The gods don’t talk to me – but that’s okay!
Disclaimer - Personal opinion and experience. May not be suitable for everyone.
There is, and always has been a lot of talk of deities in the pagan community. After all, many of the ancient cultures had a whole host of gods in their pantheons all over the world. Seeing these conversations can be intimidating to some, I know it was for me. Certain people seem to have such close relationships with a particular deity; they talk about them in intimate terms, sometimes even as personal as a friendship or romantic relationship.
A lot of their initial experiences say that they were ‘called’ or ‘drawn’ by their particular deity, that the link was established by the god in question. But this isn't always the case. Just because a deity hasn't dialled you up, or appeared in complicated dreams doesn't mean that an individual can’t develop a relationship with a god, or several.
Side note - You may come across these specific deities referred to as ‘patrons’, which I find to be a modern interpretation of the word.
So where do you start? Honestly, anywhere you like. For me it was a deep interest in Greek Mythology from an early age. Even if no singular deity in the pantheon jumped out at me over the others, I kept returning to the myths and the culture of that period. The whole thing from watching Disney’s Hercules to finally reading ancient primary sources, I was completely fascinated, so that’s where I started.
The pull for others might not be that strong, but if you have a certain interest then where better than to start there and see where it leads? Perhaps you just like the sound of a certain name, or the look of a symbol, or just really like cats and you feel you have a connection with them as a sacred animal.
Reconstructionism is the practise of bringing forward ancient worship into the modern day, practising how the ancient cultures practised but do not feel like you need to limit yourself and adhere to the rules a hundred percent. If you’re comfortable with that then great, but try and keep your horizons broad until you find your feet.
Which leads me on to research. As much as it might seem like a big scary concept, research is essential. Read everything you can get your hands on about the deity/pantheon/culture that you are interested in. Read about ones that you've never heard of before, or only know a little about in passing. Pick a country or a continent and research what belief systems have originated and developed there as far back as it goes.
If you need to, start with Wikipedia, it’s a good blanket research tool though don’t rely solely on this as it can be easily edited. Use it to build on your ideas and clicking your way through the associated links on articles is an excellent way to find new things to narrow down your research.
Once you have your starting idea, look for that culture’s primary sources on their religion. This could be myths and legends, philosophical works, even dramatic plays as well as personal accounts of rituals or rites of worship. If it’s old then it might be a little bit of dry reading but it is important to start with authentic material. This is how people lived and worshipped and is always a solid base to start with.
Next, look for secondary texts and I would highly recommend looking for more scholarly work than mainstream pagan books. Secondary work usually concentrates on culture, religion and worship based on historical evidence. I would however be wary of texts written around the Victorian period or anything older than 30-40 years old, as they tend to exaggerate or become out of date as new evidence and theories are discovered/investigated. It’s also a good idea to check reviews on any books you’re interested in which will spare you time, money and misinformation.
Also, be careful when dealing with cultural practises that still exist and may be considered ‘closed’ by members of those cultures, for example Native American practises and Santeria. Always be respectful in your research and worship and don’t pretend to be an expert when you’re not.
Talk to other people who have had contact with the deity/deities you’re interested in both in real life and online. They might be willing to share their experiences and knowledge with you. Their personal experiences may help you to connect with a deity or actually determine which one it is you feel connected to. Plus they might be able to help you with your research by pointing you towards books and sources that they have found useful.
If the religion/practises you are interested in are considered ‘closed’ then this will also help you to determine whether or not you are overstepping your bounds. If you can, find people who are already a part of that culture or are linked closely to it and ask their opinion on what they consider okay for you to learn about. If they warn you away from personal ritual/knowledge/titles that are not shared with ‘outsiders’ then it is important to listen to them.
Talking directly to something like a god can seem like an intimidating or impossible task, but don’t worry! Having a direct line to divinity doesn't become available to everyone straight away, it can take years of work and some people are just lucky that way but there have always been intermediaries between humans and their gods.
Tarot, Runes, Scrying, I Ching, Ogham, Pendulum, are only a short list of various methods of divination that can help you communicate with anything from spirits to gods to even yourself. Personally, I've found that tarot works for me and helps me feel connected seeing as I don’t have a deity chattering in my ear.
Also, don’t just think that you’re supposed to be hearing voices in your head, deities can communicate in a variety of ways including scents, sounds, feelings, recurring images and phrases through different mediums and a whole host of other things. Keep your senses and your mind open or you might just miss something subtle.
If you find that you’re really not getting anything and have doubts, don’t worry that’s completely normal. If you really want to make this connection then be determined. You might eventually get to a stage where the deity in question gives you a vibe that they really aren't for you and might point you in the right direction, or sadly, you might have to start all over again.
Try not to fall into the trap of letting your mind run away with you just to ‘fit in’ with those who have already found their connections, you will only be harming yourself in the long run. If you turn out to have a long distance relationship in a sea of best pals, then that is just as authentic and valid.
If you've found your deity/deities and you've done all the necessary research then make them an offering, or set aside space for a shrine. Meditate on their image or pray or just randomly talk to them, do anything you feel comfortable with to make that initial connection. And remember, you speak to your friends in order to maintain a relationship with them and it is exactly the same way with the gods. If you want that connection then you have to put in the work to maintain it.
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