The Split Project

I'm a middle aged man from Norfolk who's spent much of 2020 at home due to the pandemic. I also suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. In this oddest of odd years, when mental health has been on my mind, and I've had more time than I know what to do with, this is what I've been doing.

[thesplitproject]

#Lockdown3 has undoubtedly been the hardest yet for most of us. The cumulative effect of multiple lockdowns, the ongoing #uncertainty for the #future, the end of novelty and the winter weather means we're #struggling miles away re than ever. I've come down with something fairly exhausting which I don't think is #MentalHealth related, but we're never sure of that balance and interplay between body and mind. All we can do is let ourselves deal with things however we can, so we can push on, as soon as we can. #Rest, gather your #strength, get ready. (at Thorpe Hamlet) https://www.instagram.com/p/CK8puo1j50N/?igshid=1q9f0iavalwbi

[thesplitproject]

Come out to the #EastAnglianRailwayMuseum, just checking if I want anything from the buffet car... (at East Anglian Railway Museum) https://www.instagram.com/p/CGZ4s3ADOhK/?igshid=zqa7g5395l3j

[thesplitproject]

Having a walk round the #RHS Gardens at #HydeHall. #FreshAir, connecting with #nature, admiring the #beauty of the #NaturalWorld, #sunshine - all a boon for #MentalHealth. (at RHS Garden Hyde Hall) https://www.instagram.com/p/CGXSdnFDBpj/?igshid=9067j4km3x0

[thesplitproject]

It's my sixth #weddinganniversary today, though we've been together nearly eighteen years now. One of the key parts of any relationship, but especially one that has to deal with #mentalhealth issues, is #communication. And sometimes that means #reachingout when the other person doesn't want to, or can't, talk. It's not easy, but then #relationships aren't. If they were, we wouldn't value them. https://www.instagram.com/p/CF-Fg-ID-Vy/?igshid=159z6wuc696u4

[thesplitproject]

Took a trip out to #HelminghamHallGardens today. As always, nice to get out and #relax in the open air, and the #gardens at HH are lovely. The amazing #cake didn't hurt either. Taking time out to mooch around is good, life can at times be too hectic and chaotic. #MentalHealth, #depression, #anxiety - all of these can be helped by slowing down for a bit, taking the air. (at Helmingham Hall Gardens) https://www.instagram.com/p/CFNHBOzjuVM/?igshid=19rv8rswohc64

[thesplitproject]

They tell you to #dancelikenobodyswatching, but the problem is, there is always someone watching, judging. Yourself. I carry #shame from incidents going back years, some of which that no one remembers, and didn't matter then, let alone now. But part of my #mentalhealth issues is that momentary embarrassments that I'd think nothing of in others, I despise in myself. #lowselfesteem, #lowselfworth, these are bound up in my #depression. Bur sometimes I get to be the guy on the left, and sometimes I get to ignore the one on the right. https://www.instagram.com/p/CFHi4haDSXr/?igshid=27wi9895wlkh

[thesplitproject]

Picking #raspberries in the #garden. Having an #outside space during #lockdown has been, as I've mentioned before, a godsend. Both the #freshair and the sense of being #productive have been a huge help withy #anxiety and #depression. As it sounds like we may be heading back into tighter regulations, my thoughts are with those who don't have such a space. These times are hard on our #mentalhealth https://www.instagram.com/p/CE83CcvD3jP/?igshid=v8r5jcr2g441

[thesplitproject]

Sometimes it feels like my whole life I'm just waiting for me to make my move. The world situation in 2020 will hopefully be a #catalyst for #change, personally and on a #global scale. My #mentalhealth requires #stability in my life, but not #stagnation. This week, my interview with the @howwegetby_ #podcast is up. Change is good. https://www.instagram.com/p/CE4K9jDj427/?igshid=vmmyo5gdae53

[thesplitproject]

One of the oddities of #lockdown for me is how little #reading I've done. I love #books, we've bookcases in every room at home. But in the midst of everything else I've been up to, the #gardening, the #writing, the #housework, I've spent little time just reading. Maybe because it doesn't feel #productive. But #learning and #relaxing are both good for your #mentalhealth. I must #makemoretime. https://www.instagram.com/p/CEt4jpXj5rW/?igshid=v57lkn8bceld

