safe space for mlm @transachiillean-blog - Tumblr Blog

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gar-dev-oirs-deactivated2018111

Me channelling my inner gay to summon more fellow gays

profeminist

AMAZING Resource Alert: Queer Books for Teens Finder!

http://queerbooksforteens.com/

LOOK AT ALL THE FILTERS YOU CAN SEARCH BY:

http://queerbooksforteens.com/

monsterkissed

here is an idea: normalise the idea that adopting kids is a valid option even for parents who could conceive a child themselves, and not just an inferior backup option for parents who can’t

gaynhl

“Andrea Barone will carry on in what he believes to be an abusive relationship, not knowing quite how to leave. In his heart he holds a sad truth: Hockey is most likely not done hurting him.”

💛💚💙💜💔

A gay referee, who hopes to reach the NHL, tries to find his place in the sport he loves

backybae215

This article is so informative but also heart breaking. It needs more notes, please read/digest/and reblog

officialfemme

things to update after a legal name change!

Social security card

Driver’s license

Passport

Birth certificate

Employer HR

Bank account

Credit card company

Car insurance

Health insurance

Utilities

Cell phone account

Voter registration

Your school

Professional organizations (for nursing, bar, teaching, etc.)

Doctor’s office & other health specialists

TV & internet

Paypal

*Please add to this list if you can think of anything else!!!

pinktwink

#1 thing I notice trans people forget to change after just a social name change is their voicemail recording!

last-horizon-deleted-deactivate

Freddie Mercury at his 39th birthday party in Munich, 1985

Photo by Richard Young

its-me-breathe-it-in

Everyone always tells you that the hardest part of being LGBTQ+ is either being accepted or unaccepted by the people around you but no one ever tells you how hard it is to accept yourself first.

someraesofsun

S/O to my LGBT boys tonight we’re all pretty rad

someraesofsun

Everyone can reblog this to spread love to their fave gay, bi or trans boy

blessedeliran

trans muslims and jews who wear the head coverings of their assigned gender at birth are great. trans muslims and jews who wear the head coverings of their actual gender are great. trans muslims and jews who have issues with covering their heads because they arent sure what theyre “allowed” to wear are great. trans muslims and jews who choose not to cover because it’s too complicated, or theyre afraid, or any other reason are great.

valtsv

using “i’m gay” to justify yourself and your decisions is good and fun when it’s to defend your tacky outfit or your 3am impulse-buys on amazon but don’t let me catch you using it to defend your racism and transphobia babes!

gayknight

tips for having sex with trans mlm

Okay, since it seems this question pops up a lot from cis mlm who are interested in having a sexual relationship with trans men, I decided to compile a list of tips for approaching safe, enjoyable, non-dysphoria inducing sex. Sorry about the length:

1. Ask about terminology:

This is such an important first step and why I listed it first: if you don’t know what to call a partner’s body part–ask them! Don’t assume they’re totally fine with one thing or the other. Getting it wrong can be awkward at best, incredibly dysphoria inducing at worst (and a relationship ender right off the bat). Some guys like to call a part of themselves their “clit”, while others prefer to call the same part “dick/cock” or just “junk”. The best way to phrase this question is to make it neutral, something like “what terms do you use for your body parts?” rather than something like “what do you call your vagina?” which implies that one term is already more valid/”real” than another. Of course, this is after you’ve already established that sexual stuff is going to ensue–don’t make this your first message to the guy on a hook up app.

2. Ask about boundaries:

Especially if you are dealing with a dysphoric person, but also just in general, knowing which parts are okay to touch, which parts are 100% off limits, and which parts may have certain conditions for interacting with them is a must. Again, communication is very important. Maybe your guy really likes using his front hole, but butt stuff is off-limits. You never know until you ask, and maybe you have boundaries as well you want to go over.

This goes the other way too! Don’t just automatically assume something will make your partner dysphoric–it may very well be something they actually enjoy.

3. Don’t make assumptions about our bodies or preferred positions.

I’ve already said it multiple times already, but open communication rather than making assumptions is really key. I’ve seen many cis guys who have assumed that all trans men want to strictly bottom, and even a few who thought the exact opposite. The reality is that trans men have as much variety in sex preferences as anyone else–some bottom, some top, some are verse, some don’t enjoy penetrative sex at all. And for those of you wondering how a trans man could top, or worrying that it might be less enjoyable for either party than a cis man topping–don’t knock it till you try it. There are plenty of toys, strap-ons and other sex technology wonders that you have yet to explore, not to mention that many trans men do have flesh and blood penises that they are more than happy to use.

4. If you use toys, strap-ons, and prosthetics:

Don’t assume everything is a “toy”. For some trans men, their prosthetic is a natural part of their anatomy, and it can be upsetting and disorienting to refer to it as a toy.

If shopping for toys or prosthetics, make sure it’s something your partner actually wants (again don’t assume!) and make sure your partner actually likes what you pick. I know it can seem nice or sexy to surprise your partner with a gift, but toys and prosthetics can be extremely personal, so whoever is using the product should have a say what it’ll be like. If you still want to go for the surprise element, think about giving them a gift certificate or an I.O.U. for a sex shop instead. Then you can make it a fun outing together.

5. Don’t ask them about surgeries, hormones, or their life “before”:

This should be a no-brainer, but unfortunately too many guys make this mistake immediately upon meeting a trans person. Maybe you’re going into a very committed, long-term relationship with the guy. Maybe just a one night grindr hook up. Doesn’t matter. If he wants to talk to you about it, he will. Otherwise it’s none of your business.

