Continuing Scott's long journey to full recovery. John, Virgil and Alan get him safely back to the villa, but Scott is feeling very sorry for himself and believes he is a burden and should be locked away.
Warnings for this chapter: self-loathing, depression, but finishes on an upbeat. Augmented material from Prompt 29.
Chapter 13 - You Didn't Need To Do This
“We need to get him back to the infirmary,” Virgil said, from where he was sitting on the ground, Scott clutched firmly against his chest, a hand gently carding through the chestnut brown hair as his head rested gently against his shoulder.
John shook his head. “No,” he replied as he knelt opposite Virgil and grasped his elder brother’s wrist to check his pulse. “Not the infirmary. It’s too cold and clinical. We need to make him feel safe and secure, around familiar things so we can keep him grounded. Believe me, Virgil, I know what he’s going through.”
His younger brother looked at him and frowned. “There’s a story in there somewhere, isn’t there?”
“Yes, but that’s not important right now. We need to concentrate on Scott. I don’t know about you, but I can’t imagine getting through what he’s been subjected to in… that place.” He unconsciously stroked Scott’s shoulder. “I always knew he was strong and tough but…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.
“He looks so peaceful,” Virgil mumbled, looking at his eldest brother’s face, which was totally relaxed in his unconsciousness. At that precise moment, Scott looked younger than his 23 years but he knew it wouldn’t last. When Scott woke up, the pain, fear and uncertainty would be back in those oh, so blue eyes and seeing that would break Virgil’s heart all over again.
Gordon, who had kept quiet throughout that conversation, knelt next to Virgil and took hold of Scott’s other hand. “I – I didn’t know he looked this bad… I know dad told us it was and not to be shocked when we saw him, but… this? I – I hate to think what he looked like when he was first rescued.”
“It was far worse than this,” John said quietly. “In fact, we thought dad had brought back the wrong man! He’s improved a hundred percent.”
Gordon shuddered at that sentence, then took a deep breath and pulled himself together. “We need to get him warmed up; in his weakened condition he’s heading for hypothermia. And I don’t think he should be left on his own either,” he finally said in a quiet voice. “Someone needs to be with him the whole time… just in case… you know…”
“Suicide watch?” Virgil whispered. “Is that what you’re saying?”
Gordon flinched at hearing those two words, but nodded.
“You’re right Gordon, after what…” he stopped. It wasn’t his right to divulge what Scott had said back in the hospital, about wanting to give up… to die, because he couldn’t take it anymore.
“After what?” Gordon prompted, but Virgil shook his head.
“I can’t tell you, Gordon. If Scott wants to, then he will, but to be honest, as he’s so protective of us all, I don’t think he’ll speak of it again, especially because of your age. I just can’t divulge what was said in confidence, so please don’t ask me to.”
Gordon looked upset, but nodded in understanding. “Dammit, I’m an adult now though! Do… do you think he’ll ever tell us what went on? I mean… to start healing you have to acknowledge that… you know… it starts with admitting… and I want… I need Scotty to get better! And I need to know so I can help him!”
“He gave what I think was a… doctored version of what went on to the JAG team and his CO because dad and I were there. We didn’t want him to have to go through the interview and debrief without family support.”
“That’s the issue, Squid. Dad drummed it into him that he had to fight his own battles, to man up.” John gave a sort off choked off laugh and shook his head. “Fine words coming from the man who ran off and left us to fend for ourselves for a year, left Scott to handle it all before Virgil and I finally stepped up to help him. Hypocrite! He’s not here now, when his eldest son so desperately needs his support.” He stopped and looked at his two younger brothers. “Come on, it looks like Scott isn’t going to regain consciousness at the moment. Let’s start making our way back. How do you want to do this Virg?”
“Well, Scott’s still underweight, I think I can manage him on my own—at least part of the way. Hopefully he might regain consciousness in a bit.”
John and Gordon insisted on helping lift Scott into Virgil’s arms, then let him lead the way back to the villa, ready to offer assistance should it be required.
Scott didn’t regain consciousness on the journey back to the villa and Virgil managed to carry him all the way, finally depositing him on his own bed. Gordon went down to the infirmary to fetch some medical supplies to treat the new injuries Scott had obtained in his bid for freedom. When he returned to the bedroom, he’d found that John and Virgil had stripped Scott down to his boxers, dried him off and were just finishing cleaning him up.
