@too-little-linear-time - Tumblr Blog

IM CRYING REAL TEARS MAH DUDES THE COOKIES ARE IN GUAM

KATIE TRIED TO SEND US COOKIES OUTTA THE GOODNESS OF HER HEART AND JUST

“OHHHH THESE COOKIES WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO NEW JERSEY, PHIL? I THOUGHT YOU SAID

12/27, 8:37PM CT

ITS STILL IN FUCKING GUAM

12/28, 12:18PM CT

THE COOKIES ARE IN HONOLULU GUYS THEY ***FINALLY LEFT GUAM***

12/28, 10:22PM CT

THE COOKIES ARE FINALLY ON THEIR WAY TO NEW JERSEY

GO COOKIES GO

@phantomrose96 @cupcakecreeper @homebeccer GET READY

lol i was looking through my history to find the tracking number page and

12/30, 12:39AM CT

@phantomrose96 @homebeccer @cupcakecreeper

holy fuCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS

THE COOKIES ARE ALMOST THERE

The saga of Katie’s Guam cookies is my Anime of the Season

THEY’VE ARRIIIIIIIIIIVVEEDDDDD THEY’RE ON THE FRONT DOORSTEP

COOKIES ACQUIRED

homebeccer

THE THRILLING CONCLUSION

also as a bonus visual here’s a rough approximation of these cookies’ journey

how the FUCK did this blow up and get so many notes

SO FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES, @homebeccer @phantomrose96 @cupcakecreeper AND I WANTED TO KNOW HOW MUCH IT WOULD ACTUALLY COST THE U.S. GOVERNMENT TO INTENTIONALLY SEND THESE COOKIES FROM TEXAS TO GUAM TO NEW JERSEY AND???????????????

AND

IT’S

IT’S NOT AN OPTION IT’S NOT AN OPTION I CAN’T I-

I COULDN’T EVEN HAVE SENT THESE COOKIES TO GUAM EVEN IF I’D HAVE TRIED

Cant believe we uncovered the Guam Cookie glitch folks

Its not even an in-game feature

crowreys-wormstache

Oh my god it’s back

H O W

anavar-immela

I’ve had this sort of thing happen.

At least it explained why the package took so long to get here.

I appreciate that they have an Entire Stamp for “Missent to Nepal”

No one said “hey let’s stop missending things to Nepal” they just said “let’s make a stamp for this” and called it a day.

I’m gonna get Missent to Guam tattooed on my arm in commemoration.

sharkgal4

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

offonaherosjourney

Get Moist von Lipwig in charge of the US postal service ASAP

korasonata

Ok I know this is super old now but I work at a post office and I was curious about the price so I did some digging and I still don’t have a definite answer because THE REASON it says “no shipping services available” is because all shipping services were actually suspended to Guam at the time. As in no packages, parcels, letters, or mail or any kind could be sent to Guam. So not only is it mind boggling that it got sent so far in the wrong direction of its intended destination, but because nothing should have been able to get in to Guam period.

You QUITE LITERALLY could not have sent these cookies to Guam if you tried.

weirdlandtv

Illustrations by Sheilah Beckett for THE TWELVE DANCING PRINCESSES (1954).

thestuffedalligator

"So you collect ghosts?"

"Not intentionally. Ghosts are just drawn to me. I'm a ghost sponge. A ghost magnet. When I'm hired to check out a haunted house, I walk in and take all the ghosts with me when I leave. And if it turns out there's a demon the ghosts eat 'em. It's a very efficient system."

"...Say that last part again."

"The ghosts eat the demons. Like a pack of hyenas taking down a wildebeest. I've seen the ghost of a 90-year-old Ukrainian babushka tear apart a demon with her teeth."

thestuffedalligator

"Wouldn't that be the other way around? I thought demons would be more powerful than ghosts."

"One ghost, sure. But they're never prepared to take on fifty ghosts at once. Especially if I bring Olga."

prokopetz

The real reason your sapient dragon character needs a "rider":

Dragons on the wing are vulnerable to being mobbed by smaller, more agile flyers, particularly in your large rear blind spot, like a bird of prey being mobbed by crows. Having a human armed with a long spear perched on your back helps to dissuade anyone from getting any funny ideas.

Breath weapons are impressive enough on the ground, but in flight they're really only good for strafing stationary targets; trying to use your breath weapon in an aerial dogfight is a good way to get fire up your nose. A real fight calls for sterner measures – and, concomitantly, a crew to aim and reload the cannons.

