... @titstoldmetoo - Tumblr Blog

Hey remember like a month ago when we were all talking about how straight men are attracted to Henry Cavill? The whole perfect performance of masculinity inducing the “do I want to be him or fuck him,” thing?

I found one in the wild!

arroz-con-yolo

I am dying, the subtle gasp when the log splits oh my god

mjalti

my girls vibrator died so i’m about to drink a coffee, take an adderall, and go crazy.

i salute MY soldiers

sohotthateveryonedied

Tim: *hugs Bruce, inhaling deeply* You smell like a father figure

Bruce: Please stop

grungegoths

mysdrymmumbles

daydrinkbeliever

Why would you stop this genius system? Just start paying the raccoons and call it a day

indigobuntings

Unionize the raccoons.

hunter-rodrigez

only a manager would see raccoons trained to take out the trash and think “I must fire the person responsible for this”

xueyangapologist

honestly when aliens arrive we should start having sex with them as soon as possible. so when they decide to take over a lot of them already have emotional connections/physical offspring and will form a sizeable resistance. not me, i don’t want to, but i know a lot of you would be into that, and i’m telling you it’s okay, you’re actually the last hope for our species.

chipper671740-deactivated202006

thank you op this means a lot

ruinedchildhood

gingerbrownies

Titanic conspiracy exposed

thehighwayphantom-deactivated20

Head canon: Accepted

alice-paige

HOLY SHIT

dorkles-bingleton

Let’s not forget Jack has the exact same haircut as John Connor

feralsrock

aturinfortheworse

this is my cursed jug i have that bleeds when you pour water in it.

we’ve done this ten, twenty times now to no apparent change?

medusamori

haunted

acquaintedwithrask

I’m 100% certain this is glaze fuckery but the delivery of “it’s bleeding! It’s possessed.” is absolutely the best thing

immabethehero

Bad paint?

weepingredwillow

That’s a Time Bomb/Biohazard!!!

The glaze on the inside and outside of the Jug has developed cracks which when the Water is added causes the darker red clay under the white glaze to absorb the water. This in turn makes the Jug “Sweat” or “Bleed”. But it also compromises the integrity of the Jug as the Clay inside is becoming soggy as it absorbs the water. It’s also a breeding ground for Bacteria and Mold as the Clay can’t properly dry inside the glaze.

So it’s either going to fall apart and shatter into a bizillion little pieces.

Or it’s going to become a rancid smelling object that would Poison anything that Drinks/Absorbs the water put inside it.

nevercure

So it’s cursed

But like

Scientifically cursed

moestavern

ratboy-thin

MARGE: You have the right to remain silent!

HOMER: I choose to waive that right! [SCREAMS]

ampervadasz

bookwormmaddy

why are hummingbirds so dumb

sparrow-va

micaxiii

The Holy Trinity

truuustme-imawriter

Daniel Handler everyone

thoroughlymodernhippie-deactiva

I’d be laughing at this if I wasn’t busy reeling from the fact that this guy is a real person and I’ve just seen his true face

nazyalenskey

caudlewag

Remember that time Pink Kryptonite randomly turned Superman into a woman and he was just all ‘It’s cool brah’ and continued punching baddies?

zero0000

I cant believe superman has a magical girl sequence

heroesneedalancer

Superman, in his normal deep voice: “I can work with this.”

[continues curbstomping]

wakandamama

I like that they kept Superman Buff even as he was Sailor Superman

adz

one time this nondescript guy came into my dunkin donuts and ordered a small black coffee with blueberry flavor shot, and for some reason that peculiar order stuck with me so much that when, seven months later, i saw him in the parking lot walking towards the door, i quickly made a small black coffee with blueberry flavor shot. he ordered it and i was already holding it.

i would describe his demeanor that second time as “incredulous”

honeylemony

What the fuck who drinks that

adz

it’s such a perfectly bonkers order because like, most unusual orders are maximalist and sugary but this one just combines the most basic drink with the most incongruous little add-on. it’s the order of a simple, regular man who has something wrong with him

phage-necro

this post always makes me laugh. this guy has the weirdest drink order and he probably never goes to this dunkin’ if it took seven months for the barista to see him again. so think about a coffee shop you go to so little you’re not even sure if you’ve gone there before and you walk in and the barista hands you the drink you were about to order before you even ordered it. he will remember that for the rest of his life