Gordon couldn’t prevent a grimace crossing his features as he observed the still vivid scars on his eldest brother’s body; prominent due to them being only a few months old and Scott’s lack of physical condition. “Oh God,” he whispered. It was the first time he’d actually seen them. “Scotty…” He sniffed loudly and blinked the sting of tears from his eyes. “I… I didn’t realise… they were this bad…”
“He tries to keep himself covered up,” Virgil said softly.
“That’s not right,” Gordon retorted. “He shouldn’t be ashamed of his scars. They’re his badge of courage; they show he’s lived. And… he’s so… thin!”
“I know,” Virgil replied.
“At the moment, they are too much of a reminder of what he’s been through,” John added. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, a hand holding one of Scott’s whilst his thumb gently drifted backwards and forwards over the back of it, as if to try and soothe away any hurt. “They will fade; some will be almost invisible and we’re helping them along with a mixture of pure aloe vera and bee propolis.”
“He’s got the determination in him,” Gordon suddenly said. “He shouldn’t have been able to get as far as he got in his condition. If he’s got that kind of determination in him still, then he’s got the fight to recover, right? We just need to bring it out… somehow.”
Virgil nodded as he took the medical supplies off his younger brother and carefully began to clean the fresh scrapes and cuts on Scott’s legs, hands and arms, before running the medical scanner over him.
“He’s dehydrated again and slightly hypothermic—we need to get some IVs from the infirmary supplies—he has a number of fresh bruises and a shoulder strain after his latest near miss. He got off lightly.” Virgil shuddered at the thought of how it could have ended as he indicated for John to get off the bed so he could draw the bed covers up over Scott’s body. “Who wants to take the first watch?”
“I will,” John replied before Gordon could speak up. “Just let me get my tablet.”
“We ought to let Alan see him, just so he can see that Scott’s okay, Gordon said. “I’ll go get him.”
He disappeared and returned within a minute with Alan hot on his heels. The youngest entered the bedroom eagerly but then skidded to a halt a little way from the bed; his expression said it all.
“That’s… Scott?” he asked in a strangled whisper. “I – I can hardly recognise him! Look at him! And… oh God…” he stopped as he saw the scars and needlemarks on Scott’s arms and neck and Virgil was thankful he had covered his brother’s body so the youngest hadn’t seen the vivid ones on his chest and abdomen. Alan felt the tears welling up in his eyes. “He’s skin and bone!”
“Alan!” Virgil said slightly more sharply than he intended. “Get rid of that expression on your face! We need you to act as normal as you can around him. Can you do that? Scott’s self-conscious enough about his body being in the state it is. He needs us more than ever before if he’s going to make a recovery. Knowing Scott, he won’t want our pity, just our help and our support to get him back to full health. He’s very depressed and it’s going to be really hard work. He’s initially going to be down more than he’s up in these early days. We have to keep positive to keep him feeling positive, to encourage him to recover.”
“Okay, I understand. I’m 17, not 7!” Alan snapped back, but he couldn’t seem to drag his eyes away from the sight of Scott’s abused body and he wondered what the bedding was hiding beneath it.
“To Scott, you will always be his baby brother, no matter how old you get, so he will always want to protect you.”
“I want to do my bit to help, Virgil.” The youngest carefully approached, leant over and kissed Scott’s forehead before straightening up and looking at his older brother.
“What’s wrong with him? Why isn’t he waking up?” he asked, his voice fearful.
“He’s still weak and he’s over exerted himself today. It’s exhaustion mainly, with some dehydration and hypothermia,” Virgil explained. “Okay, Alan off you go. We need to let him rest. I’m sure you have some school work to get finished? And remember, next time, keep the look of horror off your face.”
“Of course I will,” Alan pouted, but did as he was told, turning on the threshold to take one last look at his sleeping brother before leaving.
“That goes for you too,” Virgil said to Gordon. “Haven’t you got to prepare for leaving next week?”
“I was thinking of postponing it with, you know, Scott and everything.”
“You know perfectly well that Scott wouldn’t want you to jeopardize your career or put it on hold. You need to report back to Marineville next week and embark on your own career, now that you’ve finished your training. Besides, the WASP will really help prepare you for dad’s new rescue business when it gets off the ground.”
