Hi. I work in a research setting and I often see autistic children of elementary-school age. Sometimes I have kids who are difficult to manage because they appear to be having tantrums/meltdowns. But being a NT with no prior experience with autistic children, I find it difficult to distinguish between behavior that stems from them being autistic and wanting to adjust their environment to make it less uncomfortable, and behavior that might just be a six year old acting out (e.g yelling words 1/2
/phrases over and over, pushing chairs around without concern for surroundings, throwing assessment materials, etc.). I’m often at a loss as to whether or not the behavior needs reprimanding, and I wonder if I’m doing wrong as the adult by keeping silent, ignoring the behavior and assuming they need to ‘act out’ in this way to reduce anxiety. I want to be sensitive to their needs but still be in control of the situation as the adult. Can you please advise me? Thanks 2/2
The first, and hardest, thing to do is make sure that you understand the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. In the most simple terms, tantrums are about things that a child wants. Meltdowns are about things that a child needs. The differences may seem subtle at first, but when you know what to look for they are usually fairly easy to differentiate.
Tantrums (are about wants)
The person has a specific goal in mind.
Examples: I want pizza. I want to play. I want that toy. I don’t want to do my homework. I don’t want to clean my room.
Is intentionally trying to manipulate the situation to what they believe is a favorable outcome.
They are in control of their actions.
A tantrum is directed at authority figures that can give the person what they want; teacher, parent, etc.
Will last until they get what they want.
They make sure that their audience is watching / listening, and will adapt if they are not.
Example: If they are throwing things and the authority figure looks away, the person might start screaming. If the authority figure leaves, the person might follow.
The person having the temper tantrum monitors the environment to prevent themselves from being hurt.
They will avoid injury, and if they are hurt will likely react to the injury even to the exclusion of their goal.
Escalate / Deescalate Quickly
When a person decides to throw a temper tantrum, there is usually a very swift escalation.
There may be an explicit threat such as, “give me what I want or I will scream.”
When the goal is achieved, deescalates very quickly.
Want is usually easily achievable
Access to want is denied by another
Example: An authority figure saying they cannot play
Example: Another child refusing to share a toy
Example: If you don’t X, I will Y
Meltdowns (are about needs)
May not know what they need.
Usually the result of overstimulation
Fight or Flight Response.
May not respond at all to stimuli outside of meltdown.
May not end immediately when source stimuli removed.
Usually directed at self.
Will last at least until offending stimulus is resolved
Does not Monitor Engagement / Environment
Will not seek engagement.
May react violently to forced engagement.
May engage in self injurious behaviors.
Likely unaware of surrounding dangers.
Escalation Varies / Deescalate Slowly
Example: Sudden nose like fire alarm.
Example: Bothersome tag in clothing.
Deescalation is usually slow.
Removal of or from stimuli may not trigger deescalation initially.
Meltdown may be self-supporting trigger of meltdown
Recovery usually takes time
Example: Staring at nothing.
Example: Rocking, fidgeting, or otherwise stimming
Expresses unrealistic needs
Example: Vague request to make it stop.
Example: Stop it from raining.
Expresses fear of stimuli.
Expresses pain from stimuli.
Example: A soft repetitive hum from a fan that is “painful” to hear, causes a headache or stomachache, makes their skin crawl.
Triggers signs of mental illnesses or other neurological states.
May appear as part of slow or quick escalation
Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors.
Obsessions / Compulsions.
Other general signs of depression or anxiety.
Tantrums are usually expected in the age range of about 2 to 6 years old, but as autistics are developmentally disabled, it is possible for this to extend to any age, depending on the specific autistic.
To complicate it more, in some autistics expressing extremes of emotion is in and of itself a meltdown trigger. Something that begins as a tantrum can become a meltdown for a variety of reasons, though I would say this isn’t too incredibly common unless the autistic in question has emotionally triggered meltdowns over other emotions as well.
So yeah. That’s a lot of information there, I’m sure. Hopefully this breakdown will help! If you have any more questions please feel free to send me another ask.
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