[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal Iâve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jonesâs Whatâs New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.Â
Hereâs the thing about when, uh, Whatâs New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not âhey someoneâs playing Whatâs New Pussycat again.â Itâs âhey, Whatâs New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays youâre thinking maybe someoneâs playing Whatâs New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays youâre either thinking âwhoa someone just played Whatâs New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and itâs a really long song.â So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?Â
Now, John and I weâre watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to whatâs going on. And weâre staring at this one guy and heâs sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and heâs like staring at his coffee cup like this, and heâs been onto us since the beginning. And heâs sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And heâs staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. Itâs dead quiet. Then, I donât know if you know this, but the song begins very quietlyâŚ
BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHATâS NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and Iâm punching in the Whatâs New Pussycats alright? Iâve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me âhey hey hey before you punch in another Whatâs New Pussycat letâs drop in one Itâs Not Unusual.â
Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven Whatâs New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, ITâS NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jonesâs Itâs Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven Whatâs New Pussycats. Itâs true. Dead honest.
And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. Itâs Not Unusual fade out. Itâs dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHATâS NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like âyup some crap as always.âÂ
They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]
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