My fiance wants me to get a job and save up for the baby, which makes sense, but he's the one working while I'm the only one looking for apartments to move into that might be affordable and applying for every amount of support I can get from the government and other resources. I'm already tired a lot.
Instead of being just tired, I'll be tired, depressed and more anxious along with never having the energy to actually apply and look for all the shit I'm looking up right now. I can't even work full time because it's too much for me. All getting a job will do is cut down any benefits to a point where they might not matter and make me more exhausted and depressed and unmotivated.
I just want education for a job i wouldn't want to kill myself in and some therapy and a proper fucking diagnosis.
And I'm just in bed crying because I'm kind of pathetic and feeling financially useless and feeling spiteful, like, if you wanted it easier, why didn't you find a partner that could actually put up with the mental and emotional anguish of a job. Or why did you bother knocking me up? Maybe we should adopt it out or maybe I should try and get some housing myself like my mom did and live by myself with the baby since you don't want to pay for everything. Then you can just go pay for nothing.
I'll figure some shit out. I just need to not have a bunch of stupid stressful reminders of things that make me feel worthless.