I have BPD and it happens to us too, although not as badly as it does to people with NPD.
I also have BPD, and there are some common characteristics but inherently more empathetic than most of those with NPD
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I have BPD and it happens to us too, although not as badly as it does to people with NPD.
I also have BPD, and there are some common characteristics but inherently more empathetic than most of those with NPD
Narcissistic Manipulation: Escape The False Reflection
A Narcissist will do/say the most horrifying and cold things when you try to stand up for yourself against their manipulative behavior and controlling ways, disagree with them or try to expose their false mask. Here are a few signs you are dealing with a Narcissist. 1. Often they will blame you for causing them to get angry by questioning their behavior. You are the reason they are angry because you should know not to tell them they are wrong. In their eyes they are always right. 2. They will play the victim card themselves and play up to your empathetic nature that originally hooked you in the first place. After all the Narcissist can not be seen to give away any of the attention that they are so desperate to feed off, nor can they be seen as weak or losing control. 3. Devaluation. Typically a Narcissist will begin hooking you in by using hoovering techniques which include but are not limited to; sexual manipulation, doing things to make you dependent on them, isolating you from friends, family or anyone who threatens to take the control of the Narcissist away from you, and the worst of all the silence treatment. They will make you feel weak and depressed because you failed to continue providing with them with their narcissistic supply. 4. Discarding and abandoning. If you expose them they will attack, rage and often block you, stop speaking to you, go ‘No Contact’ in order to reinstate their control and manipulation. To make sure you are 100 percent dependent on them and in the hopes that you will learn never to question them again. This is often the most painful techniques of the Narcissist and usually the most effective. They have ultimately become your drug of choice and you will feel empty without their attention which will make you question yourself and make you feel like you are going crazy. Narcissistic abuse is real. I’ve seen it up close. They seem like the most amazing, helpful and loving people. They can even act like they are the codependent person in the relationship. Truth is they do not care about you. They don’t care about anyone. It is impossible to change a Narcissist and they often have never felt love them selves therefore are incapable of loving you. If you think you know someone like this. Leave. It’s as simple and complicated as that. Peace and love.
Positives of BPD
(Borderline personality disorder/emotional regulation disorder). I made a post like this a while ago when I first started to use tumblr. It was pretty brief and choppily written (in my opinion) so as I’ve said, I decided to remake this with more explanation/research included for more understanding and since lots found it and really liked it. Might as well start 2015 off focusing on these positives. This is important for awareness/understanding and for those of you who have it, as it really helped me overcome feelings of guilt towards having BPD/ERD and the horrible stigma. It helped me gain self-acceptance. That is why I decided to share it here. Emotional Regulation Disorder (BPD) is a chronic mental disorder of emotional hypersensitivity and dysregulation. In BPD, neurobiological emotion and systematic reactions fire off rapidly, longer, easily, and with more intensity as they are hypersensitivity and do not regulate, balance out, or process well and the same as others. This results in its many symptoms in such behavior, moods, reactions, identity, perception, dissociation, thought patterns, etc. (The fight/flight system is easily triggered, while the system responsible to regulate that is underactive. There are brain structural differences that are responsible for emotions, decisions, behavior, learning, instincts thoughts, perception, stimuli, relations, etc. Additionally, emotions have been shown to fire off longer and hormones, chemicals, transmitters, all play its part in the hypersensitivity and dysregulation. And so on). It then causes a wide range of symptoms (depressive, dissociative, anxiety, hallucinations, delusions, anger, aggression, suicidal ideations, extreme reactions to real or perceived rejection, abandonment and criticism, etc.) as there are hundreds of ways to recognize ERD/BPD reactions, symptoms, and features. As the condition influences ‘all’ emotional reactions and functioning, and there is such a wide range of symptoms, it is often described as a version of multiple mental disorders combined. (borderline of multiple conditions) However, these neurobiological reactions mean the hypersensitivity can affect positive reactions as well. -For those of you who read this and suddenly think that you have a chronic condition because it says something positive and you say you have them all, stop. It is incredibly disrespect to those of us that have it. You can’t just tell you have it from being able to relate to a post because it says something positive. Posts aren’t some checklist. Some of the main symptoms of BPD may generate some positive responses or features. Specifically, with research, analysis, and observations, some hallmark features may be: -Passionate: As the level of psychological reactions highly differ in those with BPD compared to those without, individuals with the condition experience a higher extremity scale and baseline. For instance, this includes: Depression instead of sadness, humiliation instead of embarrassment, panic instead of nervousness, rage instead of anger, and euphoria instead of happiness, to name a few. Individuals with BPD have been observed to be especially very passionate and reactive as they often react and express this passion and euphoria. -Lively: Intense reactions may also result in high euphoria and engaging/active behavior and energy.
