why is being loved so hard?
i can put all my effort into loving someone, but i never feel it back.
they say they love me, i want to believe it
but i don't feel their love, i feel their frustration, their need for love from me, their need to use me when available, their need to put me aside when i become too much
and i become too much too often for them
it makes me go inside, regret my feelings, regret bringing anything up, regret saying anything at all except i love you and miss you
not because i deserve to regret that, not because i should not have, but because i can't take back the way they looked at me after
they tell me i'm being melodramatic
but you would be too if you were in my shoes
i feel what i say so firmly until you tell me i'm wrong,
i feel justified in my anger, until you're anger outgrows my own
i don't want to give up any aspects of my life, and for some godforsaken reason, they are the one i don't want to give up the most
but they don't feel the same way about me
at least they don't show it in the way i need
but then does that make me a bad person for wanting more effort? more time? more attention? more affection, more of putting me first before anyone else?
i'd like to think it doesn't but it feels like it does
i don't want to tell them that they are doing a bad job at loving me, i don't want to hurt them, i don't want to make them feel less
but i feel less, i feel hurt, and i don't know what to do or where to go
i'm stubborn, i don't want to give up, i want them to get it right, and i'm afraid they never will
theartofmadeline
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
titsay
yousharknotpass
