A minor detour

A twenty-something lonely soul who tries to write.

[travellingprimrose]

Whirling my head,

I looked around for a familiar face.

And in the dark,

I saw your welcoming smile.

Pouring my heart out,

I sliced myself open,

Showing you my rotting self,

Guard crumbling down in discord.

But then, each word was a knife to my heart.

You scoffed at my vulnerability.

You belittled my weaknesses.

You toyed with my insecurities.

I told you that I want to die.

You told me that I was selfish.

Just this once, I wanted to choose myself.

Yet I became the object of ridicule.

I’ve come to the worst part of the show.

My fingers have long stopped bleeding words,

Phrases that describe how I felt,

Sentences that paint my whole being.

I no longer feel anything.

I have nothing to write.

I feel empty.

I’m just waiting for this to end.

And just like that,

I rebuilt my walls

Made up of diamond

To never let it shatter with just a snap.

Clutching the blade with one hand

I reach my heart with the other

And as much as I could withstand

I let them all fly and wither.

And upon my grave, I heard,

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t you ask for help”

“Why didn’t you come to me?”

[terribly-happy]

[relatablepoetryandquotes]

“Being alone has nothing to do with how many people are around.” - Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road (via the-book-diaries)

[1st-1]

The Milky Way: time lapse:

[travellingprimrose]

The littlest things about you

I tried so hard to remember

You were beautiful.

Especially your eyes,

Almond and hazel,

A perfect combination

Your eyes are the window to your beautiful soul.

I love how they sparkled

Like they were the ocean

Warm and tranquil;

Fluvial;

Ashore yet far-fetched.

There are no words to describe

how I got lost

In those little galaxies

A cluster of stars

Together with planets

bustling with life.

[travellingprimrose]

The voices find me

whenever I'm alone.

They creep up to me

When I lay in bed,

basking under the light

of sleepless nights.

Their huddled shadows

swallow me whole,

forcing me to feel

nothing but dread.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I gasp for air

as my thoughts

dance in circles

around my head.

I clench my fists

to make it all stop,

to light a fire.

But all was left

were glowing embers

of hopes and dreams

fading into the dark.

[purplebuddhaquotes]

I’m a coward when it comes to matters of the heart. That is my fatal flaw.

Haruki Murakami (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[listentothestories]

stefiereads

[purplebuddhaquotes]

So I kept reading, just to stay alive. In fact, I’d read two or three books at the same time, so I wouldn’t finish one without being in the middle of another - anything to stop me from falling into the big, gaping void. You see, books fill the empty spaces. If I’m waiting for a bus, or am eating alone, I can always rely on a book to keep me company. Sometimes I think I like them even more than people. People will let you down in life. They’ll disappoint you and hurt you and betray you. But not books. They’re better than life.

Marc Acito

(via

purplebuddhaquotes

)

[purplebuddhaquotes]

Bear patiently, my heart - for you have suffered heavier things.

Homer

(via

purplebuddhaquotes

)

[cremedelacoeur]

[myfairylily]

the_spines 

[relatablepoetryandquotes]

[travellingprimrose]

There are dark days and there will always be. But they are the constant reminder that we are alive and we pick ourselves up from our broken pieces.

[travellingprimrose]

Dalawang Salita

Mahal kita.

Mahal. Kita.

Mahal, mahal na mahal kita.

Dalawang salita na ni minsan hindi ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na sabihin sa'yo. Binalot ako ng takot na hindi ko marinig mula sa'yo ang mga 'yon kaya inipon ko ang nararamdaman ko sa bawat bagay na nahahawakan ko.

Sinigurado ko na naroon ka sa bawat sulok ng aking silid, sa mesa ko sa opisina hanggang sa mga palad ko sa aking pag-uwi. Ikaw ang kisame sa unang pagmulat ko sa umaga. Ikaw ang kanta na pinapakinggan ko sa biyahe. Ikaw ang mga numero sa mga papel sa opisina. 

Ikaw.

