shark vs the universe
Sade Olutola
Love Begins
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Andulka
ojovivo
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#extradirty
oozey mess
dirt enthusiast
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
i don't do bad sauce passes
JBB: An Artblog!
Claire Keane
Game of Thrones Daily
styofa doing anything
No title available
$LAYYYTER
★
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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@toriwritesstuff
As a follow up to my last post, I've always thought of myself as lazy. But what if it has been something else this whole time? I've hated this part of myself for years, but what if it's a problem with my brain that keeps me from getting off the couch?
I’m barely on here anymore but I need to vent and can’t do it on other social media.
My husband is driving me nuts. Every since Covid hit, he has started reading the most idiotic shit on the internet and somewhat believes it. He sends me conspiracy shit all the time and is adamant that he will not be getting the vaccine. He’s not as bad as all the other nuts, but he’s rejecting science and doctors and it’s so frustrating because that isn’t how he’s been the whole rest of our relationship. He’s always downplayed the virus because the death rate isn’t that high, and I told him that isn’t a risk I’m willing to take, especially when we have young children. Not to mention both our parents are high-risk. I’m worried that when children are able to be vaccinated, he’s going to refuse to let the kids get it.
He’s also been downplaying my mental health for the past two years. I grieved hard after Dad died and he was super supportive, but I get the impression he thinks I should be over it by now. But I’ve had mental health issues for years and losing my dad and Covid have just made them that much more prevalent. I have no motivation to do anything around the house and spend way too much time on my phone because my brain just tells me that’s what I have to do. I’ve also been binge eating after he goes to bed and hiding candy in my desk. I know I need therapy but am having trouble finding the motivation to even do that. I definitely have anxiety but I’ve been wondering for awhile if it goes deeper than that. And anytime I bring it up, he’s just so dismissive.
I’m just not feeling supported right now and it’s been hard to feel so alone.
This highlight reel is just that, a highlight reel. This year was the hardest I've ever had to endure. But I survived because of these three people. I got out of bed because I had to for them, and it helped with my grief immensely. I've said it many times, but I can never say it enough. I LOVE my family. They complete me in every way. The hours when Tony is at work and Gemma at school feel like torture. I don't feel whole until we are all home under our roof. We're ending this terrible year just how we entered it, together. And I wouldn't have it any other way 👨👩👧👦 https://www.instagram.com/p/B6wywJ-H2kEDEMedDapL56adyY8ZKQvILT70gE0/?igshid=12yi2jto1btg
This is the last picture I have of Dad (in the black.) We went on the first day hike at Cottonwood and he of course found someone to talk sports with on the walk back to the park. It was a beautiful day and I remember every second of it vividly, like when he turned back to check on me when I fell behind taking pictures. And how he let me use his longer lens to look at the sheep up on the hill. The next few weeks will be the hardest since he died. Today would have been his 70th birthday. Christmas Eve was his holiday. He made the best sausage and waffles for dinner, always wearing his blue apron and getting grease and waffle mix everywhere. He always insisted on having some old western on the kitchen TV while I forced everyone to listen to Christmas music in the living room. And in a few weeks, it will be one year since he's been gone. I can't quite believe how quickly it went, but here we are. I've been crying more than I have in months and just miss him so damn much. So if you see me in the next couple weeks, I might burst into tears but all I need is a good hug and a kind ear. This season is hard and I'm struggling, but better days will come. Happy 70th Dad. I love you. https://www.instagram.com/p/B6QdL1unC3S/?igshid=6r1he6f06nm2
What is it about rainbows that just brightens your day? 🌈 #canwejustcutourinternetcabledown #itruinseverypicture (at The Dalles, Oregon) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5_XrH7HY9L/?igshid=1qpc4elt787sj
this really hit me and I thought it was worth sharing
“A female with ADHD may be less hyperactive and less impulsive than her male counterpart. Instead she may present with more subtle symptoms such as being disorganized, scattered, forgetful, introverted, withdrawn and socially isolated. She may have great difficulty keeping her focus on tasks, becoming side-tracked and easily distracted by things around her or even by her own thoughts. It may take her a little longer to process information, so that she appears “slow” or “spacey” or “flighty”, when in fact she may be highly intelligent. She may have a low tolerance for stress, feel extremely sensitive to criticism, and work hard to conform to adult expectations in hopes of gaining approval from others. She may have a hard time saying “no” to others, over committing to responsibilities that she cannot fulfill. It may be difficult for her to make firm decisions on even simple tasks, so that she seems wishy-washy and indecisive. Problem solving situations can become overwhelming and she may often find herself stuck, experiencing a sense of paralysis, unable to move forward at all. Managing her time can be quite a challenge, as well, and “running late” may be her norm. She may also be hypersensitive to her environment – the noise, the sights, even touch – and quickly become overloaded, “shutting down” and unable to function. She may feel and incredible sense of shame, berating herself for not “living up to her potential”.”
— Keath Low, MA
welp.
Goodness.
Wow, never thought I had ADHD until right now.
Me forcing myself to save money and cook instead of eating out
natalie cole // this will be (an everlasting love)
We moved our hummingbird feeder onto the porch and they are loving it! We've got at least three hanging around, including this guy who guards it all day long. He's got his perch in the roses and swoops in when the others try to get some food! It's been so much fun to watch them 😍 (at The Dalles, Oregon) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5i7Naqns3C/?igshid=4fo6hxot0hlj
Some recent photos. We've had an eventful few months with Gemma's 6th birthday, our 10-year anniversary, and Enzo's 2nd birthday.
This is us. We had a lovely Thanksgiving with just us and my mom at our house. We made what we call "Applebees chicken," which is a copycat recipe of their cedar-grilled lemon chicken.
So I'm back. I've been finding myself missing blogging and missing my "friends" on here. The one issue is that I'm deep into the body neutrality/positivity movement on Instagram and a lot of people I follow here are still on the weight loss train.
I'm about 10 pounds down from my highest weight and I'm fine with it. I've been pretty body positive the last 11 years and I'm learning to ignore diet culture and be happy in my skin. At this point, I would just like to be healthier. I'm currently on medication for high blood pressure which I'm pretty sure is due to stress but my diet and lack of exercise probably aren't helping. I need to make changes but I'm still struggling with grief and our finances are a constant source of stress. We're in the process of refinancing so I'm hoping once money is a little better I can take some time to improve my health.
So I'll mostly be blogging about my family and my constant stress, but I'm just glad to have somewhere to write again.
God, I feel this in my soul.
I just have to pop on here and say that I keep rewatching season 2 of Fleabag and my sex life has never been better because it turns me on so much.
Any movie fans recognize this shop? 🧹 (at Coupeville, Washington) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Ums-Jn7GetoYRmvla7wkmbBwRa_7Bl4NwN_s0/?igshid=926lfdsalx1q
This breaks my heart. This kid is younger than Gemma and just shot his first coyote. Not only that, but it was just a pup. So fucked up, and I'm sick to my stomach just seeing it. This makes me angry.
Gemma's last day of preschool! She wanted to be measured this morning and she's grown an inch just since March! She had such a wonderful year. She made her first best friend. Her teachers just love her. She's learned so much and I can't believe she'll be starting kindergarten! https://www.instagram.com/p/Byk4pj7HdgLwxC0W4A8eb5eBOD7bCCe4aMUOdk0/?igshid=1al8gu11dyq81
