American Humor Story

22, trash humor only, 🇹🇷🇺🇸🏳️‍🌈 BLM. I’m here for a good time not a long time.

[paulthebukkit]

[robotfxckr-blog]

Can you hear me sobbing

[r0rschach]

Omfg who made this where is this from???

[opzolder69]

[30-minute-memes]

I Hear That’s Good

[8bott]

AM I HAVING A STROKE?

[nyamafriend]

The synchronized “jOHN MulANey” absolutely destroyed me

[bitatulipa]

MUHLANEE

[thatsmrghoul2u]

This is what it feels like when auditory processing just shuts off

[morticiaandthediamonds-blog]

date someone who loves your belly

[deadjosey-deactivated20200613]

[tackminyard]

harry can’t duel

harry can’t duel

harry cannot duel

he only uses expelliarmus and he cannot duel

even if he’s dueling the FUCKING DARK LORD

[quillsand]

Imagine the conversation ministry officials must be having when they see his auror application:

“He’s Harry Potter!”

“I know but that doesn’t change the fact-”

“Harry! Freaking! Potter!”

“We still need him to attend extra duelling lessons-”

“We can’t put Harry Potter in extra duelling lessons!”

“He only ever uses one spell-”

“Yeah, but he’s really good at it.”

[coloneltomarry-deactivated20180]

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who had practiced one kick 10,000 times. - Bruce Lee

[dragon-in-a-fez]

Harry Potter, the boy who dared to ask, “why study all these other spells if I can get really good at yeeting everyone’s wands out of their hands”

[daveycameronisapie]

You think you’re going to be hip and teen forever and then suddenly you find yourself drinking red wine and playing board games and lusting after men with beards 

[galacticdeadass-deactivated2016]

[iwilleatyourenglish]

i was reading an article about how some professional clowns are afraid IT is going to cause business issues, and this one guy came forward to say he didn’t think it’d be a big deal and everything from his statement to description sounds like something made up for a tumblr shit post:

“‘A load of the folks who say ‘this is terrible for the industry’ have been clowning for about five minutes – they’ve not been through this before,’ says Ian Williams, honorary secretary of Clowns International, which claims to be the world’s oldest clown organisation. ‘It’s not going to kill off clowning. [The TV miniseries adaptation of It, starring Tim Curry] came out 27 years ago. I was clowning then, I’m still clowning now.’”

[iwilleatyourenglish]

i’m sharing this again because this guy is possibly my hero he’s seen it all and does not give a fuck

he was clowning then and he’s clowning now

[wordcubed]

Spent a few moments wondering why clowns are afraid of Information Technology

[twocubes]

she knocked that smug look off my face but luckily i was wearing a second, smaller smug look underneath

[theheartbrokenlibertarian]

why is that so fuckin funny

[seriouslyamerica]

[amazingatheist]

I’m so glad to see the younger generation waking up to this hypocrisy. 

[goodreasonnews]

The homeowner at 22 one is killing me.

[bankston]

…………………….

This meme makes me so angry because it’s so on-target.

[loafed-beans-deactivated2020082]

[fedkaczynski]

What’s funny is that this actually happened. 

[allamericankindofguy-actual]

I’m unfamiliar with this story please elaborate

[fedkaczynski]

Finnish soldier gets separated from the rest of his unit but he’s the only one carrying the emergency amphetamines for the unit, takes too many and goes on a one man rampage for like 2 weeks straight giving the opposing Soviet soldiers nightmares for decades. Oh and he did it all on skis. 

[ethereal-insight-deactivated201]

Did he survive?

[loafed-beans-deactivated2020082]

Yes, during his methed up 2-3 week rampage he got injured by a land mine, travelled 400km on skis, and only ate pine buds and a Siberian Jay that he caught which he ate raw. When he made it back to Finnish lines he was taken to a hospital where it was found his heart rate was nearly 200 beats per minute and his weight had dropped to 43kg (94.7lbs).

[doctor-roman]

His name was Aimo Koivunen if you want to look him up

[misteryada]

Those are the eyes of a man who has seen god and laughed

[asapscience]

Fruits and vegetables, before and after human intervention. 

Source

[trashcanbees-deactivated2019120]

We did a pretty good fucking job, Jesus Christ

[nunyabizni]

Remember this the next time you want to complain about GMO’s, we may not have done it in a lab but they still are that.

[art-angelsz-deactivated20170721]

Bananas looked like lemons wtf

[thatsmidnight]

Isn’t this more of a combination of selective breeding and GMOs? Not just GMOs?

[thespectacularspider-girl]

Yes.  But people talk about how GMO’s are “unnatural”, yet for centuries humanity has been exploiting mutations in animals and plants to produce food for themselves.

GMO’s are simply the process of inducing these mutations reliably.

People hear “Lettuce being modified with scorpion DNA” and think that we’re now eating scorpions.  But, in reality, they’re taking a tiny bit of scorpion DNA and splicing it into the plant.  Why?  So the plant will produce poison that is not harmful to humans but will deter insects, reducing the use of pesticide, which CAN be harmful to humans and the environment.

GMOs are producing rice that can survive flooding, which makes rice more reliable yields and will prevent food shortages in poor nations that rely on said crops for staple food.

GMOs are also creating spider-goat hybrids.  Why? So we can splice web production into the goat’s udders.  We’ll be able to spin huge quantities of spider silk, enough to reliably create spider silk cables and ropes, which have more tensile strength than steel.

[drewbern]

I for one am glad I live in a time where watermelons aren’t giant tomato abominations

[writingaboutmyrapists]

The issue with GMOs is that corporations like Monsanto are patenting GMOs and arresting indigenous farmers for cross pollinating with they seeds. But there is nothing dangerous about the science.

[wordnerdworld]

^This.

The problem isn’t the science, it’s what capitalism does with that science.

[afishtrap]

this should be in the largest letters we’ve got, plastered everywhere until it gets through people’s heads:

The problem isn’t the science, it’s what capitalism does with that science.

[sprachtraeume]

Did you just say spider goats? He said spider goats. Did you all read him talking about spider goats or am I hallucinating

[anxietyproblem]

[batboyblog]

This Pride don’t forget your brothers and sisters fighting for their rights all over the world. 

[davidragifs]

[toastbutteregg]

A tiger mother lost her cubs from premature labour. Shortly after she became depressed and her health declined, and she was diagnosed with depression. So they wrapped up piglets in tiger cloth, and gave them to the tiger. The tiger now loves these pigs and treats them like her babies.

[atlantias-allseeingeye]

Mother Tigress finds new joy from daily servings of love by pigs in a blanket!!! <3

[valtsv]

*tastes potion like a chef testing the soup* hm. needs more eye of newt.

[cool-art-i-didnt-do]

this is hilarious + its even funnier if u kno that eye of newt is probably mustard seed

[valtsv]

so who else was today years old when they learned that “eye of newt” is mustard seed and not the literal eye of a newt or am i just dumb

[tsunadadudi]

Theres even more beyond eye of newt

[aviculor]

no wonder my potions never work the way they should

[catboy-supremacist]

[thelonelyskeleton]

😦