Who Needs Memes When You Are One

Me. I still need memes.

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

just found out today that moths can make their genitals vibrate to throw off a bat’s sonar

[venacavo]

we can too you’re just not skilled yet

[pileofknives]

Me helicoptering my dick so the cops can’t triangulate my cellphone signal

[gallusrostromegalus]

So while I was getting my haircut, the lady asked me if I had other plans for the day and I said:

“I’m just going to pick up the boy from daycare and then it’s date night.”

And the lady says “Oh! How old is he?”

“He’s three.”

“Mine too! Where are you registering him for kindergarten it’s such a hassle-”

And that’s when I realized I said “boy” and not “dog” because I always think of Charlie as “good boy” but this slip up has lead to a miscommunication.

The lady is now 6 minutes into a clearly needed rant about how unnecessarily complex shopping for schools is, esp when you have a neurodivergent child, so I can’t just tell her that Charlie is a dog because then she’ll feel awkward for unloading on me and she clearly has enough going on.

So the rest of the haircut became a game of “how much can I say about Charlie without revealing that he is not a human child?” And the answer is “enough to cover a half hour hair appointment, quite possibly several hours worth if I’m specific enough”

[gallusrostromegalus]

“is he very verbal?”

“It really depends on who he’s with. He’s very quiet at he but won’t shut up if he’s at the park or has a friend over.”

“was it hard to potty-train him?”

“he’s adopted, but I was genuinely amazed at how good he already was with hygene and potty stuff.”

“mine’s just obsessed with paw patrol and Frozen, drives me crazy!”

“I imagine. Charlie is colorblind so he’s not as into tv, but he always wants a toy if I take him anywhere with them.”

“oh gosh the toys! And the kids are so rough on them!”

“yeah Charlie can destroy a stuffed animal in about 2 minutes, so I only buy him the really cheap ones.”

“Does he throw tantrums when they break?”

“Not really. It’s meditative, really, taking them apart. He has hysterics if the cat takes his toys though. Runs downstairs and cries at me until I retrieve it because he’s not tall enough to get it out of the cat tree.”

[silverhawk]

sometimes i forget that there are wild hamsters

like

they…..they are wild. no hamster wheels. no water bottle to drink from. no cages. they are free.

[catchymemes]

[memescomedy]

[cocainesocialist]

[beeftea78-deactivated20200113]

some oddly specific advice from Hesiod (c700 BC)

[argumate]

which thicc girl hurt you (and stole your grain)

[theatsymbol-deactivated20210220]

Grain-stealing thots

[esoanem]

I’m trying to steal your granary but I’m dummy thicc and the clap of my decorated ass cheeks keeps alerting Hesiod

[cybergata]

[pardonmewhileipanic]

goat cat

[30-minute-memes]

[pinkmisspiggy]

@babyspicegf

[catchymemes]

[catchymemes]

[lady-byleth]

what, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck

[spicymayonegg]

fuck whatever fake-ass feral aesthetic you guys are cultivating, this guy has it on lock

[la-laborista-republiko]

[beyoncebeytwice]

[babyanimalgifs]

This is so wholesome

[anx1ous-op0ssum]

Update: he finally got the cat to the vet to see if she had a microchip

[callmebliss]

I was already on board with his sweet wholesome open-to-love-and-nurturing heart but I was fully unprepared for getting to that last tweet and seeing how off the hook HOT dude is

[deadjosey-deactivated20200613]

https://twitter.com/pariszarcilla?lang=en heres his twitter is here there is also additonal cat photos of his children. 

[strangeracrossthestreet]

CAT DAD IS BACK

[jackslenderman]

aww, the kids grow up so fast. ;-;

[aquilacalvitium]

HHHHHHHH I LOVE CAT DAD!

[midgardian-april]

This is, by far, the single most adorable fucking thing I have ever seen. 

[trishmishtree]

update:

[lemonsharks]

I love that he kept …. All of them.

[petermorwood]

I’ve reblogged the earlier part of this thread before, and the new stuff makes it even better.

This is the Tumblr equivalent of a warm hug on a cold day.

[timotaychalamet]

when friends talk to me about their men

[animal-factbook]

“Say my name.”

“Heisenbawwwwkkk.”

“You’re goddamn right.”

[destinytomoon-deactivated202006]

Plus size…

[kirishima-hates-terfs]