-Insightful: Studies on BPD indicated that because of their own hypersensitivity and pain, some people with BPD may easily connect to what is around them. For instance, they were able to easily read facial expressions, behavior, and emotions of those around them in an expression test. People with BPD may take experiences like these and emotions and turn it into insight and understanding, for one example.
-Curious: Observations and studies show unusually high curiosity is common in some people with BPD from the hypersensitivity and connectivity with their emotions, senses, and surroundings.
-High awareness: As a result of being hypersensitive and easily connected to surroundings and outside stimuli, some people with BPD have been observed have high awareness. Such strong emotions and connections may call for or reinforce high awareness. For other examples, Marsha Linehan also states they may have higher levels of spiritual experiences more often. Furthermore, people with BPD have been observed to have a high level of comfort, security, and connection to nature and animals, such as pets, as stated by the DSM.
-Compassionate/empathetic: As a result of their own hypersensitivity and pain, many with BPD may portray a high level of empathy and understanding to others.
-Dependent: Dependency is a hallmark symptom of BPD. One main reason for this is the extremity of the hypersensitive emotions, which often generate a huge fear of being alone and abandonment and rejection. Identity symptoms, such as a lack of sense of self, may also result in dependency. Yet, dependency can be a good thing with the proper balance, like for support, closeness, affection, and interconnectivity.
-Protective: This reaction may be common as a result of the intensity and care someone with BPD feels towards a situation or person. It also relates to the high aggression noted in BPD symptoms. Aggression isn’t always a bad thing- aggression can mean protective of someone or the self. -Loving/appreciative: Idealization is a main symptom of BPD. Some people with BPD may idealize and glorify another individual in their life because of such strong emotions, reactions, and needs, and they may also be very appreciative because of hypersensitivity and painful experiences.
-Loyal: Idealization, dependency, hypersensitivity, etc- such reactions and features may prompt strong loyalty and devotion.
-Creative: The intensity and hypersensitive highs and lows may generate creativity and expression. An unusually high amount of writers have BPD. High levels of creativity were linked to some individuals with BPD in research cases- new ideas, artistic or musical ability, writing, or other areas of creativity. Fantasizing is a common feature in BPD as well as daydreaming.
-High nociception (pain tolerance): Studies indicate alterations between pain processing in over half of those with BPD, as opposed to individuals without. It has shown an alteration in acute pain processing- they have a higher tolerance for such. Individuals with BPD were far more likely to tolerate it, despite being hypersensitive psychologically. The result of this comes from different systematic responses and antinociception and may be a result of long-term self harm behavior in some cases.
-Discipline: Obsessive compulsive features are on a spectrum amongst many disorders, and some are quite common in BPD. This includes intrusive thoughts in the thought pattern/processes, repetitive behavior as a result of anxiety and distress, and perfectionism, to name a few. Research observes that with the proper balance and use, people with BPD may also display high levels of self-discipline, work orientation, and drive connected to these features of perfectionism, repetition, etc. -Sarcastic/funny: The DSM and other observations state some people with BPD may often express sarcasm and humor. -Bold: One of the main symptoms of BPD is impulsiveness; however, research states this may be tied to a positive trait in some individuals with BPD- boldness, bravery, and ability to speak their mind.
-Spontaneous: Living free, acting on the moment, open minded, adventurousness, which is all related to the connections, reactions, and impulsiveness.
-Alluring/Interesting: Such extreme reactions and expressions are shown or felt to others. Because of the intensity, many people note the interesting and/or alluring behavior or energy of someone with BPD in observation. There are books and other psych writings noting individuals with BPD as “sirens”- Interesting and intense, yet, impulsive, aggressive, and hypersensitive. Other studies have stated foundings of “physical attractiveness” patterns-however, not entirely realistic, hormonal differences found amongst BPD individuals may relate.
-Individualistic: BPD is a complex disorder that has hundreds of symptoms and features. There is a lot of depth, changeability, intensity, and reactions. Furthermore, some features may allow one to cultivate such individuality.
-Strong: On a psychological level, people with BPD are often described as feeling the some of the most intense, agonizing reactions, and one needs to be quite strong to handle them.
