tree

them outlet/diary/scribbles i think this is just for me *€*

[tr33st4n]

[tr33st4n]

the forest fires in salt lake bring me back to 2020.

the sun turns red but the rays get so golden.

the heavy, ominous, smoky air

the hot wind

and a sort of reticent among everyone as it happens.

[yikume]

pathetic

[tr33st4n]

every so often i dream of half life

[gunsandfireandshit]

Remember that "three items from the store to make the cashier most uncomfortable" meme? Apparently I accidentally found a winning combo tonight at the corner store, one of the usual clerks shot me a really weird look when I was checking out with these

[gunsandfireandshit]

[killwizard]

Jimmy Budgett

[thehotgirlproject]

Wasted away again in Meageritaville

[meowaves]

i wanna have lots of sex n hoes but i cant

[twinsfawn]

12/24/19

[ed13d1]

Andrew Wyeth • Distant Thunder, 1961

[ryebreadgf]

real yearners miss shit that never even happened

[tr33st4n]

Drawings of my grandparents’ backyard easter ‘24,’25, and ‘26

[tr33st4n]

my stepdad that i hated when i first met died and i still think he was a selfish asshole for the most part but i do miss him and wish he could’ve just been a normal guy. i miss when things were good and thought they shouldve stayed that way. someone i wished would disappear years ago and then slowly became someone i really cared about and knew that he cared about me. a sort of tension is gone but i miss what couldve and shouldve been.

[tr33st4n]

notebook is finally coming apart so i figure its a good time to retire it. heres what i did in the last months or so. been seriously tumultuous for me, but in suffering i think i could find peace in being alone, even though my relationship is fine as of right now. i have also been yearning for a lust for lust. i dont know how to explain it, but i miss actually having a Lust for life, particularly nature and buildings. this dry january that makes salt lake look so beautiful in a quiet, surreal way at least lets me taste that lust a small bit. the wonderful golden fields under an overcast sky and shallow mountains with the sun hovering over the horizon. But, then i think: wouldn’t it be nice to share this feeling with someone i love? and then it drifts away into that calm ocean in my head and i just keep driving. i wish i was an angel instead of this mild mannered ogre who lacks passion and virility in all forms

[tr33st4n]

barry is so good

oh wow!

thats all

[tr33st4n]

weird stuff happening tbh

my love for november never stops

it feels like it should last forever and in a way it does, but it also ends too quickly

like a dream

[tr33st4n]

been playing disco again to cope. cathartic harry. its so hard to move on from someone who hurt you in a lot of ways that were very small at the time, like a ball of clay pressed and poked until it ends up looking like a rough, angular, yet somewhat round mass. i still miss him tho, but i dont think i miss the current him. like maybe its more like i miss when i still felt like he loved me. when i wasnt facing a soft betrayal that continued over 4 or so months. at least when i’m with him i feel a sort of peace with a slight resentment. as in maybe i have absolutely no reason to force myself to suffer for some idea of nurturing our relationship. i think i just want him to miss me. or rather miss my actual love for him. well, once he moves, maybe we’ll drift apart even as friends. i’ll miss his patio. i sure cried there a lot but it always retained a sort of lived-in peace

[tr33st4n]

new notebook——more of my draws from my previous one. phone has been on life support for about a month and half now and i think thats totally fine. it reminds me of when i would get grounded and not have a phone and would basically just skate or walk for hours. it was comforting knowing noone could actually contact me. i wonder if things will get bad again when i eventually get a new one

[tr33st4n]

in some kind of way, things did get bad again. probably worse than i could ever expect. and its funny kinda, i can definitely say the phone isn’t the issue.

[tr33st4n]

i was right. it is over. a slow burn of disappointment. i should’ve broke it off years ago. i guess i should take a deep sleep soon, its my fault i guess. i dont feel much anyway