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Petra KopĂĄskovĂĄ
Iâm so proud of every single one of you for still being alive. That you choose to keep going even though life can be incredibly hard. Iâm happy you exist. I really am. i love you
You do not have to find a way to see your abuse in a positive light.
You donât need to be inspiring to others or see the silver lining. You donât need to be âstronger for itâ.
Youâre allowed to have bad feelings about it and acknowledge that itâs terrible and should never have happened.
You deserved to be safe and Iâm so sorry you werenât. You deserved better.
I wish more people got this because some âlow-empathyâ people are the most compassionate and sympathetic in the universe, and I hate it when thatâs taken to mean âunfeeling and probably hostileâ when nothing could be further from the truth
Or, as my dad put it,
Sympathy: I know how you feel Empathy: I feel how you feel Compassion: is there anything I can do to help?
Sympathy: that sucks bro empathy: I feel that compassion: want me to send you some puppy and kitten pictures to make you feel better?
Posts like this make me feel so much better. It always seems like society treat responses to others pain as though empathy is the most important kind. I am around 85% compassionate and this post helped me not feel like I am a monster because of that for once.
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hey yâall! the cool people of @Tourboxtech sent me their Tourbox NEO to try out and review! its a console with programmable keys for different creative programs. hereâs a fun lil piece for themđŚ
thoughts on illustrating with it + a coupon code just down belowđđâ¨
Keep reading
⸠summer snowflake and frends â¸
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Wizard City concept art by Ghostshrimp
suggestions for gender neutral version of mom/dad? something less formal than just âparentâ
please note that while progenitor, guardian, spawnpoint etc are all respected titles, they are more the equivalent of mother/father than an affectionate nickname you would scream through the house multiple times a day. gimme something we can use people
I just tried to combine the words and got âdomâ and i cant-
but wait, if we reverse âdomâ you get âmodâ. I suggest we use âmoderatorâ as a gender neutral version of mom/dad
Admin and op would work makes them sound powerful and in charge of everything
Admin (respectful) Op (derogatory)
i was going to add something else to this but instead i got to thinking and i was like huh. what could you use.
in most languages the word for âmotherâ usually starts with an M, because phonetically [m] is one of the easiest sounds for a newborn to make when they start babbling, and mothers tend to be the one most around the child. so in my mind that crosses M off the list, because itâs automatically associated with a feminine figure
similarly, âfatherâ tends to start with D, T, P, or B. (phonetically these sounds are very close together; [p, b] and [d, t] are all only different because of being voiced or unvoiced.) these are also phonetically easy letters and ones kids pick up on earlier.
now the hard sounds for kids are the following: [Éš, dÍĄĘ, tĘ, θ, ð] or in normal speak: the English R, the âjâ or âdgeâ sound in âjudge,â the âthâ sound in âthighâ and the âthâ sound in âthe.â and we donât want kids unable to say their parentâs name for years, so those are also off the list.
additionally, itâs easiest for young kids to just repeat the same sound twice rather than figuring out the tongue gymnastics of putting different sounds together, which is why kids will say Ma-Ma or Da-Da and not Ma-Mo or Da-Po. and weâll want to stick with low back vowels like âahâ and avoid ones like the hard âiâ or âee.â
so what does that leave us? when we want a sound kids can learn easily and early but donât want to just put a funky spin on âmamaâ or âdadaâ?
my suggestions: G, K, W, L. i personally lean towards W and L. theyâre called liquids, since theyâre the consonants that kind of arenât consonants, and kids (and ESL learners) will tend to swap out the English R for a W or L until they can learn the R.
if i ever have a child, theyâll start calling me Wawa. then when they get older, theyâll call me Wala, or maybe even Wally.
and then, once theyâre finally phonetically developed, they can call me by my true title as their nonbinary guardian for their 18+ years:
Waluigi.
âIâm the only one that cares about youâ
when you hear those words, you turn tail and run as fast as you can. you run before itâs too late. These words are an abuse tactic
you are worth the world, and never, even in your darkest, believe that this one person is the only one who gives a shit. I have seen the kindness of strangers and friends alike, and you are not unloved. do not believe them.
A lot of people with childhood trauma (and, from my experience, especially attachment trauma) find themselves yearning for a parent figure. A mother, a savior - someone to hold you and love you in all the ways you needed when you were a child. Someone to hold you while you break into a million pieces.
At some point in recovery/therapy you will have to face the harsh reality: there will never be anyone. Not like that, not anymore. And mourning that? Thatâs too much, that feels like a pain that cannot be survived. A pain that will swallow you whole, a pain that will drown you.
Therapists can offer a lot of support, but not like that. So maybe you want to switch therapists in hopes of finding someone who can (even though, if they are a good therapist, they canât), or you would rather be without therapists because then at least they wonât have to suffer the pain of âsomeoneâs here but theyâre not enoughâ.Â
Getting a little support, a little of everything we missed, a little of everything we want⌠Getting a little is worse, in some ways. Because getting a little bit activates the pain; it triggers the feelings of what we miss. Dripping a couple drops of water in an empty bucket makes you feel how devastatingly empty that bucket is.
Getting nothing and being absolutely alone is dull. Itâs a drag of depression and darkness. But getting a little bit but not everything? Thatâs sharp and flashing pain, itâs dry heaving from the heavy crying. Itâs intrusive thoughts and self-destructive thoughts. Itâs breaking apart again and again and again.
liSTEN my therapist warned me about this and then she told me THERE IS A SOLUTION
you DO NOT HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY FOREVER
the solution is reparenting yourself
YOU be the parent you wish youâd had.Â
YOU give yourself comfort and love and acceptance (and ice cream and stuffed animals).
YOU talk to yourself the way a good parent would â tell yourself âitâs okayâ and âeverybody makes mistakesâ and âyou will feel better soonâ.Â
YOU can change the voices in your head. listen to those thoughts and hear whose voice theyâre speaking with. your parents programmed those intrusive thoughts. and then ARGUE with them the way you were never allowed to before. tell yourself âYOU DESERVE NICE THINGSâ and âYOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPYâ until someday someday someday with enough time you CHANGE your programming into something BETTER.
Itâs a process. itâs a looooooooooong process. Iâm still going at it. BUT. it can really really help to know that the way you feel right now is not forever, and that you can re-parent yourself and start to feel better. that you have power now that you didnât have before, and you can use that power to reinforce your programming and you can use that power to change that programming, and itâs all up to you.
OP is right that no one else can do it for you. you canât get adopted by a new perfect family. your therapist / partner / BFF canât do it.
but YOU CAN.
(p.s. https://www.outofthestorm.website/ is a really really great resource from anyone suffering from complex ptsd due to relational trauma, A++ highly recommend)
THIS! What I was just talking about. Yes. You re-parent yourself / your young wounded parts. You are worth it. <3
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