-Intense: Overall, people with BPD are intense and hypersensitive individuals. The listed^ features may be noted with intensity. BPD is also called, “Emotional Intensity Disorder.” Marsha Linehan states, “Although it is likely that emotion dysregulation is most pronounced in negative emotions, borderline individuals also seem to have difficulty regulating positive emotions and their sequelae.”
Do you suffer from BPD?: Borderline Personality Disorder
Specific Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder
A person with this disorder will also often exhibit impulsive behaviors and have a majority of the following symptoms:
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationshipscharacterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
Chronic feelings of emptiness
Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms
The Psychopath Free Pledge:
1. I will never beg or plead for someone else again. Any man or woman who brings me to that level is not worth my heart. 2. I will never tolerate criticisms about my body, age, weight, job, or any other insecurities I might have. Good partners won't put me down, they'll raise me up. 3. I will take a step back from my relationship once every month to make sure that I am being respected and loved, not flattered and love-bombed. 4. I will always ask myself the question: "Would I ever treat someone else like this?" If the answer is no, then I don't deserve to be treated like that either. 5. I will trust my gut. If I get a bad feeling, I won't try to push it away and make excuses. I will trust myself. 6. I understand that it is better to be single than in a toxic relationship. 7. I will not be spoken to in a condescending or sarcastic way. Loving partners will not patronize me. 8. I will not allow my partner to call me jealous, crazy, or any other form of projection. 9. My relationships will be mutual and equal at all times. Love is not about control and power. 10. If I ever feel unsure about any of these steps, I will seek out help from a friend, support forum, or therapist. I will not act on impulsive decisions.
— Peace (Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, & Other Toxic People)
What if we all had mental disorders?
Aries- Histrionic disorder (pervasive attention-seeking behavior including inappropriate sexual seductiveness and shallow or exaggerated emotions.) Taurus- Binge disorder (characterized as going through periods of excessive amounts of eating, rest, sex, drinking, other indulgences, and focusing on physical pleasures to cope with stress) Gemini- Multiple personality disorder (Relying on various separate and unaffiliated personalities to protect oneself.) Cancer- Borderline personality disorder (characterized by depth and variability of moods extreme “black and white” thinking, instability in self-image, identity and behavior, prone to anxiety and depression) Leo- Narcissistic disorder (a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy) Virgo- Obsessive Compulsive disorder (involves an obsession with ideas, perfection, cleanliness, and organization) Libra- Passive-aggressive personality disorder (condition in which a person seems to actively comply with the desires and needs of others, but actually passively resists them, these people tend to have procrastination issues, unexpressed furry and fear of authority) Scorpio- Bi-Polar Disorder (episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, and features of both mania and depression, can be extremely sexually promiscuous and violent) Sagittarius- Attention Deficit hyperactivity disorder (problem with inattentiveness, over-activity, impulsiveness, and a lack of commitment) Capricorn- Workaholic personality disorder (addicted to work and advancing in ones career, problems with showing deep emotion and high levels of stress) Aquarius- Schitzotypal (characterized by odd appearance, behavior that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar, emotionally distant, people with it attempt to shock others with radical topics or actions) Pisces- Avoidant Personality disorder (social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation, relying on others opinions for guidance or co-dependency, avoiding stressful situations)
source
Characteristics of the Narcissist.
These characteristics apply to males and females
1. Self-centered. His/Her needs are paramount.
2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds.
3. Unreliable, undependable.
4. Does not care about the consequences of their actions.
5. Projects faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never their fault.
6. Little if any conscience.
7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.
8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.
9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.
10. People are to be manipulated for their needs.
11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to their gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry.
12. Pathological lying.
13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.
14. No real values. Mostly situational.
15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.
16. Angry, mercurial, moods.
17. Uses sex to control
18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.
19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.
20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.
21. Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities.
22. Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason.
23. Moody – switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.
24. Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations.
25. Seldom expresses appreciation.
26. Grandiose. Convinced he/she knows more than others and is correct in all he/she does.
27. Lacks ability to see how he/she comes across to others. Defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his/her fault.
28. Can get emotional, tearful. This is about show or frustration rather than sorrow.
29. He/She breaks woman’s or men's spirits to keep them dependent.
30. Needs threats, intimidations to keep others close to him.
31. Sabotages partner. Wants him/her to be happy only through him/her and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances.
32. Highly contradictory.
33. Convincing. Must convince people to side with him/her.
34. Hides his/her real self. Always “on”
35. Kind only if he/she gets from you what they want.
36. He/She has to be right. He/She has to win. He/She has to look good.
37. He/She announces, not discusses. He/She tells, not asks.
38. Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.
