Hi

26 she/they uuuhhh welcome to the mess i guess

[nvpengyou]

“are u okay?” no i need more money

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[azaablue]

the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.

[meetmeintheflowers]

what a lot of people on here don’t seem to understand is that shane is going to outfreak ilya every single time. I’m rewatching ep 1 and five (5) seconds into his very first gay experience ever shane hollander is on his knees hob slobbering. ilya puts his thumb near (near) shane’s mouth and shane is swallowing that thing. like yes ilya has more experience but shane has the vision

[werewolf-transgenderism]

saw this video of a production of the nutcracker that has tony hawk skateboarding in it today. btw.

likely place for tony hawk to be

[cookinguptales]

“Sometimes you just have to say yes to things way outside your comfort zone, especially when your daughter thinks it’s funny,” Hawk wrote on Instagram.

[itsagifnotagif]

There is a parallel universe where Tumblr is actually a great functioning site

[wizardlyghost]

its exactly as shitty but every other social media site is worse by comparison

[wizardlyghost]

[hollandor]

loving the little game ilya plays where he provokes shane into being vulnerable and then it backfires on him

[shesgonnachangetheworld]

people have this tendency to believe that fandom discourse exists because people in fandoms are Stupid Nerdy Losers, but in fact fandom discourse exists because anytime you get a group of more than 100 people together, they will start creating interpersonal bullshit. fandom is not special in this regard

[lyricwritesprose]

There is sports discourse. There is yarn discourse. There is food discourse. There is academic discourse (dear sweet god is there academic discourse). If there are people out there collecting brass buttons specifically from 1921, they are going to have discourse about which buttons are trash and whether Person A cheated person B. To be human is to engage in pointless wankery sometimes.

[my-2nd-account]

The thing is that Ilya has no fucking clue what autism is. He probably read the word when some twitter user called Shane autistic and wanted to look it up but got distracted by a post about Shane's tits or smth.

What he does know though is that Shane folds his clothes before sex. And he smiles at him with adoration when he does it and doesn't rush him or make fun of him for it. He knows Shane doesn't always pick up on his jokes and sarcasm "That's French, Ilya" but he doesn't mind it and would never make Shane feel bad about it or dismiss his response "Yeah I know, Shane". He knows Shane has a PhD in The Arts of Overthinking "Now the bed's all dirty" so he playfully chases his worries away and closes all those open tabs in Shane's brain "What? Shut up". He knows Shane will not rest until he has everything in his life under control so he grumbles when Shane wakes him up in the middle of the night to tell him how they can make it all work but still listens intently to his plan. He knows Shane feels overwhelmed and anxious when stuff doesn't go down as planned "This is my actual fucking nightmare, Ilya" "I'm okay I'm just freaking out I'll be okay in a second" so he softly comforts him and supports him through it "Then maybe it's time to wake up, yes?" "We're good here, your family's here, you're boyfriend's here, we're good here, ok?" He knows Shane has to hear it to believe it "My boyfriend?" so he gently goes "I mean yes, I think so, probably".

He doesn't know Shane is autistic but he knows Shane and he loves Shane and Shane happens to be autistic

[my-2nd-account]

Shane is like: ok so I haven't slept with anyone since the last time we were together and you haven't slept with anyone since the last time we were together and we're going to spend 2 weeks in my house and I'm making you lunch and we're sleeping in the same bed and you're telling me about your mom and I'm telling you about my parents and you like me and I like you and I don't want you to marry someone else and you wish all the women you slept with were me and you will switch teams and move to my country so we can be closer to eachother and we're starting a charity to make it easier to be together and I already have our future planned because I care about this I care about us and you love me and I love you and you're kissing my ankle and you comfort me and hold me when I panic and you're meeting my parents and supporting me through it and you're drinking my dad's vodka and eating pasta at my family's house and you tell my parents that you would leave Boston for me and that I'm the only person you've ever loved. Ok great 👍

Ilya: ... your boyfr-

Shane: hold your mf horses my whAT!!!!??

[academicblorbo]

Ilya meeting Shane's parents must be insane for them like. Mr Ilya "The Terminator" Rozanov, terror on ice and menace in bed, politely stands there. Your very shy son admonishes him for using the word "lovers" and Russia's Greatest Rage Machine just takes it.

You ask when this started and Mister Dickhead makes sure Shane is accurate about when they started this. How dare you stave off half a year of us, Shane?

You ask if they talked to Scott Hunter and Ra Ra Rasputin says that he, famous asshole extraordinaire went to talk to Patron Saint of Hockey Gays to offer him congratulations.

You ask if he has no loyalty to Boston and Mr Fucking Fuck San Francisco is like. Nyet

Your son is having a panic attack and Miike Snow Genghis Khan calls them "boyfriends" and it's your own extremely shy and sensitive and loving son that is like MY WHAT

[scunthotter]

I get annoyed when people are making posts that are shocked that Shane pulled Ilya. And like maybe, /maybe/, Shane locked down Ilya (there's an argument that Ilya 'domesticity kink' Rosanov locked himself down as soon as he could get Shane to agree to it) but Shane did not pull Ilya, Ilya pulled Shane.

Canonically Shane is one of the hottest men in the world, he's rich, he is at the top of his high intensity career, and he has the biggest saddest wettest most beautiful brown eyes out of anyone on the planet. The moment Ilya saw a scrap of interest he was arranging for them to be in a commercial and jerking off in the shower at him. Ilya watched this man fold his pants one (1) time and thought "well i gotta fuck him forever now". Shane tried to say there wouldn't be a next time and Ilya was like it's too late, I've got your number, you're never getting rid of me, if I annoy you enough you will come organize my socks as like a sex thing.

[redstonedust]

put rainbow laces on all my shoes recently which is fun and sexy but has the side effect that i have gotten multiple "i like your shoelaces" from strangers and like. i cant NOT "i stole them from the president" in return. just in case. but its recieved mostly awkward laughs and looks of confusion. embarrasing myself in public out here over my damn shoelaces.

[redstonedust]

[quasi-normalcy]

Reverse Mulan about a young man who disguises himself as a noblewoman and has to learn how to do passive-agressive politicking at dinner parties.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

He does so to dodge the draft

[imur223]

[femaustinpowers]

david hollander is the true winner of the idgaf war. he doesn’t know what youtube is. he doesn’t care about shane’s sponsorships. he understands why shane doesn’t wanna go to wimbledon and is just happy to go with his wife. he sees his son making out with his supposed arch enemy and turns 180 degrees, gets in his car, and doesn’t tell a soul. he pulls out the vodka when his newly out gay son is having a freak out at the dinner table. if shane had even 1% of his idgaf powers he would be unstoppable. unfortunately that boy inherited his mom’s gaf-ability, which is constantly set to 150%.

[cloudabserk]

yuna hollander the woman that you are.

[hrgifs]

"Never in life have I blushed. Russians do not do this."

[hudconcore]