Aschenputtel @tote-mich - Tumblr Blog

Russian deep sea fisherman becomes online hit after revealing bizarre catches

1. Frilled Shark 2. Unidentified, possibly a stoplight loosejaw, a deep-sea dragonfish from the genus Malacosteus 3. Ghost Shark 4. Black Scabbardfish 5. Sea Spider 6. Grenadier or Rattail Fish 7. Unidentified 8. Anglerfish, species unidentified 9. Unidentified 10. Ray, species unidentified

artemisstratus

But like, what if instead of that, we start off with the 5000 people in suspended animation and one wakes up 90 years before the rest like in the original premise. And they guy does enjoy the ship for awhile before the whole “I’m going to die alone in a metal box in space” thing comes up. And he’s alone and the robo bartender is can only provide so much company, regardless of how well they make a space mojito.

And he finds himself back in the room where all the people are in suspended animation. But he doesn’t see a beautiful woman. Or rather, he doesn’t just see a beautiful woman, he sees many people. A child holding a favorite toy. A man with a prosthetic leg. A pair of twins. So many people. And he watches the video profiles of all the other 4999 passengers and tries to find out as much information about ALL of them as possible. Because he has 4999 people for his neighbors and right now he just wants to feel like he’s not alone.

He starts talking to them, knowing they’ll never answer him, but it helps a little bit. He knows all of them by name and he cares about all of them very much. Because that’s as close to human contact that he’s ever going to get, because gods forbid him waking any of the 4999 other passengers up and damning them to a live in a metal box in space that’d be fucking cruel.

And then something happens and the ship’s in danger and it can’t be fixed without a human. He tells the robo bartender that if he doesn’t come back, to tell the others that he’s sorry. And he goes to fix it and succeeds and saves everyone, but he ends up being unable to get back inside the ship. But he can still access the intercom and says good bye to everyone he knows before he runs out of air.

And then when everyone wakes up and there’s a headcount, they’re confused as to why they’re one short. And they find out via security recordings and the robo bartender about the man who woke up early. The man who considered everyone of them a friend even though they had never met. The man who sacrificed himself without hesitation to save all of them. And all 4999 passengers are really touched by this and even after the colony is established and it prospers and becomes a fully civilized planet, the man who loved and saved them all is never forgotten.

And I came up with that about 10 seconds after reading the article, checkmate screenwriters.

cardinalstar

See I would go see this movie in a HEARTBEAT. This actually sounds like a good film on its own, and tbh I feel cheated that instead of this, we got gross male entitlement and overall lack of consent. I’m just going to pretend that this is the real movie, because there’s no way I’m going to Passengers and it’s a shame because I was actually looking forward to it.

harrysbroadshoulders

That scene in the live action grinch movie where he yells “I’m an idiot!” into the cave and the echo just yells back “you’re an idiot!” is like every internal conversation between me and my brain

grimmnir-deactivated20160215

Public Service Announcement: If you are not a virgin do not presume to wear a white wedding dress. It is an honor that is earned from chastity and virtue. Not a tradition for you to soil if you lacked the same.

davidfosterflawless-deactivated

what about anal? does it count

thesnadger

The idea that the white wedding dress is “an honor that is earned from chastity and virtue” is historically bullshit.

In the west the white wedding dress has it’s origins in the Victorian era, specifically in the white dress Queen Victoria wore in her marriage to Prince Albert. At the time, red was the most popular color for upper-class women to wear at their wedding, and her wedding dress was sort of the contemporary version of Lady Gaga wearing some outlandish outfit to a red carpet event. (She also eschewed the ermine and crown traditional for a queen to wear, which was quite startling to many people.)

After that, a pure white dress became a fashionable way for wealthy, upper-class women to show off their money. Because a pure white dress would quickly yellow and could be ruined by a single spill or a little dirt in an era before 20th century laundering techniques, a white wedding dress was a way of saying “that’s right bitches, I’m so rich I can afford to have this beautiful, elaborate gown made for me and I’m only going to wear it once. Plus odds are good I’ll never work a day in my life or come into contact with anything that might soil it so yeah, great to be me, right?”

