` BACKSTROKE

[timidmakoto]

{{ comes on here with the intention to do ic. goes into drafts. stares at them for a good ten minutes. gives up bc i decide i'm either a. too lay or b. don't feel like stirring mako to get the muse to post the two drafts. sometimes i question why i bother tbh }}

[timidmakoto]

ｈｕｒｔｓ| ｓｔａｒｔｅｒｓ

"Never give up, it's such a wonderful life."

"Some things are best left unspoken."

"Do you know how it feels to let you go?"

"I feel so lost."

"Talk to me. Tell me your lies."

"Just take my hands. I'll make it all better."

"I don't feel safe."

"All my life I've felt this way, but I could never find the words to say."

"Since the day I left I see your face in every crowd."

"I feel lust like a sick disease."

"I know you need me too."

"I'm going home."

"Remember when it was just you and me?"

"Don't bring me back to life."

"Such a beautiful lie."

"I need somebody to die for."

"Love is not that easy!"

"Someday when you wake up happy you'll thank the Lord that I'm gone."

"It's a long way down when you're alone."

"I'll forget about you."

"Don't cry, please don't cry."

"I came so close to giving up."

"When I go, you will be someone new."

"There is no turning back."

"I've got nothing left to live for, but no reason yet to die."

"I see you when I close my eyes."

"Can you hear me?"

"I'm tired of being afraid."

"You'll be better off on your own."

"All I want for Christmas is New Year's Day."

"Home is where the heart is."

"You know I love you."

"We all get hurt by love."

"I can't sleep."

"I will give you my devotion until the end of time."

"I have no reason to forgive you."

"I'm afraid of myself."

"Nothing that I do will ever be enough for you."

"I wish that I was stronger."

"I could never live without you."

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Why are you out by yourself so late?"

"I'll never leave you again."

"My heart is empty."

"There's nothing left to lose."

"I'd rather be lonely than by your side."

"Look at what you've done!"

"Don't leave tonight."

"I can't hold my head up high with the weight of the world on my shoulders."

"You will never be forgotten with me by your side."

"Carry me away from the pain."

"Is this the end of the love that had just begun?"

"Things we never say are often best left alone."

"I can't cry any more tears."

"I wish I could stay with you tonight."

"Things are going to get better."

"Things aren't going to get better."

"Time waits for no one, so do you want to waste some time tonight?"

"I've been waiting my whole life to tell you how I feel."

"There is no light inside of a broken heart."

"No matter where they take me, death I will survive."

"Don't let go."

"I need you."

"I don't need this life."

"Stay with me. Please."

[romanticshark-blog]

Makoto’s uncertainty gives the redheaded swimmer a clue, he knows that in this state he is hardly the easiest to talk to. But there is a need, stirring in Rin’s heart, a need for comfort which he can’t quite speak of. With hesitation yet, he grits his teeth, scarlet gaze falling to his knees again before he shuts his eyes.

We want you to get better. We’re worried. Every word causes an ache in his upset and distressed soul. Was it okay to rely on them, was it not too much on them; just how far he’s gotten? The words seems to have broken through, just a little as tears well up in his eyes as he opens them once more, his gaze still focused on his knees.

"I-I… I am s-sorry." he sobs out, his voice shaking and almost breaking. Tears run down his cheeks, his lips quivering as he digs his nails into the wooden chair he is sat on.

Nauseous, and so terribly tiny. He can feel it, every inch of him breaking apart in pieces. He wraps his arms around himself, fingers once digging into wood dig into his own arms, his head hung low as he shudders with another sob. What was there to recover; he was nothing at this point. Just a broken mess, with scars to show for it.

He doesn’t feel like he deserves any of it; yet he doesn’t want to voice it. He feels, ungrateful because he isn’t grateful that he is here right now. He isn’t glad they saved him, it all just hurts; and to see the worried and uncertain eyes of his friends hurt even more.

You are so lucky, you could’ve died. But still; Rin finds him self so terrifyingly content with that thought. He could’ve died. But no, he was here. Shaking and worrying friends even further.