“Yeah… I guess. I just don’t want Scott to think I’m deserting him, you know?”
“He would never think that. You have your own life to lead and the last thing he would want is to feel like he’s being a burden and stopping you from following your dream. Go on, off you go.”
Gordon and John passed one another just inside the doorway and nodded at each other, then the second eldest pulled a comfortable chair up to the side of Scott’s bed and made himself comfortable.
Virgil stood up. “Can I get you anything? A sandwich? Some tea?” he asked.
“Would you mind? That would be great, thank you. Make a sandwich for Scott too. We need to get some weight back on him.”
“Of course I don’t mind. I wouldn’t have asked if I did. Sure, I’ll bring both of you something to tie you over until Kyrano gets dinner ready.” He paused in the doorway. “We’re going to get through this, aren’t we John?”
There was a moment’s silence before the elder brother answered. “Sure we will. We just need to get Scott to come to terms with everything, accept help when it’s offered, then build him back up again.”
Virgil huffed. “That’s going to be easier said than done.” He sounded sad as he turned and left the room to carry out his task.
I know, John thought silently, looking at the peaceful features of his brother. You helped me, Scotty. Now it’s my turn to help you. Please let me help you.
Virgil came back with the food about ten minutes later, placed it on the bedside cabinet, nodded at his immediate older brother and reluctantly left.
John was partway through eating his sandwich when Scott gave a little moan; his head jerked and then his breath hitched.
John leant forward. “Easy, Scott. You’re safe; everything’s okay.” He carefully reached out and carded a hand through his brother’s hair in an attempt to soothe him.
Breathing became jagged as Scott’s body twitched a number of times, then his eyes flew open, wide with fear and he began panting.
“Hey, Scotty, steady. It’s John; you’re safe okay? Try and relax.” He continued to run his fingers through his hair.
Scott looked about wildly, then finally managed to focus on his younger brother. “J – John?” he questioned, as if not really believing he was actually there. “J – John?”
“Yeah Scotty, it’s really me.”
Scott’s right hand moved surprisingly quickly and grasped John’s wrist, as if to confirm he wasn’t hallucinating and that he was really there.
“See, I’m real,” John reassured him in a soft voice.
“Wh – what happened? I – I was in… that… that…”
“No, you weren’t, Scotty. You were in our infirmary, here on the island.”
“No! I – I jumped the medic and escaped, I—”
John shook his head. “Scott, listen to me. You’re here on the island. We brought you home from the hospital yesterday, bro.”
Scott frowned. “But I… then…” He went white. “Wh – who did I attack?”
“John! Who! Are they all right? Did I hurt them? John, tell me!”
John realised his brother was working himself up into a dangerous state, so told him. “You attacked Virgil,” he said quietly.
The look on Scott’s face, broke his heart.
“Noooo!! Did I… did I hurt him? Is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay!”
“I – I didn’t mean it! I didn’t know what I was doing, I need to see him, John, I need to see him!” He attempted to get out of bed, but John held him in place.
“No Scott. Stay where you are. I’ll call him, but you need to rest. You’re dehydrated, amongst other things.”
“I’ll do it right now, as long as you stay where you are, okay?”
John got up slowly, moved to the door, warned Scott he was about to shout and called out for Virgil, who arrived a couple of minutes later.
“Something wrong?” he asked, concerned.
“Scott wants to see you; make sure you’re okay.” He stood back and allowed his younger brother to enter.
Virgil saw the stricken expression on Scott’s face and moved towards him, sitting on the bed and slowly taking hold of his hand. “Hey there, Scotty, how you feeling now?”
“I – I hurt you, Virgil! I hurt you!”
“No, no you didn’t. Look, I’m here, I’m fine, see?”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He sat up quite sharply and Virgil very carefully pulled him into a hug.
“It’s okay, Scotty, it’s okay. Shush now, everything’s okay, everyone’s fine. We just need you to get plenty of rest, eat and recover. No serious harm was done.” He rocked him in his arms and played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “It’s okay, bro.” Virgil felt him shaking slightly and knew he was crying. Whether it was with relief, or self-loathing, he didn’t know and now was not the time to enquire.
“You – you know I wouldn’t… wouldn’t intentionally hurt any of you, right?”