Connotations of spiritual purity and eventually virginity only came years later, when the idea of a “white wedding” began to appear in etiquette and housekeeping guidebooks. Even then, it was more because these qualities were associated with upper-class women rather than because the white dress was an honor earned through keeping hands off one’s genitals. Even then, most women just wore their best church dress to their wedding for quite a while. It was the image of thew white wedding dress in post WWII Hollywood movies that finally cemented it as a standard and iconic part of the culture.

Nowadays of course, the American wedding is an orgy of conspicuous consumption, and every woman regardless of her financial situation is expected to get married in a dress she’ll never wear again.

tl;dr, that tradition you’re so keen on protecting has less to do with virginity than is does with showing off big wads of cash.

catwinchester-deactivated201901

Poor people would traditionally wear their Sunday best to get married in. They were usually black, brown or other dark colours, because Sunday Best outfits had to last for years and be appropriate for all occasions, including funerals.

twotone

Reblogged for historical debunking

trixter

I’m always in favor of historical debunking that also gives the middle finger to Magical Virginity.

specialmemefresh-deactivated202

darlinggod

why would u eat healthy?????? to live longer ????..??? .all im hearing are two negatives.

libertarirynn-deactivated202006

10/10 god tier memeing.

lovers-brew

Took me a minute but I’m here 😅

bando--grand-scamyon

I LOVEEEE THIS

rory

when you’re a deprived gay and you hear something gay just happened in a show you don’t watch

An educated person: "it's unhealthy to eat past 9 pm."

Me, eating Lucky Charms at 3 am: "Oh man, good thing time is an illusion"

scampthecorgi

senor-taco-meatwrinkles

you’re gonna want to turn on sound for this one

urulokid

whatever you’re expecting I can guarantee you’re wrong

a good thing to do for your friends with anxiety disorders: if you have a question you need to ask them or something you need to tell them, explain the subject of the question/the statement in the same message as your opening one!

so basically: instead of saying “can i ask you a question?” and sending just that (which, as a person with an anxiety disorder, makes my anxiety go into hyperdrive) go “can i ask you a question about ___?”

it’s a little thing but honestly few things make me anxious like “i have a question for you” or “there’s something i need to tell you” without immediate explanation. thanks!

briedoof

“call me, nothing is wrong, just wanna talk on the phone” would be so much better than “Call me.”

endlace

Actually please to all of this please.

awkwardprincessally

YES PLEASE.

thecheshirecass-deactivated2018

YES THIS OK????? Like I have trained my husband to say “nothing bad, I just need to call you because it’s too much to type.” It helps SO MUCH. Just let me prepare myself, because I guarantee my imagination will take me to much much darker places.

revanchistsuperstar

Might I add, if someone with anxiety has just said something to you that’s a lot to process, and you need some time to think about what to say in response, please consider a quick “I’m not ignoring you, I need to think about what to say and I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”

Because that definitely saves your friend with anxiety a lot of strife and assuming they’ve ruined your friendship forever. Nothing is crueler than a “Seen 2:25pm” when it’s 10am the next day and you’re waiting on a reply to a huge confession.

howto-joelheyman

Normally I don’t acknowledge my anxiety very much but to any of my friends this would genuinely be helpful. Thanks

thatworldinverted

Bonus: even if you don’t struggle with anxiety, this can really help cut down on miscommunication caused by text-monotone! My roommate and I use these a lot to keep from accidentally getting into arguments.

steverogersnotebook

If you’re a person of authority, consider an alternative to “can I see you in my office?”

I can’t count the times a mgr or supervisor has had the easiest question (“how do you change “x” in excel?“ Is the most recent) but I’m in a panic over what on earth I could have done. Every time.

nevaehtyler

this is iconic

teealwayschillin-deactivated201

This shit is so hilarious

destinyrush

Dude: Do you wanna get married? Girl: Yes. Dude: …..I gotta…..

theimaginarythoughts-deactivate

“YOU’RE FAT!! 😢” LMAO homie was hurt

naresh-a

FUCK YESSSS- THOSE ASSHOLES DESERVED THOSE TYPES OF REPLIES. FUCK THEM.

thatsthat24

This video is so important… I literally… had NO IDEA how bad this actually was for women… Like, I knew it existed, but to this extent?? This horrifies and angers me.