Things I Hear @ Work

I work as a personal assistant in one of the thousands of corporations across the world. I post small snippets of conversations and quotes I hear throughout the day.

[thingsihearatwork]

August 10th 10:41 am

"No I'm not going to London. I can't control those riots. I'm doing the best with the Darleks at my desk."  - Boss #2

[thingsihearatwork]

August 1st 7:10 am

"Them Raccoons love chicken legs." 

-Boss #2

(GREAT NEWS! I was promoted to Boss #2's personal assistant! Not that any of you care, but it made me happy. :D)

[thingsihearatwork]

July 27th 3:20 pm

"what would I file 'cat food' under?" 

-coworker #4

[thingsihearatwork]

July 26th 10:10 am

looking through a catalog that came in the mail

coworker #4: "cute top, cute top, cute shoes- is that a keegle machine?!?" 

coworker #2: "what are you reading?"

coworker #4: "....office supply catalog." 

coworker #2: "Oddly enough. I believe you." 

[thingsihearatwork]

July 25th 3:50 pm

coworker #1: "My fiance just texted me what he was thinking about for wedding vows"

me: "Oh? What are they?"

coworker #1 "

Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you That is how I know you go on Far across the distance And spaces between us You have come to show you go on Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on Once more you open the door And you're here in my heart And my heart will go on and on Love can touch us one time And last for a lifetime And never let go till we're gone Love was when I loved you One true time I hold to In my life we'll always go on Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on Once more you open the door And you're here in my heart And my heart will go on and on You're here, there's nothing I fear And I know that my heart will go on We'll stay forever this way You are safe in my heart

And my heart will go on and on" 

[thingsihearatwork]

July 18th 2:37 pm

-Boss #2 "Tell her we're going over there with torches!"

-Coworker #1 "and garlic!"

[thingsihearatwork]

July 18th 2:30 pm

"That's not going to affect me. I drank quarry water as a kid." 

-Boss #2

[thingsihearatwork]

July 18th, 9:08 am

[carrying in a 30 pound rock]

boss #2 "Look what I brought back!"

me: "didn't you fly?"

boss #2 "After getting spear guns through customs, this was nothing." 

[thingsihearatwork]

July 18th, 7:47

"There is a distinct possibility we hired former circus members to work out there." 

-Crew Chief #3

[thingsihearatwork]

July 15th, 3:32 pm

me: "I'm just going to have to write an award winning novel and live off of royalties for the rest of my days." 

coworker #1 "I'm just going to rob a bank."

[thingsihearatwork]

July 14th, 2:17 pm

"Secretly we are all gollum." 

-Coworker #2

[thingsihearatwork]

July 13th, 3:20 pm

[over the phone]

"This is a... nun and monk college." 

-Crew Chief #1

[thingsihearatwork]

July 6th 1:40pm

"I am ____ cat whisperer" 

-Boss #2

[thingsihearatwork]

July 1st, 12:09

"There is this duck here, I think it got hit by a lawn mower blade. It's really fucked up. I need you to find me a duck rescue place"

-insert sounds of running- 

"It's not letting me catch it. Oh wait! It's flying. I think it's alright. I think it gave me the bird. Never mind the duck rescue." 

-Boss #3 

[thingsihearatwork]

July 1st, 8:21

"The day that google goes live, I will have certain Mansions owned by rabbits bookmarked" 

-Supervisor

[thingsihearatwork]

June 30, 9:30am

"I can't imagine the children have read all the books in the library."

-Councilmen up in IA on video

[thingsihearatwork]

June 30, 9:10am

"This council meeting video is pornographic" 

-Coworker #1