TERRIFIER 2017
I am a horror geek and it takes a lot to disturb me. I donât really get scared watching movies as an adultâcreeped out a little perhaps or a tad uneasy or anxious sometimes, but usually not by horror films (ANTICHRIST, Iâm looking in your direction). Mostly I just watch a horror flick with a few beers, enjoy whatever spookiness or gore is onscreen, and then thatâs that⊠I go do laundry or whatever, entertained (hopefully) but unphased. Sure I got scared when I was much younger (THE EXORCIST really did me in), but as I aged and immersed myself in more and more films as well as other cultural indulgences, the experience of horror actually showed me how to be less afraid of the dark and potential things that wanted to do me injury. Their appeal lay in their extremity and rather than being repulsed, I was magnetized. Now, all that said, watching TERRIFIER gave me a nightmare.
The nightmare wasnât about clowns, because horror culture has been so saturated with Creepy Clown imagery that I feel as inured to it as I do most other tropes. Yeah Art the Clown is creepy as fuck but heâs also fun as fuck to watchâhis Charlie Chaplin-esque mugging in the diner scene is my favoriteâand yeah the violence is disturbingly lifelike. No I didnât really feel shaken while actively watching the movie, except for a vague disquiet that I attributed to the surprising quality of this low-budget funhouse production. And thatâs really how you should go into this film, thinking of it as a carnival ballyhoo attractionâbut one that pays off and leaves you with your mouth open and your heart thudding. Writer-director Damien Leone said heâs a self-identified slasher fan who wanted to cut through all the nonsense of boring character dialogue and just get to the nitty-grittyâall rare meat, no soggy veggies. He serves a delicious plate, filled with a human head-cum-jack oâlantern, a jaw-dropping upside-down bisection via hacksaw, and an over-the-top skin-suit that would make Buffalo Bill seethingly jealous. And these effects are accomplished without CGIâthis is a stellar return to practical, high-quality gore work that never feels unrealistic or unbelievable despite the outlandishness (Could you really use a rusty handsaw to slice a woman like a bagel within 30 seconds? Well, no. Donât try this at home, kids).
So what was my nightmare about? My biggest phobia: snakes. Specifically a giant constrictor that could move with lightning speed in order to take huge bites out of my screaming terrified flesh. I woke up breathing hard and momentarily paralyzed, legitimately afraid to try to move in case there was something in the dark at the foot of my bed waiting to get me. I lay there for a minute, blinking my head clear, hearing my dog breathing softly beside me, and eventually I got up, had a piss, and settled back to sleep for a few more nightmare-free hours. But in the morning, I was fascinated by what had happened and Iâve been thinking about it since. Yes Iâve been under some stress lately and fighting some depression after the loss of my grandfather, but I donât often have nightmares. Yes I had almost stepped on a tiny garter snake while walking the dog earlier in the day before watching the movie, which always takes a few minutes off my life. No I hadnât felt particularly scared while in the process of watching the movieâŠ.it was more like a post-hypnotic suggestion had been planted by the film, a scary kernel that popped open when my subconscious took charge. It touched that ancestral, autonomous part of my brain that still walks African savannas on high-alert for starving predators.
All this is not to say that TERRIFIER is a flawless film or even on par with a 21st-century classic like THE DESCENT. The crazy lady with a creepy doll felt out of place and a bit heavy-handed, for example. Thereâs no  Big Message to the filmâs core, no social critique, no insights into the human condition, no real âpointâ other than to show us some fucked up things in a tight hour and a half. There is not a great deal of character development (not that there needs to be; these characters, even Tara the cute brunette in a skeleton dress I was crushing on, are there only to serve Artâs maniacal homicidal purpose). You may well boggle at some of the plot momentum (Girl, youâre really gonna wander around a huge, creepy, abandoned warehouse when you know thereâs a murderous psycho dressed as a clown on the loose?) as well as the tolerance of the human body to bullets in the head. And why on earth did every male character have a tough-guy Noo Yawk accent while the women didnât? But these are honestly minor quibbles. I have more good to say about it than bad, from the solid performances (even the crazy lady did the best she could with the material she had) to the already-mentioned effects. I read a review that put TERRIFIER on par with early-2000s torture porn flicks, and while I can appreciate the callback to the violence, thereâs none of the mean-spiritedness that I find unenjoyable about most of the genre from that era (I am not a HOSTEL fan). TERRIFIER is gruesome without question, but Art the Clown, evoking both silent-era exaggerated goofiness and 80s synth-slasher menace, makes the grue funâyouâll laugh at the same time youâre cringing.
And yet, after youâve turned off your TV and tucked yourself into bed, you may find you were more scared than you realized.