In today's competitive world, it's not enough to devour a flock of sheep and call it a day if you want to keep your edge. You're accompanied at all times by a qualified personal alchemist tasked with carefully regulating your internal furnace to ensure peak performance, and sometimes you even listen to them.

No dragon of any quality would be caught dead without their valet. It's not as though you can announce your numerous long-winded titles yourself when introductions are called for, can you? You suppose next you'll be expected to pick up the spoils of your conquests yourself, like a common brigand. Perish the thought!

mikkeneko

hymnism

making a collection

putridghost

Wait I have more

acemingo

reblog to microwave them faster

the speed of 20 reblogs... what could 100 do...

THE POWER OF 100 REBLOGS…!

GUYS STOP THEY'RE GETTING DIZZY

[it might be a while before the power increases because the microwaver (me) didn't expect y'all to want to rotate them so badly lolol]

THIS IS TOO MUCH

OH GOD

The people demand more rotation!

stahsm

Overlock Stitch by @clothes_reetzy

thatisuseful

Damn, that's useful

fluidstatick

Finally a hand sewing tutorial on a hemline that isn't just the ladder stitch! the ladder stitch disappears when you tighten it, but it's not meant for hemlines because it breaks really easily! The overlock stitch is more stable, so it holds much longer, and it won't pucker or warp the fabric!

speedlimit15

i think sometimes i use the like button to pet the posts

edgarallennope

lotstradamus

#in four days we could be seeing a prime minister every eight hours‚ until theyre coming every four minutes

like many people have said this better than me but no it IS odd that we've come to think of potatoes as so quintessentially european that their presence in historical fantasy where they're anachronistic doesn't jar. and yes people are trying to have the trappings of post-colonial europe without engaging w the icky colonialism part and yes people are neglecting to imagine what a european cuisine without potatoes would be like.

im fully in favour of 'let people have fun w their fantasy world' but is considering how the potatoes got there in the absence of colonialism not a fun exercise? maybe every year the dragon riders go on a great transatlantic potato pilgrimage

perhaps a good way to sum up the issue here is:

if you put potatoes in your medieval european style fantasy world people will by and large not find it jarring and accept it as a normal fantasy trope

if you put, say, black people in your medieval european style fantasy world a whole demographic of people will get very angry and accuse you of breaking their immersion

this is in spite of the fact that black people were a lot more common in medieval europe than potatoes.

jitterbugbear-deactivated202505

ok i have been reading the notes w interest all day & have some follow up thoughts:

thought 1:

it absolutely is possible to justify the presence of potatoes in fantasy medieval europe; however, important to consider if you are actually trying to write a less eurocentric fantasy world or just trying to prop up your existing potatoes

& ultimately, the core issue here is less about the presence of potatoes and more about the absence of south america.

thought 2:

"imagine what a european cuisine without potatoes would be like" was perhaps poor phrasing given that, as several people have pointed out, pre-potato european cuisine is well documented. 'engage with' perhaps a better way to express this.

i think possibly a related issue here is that some people have a, wrongfooted idea about what pre-colonial european cuisine was like? I think some people have heard 'europe invaded the rest of the world for spices' and extrapolated that pre-colonial europeans were all eating flavourless grey porridge & then I suppose don't want that for their fantasy world. in actuality medieval europe did have interesting and tasty cuisine going on - here's a list of medieval european recipes.

thought 3:

it's true that this does, at least some of the time, stem from ignorance, the fact that people are able to be ignorant about this is itself part of the problem.

additionally, i think there is a difference between the average person on the street being like 'oh, I always thought potatoes were from ireland' and someone writing a fantasy novel set in medieval europe being so incurious about history that they've never clocked that potatoes are American. I'm happy to hold writers to a higher standard on this.

thought 4:

for anyone who is just now learning that potatoes come from South America:

papa and ghouls discover a playground

today I found out my mother doesn't know what dandelions are and now I'm wondering what other strange secrets she's been quietly harboring

krystal-prisms

Where do you live that you don't have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

So after extensive interrogation I have an update:

my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.

the truth is actually weirder

she's aware dandelions look like this

she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions

she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?

she answered, with complete confidence: Daffodils.

gosh I enjoy this website

glutton-for-funishment

then wtf is a daffodil......................