, gang. That's the game. That's grief.
And Ben does fall for Cat, and it's exciting. He feels like he can start over, takes every step to do just that and make sure his friends are safe in the mean time. He leaves the photo of him and Ruby behind under the linens. He's ready to move on and leave his grief in the past.
And then something shitty happens.
Cat betrays him and he gets to experience the best medical horrors the 1930s have to offer. Things go wrong, and after he escapes, he's right back to where he was. He's sad and angry and lonely and he starts a bar fight over it, ready to give up his powers for good and just about to do it before Robbie stops him.
Robbie stops him because Robbie doesn't understand: you have all these powers, you could help so many people! You were doing it before, why not now? Why are you punishing all of New York over Cat's betrayal? (The implication also being, why are you punishing all of New York over Ruby's murder?) If you can do good, you should do it, and why aren't you?
And we get another delicious sentiment: "Because I was never in it to be a hero! I did all of that stuff as The Spider because it felt good! And it doesn't feel good anymore!"
Robbie says that Ben needs to think long and hard about why it felt good and why it doesn't anymore, but the pieces are pretty obvious, I think. Saving people is fun and exciting Until You Can't. Because if you can't save the person that matters to you most, why bother? If you succeed saving people going forward, it just smacks you in the face harder that when it mattered most, you failed. And that doesn't feel good.
And Robbie hits Ben with, "you couldn't save Ruby because you didn't know. But you know you can help these guys whose superpowers are killing them. You have a choice. So what are you going to do?"
Somewhere between the park and the office, Ben decides to save them, but we don't find out why until he hands out the last of the antidote. Until he gives Cat, the woman who betrayed him, and Flint, the man who tried to murder him, the new lease on life he can't seem to find for himself.
Ben says, "you know why."
"I saved you to stop myself from feeling any worse."
Because that's the game. Nothing makes loss better, but there are plenty of things that make it Not Worse. Ben saved two people from a cruelly short life, and that's Not Worse. It doesn't bring Ruby back, though. That failure is still there, and it's always going to sting.
But there are always more things to make it Not Worse. Superheroing, sure. But when the day doesn't need saving? Reeeeeeally good hot dogs will do the trick.
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