burn in hell

dylan | 17 | taken he/him/his/his/himself trauma sideblog avatar drawn by me

[screenshotsofdespair]

[traumashit]

Bitter about having to remake my account, but I’m over here now.

[traumashit]

Bitter about having to remake my account, but I’m over here now.

[traumashit]

Bitter about having to remake my account, but I’m over here now.

[traumashit]

Bitter about having to remake my account, but I’m over here now.

[traumashit]

Bitter about having to remake my account, but I’m over here now.

[fadingsuggestion]

Fuck anyone who says I have to forgive everyone, “for my sake.” I worked hard for this anger. I worked hard to love myself enough to hate them.

[vivid-ellipses]

Shit, yeah, this is a thing that is hard to articulate. Some people don’t feel healed by forgiving the people who hurt them, because that’s what they kept doing over and over and it only led to getting more hurt. Sometimes you feel healed when you’re finally brave enough to say “This person was horrible to me, and I did not deserve that treatment, and I don’t have to be okay with it.”

[traumashit-archived]

I hate that I blocked out the memories of Drew abusing and raping me. I fucking hate it.

And the main reason I hate it is because after we broke up, my best friend asked to date him, and I said yes. They could have been hurt, abused, raped. I can’t blame myself; I couldn’t remember what he did to me. But if they would have gotten hurt, it would be all my fault.

I wish I would have remembered. I’d rather live with every single memory of our relationship than think about the fact that I put my best friend in danger.

I should have told before I forgot. I should have told. I’m worthless. I’m fucking worthless.

[traumashit-archived]

Thirteen Reasons Why

I understand the discourse behind Thirteen Reasons Why. For example, its graphic scenes aren’t something I was happy with. I’ll be the first to admit it.

But fuck, it helped me. I was raped too, and Jessica and Hannah both related to me on personal levels. I saw myself in the show. I saw my mental disorders. I saw my insecurities. I saw the way I had friends who remained friends with my abuser. I saw my repressed memories. I saw my loss of any will to live. I saw my abuser happy with his own life as though he wasn’t affected. I saw myself trying to get help and getting shot down.

I saw so much of myself and I didn’t feel as alone anymore. I needed that.

But then I saw all the discourse, and the way people attacked each other over it. It ruined everything. I can’t watch the show anymore. I tried, but I can’t.

I understand why it’s a very problematic show. I do. But don’t attack people for liking something, especially if it’s for coping reasons. I’m looking at you, anon who has been harassing me for weeks because I made literally two posts about it in fucking April. Does anyone else see the irony in being told to kill myself because I like this show?!

This blog is supposed to be a safe area for me to vent. Let me have this.

[just-a-weird-kid]

[elidaddyy]

Trying to do anything while dissociating. x

[traumatizedbunny]

ok to rb if csa/cocsa survivor.

[2haya3]

COME ON, SAY IT

[traumatized-suggestions]

Im sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m s o r r y

[traumashit-archived]

Tfw your girlfriend makes a post about xyr abuser and you start crying at 12:30 AM because how could anyone treat someone as amazing as xyr like /that/?? How could he? I fucking hate him. I hate him so much.

[cursedaphrodite]

“you brought the flames and you put me through hell. i had to learn how to fight for myself; and we both know all the truth i could tell.”

[leafsea]

too much // 1.24.2017