My Head Is An Animal

met Alex Turner 10.06.2016

[speedoweedo]

im dead at ‘in zoology science licks you’

[speedoweedo]

a science licks a man

[dalniente]

what a big science

[necroticcoffee]

Found important lore on tiktok of all places

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

OWCA deadass said “yo Heinz we’re sending a platypus to kick your ass. his name is Perry xoxo”

[joemerl]

I always assumed that it happened like this:

Perry: (crashes through window)

Doofenshmirz: A platypus?!

Perry: (puts on hat)

Doofenshmirz: A—platypus wearing a fedora?!

(Perry hands Doofenshmirtz a business card. Doofenshmirtz puts on his reading glasses.)

Doofenshmirz: (gasps) PERRY the Platypus!

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

I hate how in-character this is

[frickiestfricks]

[of-foolish-and-wise]

oh, to be the owner of a small bookshop on a cobblestone street with roses climbing the front of the building, where books are stacked about in piles and there’s always coffee brewing and a sleepy shop dog lifts his head at the sound of the door’s bell and thumps his tail against the hardwood

[catchymemes]

“Mom said it was a family dinner so I brought Milton”

[twin-fox]

Someone put red paint on the "Serve and Protect" sculpture at the Salt Lake City police building and it is such a powerful statement.

"Good art should disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed." -C.A.C.

[longscarydream]

lifehack: when you see a Take One candy bowl in a restaurant, wait until noones looking and shovel candy into your pockets. god may judge you but his sins outnumber your own

[zerofarad]

“God may judge you but his sins outnumber your own.” We really need to start collecting and sourcing these Potent Quotables.

[citrusgroves]

I’ve been doing this for years

It’s all on a google doc of mine (x)

[swoopingsilver]

“Kill me. Kill me and live with the memory. Then tell the stars that you won.” -fucking Warrior Cats

[aberrantemotion]

We live in a socie-

[lorkhansdick]

Wait wait you forgot the mushroom post “you can’t kill me in a way that matters” +the following uhhhh 1 sec

[lorkhansdick]

I find the mushroom post :)

[lorkhansdick]

sorry

sorry

[lorkhansdick]

Can we go ahead and add “one day you’ll decompose, and I’ll be there to watch it happen” to the list please

[theweirdwideweb]

[unclebeanbag]

No, Mike Pence got fucked by a horse. How else do you get the outside of a horse inside a man? 

[raccacommie]

Better?

[unclebeanbag]

Much. 

[tradiespotter]

Horse must have been desperate

[granola-peasant]

Mike Pence: Power Bottom

[mxnrique]

reblog if ur gay and you ordered dessert off your amazon prime from your iphone after taking a nap.

[briarin]

Being straight sounds miserable

[smokedsaba]

Everybody else in animal crossing: all ironwood furniture, all bamboo set, beautiful finished furnished rooms.

Me:

[spoon-crossing]

Tommy neglected to inform me about the body

[sixthrock]

[milkpink-milkweed-sandjoy]

[greeds]

[uncle-beanbag]

The cheepist one

[the-memedaddy]

meirl

[todayilearnedthat]

TIL that the “Elephant’s Foot” at the Chernobyl power plant is still so radioactive that it can come into your home and kill you at night.

via reddit.com

[magical-girl]

[cephalotodd-deactivated20190310]

big bang theory is awful for obvious reasons but honestly shout out to them for inventing “bazinga” so i have a word i can drop into any conversation for a one-hit kill

[schmuddel]

“Bazinga” and “everypony” are the closest we will get to real-world dragon shouts.

[nyanbinyuri]

[thatwetshirt]

[hagc0r3]

phenomenal rat

[jooshthepunished-deactivated202]

H-… He did it… Billy did it… He actually did it…