[nbstevonnie]

so I was talking to the polish guy and because I didn’t know how to say ‘I’m going to the shops’ i guessed and said idę na sklepy and he started laughing but didn’t correct me so when it next came up I had to use the same phrase which made him laugh again and I finally asked him today what was the correct way to say it and why did he find it amusing and he said that to him idę na sklepy means kind of ‘I am going to conquer the shops!’ and that he imagined me standing on the shops refusing entry to people because I was controlling the shops and he said the reason he didn’t correct me was because he thought it was an interesting way of saying ‘I’m going to the shops’ and he didn’t want me to stop and that he wanted it to take off in poland

[shepherdsteps]

Are you guys ever dumbfounded by the impossibility of life with animals? I just was. This exact thought ran through my head:

“I live in a house with four carnivores of varying sizes, and all of them are sitting here next to me because they want my pita chips.”

[thank-you-everyone-deactivated2]

a Russian tailor guilted me into eating this inexplicably lobster themed candy named, simply, CRABS. after that she handed me a pear flavored candy with a scary little face on it. I peeled off the wrapper but the face part of it stuck onto the actual candy and wouldn’t allow itself to be ripped off but I was too nervous to not put it in my mouth. I discreetly spat it out into a napkin later and was horrified to discover the face was gone and now is inside of me

[thank-you-everyone-deactivated2]

Also that’s not tablecloth it’s sweatpants material I didn’t have a surface so I flexed my inner thigh and quickly took pictures

[toast-potent]

you didn’t give the most important detail. what did it taste like?

[thank-you-everyone-deactivated2]

I….

[thank-you-everyone-deactivated2]

….I don’t remember.

[kropotkhristian-deactivated2019]

So how come all of the people that “take the Bible literally” accept creationism of all things, but they haven’t given all of their money away to the poor, which is explicitly called for? Seems to me like things in the Bible become a metaphor or symbol for these people pretty quickly if they actually call for radical action.

[zoobus]

The Protestant work ethic and American individualism

[just-shower-thoughts]

Why do Germans use smilies like this :) or this:0 If they already got Ü oh Ö?

[ellighthousekeeper]

I just texted my German friend about this and she replied: WE DO NOT SMILE IN GERMANY

[glumshoe]

don’t eat any food given to you by extroverts or while visiting the homes of extroverts

[robotjiji-deactivated20190529]

do not tell extroverts your real name

[glumshoe]

if you are able to see and recognize extroverts, do not acknowledge them and pretend they are invisible to you

[thereissuchathingasatesseract]

when trapped by extroverts, turn your sweater backwards

[glumshoe]

if you are tired of extroverts coming into your home and disrupting your peace and quiet, an iron horseshoe above your door will usually deter them

[sarcasticcollegestudent]

If you are traveling by moonlight, do not step within a ring of mushrooms, for the extroverts will come and take you away to their land

[glumshoe]

when speaking of extroverts, refer to them using polite euphemisms, like “The Socially Inclined” or “The Good People of the Parties” unless you want to attract their attention and/or wrath

[systlin]

GUYS THEY FIGURED OUT THE ROMAN CONCRETE RECIPE THAT MAKES IT IMMUNE TO SEAWATER

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/mystery-of-2000-year-old-roman-concrete-solved-by-scientists/ar-BBDO5VC

[beautifultoastdream-deactivated]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[systlin]

I KNOW RIGHT?!???

[ella-raene]

I can’t help but feel this is one of those things where we had actual documents saying “it was done with this and this”, and some old rich white guys looked at it and went “oh mirth, the ancients were so silly. They probably wrote this basic stuff down and the actual builders had Secret Techniques we need to Discover”

For a long time, archeologists didn’t know how greek women did their high-piled braids and hair. There was a word that translated to “needle” in the descriptions. They went, “seems like we’ll never know.” Then a hairdresser took a fucking needle (big needle) and did the fucking thing you do with needles, which is sew - and by sewing the braids into place, she replicated ancient styles.

The Egyptians had diagrams of construction steps for their pyramids. Archeologists went “oooh, ancient primitive people, how they do this?” LITERALLY MYTHBUSTERS OR THE OLD DISCOVERY CHANNEL or someone went “what if we did the thing the pictures said they did” AND GUESS FUCKING WHAT. GUESS FUCKING WHAT.

Also that thing with native Americans saying squirrels taught them how to get sap for maple syrup, and colonizers going “that’s a myth sweaty”

Sincerely, if the scientists had to do actual analysis like spectroscopy or whatever, kudos, and no flame. But swear to god, if all these years, we’ve had the recipes and there was just this fuckin institutional bias against just TRYING THE THING THEY SAID WOULD WORK, HELLFIRE AND DEMENTIA.

[systlin]

In this case, it was more they had roman writings saying what went into it but figured there was some secret because when they followed roman recipes it never turned out quite right. 

Because the sources left by Romans always just said to mix with water. Because, if you were a Roman??? Obviously you knew that you used seawater for cement. Duh. That’s so obvious that they never really bothered specifying that you use seawater to mix it, because it wasn’t necessary, everyone knew that. 