39. Controls money of others but spends freely on himself.
40. Unilateral condition of, “I’m OK and justified so I don’t need to hear your position or ideas”
41. Always feels misunderstood.
42. You feel miserable with this person. This person drains you.
43. Does not listen because they do not care.
44. Their feelings are discussed, not the partners.
45. Is not interested in problem-solving.
46. Very good at reading people, so they can manipulate them. Sometimes called gaslighting.
“Sometimes someone will be standing in front of me, and already I feel him walking away. It's only a matter of time, so what's the point?”
Elizabeth Wurtzel, More, Now, Again: A Memoir of Addiction
Borderline Personality Disorder and how it effects relationships. BPD is a serious and often misunderstood mental health issue.
Anxiety is not rude. Depression is not selfish. Schizophrenia is not wrong. Eating disorders are not a choice. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is not crazy. Mental illness isn’t self-centred, anymore than cancer is self-centred. It’s a medical illness.
(via bewilderedapprehension)
The Color Wheel Model of Love
In his 1973 book The Colors of Love, John Lee compared styles of love to the color wheel. Just as there are three primary colors, Lee suggested that there are three primary styles of love. These three styles of love are: (1) Eros, (2) Ludos and (3) Storge. Continuing the color wheel analogy, Lee proposed that just as the primary colors can be combined to create complementary colors, these three primary styles of love could be combined to create nine different secondary love styles. For example, a combination of Eros and Ludos results in Mania, or obsessive love. Lee’s 6 Styles of Loving Three primary styles: 1. Eros – Loving an ideal person 2. Ludos – Love as a game 3. Storge – Love as friendship Three secondary styles: 1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love 2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love 3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love Triangular Theory of Love Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed a triangular theory suggesting that there are three components of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Different combinations of these three components result in different types of love. For example, a combination of intimacy and commitment results in compassionate love, while a combination of passion and intimacy leads to passionate love. According to Sternberg, relationships built on two or more elements are more enduring that those based upon a single component. Sternberg uses the term consummate love to describe a combination of intimacy, passion and commitment. While this type of love is the strongest and most enduring, Sternberg suggests that this type of love is rare. Article found on: http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/theoriesoflove.htm
How NOT to end a futile relationship: 101
1. Over the phone
2. Give a lame excuse like: "It's not you it's me"
3. Assume false feelings of betrayal without evidence. Jealousy is not s good look..especially if you invade the other person's privacy and don't give them a chance to explain.
4. Wait years knowing it's not right...till you are too old to even find out if there is a better one out there, when you're past your prime
5. Lie, and say "...everything is going to be fine, it's the best thing for both of us." It's not that simple... People heal differently. Don't expect the other person to want to be best buddies after you have broken their heart.
6. Over Social Media...no need to explain this one.
7. Through your mutual friends...
8. In a letter/email
9. Run away and never look back. It adds insult to injury...
10. Treat them like a victim if you've both simply grown apart and you just so happen to be the one who makes the right choice...you both fucked it up somewhere along the line, so suck it up and take some responsibility and expect the same in return.
Perhaps this is what it means to go mad: to be emptied and to be aware of the emptiness.
David Foster Wallace (via likeafieldmouse)
Thought-Provoking Questions:
If you could make a 30 second speech to the entire world, what would you say?
If you were going to die at midnight, what would you be doing at 11:45pm?
How do you really KNOW anything for sure?
If you had all the money in the world but still had to have some kind of job, what would you choose to do?
When you’re 90 years old, what will matter most to you?
What do you regret most so far in life?
How can you apply the lesson you learned from that regret to your life TODAY?
What would you change if you were told with 100% certainty that God does not exist? Or if you don’t believe in God, that he does exist?
If you lost everything tomorrow, whose arms would you want to run into? Does that person know how much they mean to you?
Do you fear death? If so, do you have a good reason?
What would you change if you knew you were NEVER going to die?
If you were at heaven’s gates, and God asked “you why should I let you in?”, what would you say?
When will you be good enough for you? Is there some breaking point where you will accept everything about yourself?
Is the country you live in really the best fit for you?
What would people say about you at your funeral?
What small thing could you do to make someone’s day better?
(If you believe in god) would your relationship with god change it all if you were told with 100% certainty that he was actually a she?
What do you believe stands between you and complete happiness?
Seven Deadly Sins: Wealth without work Pleasure without conscience Science without humanity Knowledge without character Politics without principle Commerce without morality Worship without sacrifice.
Mahatma Gandhi