[thesplitproject]

On the advice of my #GP, I have started to use #meditation as a way of dealing with my #anxiety and #depression. It doesn't come naturally to me, and I'm not that great at finding the time. But it does help, so I just need more #discipline and #routine. I've found #MadonnaGauding's #TheMeditationBible a good resource that lists various ideas for meditation in a simple, focused way. Any tool to help your #mentalhealth should be explored. They won't all be for you, but somewhere you'll find something that will improve your life. https://www.instagram.com/p/CElYzdAjFCK/?igshid=1qms66554osdn

[thesplitproject]

Come over to see our #friends, it being a #bankholiday. Good to catch up with people, sitting outside chatting and playing #boardgames. Telling them about my imminent #podcast appearance. My #mentalhealth is in a good place this weekend, no #anxiety. A week of #socialising to look forward to. https://www.instagram.com/p/CEj-I8dD2A9/?igshid=1s0ic02bmymsb

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It's really not asking much to wear a #mask. It's as much, if not more, about reducing your chances of passing it on if you have #Covid19 as it is stopping you catching it. Is that the issue, that it's largely an #altruistic act, undertaken for others? Think less about yourself and more of others. This is good for your #mentalhealth, acting with #love and #kindness is its own reward, and will increase your #happiness. So, #wearamask, please. https://www.instagram.com/p/CEgzo3wDshw/?igshid=1l17zxtygzm3p

[thesplitproject]

Listening to the @howwegetby_ #podcast, learning more about others' #mentalhealth experiences. Met up with a friend earlier today, who I hadn't seen since #lockdown began. It's been too easy to retreat into a kind of #hermit-like existence. As a natural #introvert, in some ways lockdown can be too big a temptation. It's a #retreat. Seeing people, meeting #friends is important. It was also a reminder of how much I miss #hugs. https://www.instagram.com/p/CEUaFa3jC1o/?igshid=1vyf9k904rksb

[thesplitproject]

Minor domestic misunderstanding this weekend, largely down to #tiredness. However, sent me spinning into an #anxietyattack, had me #twitching and unable to talk properly for about 24 hours. Times like that I can't even look at myself. My #anxiety has been largely under control during #lockdown, even though my #depression has been a constant. Luckily, a very enjoyable evening with #friends and #boardgames helped the #healing. Also, my wife and I are a solid #team, we face these issues #together. https://www.instagram.com/p/CERFrVIDeDe/?igshid=ek9ogoetdf63

[thesplitproject]

It's not always #fittingin. Sometimes you can feel like a #squarepeg in a #roundhole. I've suffered from #impostersyndrome, that feeling that you don't deserve what you have, or are unqualified for your posi, and it's only a matter of time before you're found out. My #clinicaldepression manifests in my #lowselfesteem. It's just one of the forms my #mentalhealth issues come in. (at Swainsthorpe, Norfolk, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/CEMWV_7D5o8/?igshid=1snnab2x2q2sv

[thesplitproject]

Took Vuvu down to Colchester for an app, and we decided to turn it into a #daytrip, saw some #friends, and then stopped to have a look round #Eye. A long day, but a restorative one. A chance to talk over recent events, get some #freshair, break up our #routine, have a day as a #tourist - all good for my #mentalhealth. The #Pandemic's still out there, but there's joy to be had too. (at Eye, Suffolk) https://www.instagram.com/p/CEHyFvxjPZV/?igshid=11ed36rjvdje

[thesplitproject]

A lot of #change recently, after four months of stasis. I #amwriting, trying to funnel my energy into #creativity as a way of protecting my #mentalhealth, but perhaps also as a way of opening up new opportunities. Looking forward, and outward. Maybe the world has something to offer me, maybe I have something to offer the world. I'm fighting the double curse of #depression and #anxiety, but even during the #rain, the #sun is out there, waiting. (at Thorpe Hamlet) https://www.instagram.com/p/CEFBJVCjqLe/?igshid=1490dv30voo9c