“We know that bro.” Virgil released him slightly so he could look into the tearful blue eyes. They were such beautiful eyes, even if at the moment they were slightly bloodshot and not as bright as they usually were. “Scotty, I’ve made you a sandwich, and I want you to eat it. Will you do that for me… for all of us?”
“Stop with the self-loathing,” John said firmly. “You deserve our love and affection and always will, so do as you’re told and eat your sandwich and drink that water, you’ll feel better.”
Virgil let go of him and sat back a little. The covers slipped down to expose Scott’s chest and he immediately made a grab for them to cover the ugly scars as if ashamed of them.
“Don’t do that, Scotty,” Virgil pleaded. “You don’t have to cover up for us. It won’t change the fact of what happened to you. We know it upsets you, but never, ever be ashamed of your battle scars, okay?”
“I – I’m sorry,” he replied, still clutching the sheet to his chest. It wasn’t only to hide the scars, but also what he looked like; ribs clearly visible, the lack of muscle and tone.
He didn’t recognise himself.
“And stop apologising,” John added. “It is what it is. If we had a time machine, we’d make sure this would never happen to you, but we haven’t and it did. Life just sucks sometimes but the most important thing is, you’re alive, you’re home with us, you’re safe and you’re going to recover.” He squeezed his brother’s bicep gently. “And we’ll be by your side for as long as you need us to be. Have you got that?”
The was a bit of a pause, then Scott nodded before speaking. “What happened?” he asked softly.
“Uh huh, not telling you until you’ve eaten that sandwich,” John said firmly.
>Virgil did his best to suppress a grin. Oh yeah… blackmail… he thought, then finally spoke. “Okay, I’ll leave you two alone, I have things to do. I’ll be back later.” With that, he gave Scott a kiss on his forehead, got up and left.
Silence reigned for all of five seconds.
“You don’t have to stay if you’ve things to do,” Scott mumbled as he reluctantly nibbled at a corner of the chicken sandwich.
“I’m fine where I am. Eat.”
Scott sighed and made a further attempt at the sandwich, whilst John fixed him with a stare that dared him to finish it, so he did. Then he finished his water. John disappeared to replenish it, then sat back down in his chair. He was about to pick up his tablet again, when his brother spoke.
“What did I do?” he asked quietly.
John put the device down on his lap, took a deep breath and stared gently at him. “You woke up disorientated. We don’t know if you’d been dreaming or what, but you believed you were back… there. You overpowered Virgil, managed to knock him out and escaped the villa… Do you remember any of that?”
Scott looked stricken and shook his head. “I – I attacked him; I could have seriously injured him! I – I could have killed him!”
“But you didn’t! You’ve seen Virgil, he’s fine,” John said calmly.
“You found the trail up to the top of the ridge, towards the cliff path. Virgil, Gordon and I followed you. We knew you weren’t… fully cognisant with your surroundings and that we had to stop you. Scott, we were terrified you would fall to your death, so Gordon got close enough to keep you distracted, whilst Virgil and I crept up on you from the sides. We almost had you, but you got too close to the edge and it gave way and…” John stopped, swallowed and took a deep breath. “I still don’t know how Virgil managed to get close enough to grab your wrist and stop you falling to your death, but he did, then Gordon and I grabbed him and between us dragged you to safety. You seemed to recognise us shortly after, and then you passed out and we brought you back here.”
Scott’s bottom lip trembled. “I’m sorry, I – I don’t remember any of that. I’m being a nuisance—”
“Scotty don’t. Don’t say that. You’re not a nuisance. Why would you even think that? You’re our brother and we love you. You’re ill, but you’re recovering. You will get better, we all believe that, and you need to believe it too.”
“I’m a danger to you all, perhaps you should have me locked away somewhere so I can’t hurt—”
“NO!” John barked, then apologised as Scott flinched away from him. “No,” he repeated more gently. “We’re not sending you to be locked away somewhere. We’re going to take care of you and help you to get better, but you have to help yourself too, Scotty. You’ve made a start; you’re talking to us.”
Silence reigned for a minute or so, then Scott sighed.
“You’re gonna be okay, Scotty. You have to believe in yourself; you have to believe in us.”
“I – I don’t think I can be saved, Johnny. I’m too broken.”
“Dammit Scotty, don’t talk like that! You are worth saving and that’s what we’re going to do! Do you hear me? You are an incredible human being; you need to believe that!” He suddenly moved off his chair, sending his tablet flying as he knelt by Scott’s bedside and grabbed his brother’s wrists before he could shrink back. “You do want to get better, don’t you?” John asked him, a hint of fear in his voice.
