A part of myself hates this blog. But I do not have the heart to delete it. I have so many memories here.
I mainly hate it as you can see when I was 15/16 and believed in harmful things such as transmedicalism and ace exclusion. At the time, I was essientially brainwashed to blame cis transphobia on other trans people - and that I will never forgive transmeds for.
I have not been a part of those groups for a long time now, and it has been better for me as not only have I become a happier and better person - I accepted that I am a nonbinary acespec gay person who uses neopronouns. That was something I tried to deny myself for years
And yet, despite my own growth, I depise the posts I made. Now, I wasn’t exactly one of those transmed that harassed and stalked people - but I am still ashamed of saying some genders weren’t valid or others pronouns weren’t valid. Saying things like ‘it’s okay to be cis’
Even if I did not directly go to harass or hurt people, I support a belief that does. Despite being in a country in which being trans is very medical and it’s a very transphobic system, I still held up transmedicalist ideas.
However - me being ashamed of my old beliefs is not a bad thing. If we are to truely grow as people, we must realise and accept that what were doing and saying was bad and make an active effort to change - not just saying ‘that was bad’ and staying the same.
I have changed so much since my days of tumblr tucute vs transmed discourse - I aim to do actual activism to make trans healthcare actually accessible in this country for every single trans person.
Will I ever forgive myself for my old transmed beliefs? No. I feel guilt about it quite often.
But I cannot continue to live my life without even trying to help and wider trans community that I am a part of. I have to make up for the idea I upheld and actively fight against them.
My friends helped me change. Being able to hear other trans people’s life experiences helped me change. And I am forever thankful for everyone who has helped me grow.
No - I will not argue about my beliefs. I frankly do not care for what any truscum or transmed has to say. I will fight for all trans people and their right to access health services and transition services.
I will not delete this blog, and I may come back from time to time to do fandom stuff like what happened around this time last year. But more importantly - this blog shows my growth into the person I am today.
Like an archive of an edgy teen repressing my actual feelings about my own gender and pushing blame on everyone else, to an adult who fights for what xe believes in.
blakekathryn
tangentwithtanner
