[kushblazer666]

[umbrageliker]

[best-of-inspirobot]

[tearlessrain]

this is in perfect iambic meter and sounds like the first line of a weird poem

[tearlessrain]

Rule #2

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you see one on the street,

For decorum is essential when a lobster you must greet.

You may comment on the weather, compliment his choice of hat,

But crustaceans like their space if one should stop them for a chat.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you’re strolling down the coast,

Simply nod and give a greeting, or a handshake at the most,

For a lobster’s first priority is formal social graces,

And one seemes over-familiar if a lobster one embraces.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you meet one in the sea,

For a lobster’s spines and chitin make it difficult, you see,

And he might become self-conscious if you bring that fact to light,

So don’t ever hug a lobster, simply put, it’s impolite.

[the-brave-and-the-dumb]

if you're from Ukraine, you have a uterus and don't want to be pregnant:

1. First of all AVOID AT ANY COST people and sites that have the name of "Ordo Iuris" or "pro-prawo do życia" (translate: pro-life). If you see a logo of fetus inside a heart, run.

Pro-prawo do życia foundation informed that one woman from Ukraine contacted them, asking for abortion. She barely spoke polish, which they admitted without any shame, that's why she thought that if they talk about abortion, they can provide it. They informed that they "explained children are not killed in Poland" and that now she's "in a safe place where no harm can come to her and her baby". I don't have words for how fucking inhuman it is to manipulate traumatized woman into carrying pregnancy she's not ready for since she's a refugee with no finances.

2. If you need abortion, contact:

Aborcyjny Dream Team

Ciocia Basia (abortion in Berlin; they can be found on facebook and theor email is [email protected])/ Ciocia Czesia (abortion in Czech Republic)

Abortion without borders (all of the above cooperate with them)

They will give you information on how to perform safe abortion with right medicaments or will help to travel abroad.

3. If anyone would try to threat you, remember than in Poland it is still legal to do abortion yourself, that's why it's mostly done with pills. Don't let them manipulate you. Fuck these people. You're not evil for needing abortion.

Please, help me spread this message and translate it in Ukrainian, please

[fatalwa]

Переклад українською

Якщо Ви з України, маєте матку та не хочете бути вагітними:

1. По-перше, УНИКАЙТЕ БУДЬ-ЯКОЮ ЦІНОЮ людей та вебсайти, які називаються “Ordo Iuris” або “pro-prawo do życia” (переклад: про-право для життя). Якщо бачите лого з плодом всередині серця - біжіть.

Фонд “pro-prawo do życia” сповістив про українку, яка звернулася до нього (фонду) з метою отримати аборт. Вона практично не знала польську мову - про що фонд заявив без сорому - та подумала, що він (фонд) може надати аборт, оскільки робітники говорили про аборти. Фонд сповістив, що вони “пояснили жінці, що дітей в Польщі не вбивають” і що українка “зараз знаходиться в безпечному місці, де ніщо не нашкодить їй та її дитині”. Я не маю слів, щоб описати наскільки нелюдяно маніпулювати травматизованою жінкою та заставляти її виношувати дитину, до якої вона не готова, бо вона біженка без грошей.

2. Якщо Вам потрібен аборт, ось список організацій, до яких можна звернутися:

Aborcyjny Dream Team (польська організація)

Ciocia Basia (аборт в Берліні, Німеччина; їх можна знайти на Фейсбуці, електронна пошта: [email protected]) / Ciocia Czesia (аборт в Чехії)

Abortion without borders (організації вище співпрацюють з цією)

Ці організації зможуть надати інформацію про те, як зробити безпечний аборт за допомогою правильних медичних препаратів або допоможуть виїхати за кордон для отримання аборту.

3. Якщо хтось намагатиметься погрожувати Вам - пам’ятайте, що в Польщі Ви можете легально зробити медикаментозний аборт самостійно (тому зазвичай аборти робляться за допомогою препаратів). Не давайте їм маніпулювати Вами. Хай ці люди йдуть нахуй. Ви не винні та Ви не погана людина через те, що Вам потрібен аборт.

Российский перевод

Если Вы с Украины, имеете матку и не хотите быть беременными:

1. Во-первых, ИЗБЕГАЙТЕ ЛЮБОЙ ЦЕНОЙ людей и вебсайты, которые называются “Ordo Iuris” или “pro-prawo do życia” (перевод: про-право на жизнь). Если видите лого с плодом внутри сердца - бегите.

Фонд “pro-prawo do życia” оповестил об украинке, которая обратилась к нему (фонду) за абортом. Она практически не знала польский язык - что фонд признает без всякого стыда - и подумала, что он (фонд) может помочь сделать аборт, поскольку работники говорят о них. Фонд оповестил, что они “объяснили женщине, что детей в Польше не убивают” и что украинка “сейчас находится в безопасном месте, где ни ей, ни ее ребенку ничего не угрожает”. У меня нет слов, чтобы передать, насколько бесчеловечно манипулировать женщиной, пережившей эмоциональную травму, и заставлять ее вынашивать ребенка, к которому она не готова, потому что она беженка без денег.

