"With community comes accountability. But I think people often misunderstand what accountability actually is. Because accountability cannot be forced into someone who does not want to participate in it. Yes, communities can name harm. They can set boundaries. They can challenge behavior. They can create natural consequences. But accountability itself is still a choice. A person has to decide they want to honestly confront themselves. And I think that distinction matters because a lot of people are trying to create accountability externally by “holding others accountable” without realizing that real accountability is also deeply internal. It requires self-reflection that cannot be socially performed into existence. Someone can say all the right words, use the right language, apologize publicly, acknowledge impact, and still not actually be accountable. Because accountability is not only about recognition. It’s about willingness. Willingness to sit with discomfort instead of immediately defending themselves. Willingness to examine the parts of themselves that become activated when their identity, intentions, or self-image are challenged. Willingness to be responsible. But especially on the internet, I’ve noticed people start confusing “holding someone accountable” with “being responsible for forcing someone into accountability and changed behavior.” Those are not the same thing. You cannot force someone into genuine self-awareness. You cannot coerce someone into meaningful reflection. And you cannot emotionally pressure someone into changed behavior they do not internally want for themselves. And honestly, some people would rather lose relationships, community, belonging, or trust than confront the grief of realizing they are capable of causing harm too. I think part of community is understanding this: you can invite accountability, encourage it, challenge others, hold your boundaries, and create appropriate natural consequences but the actual decision to be accountable will always belong to the individual. And at the end of the day, accountability is still individuals responsibility.
Niké Aurea