Recovering his composure, Scott nodded slowly. “Of – of course I do! Do you think I like being like this? Weak, useless, a burden?”
“Stop it! Stop talking like that!” John felt tears prickling his eyes. “You’re not weak! You can’t be weak or you wouldn’t be here! Neither are you useless and you’re definitely not a burden. Just stop with those kind of thoughts, please.”
“And stop apologising, or so help me… Just accept the fact that your family love you beyond measure. We’ll do anything for you Scotty; like we know you’d do anything for us, and right now, we want you to think positively about your recovery, okay? No more self-doubt or self-recrimination. We believe in you and you have to believe in yourself, understood?”
Scott nodded tentatively, but he looked exhausted.
“Now, lie down and get some sleep. You’ll feel better once you’ve had some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“You don’t have to stay—”
“I’m staying and that’s final.”
Scott studied him through tired eyes. It took his brain a while to put the pieces of the puzzle together. “Oh my God! You’re on suicide watch aren’t you?”
“I’m not going to lie to you Scotty. Yes,” John replied without hesitating. “But it’s just a precaution, in case you have another PTSD episode. We managed to stop you falling to your death last time, if—and it’s only an if—you have another episode, we might not be so lucky and we would never forgive ourselves if something happened to you. I don’t think we could bear it, so we’re being over cautious because we love you, okay? It’s not because we don’t trust you, we just want to be a hundred percent sure we can keep you safe until you recover. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Scott stared at him. “You don’t trust me.”
“Oh for God’s sake, listen to yourself! Did you hear what I just said to you? Because it certainly doesn’t sound like it!” He got to his feet and instead, threw himself down beside Scott on the bed. “Do you have any idea what it would do to us if we let something happen to you on our watch? What would you feel like if one of us was ill and you left us alone and the worst happened? You’d be blaming yourself, right? So we’d do the same. Better to be paranoic about keeping you safe, Scotty; you have to understand that, right? I’m scared, Scott. I’m more than scared, I’m terrified! And none of us would ever forgive ourselves if we allowed something to happen to you because we weren’t paying attention.”
It was just too much for Scott to handle. His mind was confused. On one side he was angry, but on the other he was thankful for the love of his family, but whatever he was feeling, it made him so very tired and he surrendered to John’s ministrations.
He felt incredibly safe in John’s arms, and within just a few minutes, he had fallen asleep, and stayed that way for a number of hours.
When he next resurfaced, he still found John’s arms around him, and his younger brother looking at him gently.
“Feeling better?” John asked him softly.
Scott scrubbed his eyes as his brain slowly booted up again. “How long…?” he asked.
“And you’ve been holding me all this time?”
“I guess. I may have dozed a bit too but yeah. That’s what brothers do, man.”
“You didn’t need to do this,” Scott mumbled.
“Of course I did, you idiot! You slept well; that’s what we all wanted for you.”
“I – I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything! You’d do the same for us, so it evens out. Simple as that.”
“Where… where’s dad?” Scott felt John stiffen slightly, and sighed. “He’s not here, is he?” he asked in a whisper. The tone of his voice brought tears to John’s eyes.
“No, he isn’t, Scotty. He said he needed to go into the office as he hasn’t been there for several weeks. I’m sorry he’s not here, I tried to stop him.”
“It’s okay,” came the reply, but John understood the hidden undertones in those two words and in that moment, hated his father with a vengeance. Unconsciously, he tightened his hold on his brother.
It’s not okay; not by a long shot, John thought. Their dad thought more of his company than of his eldest child. The child that had been through sheer hell and back; who was still struggling in his recovery; who desperately needed his father, but had been deserted by him yet again. He thought desperately about what he could say in response.
“But you’ve got all of your brothers… that’s far better than a grumpy old man, isn’t it?” He tried to keep his tone light.
There were a few moments silence, then Scott spoke again. “I am truly blessed to have such caring brothers.”
“Yes, you are and don’t you forget it!”
Scott actually cracked a small smile. “Thanks, Johnny. For being you; for everything.”
“Any time, Scooter. Just one thing?”
And for the first time in quite a while, Scott laughed albeit a little nervously.
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