But then the empire fell, other empires rose and fell, time passed, and by the time we were trying to reconstruct the formula the ‘mix the dry ingredients with seawater’ trick had been forgotten, until chemical analysis finally figured it out again. 

It’s sort of like the land of Punt, a ally of Egypt that’s mentioned all the time, but we don’t actually know where it was located. Because it isn’t written down anywhere. Why would they write it down? It’s Punt. Everyone knew where Punt was back then. It’d be ridiculous to waste the ink and space to specify where it was, every child knows about Punt. 

3000 years later and we have no damned clue where it was, simply because at the time it was so blindingly obvious that it was never written down. 

[feitanswife]

So moral of story is be specific

[chronicmuppetbrain]

I was thinking it was stupid that they didn’t specify seawater but then I had the thought that we don’t specify to use chicken eggs in baking because DUH so we just write eggs

[aethersea]

2000 years in the future people are going to be making scrambled fish eggs and crying bc the ancient recipes make no sense

[babyanimalgifs]

[fuegokingg]

bruh

[emotiona1shorty]

how was that a physical possibility

[intersectionalism]

[susiethemoderator]

I think the funniest part about this is that his wife is literally average size. Literally.

[sexwitsockson]

[wtfced]

lmfao

[prettyboyshyflizzy]

people be talking just to talk lol no logic behind their words

[bloodbending]

peter parker in the 2002 movie is fuckin…. incredible. he gets bitten by a fuckin jacked red blue spider and he doesnt say “hey someone should take me to the hospital mayhaps?” he just goes home. then the bite swells to the size of a fuckin jawbreaker but he’s like “nah i just need a nap.” then he wakes up the next day and discovers that he DOESN’T NEED HIS GLASSES ANYMORE and he has a fuckin six pack. does he flip his entire Fuck? no. he says, “cool.” iconic.

[laughingfish]

2002 peter parker had no health insurance

[drinkpisspissblood]

probably my favorite thing abt being a millennial is that i can lie on my resume abt shit like being proficient in excel bc i have the common sense to just google anything i dont know how to do which gives me a giant fucking edge over gen x in the job market bc somehow that strategy never occurs to employers and my underqualified ass looks like steve jobs every time i use a youtube tutorial to make a spreadsheet

[jadelyn]

Everyone in my office sings my praises for what I can do with excel for this exact reason, even though I joke with them that “I have no idea how to do that - but give me half an hour and an internet connection and I’ll figure something out for you.” I even once specifically said in response to my grandboss commenting on my excel skills, “You do realize that I just like…google stuff when you ask me to do something with excel that I don’t know how to do, right?”

But his praise didn’t change at all. There was no “Wait, that’s all it is?”

Instead, he said “Yes, but the fact that you think to do that - and that you know exactly how to phrase your searches and how to sift through the results to get the right answer, and you then integrate what you’ve learned and use it going forward - is still so much more than any of the rest of us [the other 5 ppl on my team are all mid-40s and up] can do. To you, it’s “just googling stuff,” but it’s still a unique and valuable skill you bring, so don’t shrug off the compliments so cavalierly, okay?“

And this was coming from an executive with an MBA. Don’t undervalue your googling skills, kids. It’s not lying if you know you can figure it out.

[snagerdragon]

top tier search skills: finding the source of a rare meme

[awriteroftales-deactivated20180]

Re: Purge.

If everything was legal for like twenty-four hours I’d start a communal garden.

This is barely even hyperbole.

I would legit start a communal garden with whoever wanted to join me.

I think that would be fucking dope.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Rewrite of The Purge where, for 24 hours, people hurriedly complete all those renovations and projects that the council forbids. Helen, leader of the PTA, laughs maniacally as she tears grass from her lawn with a pitchfork, her thirteen-year-old daughter Emily’s arms red with mud as she wades through the carnage, planting thyme. Jack and Mitch have left their friendly smiles behind at the RSL; today their faces show only grim determination as they methodically shovel gravel into potholes and pour bitumen. The local biker gang, gathered on the corner, are the most rambunctious of the mischief-makers, whooping and hollering as nail guns are driven into plywood, assembling miniature by-the-road shelters for the homeless to rest on cold nights. Their noise covers the sounds of Katy and Sam moving from street to street with their trolleys, picking up unsold or unwanted food from houses and restaurants to give to the hungry without fear of taxation or food safety reprisals. They’re young, and still scared of being caught.

But there’s no one to catch them. Not tonight. 

[dreamerinsilico]

…You know you live in a dystopian capitalist hellscape when….

[cungadero]

angsty suggestion blog that sounds like im talking about a guy i’m in a toxic yet artistic relationship with but it’s actually just vagueposts about my chameleon

[cungadero]

you cant hold my hand without scarring my skin

[cungadero]

you’ll eat from my palm but won’t look me in the eye

[minecraftcuck]

Bi culture is loving both dogs and cats

[aki-anyway]

When someone says these days sexism and misogyny don’t exist anymore show them this.

[bob-belcher]

Tumblr themes circa 2014