don't let anyone convince you we have dignity

A blog for sharing ridiculous things scientists say (funny ones, not upsetting ones), as curated by an actual scientist. I'm Hylian and my main blog is @hylianengineer. Please feel free to submit quotes!

[hylianengineer]

Someone save me from waste classifications

[hylianengineer]

Had morning meeting at work today in the dark. Not for any particular reason other than we can. Our lab full of neurodivergent people with sensory issues is not beating the vampire allegations.

[hylianengineer]

I am wishing [instrument company] a very RESPOND TO MY EMAILS!

[hylianengineer]

I'm so stumped as to what's wrong with this instrument that I threatened it with a wrench. Just in case intimidation is the missing variable here.

[hylianengineer]

Coworker: "Have you seen the movie Office Space?"

Me: "No."

CW: "They beat a printer with a baseball bat. We should Office Space the [glitchy instrument]."

Me: *laughing* "I would enjoy that."

[catchymemes]

[mhalachai]

The best part of this: 

“Should I risk my life?”

Then, Slavically, “Yeah, I will do it for you.”

[remember-you-are-needed]

I hope she knows how much we all adore her

[lemonsharks]

Who is this woman I must tell her that she has restored my awe for physics at the (my) age of 35 years in the span of one 2 minute video

[kadharonon]

Her name is Tatiana Erukhimova, and she works for Texas A&M University.

[hylianengineer]

"Revvity wants your feedback!" I assure you, you do not. I gave it anyway and I was very honest. Sweet, sweet catharsis.

[markscherz]

I realised today that frog feet are kind of ideal for wearing heels and well then I accidentally

[raccoonmilf]

using R is like "haha i am a fucking wizard, I am the smartest person on the planet. look at me. Quantifying alcohol use in raccoons. I am peak brilliance" instantly to "I am going to do another 9/11"

[raccoonmilf]

I just realized any journal I publish this in will probably want my formulas RIP

[foxbirdy]

the thing about building my early career as both the trail&sawdog flavor of conservationist and the academia&research flavor of conservationist is that in both spaces I am a confounding variable to my peers. in trails they're like man what do you mean you were working in a lab and doing eDNA sampling last season. what are you doing here. and then in academic research they're like wait so you missed last semester to huff wildfire smoke and carry a chainsaw up a mountain? are you Daft? In The Head?

[foxbirdy]

the worst thing I ever did for myself was impressing the professors and other students in my department with this R script I made to fix this fucked coral health dataset bc now they think I'm the R wizard and come ask me for help with their R tragedies

[foxbirdy]

[foxbirdy]

the worst thing I ever did for myself was impressing the professors and other students in my department with this R script I made to fix this fucked coral health dataset bc now they think I'm the R wizard and come ask me for help with their R tragedies

[things-scientists-say]

"No one knows what a verb is, instinctively or otherwise!"

- @semicolonsandexcessiveenthusiasm

[raccoonmilf]

using R is like "haha i am a fucking wizard, I am the smartest person on the planet. look at me. Quantifying alcohol use in raccoons. I am peak brilliance" instantly to "I am going to do another 9/11"

[molecularselkie]

R - the programming language that's built by so many different people that some packages are written in american and some in british english. Always fun to find out that your code is not running because that one function only recognizes 'colour' but not 'color' as a parameter...

[tlatollotl]

[n7punk]

Every NileRed video is like "I've always wanted to take a napalm bomb and turn it into delicious chewie Lifesavers, but I never had the equipment to disarm one. However, I've managed to acquire a $3000 specialized machine from Alibaba and now I'm ready to get started"

[naamahdarling]

"First I remove every safety mechanism from the machine. We can repurpose that stuff later."

[things-scientists-say]

"The science is laughing at me."