2. Если Вам нужен аборт, вот список организаций, к которым можно обратиться:

Aborcyjny Dream Team (польская организация)

Ciocia Basia (аборт в Берлине, Германия; их можно найти на Фейсбуке, электронная почта: [email protected]) / Ciocia Czesia (аборт в Чехии)

Abortion without borders (организации выше сотрудничают с этой)

Эти организации могут предоставить информацию о том, как сделать безопасный аборт с помощью правильных медицинских препаратов или помогут выехать за границу, чтобы получить аборт там.

3. Если кто-то будет пытаться угрожать Вам - помните, что в Польше Вы можете легально сделать медикаментозный аборт самостоятельно (поэтому обычно аборты делают при помощи препаратов). Не давайте им манипулировать Вами. Пусть эти люди идут нахуй. Вы не виноваты и Вы не являетесь ужасным человеком из-за того, что Вам нужен аборт.

[the-brave-and-the-dumb]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TRANSLATING, EVERYONE REBLOG WITH UKRAINIAN TRANSLATION!!!

[kirbyofthestars]

hitting the post below with a car battery

[nolvien]

[knvbljdflkgleknb]

I am not Latino but can I get a cute spanish nickname too?

gringo

[sandersstudies]

My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”

[sandersstudies]

She was in a car crash on the way to work one morning and called my husband to let him know she’d be late and he was like wtf guess I’m gonna be late too because I’m coming to pick you up and then he told his team and they were like I think you mean WE are coming.

[hoonkus-deactivated20230701]

Imagine you are a teenage girl probably rushing to get to work and you crash your probably new car and feel absolutely miserable and now you’ll be late to work but then suddenly in the distance a car full of all the adult men you work with just pulls up and is like “we came all the way here to pick you up” the mental image right now is fr.

[sandersstudies]

Apparently she tried to call her dad but it was 3am and he was obviously sleeping so she called my husband and he not only came to find her but fished her glasses out of the hood of the car (she’d dropped them while looking inside), drove her to the hospital, and told her to take the day off. She insisted on coming back to work so he used his lunch break to watch TV with her to make sure she didn’t doze off (concussion risk).

You’ve heard of the Mom friend but my husband is very much the Dad friend. He said when he answered the phone she said “hey please don’t be mad” and he’s never felt such powerful Fatherhood energy in his life.

[deliciouspaintthinner]

Girl: *calls for aid*

Every single dad packed into the car:

[sandersstudies]

This is possibly my favorite response to this post

[i-like-to-think-that-im-cool]

This girls father: Thanks for helping my daughter out guys

Your husband and all his coworkers:

[a-shipping-life-deactivated2023]

This would make such a wonderful manga 😆

[cora-notovrloki]

Sam: You know you can die from that right?

Loki, smoking a cigarette: Yup. That’s the point.

Thor, downing a bottle of vodka: We’re trying to speed this shit up.

Peter, eating raw cookie dough: *nods

[sicklesium-moved-deactivated201]

i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because: 

i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live 

most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person 

im not a pissbaby

[damncommunists-deactivated20180]

my white friends that have reblogged this give me life

[zelda-tempest]

4. Sometimes I am a shitty white person and the jokes remind me to FUCKIN STOP

[lallamariamhabibi]

If ur white and like this post I fux with u

[birdpapi-deactivated20171121]

^absolutely

[verdant-witch]

5. It’s hard to be offended when white people jokes involve bland food/tourist dads in socks and sandals/white girls in yoga pants obsessed with pumpkin spice/suburban PTA moms and other harmless and mostly true stereotypes while jokes about POC involve them being called thugs/criminals/slurs/uneducated/illegal immigrants.

[blackpoeticinjustice]

i fucks with u heavy if ur white and you reblog this

[sm0k3-ring-deactivated20160109]

6. They’re usually really fucking funny and don’t perpetuate stereotypes that will ever affect me economically, politically, or cause me any true harm, let alone create risks that “justify” my murder and/or death

[satyrical-prince]

Waits for my white mutuals to reblog😌

[anar-tea]

yesyesyesyes

[eggpla]

7. I still don’t know how to season chicken

[official-lucifers-child]

8. they’re actually really funny and spot on i mean what’s not to like? yeah i go nuts over cheese bc i’m a white people and we love our cheese, that is accurate and funny

[kyleehenke]

hey do you have a tumblr

no sorry

[taiturner]

[glimmah]

[shadow-wizard-moneygang]

[reblogsnotlikes]

What the fuck is that

[transfemininomenon]

[weloveshortvideos]

[abitchistireddddd]

Besides gay ass shit, this is my kind of content

[writing-prompt-s]

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

[endreams-s]

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

[honeypressed]

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

[moonreflectioninthefragglepond]

A++ addition

[tetsuskitten]

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

[tigerliliesandcherryblossoms]

I LOVE THIS

[vmohlere]

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

[laziestofthedreamers]

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

[pamgkrthwrites]

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

[ladyhavilliard]

…perfect

[outerspacekake]

I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect

[yourpotatotwiceremooved]

THE ORIGINAL POST HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY

[estradiol-dyke]

body hair isn't gross and I'm sorry if anyone made u think that

[tchaikovskaya]

why am i nostalgic for my teenage years bitch i didnt even have fun !!!

[ilovedookie]

Yeah but your back didn’t hurt

[tchaikovskaya]

[mmmmalo]

Two perspectives on a dog barking