6. Don’t bring up passing.

Really, the amount of guys that think they’re being helpful when they tell us how we “look so much more manly than other trans guys!” or how we’d “pass so much better if you just did x”. It’s obnoxious and upsetting. Trans people know a hell of a lot more about the intricacies of passing than whatever you think you do, and we don’t like back-handed compliments that come from comparing us to other trans people. You’re not winning any brownie points from these comments, they just make you seem ignorant and rude.

7. We are not an encyclopedia of trans knowledge.

If we’re on a dating website or app, we’re there for the same reason as you: to meet people for sex, romance, friendship, etc. We’re not there to answer questions that you have about trans people, especially when almost all of them are easy to answer on a cursory google search. We don’t want to be asked to help write your gender studies essay, or asked how we feel about [insert trans celebrity]. Really, just don’t do this. It’s an immediate block for most people.

8. Don’t tell us we’re brave.

Kinda on the same note as the last one, don’t tell us “we’re so brave” for existing or that you’re “proud” or even about the trans sibling cousin roommate friend neighbor teacher etc that you have. We don’t need cringe-y condescension when we’re trying to hook up. And c’mon, you should know this already from when straight people tell you this.

9. We’re not your experiment.

Don’t have sex with us just because you want to “experiment” with having sex with a trans person, and especially not because you see us as some kind of stepping stone to having sex with “real” men.

10. Don’t assume we all think the same.

Again, should be obvious, but it unfortunately isn’t. Just because you dated a trans man in the past that was comfortable with x, doesn’t mean your new partner feels the same way. We aren’t a hivemind. Trans people are individuals with varied experiences, pasts, preferences, and levels of dysphoria. Follow all the above steps again every time you engage with a new partner.

11. You won’t always know you’re having sex with a trans person. And that’s okay.

Yes, you read that right. This is something that actually happens. Some trans men are “stealth”, meaning that they live their lives with little to zero people aware that they are trans. This doesn’t mean they’re trying to “trick” you, and this doesn’t make them a bad person. Many trans people do this for a variety of reasons, such as safety and their own comfort–some guys just think of being trans as part of their medical history, and not worth mentioning. Regardless of reasons, it is an incredibly personal decision. Don’t be offended if a trans man chooses not to come out to you. He has his reasons, and you should respect that.

12. Have fun with it.

Seriously, this may seem like a terribly long list of responsibilities, but almost all of these are things you should be doing with any partner. And once you’ve got them down, they become surprisingly more natural than you’d think. Remember that you’re doing this because you want to share an enjoyable experience with another person. And yeah, you might occasionally slip up, but we know that, and it’s usually pretty obvious when you’re trying. So relax and have fun.

If any other trans mlm have something to add, feel free to contribute.

ok for cis people to reblog! (please do)

outcen

mlmgods

you ever just gayly think about boys hair??? like gayly running your fingers through it or gayly putting flowers in it??? gayly

altpunkmlm

me: i don’t need a boyfriend because i’m perfectly okay on my own and the pressure that’s put on people to have relationships in their teen years is very damaging and needs to be put to an end

also me, a lonely gay: hhrhrhrhrbnjjhh…..need me a boyedfriend……gotta smooch a cute boy Immediately……..

notquiteawerewolf

Are you a gay trans man or woman who has been able to medically transition without your sexuality getting in the way? You have a trans man to that for that.

Born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on June 16, 1951 Lou Graydon Sullivan grew up with a complicated relation with gender and sexuality. Pre-transition in his publication “A Transvestite Answers a Feminist”, he says, “at age 5 I had a Davy Crockett birthday party. The climax was when I appeared. I was Davy Crockett and I can still remember my thrill at the moment”. At age 17, he had a self-described “feminine” male partner. The two of them played with gender roles and were very attracted to the gay liberation movement. From early in his life he felt an attraction towards effeminate gay men especially.

In 1973 he was identifying as a female transvestite. He immersed himself and was accepted by the Milwaukee gay drag scene. During this time, he began to furiously research historical FtM transsexuals, disparately searching for another gay trans man but continually coming up empty. He would sometimes wonder if he was delusional.

In 1975 he moved to San Francisco. By this point he was recognizing himself as FtM, but felt isolated in the exclusively MtF community. The day he was to start individual therapy, the story of another FtM man broke. Steve Dain had transitioned in the Bay Area and desired to continue to work in the school where he taught, though switching from girls to boy coach. This was Sullivan’s first contact with another FtM individual and he followed the story (the principal reacted phobically, Dain won a series of lawsuits and ultimately was forced to leave his job. He did, however, find success as a chiropractor.). He contacted Dain, making his first contact with another FtM man.

When Sullivan attempted to start physical transition, he was routinely denied on the basis of his sexual orientation. At the time, heterosexuality was a prerequisite for transition. He campaigned for, and was eventually successful in, removing homosexuality as something that barred a person from transition. He was able to obtain hormones and top surgery. However, when seeking a phalloplasty, the gender clinics still denied him even though he had happily been living as a gay man for years. He eventually went to a doctor and in 1986 obtained what the doctor called a “ganitalplasty”. It was after this surgey he was diagnosed with Aids and given ten months to live.

Upon his diagnosis, he wrote, “I took a certain pleasure in informing the gender clinic that even though their program told me I could not live as a Gay man, it looks like I’m going to die like one.” He ultimately died on March 2, 1991 at 39 from AIDS-related complications. He left an organization, now known as FTMI, or Female to Male International and a series of books and pamphlets he wrote for FtM individuals that are still used to this day. He was identified as the first trans man to die from AIDS.

He is largely the reason we see sexuality and gender as separate entities. Lou Sullivan is a trans man who left the world better for being in it. I, as a gay trans man, owe him a debt for being able to live as I do.