I always find myself sitting in the tub when I’m upset, it gives me time to think without people trying to come in and if they were screaming at me I muffled their voices by holding my head under the water… Sometimes I try the same method to quiet the thoughts in my head but for it to work I would have to stay under long enough to drown. Though I have thought about it many times. Sometimes I get so tired of life and I just fall asleep hoping that I drown in peace. When I’m mad at myself for letting my body get so gross and fat I make the water hot and lay in it to punish myself, hoping it would click in my head that I shouldn’t eat and to work out all the time. Sometimes it’s just a great place to put on Music and cry for hours. When I cut myself in there I like to hold myself under the water and feel it burn because The emptiness is just unbearable and it makes me remember that everything is really happening. It’s such a broken feeling and uncomfortable to live with. Yes some may say that what I do they would find to be worse, but nothing is worse than the feeling of nothing.
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