[timidmakoto]

              perhaps desperation reached far enough to break through the wall that rin had erected -- the silent plead to be permitted to help hitting home. each word struck deeper, deeper, spider webbing cracks forming as the glass wall beneath them was being shattered slowly. it's the shift in expression that shows somehow, he'd broken through -- the way teeth grit, lids squeezing shut.

              relief isn't something that comes, however; instead, there's only the twist of a g o n y from seeing rin like this within his stomach, his chest hollowing with an ache that he had grown all too familiar with. to see the shark break, folding into himself as tears mako knows are there -- tears that are dripping from eyes hidden by bangs hanging down, shielding him from the world -- felt as though he were breaking himself. it wasn't until then did he truly realize just how much weight he had to bear; the weight and stress that came with trying to help someone else recover.

              throat is abruptly dry as choked words fill the air, words shaken and wobbling -- they don't break, yet the slip out in sobs as glittering tears fall behind the veil of bangs, dripping to the floor. seeing the way pale digits clench, nails biting into the wooden arms of the chair enough to express an agony that no one else could understand unless they'd felt it themselves -- an agony that broke rin into pieces, the shards tearing apart what remained.

              there's uncertainty; the suddenly feeling of icy fear slips into his veins at the thought of possibly being observed. whether they were or not was questionable, no glass panes in sight of red camera eyes that watched from corners,track every movement. it almost stops him, yet verdant hues linger upon the way his friend quakes, breaking even more before his eyes -- it's too much to say no.

              digits brush over the curve of a shuddering shoulder in a gesture meant to comfort; touch is light as palm pressing against rin's back, moving is careful circles. each movement is careful, allowing rin to push him away if needed -- yet the orca hopes that for once, he won't be pushed away. it's with care as his arms wrap around shuddering form, no longer caring as he kneels upon the floor, oblivious to the way the tile hurts his knees and the tears soak the fabric of his shirt. if anything, nothing else mattered -- nothing else mattered but rin.

              nothing is said aside from the quiet hushes, words too soft to be heard breathed into his friend's ear as hands continue to circle, hold tightening just slightly as makoto does his best to convey everything -- everything, everything, that he couldn't find the words to voice it all. head nestled upon shoulder, verdant hues vanishing as lids squeeze to a shut, hoping that somehow, it's e n o u g h. 

[timidmakoto]

Y E SHE LLO I AM HERE TO DO REPLIES HIT ME UP

[timidmakoto]

......stares hard at all 200 of my followers --

[kujirazame-blog]

                                    ' then, one day i realized that                                       my dream was never going                                                 to come true. ‘

{{  independent roleplay blog for sousuke yamazaki.  }}

{{  selective. semi-private. multifandom / ship / verse,  }}

{{  skype is available to mutuals. open for threads & plotting.  }}

{{  length varies from shorts to novella — partner length is usually matched / exceeded.  }}

{{  triggers are tagged — spoilers are not.  }}

                                     h o m e    |    a s k    |    r u l e s

[pinkeyesandcherrypie-deactivate]

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧ otp bubble baths

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧ otp holding hands

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧ otp feeding each other desserts

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧ otp comforting each other

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧ otp being silly babies

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧ otp falling asleep in each other’s arms

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧ just otp fluffy goodness everywhere

[kotorswtor]

*squeal*

[narutos-ass]

otp haVING HOT ROUGH SEX

[timidmakoto]

Friendly reminder that my muse is not immutable. Over time their attitude, behavior, and headcanons may change. Their opinions or standings may not always be the same. I am not twisting my muse out of character by changing their opinions, I am giving them a fucking relatable quality because none of us are immutable and won’t always have the same opinion of everything.

[hell-mental]

[jvuzou-deactivated20150318]

… but I just couldn’t find a way to say it. I…

[submachineguns]

[rainbowthinker-deactivated20221]

Ever since that day, every samezuka crew’s birthdays are numbered and they all live in fear of Sousuke’s revenge.

[michellekpoems]

I am not beautifully broken. I was ripped to shreds from the inside out.

Michelle K., Beautifully Broken (via perfect)

[rusamer-deactivated20150223]

"I want to truly become your friend. Rin, me and you.”

[timidmakoto]

.

[timidmakoto]

     wh a tever j s ut. bye i'm so fucking d o ne

[agent-timross]

A note about shipping with me

[timidmakoto]

I probably already ship it

not that I deliberately start rp’ing with people for the purposes of shipping, but if there’s chemistry, if there’s interesting interaction, then yeah, I probably ship it

you don’t have to ship it too; it’s fun to torture the muse with unrequited feelings okay

I will never pressure you into a ship

if you feel like i’m pressuring you, let me know and i’ll do my best to rectify the behavior

if you want to ship a thing, pitch it to me. the answer is probably yes.

that said, don’t assume it without at least mentioning it to me ooc first.

ships are usually in their own seperate verses unless we’ve discussed something else.

if you ship with me I’ll ruin your life

xoxox i love you bbies