Ikaw ang gumising sa matagal nang tulog na puso. Ikaw ang natatanging tao na paulit-ulit kong hinihiling na mapasa'kin. 

Kaya mahal, sana dumating ang pagkakataon na ako naman ang mahalin mo, na ako naman ang maging laman ng mga salita na isinusulat mo sa dingding, na ako naman ang mga kanta na lumalabas sa iyong bibig, na ako naman ang maisip mo bago ka matulog sa gabi.

Hanggang sa panaginip. Hanggang sa lamunin ako ng aking mga panaginip. Hanggang ang aking mga panaginip ay unti-unting maging aking realidad. Ngunit ang realidad ay isang malupit na latigo na paulit-ulit akong sinasampal upang magising ako sa katotohanan na kahit kailan, hinding-hindi ka lilingon sa direksyon ko. Na kahit kailan ay 'di magiging tayo.

At sa pagtatapos ng tulang 'to, nais kong humingi ng tawad sa'yo. Gusto kong humingi ng tawad dahil sa mga nararamdaman ko. Patawarin mo ko dahil hindi ko napigilan na mahulog sa'yo. Patawarin mo ko dahil 'di ko inaasahan na mawala sa mga misteryoso mong ngiti. Patawarin mo ko dahil hindi ko inakalang makukulong ako sa bawat kwento mo. Patawarin mo ako.

Patawad, mahal.

Patawad. Mahal.

Dalawang salita na ni minsan 'di ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na sabihin sa'yo. 

Patawad, mahal, dahil minahal kita.

[travellingprimrose]

No one knew his name but people called him Brian. He was there whenever someone died, clad in a black clothing with a blazing crown resting on his jet black hair. He always had this distant look in his eyes, as if he was bored of seeing someone pass away. That’s why angels had already become weary of him.

Except Wonpil.

Wonpil was an angel and he usually wandered around, spreading good deeds to people and to his fellow angels. What they didn’t know is that Wonpil and Brian had been the greatest of friends. Their camaraderie was incomparable. They lost and won battles together. Their bond was more than just closeness and willingness to lay down their lives for one another, but also in promise – one that is sworn in front of their late parents.

“Why do you always show up at the wrong time, Bri?” Wonpil asked Brian, eyes inquisitive and eyebrows furrowing in obvious concern. “You know how angels get—“

“I do my thing, Wonpil. Even if I am the most pristine person in the world, I still won’t shrug off this title. Keeping a low profile won’t change a thing. You know that. Everyone knows that.”

“But still, I personally don’t think you have to show up at every Taking. There are grim reapers who do their job. You don’t have to be such an ass about it. You look like the paranoid boss.”

“I am being an ass? Have you even seen how those angels looked at me like I’m the Devil?” Brian repeated, face smug with his left eyebrow raised to reiterate his point. “Oh, well. They’re not being the assholes, right?”

“Fine. Look. I’m sorry, okay?” Wonpil raised his hands in the air as an act of surrender. “Those angels are already brain-washed by their scaredy-cat parents about how things work downstairs.”

“Your boss must be proud, then.”

[travellingprimrose]

It was worse than people dying in a car crash. It’s worse than seeing everything crumble right at your feet. It’s worse than— For the first time in my life, I have nothing to write. That was what I was feeling. Nothing. Everything was so sudden, abrupt, unexpected. It came when it was the least expected. And now, I am trying to write all the emotions that I am feeling at once. As a writer, that is the least that I can do. But alas, no words can express how devastating this is. To be honest, I feel betrayed. I had myself asking, if I was ever enough. Were we ever enough? Were we always somewhat lacking? Did our love never fill those gaps? Were our love just temporary tapes to mend all those faults? But then it gets me thinking. Yes, that decision was the hardest to make. He was enduring it for so long. And until the last time, he was brave enough. He was brave enough to make that choice. It may look selfish to some but I dare say you’ll never wish to be in his shoes. We may never know how long he has been enduring all these. But now, he’s free. Flutter away, Kim Jonghyun.

P.S. This took me months before I could post it here.